| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| FebruaryViolet |
Posted - Aug 16 2012 : 12:57:16 PM
Was what was yelled at me last night after putting a half corn on the cob on Violet's plate (after she helped shuck it and then asked for some for supper).
I'm still struggling to get this child to eat something other than chicken nuggets and sweet potato fries, or peanut butter and bacon sandwiches.
I feel like it's a control issue--she's 3 1/2 and she'll ask for something, you make it and then she says, "I didn't ask for that." She won't even attempt to TRY anything, even turning down smoothies and things that I know she'd love. And, more frustrating is that when we're visiting friends that she loves,she'll eat what they make, without question or bug them to death to have something off their plate, which she would never normally eat. Then, I turn around and think "we've crossed over" and I replicate the meal at home only to be told "no no no!!!" and then she squeezes her eyes tight and tries to become invisible. I've tried getting her involved in the growing, the picking, the cooking process and other than making cookies or cakes which she will eat without even a hesitation, I'm stumped as to what to do with her.
Look, as much as I like food, and cooking, this is becoming a true chore. I've lost interest in cooking at night because it's just she and I and why go to any great lengths for one person?
"Hey, I've got nothing to do today but smile..."
The Only Living Boy in New York, Paul Simon |
| 25 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| 22angel |
Posted - Sep 11 2012 : 7:59:42 PM
Brenda, that just may work! I don't have kids of my own, but I remember that one time, my sister & I wouldn't clean our room, so Mom threw all of our stuff out the window, because she had threatened to do so. I think we were older by then, but same idea. I don't think it would cause any harm, and it may help out! Good luck Jonni!
Life isn't about finding yourself. It's about creating yourself.
"When I grow up, I want to be dirt." seen on a box through construction in Wyoming 2010 |
| Alee |
Posted - Sep 11 2012 : 5:44:27 PM
Jonni- It might be an only kid thing- but Nora picks at her food here- she knows she gets what she gets but that's it. But by other kids she eats like she has been at a starvation camp.
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
www.allergyjourneys.blogspot.com
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| brightmeadow |
Posted - Sep 11 2012 : 4:31:18 PM
Any of you child psychology experts know if the little tyke would be psychologically harmed if you just didn't set a place for her at mealtime? Then if she notices, explain that you understand how hard it is for her to eat the dinner you prepare, and that it makes you so sad when you work hard to prepare her favorite meals that she won't eat, and you don't like all those sad feelings, so you thought you would just skip it? Just to see what her reaction is. If she really begs to eat, then let her get out her place setting. Just do it very casually without a lot of drama.
I know I have a devious mind. No wonder my children say they are scarred for life by all the things I did to them.
Come to think of it though, I have a similar issue with my grandsons. My husband loves pie, so he gets the boys all psyched up to help grandma make an apple pie. They love to help roll out the dough and fill the pie, but they really don't like pie at all. They'll take a serving, take one bite, and then they're off to play with their toys. I've learned to cut their pieces really small.
I figure they really want the togetherness more than the food. They want to take part in the family project and make Grandpa happy. Probably when they're in their twenties and come to visit I'll have to bake a lot of pies, by then they might like them. But now it is way more about the process than the nutrition....
You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands - You shall be happy and it shall be well with you. -Psalm 128.2
Visit my blogs at http://brightmeadowfarms.blogspot.com (farming) http://brightmeadowknits.blogspot.com (knitting) or my homepage at http://home.earthlink.net/~brightmeadow |
| brightmeadow |
Posted - Sep 11 2012 : 4:11:13 PM
Testing your will is what kids do best. I had to laugh though, early this summer, when grandson came for a visit.
I told him to put his long pants (blue jeans) and hard tennis shoes on before taking a ride on the Gator with me through the orchard. He didn't want to change. "OK", I said. "Get in"
As we drove through the orchard a long blackberry bramble reached out and caught his leg. It didn't draw any blood, so no serious injury. But he looked up at me with tears in his eyes and said, "You did that just to teach me a lesson!" "No," I answered, "it was an accident. But did you learn anything?" He pouted all the way home, but the next day he got up and put on his jeans.....
