| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| MagnoliaWhisper |
Posted - Jul 19 2010 : 12:27:07 PM
Ok, my oldest is 3 years old almost 4. She was born tongue tied, and no amount of me begging drs to clip her tongue or help me get her to latch worked. I tried to get LCs but they would only "talk" to me, they would not actually help me-as in they didn't even want to SEE my daughter, let alone touch her. They never seen my daughter at all-never laid eyes on her, only wanted to talk me through it, and that wasn't working! I needed some hands on. Any way, point being she never latched, and I pumped milk for her for 2 1/2 years!
DD is now 4 months old. She was born preemie and they told me she was too weak to get all she needed on her own when first born. I have had her at the breast every day of her life though, even when the NICU nurses would tell me it was pointless, etc.
Well, now I'm quite sure she can get milk all on her own. I've been pumping 8 times a day till last week when I started making her nurse for all her needs, and then I would just pump a little after each of her feedings.
Any way, last week was pretty bad with the temper tantrums, she had gotten so used to the bottle, she wasn't a happy camper about only getting to nurse.
But, by and large she is doing great now.
Then Saturday my MIL came to pick up the 3 year old for the day. She went on and on, about why not keep her on a bottle, after all now she will be attached to me all the time. Yeah, what's wrong with that? What if you end up sick and in the hospital then what? We'll deal with that IF that was to happen, but if it happened then she could be brought to me at the hospital, I would guess. No you wouldn't want her there she could get sick, etc etc. Well, why worry about that since there is no reason to think I would get so sick I would be in the hospital any way, and that's not happened yet?
BTW, when I first had my 3 year old she would call every day from the store, which formula do you want me to buy? None, she is getting breast milk. But, she needs used to formula for in case something happens to you she will be used to drinking formula. Well, she's only getting breast milk. We don't want formula! She ended up buying a ton of formula which we would just throw away!
She's also made comments that it would be fine if I died cause then she could raise my children. UHG!
Any way, her latest was, she told my husband she was here three hours Saturday, when in actuality she was only here one hour, and that the baby cried the whole time, and I was abusing her by not giving her a bottle. She cried for a few minutes cause she was tired and sleeping and MIL woke her up! She was not crying cause of need of a bottle!
MIL has also told my husband I am abusing her cause my nipples are too big to breast feed and are choking the baby. The baby nevers acts choked or coughing etc. It's all ludicrous!
And I'm at my brink.
Thankfully a friend told me about the Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, I bought it and read every word. I love it. Sadly my MIL has said every single one of the things in there it says not to say to a nursing mom plus some of her own stuff!
What's more she is a nurse, and her family looks up to her as a nurse and she has gotten many of them to stop nursing their children because of her "expertise".
My mom is a dr and dad is a RN (MIL is only a LPN, not putting down LPN's but there is a lot more training and schooling with DR and RN), they do nothing but encourage me to continue. Yet, they live half a country away-in Kansas, and I live in NYC. And all I have around here is my inlaws.
I tried to contact my local LLL but that was almost a month ago and I still haven't heard back from them about when their meetings are.
I just wish I could get some kind of local support, not just the spurts I get over the phone from my family. Makes me sick my MIL is so anti nursing. I mean, every one has a right to their own opinions, and she doesn't have to support me, just keep her mouth shut would be nice enough!
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
| 25 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| CMac |
Posted - Apr 12 2011 : 1:24:28 PM
You are welcome! Wishing you the American dream!
Connie
"I have three chairs in my house: one for solitude, two for friendship, three for company."
Author: Henry David Thoreau |
| MagnoliaWhisper |
Posted - Apr 12 2011 : 12:56:46 PM
Awe thanks Connie. And yes exactly, I was really at my most vulnerable, I really didn't get a chance to rest at all after having DD. And was ran ragged. I've since moved, and been able to relax and get back to normal finally! Now to just get enough money to buy our own home, and we'll be set!
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
| CMac |
Posted - Apr 12 2011 : 12:13:24 PM
Heather, Poor little mama! You had way to much on your plate. They seem to know when we are most vulnerable and attack then don't they? I agree with you about choice. I also suffer from exhaustion reaction to things like this. Just gotta forgive ourselves and move on. Just think of all us farmgirls standing right behind you next time she gets in your business. ( I'll be the one with my hand on your shoulder and a smile on my face)
Connie
"I have three chairs in my house: one for solitude, two for friendship, three for company."