Natural consequences teach kids as much as the lessons we try to teach them.
You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands - You shall be happy and it shall be well with you. -Psalm 128.2
Visit my blogs at http://brightmeadowfarms.blogspot.com (farming) http://brightmeadowknits.blogspot.com (knitting) or my homepage at http://home.earthlink.net/~brightmeadow |
| MagnoliaWhisper |
Posted - Sep 11 2012 : 2:00:45 PM
Don't worry about the other family members, if they say anything negative, either they are stupid or never raised children, I'm blessed (sarcastically said here) with a mil who is both! *rolls eyes* She only had one child, my husband, who she left with her inlaws and never came back for till he was in high school, but she is FULL of parenting advice.....hmph! I just let it go in one ear and out the other. There's a scripture that says there is nothing new under the sun. Kids have been doing these kinds of things forever, and any one who acts or says differently either hasn't raised a child, or was blessed with one of the unusual kids, I know I was one of the unusual kids who loved veggies, and usually did what I was told, etc etc, my cousins said they were in for a rude awakening when they had their own children after baby sitting me as a child....I have just came to the conclusion if some one looks at me crossed, they are dumb or never raised a child and let it go...like water off a ducks back. Just focus on your child and mate, and let the others go on with their own stupidity....but don't stress that your child/mate/you aren't perfect before the other family members, if they are worth anything at all they will understand and know it's just kid stuff and you're doing your best and things will eventually work out.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
| FebruaryViolet |
Posted - Sep 11 2012 : 07:32:37 AM
I agree there's a control issue, Sarah (et al). I'm trying not to get really frustrated (and I did a few days ago and I've since backed off because, frankly, I just lost my cool  ) I don't like to do that (which is my OWN control issue) but after so long of doing this and wasting a meal each and every time, then having her wake us up all hours of the night because "her belly is growling", I just want to ring her neck (and lack of sleep doesn't aid the way I'm feeling).
She is just a really difficult child--but only in this. It's like she's some Soviet strategist or something. I feel like she's outsmarted me before I even get the food on the table, so I'm feeling pretty low about my whole experiment.
You can well imagine that I'm divided between excitement and sheer madness when she eats something outside of our house. We visited friends one night and said, "don't be offended if she won't eat what you make--do NOT tailor anything for her..." because their 4 year old eats really well, whatever is put in front of her. Our child at every single bit of that meal. I thought we were over the hump, but at our house, she did the same old drama. Squints her eyes, puts her hands up over her face, crosses her arms and harrumphs. It's just so tiring.
I'm gonna keep at it. We go on vacation this weekend and I was hoping to have licked it so I wouldn't have this stress in front of other family members who haven't seen her since she was little, but it looks like I'm gonna have it.
Thanks for the support, girls. It's been incredibly challenging to feel like I'm making any headway what so ever.
"Hey, I've got nothing to do today but smile..."
The Only Living Boy in New York, Paul Simon |
| SarahJ |
Posted - Sep 11 2012 : 07:12:58 AM
Jonni, you have to stick it out. From what you've described, this is a power struggle, and she can sense that she has you on the ropes. You are not a terrible parent, and she will continue to use every trick she can to guilt you into wavering. I know that sounds harsh, but the simple fact that she'll eat everywhere else but at home tells me it IS a control issue, and not a genuine food issue. If I were a betting woman, I'd say that she will eventually start eating, but what will happen is that she'll go through the motions of throwing the fit, but then expect you to reheat the food...oh right about bedtime (or any other time she has to do something she doesn't want to do). If she can't control what she's eating, then she will probably start trying to control WHEN she eats. That may be why she is getting so angry when you give it to the dog. That takes her "bargaining power" off the table.
Right now, I firmly believe it's a test of wills, and you have to show her that all the theatrics in the world will not make you change the rules. **and I want to reiterate that my opinion is based on the fact that she will eat elsewhere or for others/strangers; if she wasn't eating anything, ever, then it would be a different matter**
SarahJ
Farmgirl Sister #116
http://bayoumama.wordpress.com/ |
| oldbittyhen |
Posted - Sep 10 2012 : 2:26:57 PM
Stay tuff mama, you WILL win...