Author: Henry David Thoreau |
| MagnoliaWhisper |
Posted - Apr 12 2011 : 11:56:09 AM
Thanks Connie that is usually how I am too. At the time though of the original post, I was soooooooo exhausted, physically and mentally, and in the middle of this huge cross country move, I was on my last bit of anything! Barely hanging on to sanity, with one toenail, I think! lol haha But, when I am not at my wits end, and have some lucidness left in me, lol that's exactly how I usually do. Ignore them, and go on, and stand in what I know is truth. As I like to say, I am the one who has to answer for my actions no one else, so I don't let others make those choices for me, cause I don't want to be answering for actions I didn't even think out and choose myself! I think that would be some of the worst regrets. I know people who do that, and always blame others for all their choices in life, when it was their choice to make! And if they let some one else make the choice, well.....then that's their own fault it didn't work out. If things blow up in my face, I want to be able to take full responsibility for it, and not let that be on any one else, and that's why I try to make choices well informed and thought out! Thanks so much Connie, I'm really liking you! lol haha We seem to have a lot in common!
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
| CMac |
Posted - Apr 12 2011 : 10:22:02 AM
Reading all this is making the Mama bear in me come out! Just remember they are showing you who they are not who you are by what they say. My most useful tactic was to say something very uncommitted when comments like this were made. Like, interesting, really?, thanks for telling me, I'll think about that, etc. If they want a power struggle just don't pick up your end of the rope! Stand in your truth and know that it does not matter if they agree with you or not. Just like it does not matter if you agree with them. Your boobs, your babies,your decision! Period.
Whew, I feel better.
Connie
"I have three chairs in my house: one for solitude, two for friendship, three for company."
Author: Henry David Thoreau |
| MagnoliaWhisper |
Posted - Apr 12 2011 : 09:58:55 AM
Thanks Gals!
Rachel, in my opinion your relationship with your children out weighs any other relationship (besides maybe your husband and you) you can have in life, so I wouldn't stress over it. lol I don't any more!
thanks so much Annette so sorry it was that way for you! UHG I have had mastitus a few times and it was pretty bad! So sorry for that! But, good on you for keeping it on any way. Sadly my MIL isn't in to anything whole, natural or organic, she doesn't understand any of it. She still thinks margarine is better for you then butter. Anything new she is afraid to try. She was scared to death to try olives once.....yeah. Any way, she is very sheltered, she grew up in the worst part of Brooklyn (the Marcy projects), yet very very sheltered, and very scared of every thing. In some ways, I'm like you know she's lucky she got out of such not hooked on drugs, or dead. (I mean society goes on and on about how amazing it is the Rapper/singer Jay-Z was able to make it out-she lived down from him, in fact, we see him visiting his grandmother who still lives just down the way from my husband's grandmother! We see both him and Beyonce often when we lived in NY and would go visit my husband's grandparents). So while some days she annoys the heck out of me, I try to also stand back other days and say actually it's amazing she isn't worse off then she is. And then I thank God that it was my husband's grandparents who raised him and not her! lol haha
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
| Heartbroken farmgirl |
Posted - Apr 12 2011 : 08:09:20 AM
My MIL still quotes"conversations that never happened. I have nursed all four of my children. My oldest DS weaned himself at 11 months. My oldest DD bit me so bad I needed stitches!! I was afraid to nurse her, so I pumped for a month. I missed the closeness, so I tried again, and no more biting. When my youngest DD was born, Dr tried to push supplemental formula feeding. My DD was small, as was my last DS. My DH makes tiny babies. They grow, just not at the rate of any growth chart. My DH himself was exclusively bottle/formula feed. My FIL had issues with that, but figured "mother knows best".
I lived on the farm, next door to my in-laws, for the years I nursed my youngest two. My FIL would brag to the supply store clerks, the postmaster, random people, that his DIL was the best mom, patient....so sweet, but I saw my MIL start to resent it. With my last, I literally alternated weekly for the first three months between mastitis and thrush. Logan would latch on, and instantly my eyes teared up, toes would curl....my MIL knew that. She would go on and on about my health, and not worth it, and often she would say foolish things about me nursing to keep my breasts large!! Funny, I had great breasts UNTIL I nursed four babies!! Lol. She would also wait for my DH to come home, and she'd stare as I nursed, then she would reach over and grab me, and say what do you think about these huge leaky boobs? She did things like this a lot. Not only did it cross a line, but due to the thrush and mastitis, it HURT!!
I had wonderful support from the rest of the family, and I learned to just go to my room, and lock the door, IN MY OWN HOME, to hide from her while feeding the baby. A complete inconvenience, as I had three other lil ones to look after, and I had to just sit there. With the other LO's I had leArned to nurse and vacuum, fold laundry, prepare simple meals, even carved a pumpkin once, at the same time.
I'm so sorry about breastfeeding not being supported and encouraged in hospitals and peds clinics. We stress how we eat, how our produce is organic, how our meats are feed and handled...How much more organic, natural, and pure is mothers milk? Cows nurse, goats nurse, heck, mice and rats nurse!! It's the way we were made, and it makes no sense to try to change it!
Good for you for sticking to your guns, really. I'm sorry your MIL feels the need to control you and your mothering, but sounds like she blew her own chances when it was her turn. You just keep lovin, and raisin' your DD's and know you're doin right by them.(((Hugs)))
The tears I shed then, watered the flowers I harvest now.
www.broken908.blogspot.com
http://forums.familyfriendpoems.com/broken908
"The aim of education is the knowledge not of facts but of values."-Dean William Ralph Inge |
| ShilohsHaven2011 |
Posted - Mar 28 2011 : 10:08:38 AM
I have been through what you have been through,Heather, but with a knwo-it-all SIL. she was actually my boss when I had my DD almost 4 years ago. She gave me such a hard time at work, because I insisted on pumping at work since I wanted her to be exclusively on breastmilk. DD would not take a bottle for anyone except for the babysitter, and that drove her nuts. To the point, I refused to be around her for awhile. I hurt our relationship, but I know I was doing what I felt was right for my child and it is nobodys right to impose their beliefs on anyone. They can voice their opinions, but it is wrong for them to make you feel like an idiot for the way you do things. Proud of you, girl, for sticking to your guns! Can't believe the thing about the potty, too! That made me laugh, BTW! Be strong!
Rachel |
| Lindsay C |
Posted - Mar 25 2011 : 4:17:50 PM
Heather, I actually didn't know that WIC would pay for breast pumps! That's something I need to check on locally so I can let my mommas know. That would be wonderful! It's an unfortunate state of affairs in the hospital these days. Almost everywhere is understaffed, so I know how much easier it can be to convince someone to bottle feed vs. taking the time to help them get a proper latch, etc. Also, NICUs are notoriously big on giving bottles so that they can keep up with how much exactly the baby's getting. The sad truth is, all of these things just make it easier on nurses to do their jobs. However, the reality is that babies need breastmilk and preemies especially need all that wonderful immunity. You just have to be a little bit of a rebel-momma when it comes to things like that. You have to stick to your guns, even when the "experts" are telling you differently. :)
Lindsay
Farmgirl Sister #1452 |
| MagnoliaWhisper |
Posted - Mar 25 2011 : 12:31:46 PM
Thanks Lindsay and Dawn, so good to hear from some RNs with the same reasoning as me!
Dawn that is so great that you are a long time nurser! We nurse long time as well. And for sure it is control issues with MIL. She was two hours late to our wedding. Tried to make my husband late on purpose as well. After we were married a while I noticed she was late to every thing. She has no little kids, and no one else she is responsible for (say elderly parents, or whomever). She only has to get her self ready and to said places. I told my husband a long time ago that was a sign of control issues. At first he didn't believe me. It was just who she is....late. I said no, people who have no reason to be late and are chronically late are controlling people. They want people to wait for them, and to be in control of that situation. For instance at our wedding after two hours the minister said he could no longer hold off he had other things to do that day and we needed to go on with the wedding. So we did. But, I'm sure it gave her a thrill that we waited 2 hours for her to show up! She does this for ever thing though. I told my husband I'm sorry a grown woman knows how long it takes to get ready, it's not like she is 5 or 10 minutes late, but hours, this is purposeful! After I brought it to his attention and it continued on, he now sees how this is a tool of control and manipulation. And BTW, we stopped "waiting" for her a long time ago! We go on with life and tell her see ya when we see ya. We're going on!