"Knowlege is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad" |
| MagnoliaWhisper |
Posted - Sep 08 2012 : 08:03:42 AM
I also vote for reheating her plate in the night. And sticking it out a while longer. It will work. ;o) You're doing great.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
| Red Tractor Girl |
Posted - Sep 05 2012 : 5:11:49 PM
Jonni~ I agree with others to just stick to your plan for another few weeks. However,after that if you still find there is a battle, I would suggest a call to the Pediatrician for a referral for some counseling. There just may be some other things that are not apparent behind this huge struggle that you would benefit from getting help with. This is consuming your time,emotional energy, and apparently, you aren't making any progress. Instaed of thinking it is 100% stubborn, perhaps an eval from a counselor who specializes with children can help you with both strategy and support. You don't want to set up Violet at this young age with an eating disorder which could become serious in her teens. I think as parents we want to do the right thing and sometimes we need help with how to do just that. Most insurance plans do cover a limited number of visits. Most likely you won't need a lot of help, but don't be afraid to reach out. It is not a relection on your love and parenting. If Violet had some other issue, you would not think twice about calling for help and an evaluation. The same is true with emotional well being. Good Luck!
Winnie #3109
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| Alee |
Posted - Sep 04 2012 : 6:13:45 PM
Jonni- You are being an awesome mom! Keep up the good work! Nora was never this difficult about food but I think you are on the right track. The fact that she is willing to eat more variety with her other family members and out on the town is really interesting. I am right there with you- it sounds like she is doing to get a reaction and because she figures she is going to get the upper hand. Good luck!!! *hugs*
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
www.allergyjourneys.blogspot.com
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| FebruaryViolet |
Posted - Sep 04 2012 : 1:22:13 PM
I'll try that Diana. It just seems all so darn pig headed. Especially when, on Saturday, we stopped at our local Kroger Marketplace like we do each and every Saturday and when winding through the deli where they have all the "goodies" and they were pushing stuff for labor day picnics, she took a BBQ SPARERIB on a toothpick from a total stranger and ate the whole darn thing in front of me, exclaiming, "mmmmm, this is delicious!", I KNOW she can try things!!!! It's like she's just doing it to rile me up.
"Hey, I've got nothing to do today but smile..."
The Only Living Boy in New York, Paul Simon |
| gramadinah |
Posted - Sep 04 2012 : 09:55:55 AM
Jonni what ever it is that you cook that she wont eat pull it out in the middle of the night heat it up and give it to her then. When you feed it to the dogs she is still winning in that she is not able to eat what you put in front of her.
Stick to your decision it only takes 21 days to change a behavior.
Diana
Farmgirl Sister #273 |
| FebruaryViolet |
Posted - Sep 04 2012 : 06:57:02 AM
UPDATE: Things aren't going so well...I've been sticking to this plan (what I cook is what there is) for the last week and 1/2 (other than the weekend when it's a pizza or something like that, which I KNOW she'll eat) and she hasn't given in yet. She won't even try a bite of anything and for the first few days, I was really good about not letting her get me riled up, but now I'm just REALLY frustrated by the whole power struggle. Not only is she not eating the dinner, she wakes us up all hours of the night crying and saying, "my tummy's hungry!", both making me feel absolutely terrible as a parent and also, REALLY ticked off.
The other thing that's frustrating is that when she doesn't eat it, I simply say, "Ok, that's fine--it's your choice. There will be nothing else tonight, though, and I mix her portion in with the dogs food, and that ENRAGES her! So, I simply say, "you can't have it both ways, you made your choice not to eat it."
Girls, I'm just about ready to ring her little neck. I love her, but I think I figured after a few days time, she'd start figuring it out, but it's like she wants to play chicken!
"Hey, I've got nothing to do today but smile..."
The Only Living Boy in New York, Paul Simon |
| MagnoliaWhisper |
Posted - Aug 29 2012 : 9:09:47 PM
get a timer thing for your crock pot so it doesn't turn on till X time.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
| MtnGrlByTheBay |
Posted - Aug 29 2012 : 12:46:07 PM
I seriously loathe food. I mean, I should say, I loathe cooking. I don't mind baking, but baking for me is like a personal craft project, not really for sustinence. I loath cooking, because my DH is picky (no casseroles, no onion, no mayo, no tomatoes) and my boys are just like the kids mentioned in this thread. It's no fun to cook when nearly every meal is a battle. My pediatrician has said to do what you have suggested here as well... if they don't eat their dinner, they get it for breakfast. My son's 2nd Grade teacher used to say, "You get what you get, and you don't throw a fit." We say that a lot.
Lately, I just have the worst time making meals AROUND sports. Practice is usually at 6:00. I leave work at 4:30, grab the kids by 4:55 and am home by 5:05. I usually have 10 minutes to get something on the table so we can eat "as a family" before half of us are out the door. It's a nightmare. I try to get ahead by cooking something the night before so I can just warm it up. I was originally afraid to do this initially because DH isn't a fan of "leftovers" either - but I guess he's okay with the plan becuase they technically aren't leftovers if they haven't been eaten in the first place, right? NOW, my OS (older son) has gymnastics at 7:00, and last night he said he couldn't eat dinner because when he's upsidedown it makes his stomach hurt. We'd finished dinner at 5:30, so I have a feeling it was more nerves (first night) than digestion. He barely eats much to digest to begin with!
It's a struggle. Yes, I have a crock pot, but I work a 9.5 hour day, so anything I put in it ends up dry - even on low. It's old though, so I probably should get a new one with a better timer on it. Now... to find the time and money to shop for one! <sigh>
Tell me... can kids just live on protein shakes for 15 years or so?
^^^I'm a RidgeRunner, and will always feel best when surrounded by the PA mountains.^^^
www.lastlapgang.com |
| brightmeadow |
Posted - Aug 23 2012 : 7:19:42 PM
I have a similar problem with my 8-year-old grandson. He lives with his other grandparents and they go out to eat a lot. So he loves chicken fingers, hamburgers, spaghetti.
When he stays with us for a week it takes about 4 days for him to realize if he doesn't eat what I cook at mealtime, he doesn't get another chance to eat until the next mealtime.
By midweek, he is usually OK. But those first few days are always a test of wills. I try not to make a battle out of it. If he doesn't eat, I don't act like I even notice (but of course I do). My daughter's pediatrician always told me "don't worry, if she is hungry, she will eat"
I try to follow the dictum "don't notice the bad behavior and praise the good behavior". I don't always succeed! parenting is such a challenge!
You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands - You shall be happy and it shall be well with you. -Psalm 128.2
Visit my blogs at http://brightmeadowfarms.blogspot.com (farming) http://brightmeadowknits.blogspot.com (knitting) or my homepage at http://home.earthlink.net/~brightmeadow |
| FarmDream |
Posted - Aug 22 2012 : 5:52:44 PM
I believe in the united front. You and your DH should come up with a plan in private. Something that is a compromise of the way both of you think things should be done. You don't want to force feed her and your husband does, so meet in the middle. And no cheating on the compromise when DH isn't home. When she complains or throws a fit you can tell her that is what daddy and mommy said are the rules. I or DH make what we want to eat and if DD does not like it...oh well. After dinner and bath we'll let her have a peanut butter sandwich, fruit, and milk. BUT she has to make it. And guess what? She is still alive.
~FarmDream is Farmgirl Sister #3069
Live Today, Cherish Yesterday, Dream Tomorrow
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| MrsRooster |
Posted - Aug 20 2012 : 2:10:34 PM
EWWWWW Cold chicken and dumplings. That would work wonders.