Lindsay the NICU I was in was absolutely crazy about nursing. They really pushed bottles. They would constantly say things that weren't even true! And they were young nurses. Like one nurse one day when I was in there nursing DD2 said yeah she's nursing her baby but it's not like it's of any benefit to her, her milk isn't even in yet. I did not sit back and let that go! I said, there is lots of benefits to this! 1. What she is getting right now may not be milk, but it's what human bodies make for newborn babies, it's designed for new born babies and it's exactly what my daughter NEEDS! 2. This is teaching her the correct way to latch and nurse, which a bottle can NOT teach! 3. She is getting the benefits of me holding her, her hearing my heart beat soothing her, her feeling my warmth warming her (instead of the heat lamp they were using!), she is smelling my pheromones again soothing her. There is many benefits to what I am doing right now thank you very much. She then grumbled I was right.
But, it made me so upset cause there was a long of very young mom's really wanting to give up and not even give it a real try in there. I had been trying to encourage them not to give up and keep on trying, and a nurse (a authority figure) saying something as stupid as that just made me so mad!
BTW, I didn't know till I was on this group that the government will also pay for mothers to have a breast pump! When Alee told me that, I told my mother (who is a dr) and she has started spreading the word to her patients who are on WIC. I also tell every one I know who may be on WIC to ask. I have never qualified for WIC. But, I know a lot of women can't afford a pump and need to go back to work so just think they will have to give formula. So I've been trying to spread the word. I do wish they would have more ads at WIC about them offering the pump. However, I will say our local WIC office does have a lot of breast feeding posters up, but none of them say that they offer a breast pump and not just formula.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
| Lindsay C |
Posted - Mar 25 2011 : 10:18:02 AM
I'm probably not going to say anything that anyone else hasn't already said, but I just wanted to say how much I admire you nursing so long. Especially for a mom of a preemie. I'm a neonatal RN and I wish all preemie moms would realize how much healthier and easier it is on these babies to digest breastmilk. You are absolutely doing the right thing! The World Health Organization recommends all children be breastfed until age two and then as long as it mutually desired, and I think lots of cultures are so much more open to that than we are here. Breastfeeding is a wonderful, beautiful thing and I wish there wasn't such a stigma around it. As a society, we really need to make breastfeeding a more viable option for mothers. I know at least in my state, it's nearly impossible to get moms to breastfeed when government programs are waiting to hand out free formula.
Okay, that's my soapbox for today, and now I will get off of it. :) Keep up the good work!
Lindsay
Farmgirl Sister #1452 |
| 4forMe |
Posted - Mar 25 2011 : 06:16:02 AM
Heather, congratulations to you for being so intent on doing what is best for your children. That woman (your MIL) sounds like a control freak. Good for you for not letting her control you and your mothering decisions. You are doing what is right and she is off her rocker if you ask me.
I am a Labor and Delivery RN. It used to amaze me the number of other older RN's I worked with who would almost encourage a mother to bottle feed in the early days, simply because "that's what they themselves did 20 years ago and their kid grew up fine".
Studies show that breastfeeding for at least the first year is best. People of your MIL's generation can't stand the thought that what she herself did, is NOT what is recommended today.
I breastfed all of mine, one until the age of 3. I am still nursing my 14 month old.
Sewing, knitting, gardening mom of 5. |
| MagnoliaWhisper |
Posted - Mar 24 2011 : 12:15:25 PM
Thanks Jamie. So true. The sad thing is, where I lived in NYC I never made any friends. Not that there isn't any good people in NYC, I just never did find any one that I gelled with. They were not on my said thinking waves at all. lol Like you, I'm kind of a hippie natural person, and NYC in general likes all things manufactured, new, etc. Not only that but when I first moved to NYC I had almost died from Diabetic Keytone Acidoses, literally had only been released from the hospital 2 weeks when I moved. I survived DKA which then because your immune system is so suppressed from it almost every one who survives gets pneomonia. So the next 3 to 4 years I was pretty much a recluse in my apartment. Making friends was very difficult when you can't leave your apartment. All I had was my inlaws. My MIL and FIL lived very close. And they were the ones we got along with least, my other inlaws are great I get along with almost all their siblings and they are wonderful (and of course wonder of wonders they hate their siblings as well, even though their siblings love them! Yeah they are a bit narcissist!) their siblings will say how much they love them, and MIL/FIL will roll their eyes and look blankly at them. And say they don't want to be around them! UHG! Too bad none of them lived in our same borough they would of been great to be around but most of them lived in other boroughs and with me home bound I didn't get to see them much.