www.mrsrooster.blogspot.com
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Farmgirl #1259
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| desperadosdream |
Posted - Aug 20 2012 : 10:58:06 AM
Personally I have a eat or go hungry policy at my house. Its very simple. I am the mother therefore I know what our budget is what food we have to prepare and how long said supplies must last. Things get a bit tougher and tighter all the time and sometimes certain supplies must last longer than others. If I have some choices as to what's for supper I normally pass that on to the family i.e. would you rather have roast, carrots and potatoes, meatloaf, baked potatoes, green beans or whatever. It s all the same to be but since I do the cooking and normally all the cleaning up afterward they will either eat whats is put in front of them and be thankful for it or they will go without and when they are hungry in the morning thinking they are going to get sugary cereal for breakfast they will be surprised to find cold meatloaf and potatoes. Yummy right...it would only happen a time or 2 until it would be working like clock work I guarantee. Chicken and dumplings cold are one of the most disgusting things in the universe..Tee hee. |
| Alee |
Posted - Aug 20 2012 : 05:51:30 AM
Jonni- I have a feeling Sunday was not restful for you- I hope it went better than expected- but hang tough! Nora sometimes goes through these phases too and it is maddening. *hugs*
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
www.allergyjourneys.blogspot.com
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| sjmjgirl |
Posted - Aug 19 2012 : 2:01:35 PM
I know how you feel. My son was very picky when he was small and still wont eat a veggie to this day (he's 10 now). He's at the point where if he doesn't like what's on the menu, he can fix himself a peanut butter sandwich or grab a piece of fruit, but I am NOT fixing him something else. You'd be surprised at what a kid will eat just because they dont want to fix anything themselves. LOL!
Farmgirl Sister # 3810
Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
- Dalai Lama
April is Autism Awareness month. Autism affects 1 in 88 children (1 in 54 boys, including my son). Go to http://www.autismspeaks.org/ to learn more and help Light It Up Blue on April 2nd!
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| annielaurel |
Posted - Aug 19 2012 : 06:18:30 AM
My mother's motto and mine too, when my kids were little. "Eat it or don't eat it" but that is all there is." My daughter did go through a period when she was about 3 or so when she wouldn't eat anything for lunch except a peanut butter sandwich.
My granddaughter, Kelly, who is now 19 would only eat 3 grapes, 1 piece of sliced chicken and her milk for lunch. One day, while I was visiting we were having lunch and she was saying that one of the girls in her class brought the same things for lunch everyday. She was sitting at the table with her 2 sisters and had the grapes and meat on her plate. My daughter made a remark about the sandwich she was eating and my granddaughter accused her of being picky, too. My daughter said it wasn't her. Then my granddaughter looked at her sisters and they said they weren't picky. When she looked at me I said, "Don't look at me." My little picky granddaughter finally blurts out, "Do you think it could be me?"
Today that little picky eater eats everything and is in good health. It is best not to make a big deal about what the child is eating or not eating. Just put it on the table and tell her that is all there is too eat. "Eat it or Don't Eat It!"
Be gentle and say it with conviction. You are the mom.
Nancy
Make everyday a celebration of the heart. |
| MagnoliaWhisper |
Posted - Aug 17 2012 : 4:08:31 PM
Jonnie I don't believe in forcing children to eat either.
I believe that can cause eating disorders. Can you get DH to just go with your plan for one month first, and ask him if it doesn't work then you can try his.
If I was you, my plan would be to serve what ever you want for meals, and if she eats she eats, and if she doesn't she doesn't, but don't make a fuss about it. If she is hungry later on offer her the left overs. It took only a day or two for Lela to "get" I wasn't going to just be her short order cook. She tried it on me just a few times and that was it. Otherwise, personally I do like was suggested, I only put small servings on my childrens plates, and they eat what they eat. If they don't eat I don't worry about it. If they have ate a good amount though of the meal and later they want a treat then I let them, BUT they know if they don't eat a fair amount of the meal and they later want a treat, they will get left overs or other healthy foods (if we ran out of leftovers) and they won't be getting dessert or treat type foods till they have had a well balanced meal. But, it's just that, we don't fight about it. However, a few times Lela did throw a fit...and I would just tell her finish this amount of your dinner and of course you can have ice cream. There was some tantrums a few times, but as long as I would calmly just explain to her the rules and just let it go she eventually got it and it didn't take long!
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
| Bear5 |
Posted - Aug 17 2012 : 1:23:47 PM
I say that often, Amy, "This too shall pass".
You're right.
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
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