When I had DD1 I just just gotten healthy enough to start getting out! Then she was a preemie and I was stuck at home again! Too bad I didn't know about LLL then! I wish I had of! Would of helped me so much. I only really ever had one supportive friend in NYC it was a dr I had found only months before being pregnant with DD1. And well one more friend Max (who was Luther Vandross personal assistant) we were great friends too, but he was very busy starting up his own non profit diabetic awareness support system. So I never did have a lot of support or friends, and why we were always stuck with my MIL and FIL as our only outside contacts! lol
Now that we moved back to where I grew up, we are surrounded by loving people, and a LOT of people who have our same beliefs and life style. And I'm healthy enough to get out and meet people! lol LLL has been great. We also started going to a local healthy bakery, they sell a lot of local organic stuff on commission-like local organic milk, butter, jam, honey, etc etc. Along with having GREAT all natural delicious bread products! lol So things are going soooooo much better!
Thanks for your support though. I grew up with my mom and dad being hippies too! lol Worshiping God was meeting some people in a local park with guitars and singing! lol haha Those are my kids of peeps! lol hahaha We've always been the type to pay extra for local foods, and the like cause it's just our belief system. My dad to this day refuses to go to the big box stores and just has Sam the local grocer order anything they don't regularly stock and he pays what ever extra it is. Just cause he would rather deal with Sam, then what the big box stores say he should buy! lol haha So we probably have a lot in common Jamie! lol haha
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
| J.F. Brown |
Posted - Mar 24 2011 : 11:38:21 AM
Hi, Heather! It's just so good to see young women so committed to nursing! My children are grown, and it seems so many people just don't anymore! We old-lady-hippie-feminist- folk struggled hard with disapproval, and LLL was a great resource. The best of all, for me, was the support of my husband, who took on his family, and anyone else who was goofy enough to express disapproval.
Surround yourself with people who nourish and support you, though I know the inlaws are not among them!
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| MagnoliaWhisper |
Posted - Mar 16 2011 : 10:53:01 PM
Thanks Sarah. I have to say NYC is not too breastfeeding friendly even though the government has passed a lot of laws about it since I had DD1. It is getting better. LCs can really vary one from another that's for sure. I wish, I had known that with DD1, I wish I had just contacted LLL with DD1. I think I would of had so much better resources and help. I have found that not all LCs are the same, that's for sure!
I just love our LLL meetings here, the leaders are so helpful. I've watched them help so many new mom's it's really great! And for free too!
I'm so glad where you live is so breastfeeding friendly it certainly makes a difference! I think here in Kansas we are a little more breastfeeding friendly as well, as just in general more family friendly area. A lot in my LLL meetings have 6 or more children. Large families are the norm here, and centering your life around your family is more prevalent here. It's been a good move for us, that's for sure!
lol And I know what you mean about frustrating. My mom used to really frustrate me too, till I met my MIL! Now it's like wow she's the easiest person in the world to get along with! lol I literally rarely have any problems with my parents now. lol After experiencing MIL it seems like my parents are a breeze to handle! lol hahaha
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
| CurlysQuilts |
Posted - Mar 16 2011 : 7:04:45 PM
Wow. Reading this post makes me sooo grateful that my MIL is who she is, even if she frustrates me from time to time. At least she supports me. It also makes me grateful that I live and have had my babies in Vermont, where my hospital has midwives on staff and where they have a lactation consultant who is like your best friend and very hands on with the nursing if you need it. The whole hospital is extrmemely supportive of breastfeeding, and are even a little leery of girls who want to use formula. Vermont legislature actually passed a law about having to allow women who work two 15 minute breaks to pump daily, and employers have to provide private space for this to happen, NOT in a bathroom. Congrats on being preggy again!
Curly's Quilts
www.curlysquilts.etsy.com
“He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” - Micah 6:8
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| MagnoliaWhisper |
Posted - Mar 15 2011 : 3:36:28 PM
oh just as a PS I was NOT the one sarcastic to her, I am ALWAYS very nice to her. It was my mom's friend who was sarcastic to her.
And as long as she has known me and this is her second granddaughter with me, I am a VERY clean person, I would not give any one a dirty burp cloth. I do think that was a pretty crazy thing to ask me, when she asked for one for my new born preemie baby. Of course I would nto give her a dirty one.
But, again it was NOT me who was sarcastic to her. If you re-read it it all the way through you will see I said it was my mom's friend who said that to her.
And yes, I have always spoke up to her and so has my husband when she doesn't treat us right, but it does no good. I think it comes back to the learning disability I am quite she has. The only way I have finally found out that will work is to just not have her in our lives sadly. Cause we have had these problems since the beginning. She didn't even want to come to our wedding. And she didn't even really want to get to know me back then. This is just her obstinate.
I think psychological problems may be very well a problem as well. I don't know many mom's who would choose not to see their children for 16 years. Because they would rather go dancing at clubs. (this is the reason she gave for not visiting my husband at his grandmothers for 16 years of his life).
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
| MagnoliaWhisper |
Posted - Mar 15 2011 : 3:29:14 PM
Thanks gals sorry I was in the middle of a huge move and have been very busy since the move. So haven't came back.
First of all I hope you are a lll leader now. I'm now in LLL here in Kansas and am loving it!
As far as letting my MIL steal the money we by no means let her have it, that would of been giving it to her, hince the word steal. What happened was I had a box for people to put cards in and she took it when we weren't looking and said some one would steal it. Before that my husband and I had read the cards to the group there so every one would see the cards. I knew how much money approx were in the cards as I was keeping mental notes. When she gave the box back much of the money in those cards were gone! We did indeed confront her with it and she denied it. However, no one else touched the box, and we ourselves told her to leave the box alone! And we would take care of it but she didn't listen of course. She never listens to anything from us no matter how firm we are. We didn't allow her to see DD1 once for 6 months (after giving her several warnings if she continued to put her in disposable diapers whenever we visited we would no longer let her see her) I guess she didn't believe us and we called her bluff! Yet, that still didn't stop her when we decided to let her see her again 6 months later. Normal talking to her just doesn't work. I am being quite frank when I say I think she has a learning disability. Along with I think she has deep psychological problems. I mean......normal things just don't make sense to her. For instance my dd1 was going through a lieing stage and we were trying to stop that (just for her own safety!) and my MIL was encouraging her to lie! And we went over the boy who cried wolf story and why this is important and it went way over my MIL head and she said the boy who cried wolf story made no sense at all to her! Any way when we moved here to Kansas my mom is scared to death cause of the way my MIL has coached my dd1 to lie on people. (make up things like we abuse her-hit her, and the like when we don't. she did that to mom one day and mom's a dr and this could greatly effect her job! And my mom is now scared. However, my mom said this was not normal it for sure sounded like this had been coached and I said it has, by MIL!) any way......she doesn't ever see MIL any more thank god. And probably won't again. So thankfully this is over.
But, I was still reeling with hormones when I first posted this, and really upset feeling alone in my battle with her, and not having any one but hubby on my side at the time. Now things are soooo much better. Belle is 1 now and still nursing and I'm preggers again! lol hahaha And we're just loving LLL!
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
| Roxy7 |
Posted - Sep 05 2010 : 09:11:43 AM
I BF DS till he was 27 months old. Maybe you should remind her of her own absence. Or tell her that times have changed and the school of thought of the old days when she went to school are not popular anymore. That might shush her. |
| LenaSassafrass |
Posted - Sep 03 2010 : 10:44:21 PM
Oh my goodness Heather! If it were me I woulda shown her the door and let it hit her on the way out. I am so sorry to hear your MIL is being physco! I am grateful that my MIL was really supportive of my nursing. My family is not into all natural or nursing by any means..their thing is whatever is easier/faster. All my SIL on my husbands side nursed their children which opened my eyes to something different/healthier to formula. Stick with it girl and keep her from your home when hubby isn't there if it'll help. Remind her that she raised her children the way she thought best and this is the way you and your hubby thinks is best! Hang in there hunny!!
Leanne
Maizy-brownswiss/jersey
Sassafrass-06/20/10 |
| Sarahpauline |
Posted - Sep 03 2010 : 8:54:40 PM
I am very lucky my MIL was not anything like that, very kind and respectful and didnt offer advice unless asked or would say, "May I make a suggestion?". But frankly, I feel that you need to set some ground rules for your relationship with her. Im glad you are able to vent with us here, but she would probably feel bad if she knew you were venting to outsiders. If I were in your position I would set some ground rules with her, which I have had to do with some well meaning but frustrating family members myself. For one thing, your guests at your baby shower gave you gifts of money for your baby out of kindness. Why on earth would you allow her to steal it? If I had given a gift I would be furious if someone took it from the intended recipient. I would tell my hubby to approach her about it. Something like "We noticed you had taken money from the cards at the shower, we were hoping you were intending to buy savings bonds or something for the baby. If you haven't decided what to do with it, we have some needs that our gift money would fill. Since the givers are wondering what we spent those funds on it would be appropriate for us to make those decisions. Thanks for holding on to it, I will stop by on Tuesday to pick it up and drop off some new pictures of the baby."
Something similar to that with her suggestions about breast feeding. "Its clear we do not share the same views on raising our children. I respect your experience as a nurse and mother but I am eager to find my own path. I am asking you to trust me to make the very best decisions I can about my baby. When I do, I hope that you will respect them. A new baby is stressful and when you come to my house and criticize choices I have made based on months or years of research I feel frustrated and angry and cannot enjoy your visits. I hope you will continue to visit us, and when you do, that you will enjoy a cup of tea and have fun watching our new baby. But if you would rather make accusations and criticize my choices it might be better for you not to come. Our well being has to come first now."
After this conversation you should promptly invite her to lunch or something with the family so she understands that you arent trying to keep her out. If she starts up again simply stand up, say "I am feeling a little stressed out, I need to lay down for a bit" Go in your room with the baby. Your husband needs to deal with her and support you. Remember, you train people how they may or may not treat you.
I have to say I dont think it was very friendly for your friend to be sarcastic with her. I might ask if a burp cloth was clean too. I cant imagine saying something like that to my MIL. Hopefully it was done in a lighthearted manner.
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| star-schipp |
Posted - Sep 03 2010 : 5:33:22 PM
I am so proud of you for continually doing what you know is best for your children in spite of all the "noise" that is going on in your ears! Keep yourself surrounded with like-minded Moms like LLL and you will get stronger everytime you talk with them. Ask us for support anytime - you have my complete and total support. Keep at it...hugs
We can do no great things; only small things with great love - Mother Teresa
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| homemomx8 |
Posted - Sep 03 2010 : 2:40:14 PM
Wow! I am new here but could not help but to respond.
How excellent is the grace of perseverence!
Especially dealing with your MIL and her opposing opinions.
Keep up the good work!
Betsy
peace & many blessings,
betsy |
| Lovely Rita Milk Maid |
Posted - Sep 02 2010 : 5:38:40 PM
Your work breastfeeding is amazing.
Congratulations on all you have accomplished btwn the tongue-tie and preemie birth.
Your mother in law is wrong, and you know that, please go in with mama bear intution blaring when you deal with her, always. That is something I have had to do with my own mil (she has suggested things like feeding my children PET milk with Karo syrup over breastmilk, and fed my twins McDonalds ice cream when they were 4 months old, lactose intolerant and not eating ANY food yet...I still can't believe my babies' first food was MickieD's ice cream...I swear we only left for 2 hours!) It's so bad, I can actually laugh about it now 3+ years later.
Imo, you have the absolute right (and duty??) to demand that she never confuse your daughter and put pullups on her again. That's not cool.
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| EarthMamaJEM |
Posted - Jul 20 2010 : 7:07:31 PM
I agree, keep up with LLL. I am so close to being a leader so I feel I have a lot of experience to offer, please email me *any time*.
My younger 2 were tongue tied, the first we had snipped by an ENT at 5 months and the 2nd to be was at 3ish months. I have nursed all my kids, the older 2 weaned at a wee bit over 4 and the younger 2 are still going strong despite having to position them a certain way for them to get a good latch. Can your ped give you a referral to an ENT? Can you call around to find somebody to do it? If you are familiar with Mothering.com , go to their website and the "find your tribe" section (I am no longer a member there, but was for a short time...now I just read the magazine) and ask on there too.
And you can tell your MIL that my 4 children have never gotten a drop of formula and we all survived.  Her generation were told lots of lies about their bodies being inadiquate to nurish their babies. It has upset me in the past when my mother or MIL or other older women I know have gotten rude to me about nursing but I try to remember this because back then, drs were gods and they were but weak women who couldnt do anything w/o the help of drs or a man. 
I am Jenn. Wife to A, mama to S, B, L and V.
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