| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| ashcordes |
Posted - Feb 21 2006 : 12:14:28 PM
OK gals....I need help, advice, anything you can give me. I am in a great debate, with myself, my husband....How do you make the decision to stay at home???? I am currently our church secretary...I love my job, love my pastors, but here's the problem. I have one daughter (9 mo. old) and she comes to work with me 3 days a week, the other two I have a cheap babysitter for one day and grandma does the other one for free (Can't afford day care). They are not going to allow me to have here at work with me once she can get around (which could be any day now). Now to throw another wrench into the situation...hubby is ready for me to be pregnant with #2 sometime this fall or sooner would be fine with him. So, basically, what it comes down to...how do you know if you can afford not to work? I know that sounds like a stupid question, I could just use some great advice from someone else who has made this decision. Even if I stayed at home I would probably do crafts to make a little bit of money. Hubby should have some changes in his situation (he's a farmer) that would have us making a little more money. I just can't see having two children and paying someone else to raise them, but maybe it's just the way I grew up (with my mom at home). Any advice would be greatly appreciated! |
| 25 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Mumof3 |
Posted - Apr 27 2006 : 06:04:31 AM
Follow your heart, no matter where it goes. I chose to stay home with my children, with short bursts of employment to get us out of debt every now and then. When I did work, it was at the school or somewhere where I could be with the kids when they arrived home. Now my children are 23, 20 and 17 and guess where I am? Home. And I think that they are beginning to appreciate the fact that Mom is here when they come through the door after a long day of school or work. Whenever I mention getting a "real job" I am met with groans and the ultimate question "Why? You work here!" I am sure it is because they see more work in their future!! 
I wish you the best in your decision.
Karin |
| Horseyrider |
Posted - Apr 27 2006 : 04:52:20 AM
Catscharm, I admire your innovative and personalized approach. Not all ideas fit everyone (the thrift store thing is a great example) so you cut back someplace else, and make it work for your individual situation. You also pay attention to the cost of your time--- spending alot of time looking high and low for an inexpensive item is not an economy.
It sounds as though you're resilient and thrifty, as well as a sharp manager. |
| catscharm74 |
Posted - Apr 26 2006 : 3:02:02 PM
Both my husband and I were in the Navy and I decided to get out and stay home with our new son. Decide my whole paycheck just going toward daycare and the gas to get there, plus the added stress wasn't worth it. We set up our finances and keep going over them for months now. We planned, planned and planned some more. We even have a 5 year plan--nothing concrete but an idea. I am working on my degree at home and by the time my sweet son is old enough for school, I can go back to work, even if it part time.
I also can go back to work if it gets tough, but I think we will be ok. We plan out everything we do with money. We always pay ourselves first- even if it is only $5 or $10 at a time. Over the long haul, this will add up.
Now, we live a very simply life. We have everything we need and only replace when we need to. I do buy new items(on sale only though) when I need to because I am a pretty good shopper and...
1. Most clothes at yard sales, thrift shops don't fit me.
2. What I need to replace is so little to me it is not worth scrounging the shops.
3. I don't have time....full time mom and student...trying to run a home...trying to enjoy life a little
I don't want to homeschool, but any learning at home I consider an education. I read alot to my boy right now.
I also do housecleaning, haircutting, pet/house sitting on the side when I can.
You will know what to do....just plan and talk about it alot with your family...good luck |
| Destiny~ |
Posted - Apr 26 2006 : 05:36:27 AM
I grew up with a stay at home mom. She didn't even drive until I was sixteen. We didn't have much money but mom was the coupon queen and she taught me how to make a dollar go further than anyone I know.
I'm not a mom, except to some exchange students, but I always knew that if I did have children-I would stay home at least until they were in school.
I have a career but I look up to SAHMs.
Best of luck on your life choices.
"Let us, together, sow seeds for a better harvest-a harvest for hope."
Jane Goodall, Harvest for Hope |
| Horseyrider |
Posted - Apr 25 2006 : 6:55:58 PM
quote:
A moment of good health, compliments of Mary Ann, because I just had to chuckle, nonetheless, point well taken. However, I learned a whole lot more from your posts, what you shared is very vital for everyone no matter what their situation. I hope you know how right you are about personal financial planning strategies and practices, it is SO, SO very important. I must admit, though, you warmed my heart and gave me a smile by mentioning my name. This forum has taken on a life of it's own as we all want to help Ashley with her decison and yet you also remembered me - even if it was only because I had a very long post. :o) .
I was being a bit of a horrible tease, wasn't I? 
Your post came straight from your experience and your heart, Lynda, and you touched mine. I really appreciate your frankness and caring. Those in your everyday life must be very glad to know you. |
| JennyWren |
Posted - Apr 25 2006 : 10:01:11 AM
I love Fran's comments, it is so true. My Mom's Mom died when she was 5, my Mother struggled her entire life with all kinds of things she should/would have gotten from her Mom. Which in turn made my life difficult. It's a hard cycle to break.
I think one of the hardest things about staying home with my children was the outside pressure, "Oh you don't work".. Everytime someone said that.. I always thought to myself.. Like H*** I don't! You try and nurse a baby, run a day care and clean offices with children in the evening. Society in it's twisted ways of thinking somehow implies that women who do not work outside of the home are somehow,not as valuable as women who bring in an income. That's a load of manure!
After 27 years of children, I can tell you I have seen so much bad behavior in children, most of which has it's roots in not getting enough attention. I agree with Fran 100% there is no substitute for a Mom.
I honestly think if you can find a balance between bringing in some income if you have to and staying home. If you can't find something, keep looking. You may have to create it yourself, but it is possible. You will make it just fine. Living simply will help you achieve all of your goals.
When you are down, just talk to us! We'll gladly help you.
Sending you hugs...
Carla...
If you treat an individual as what he is, he will stay that way, but if you
treat him as if he were what he could be, he will become what he could be.
-- Goethe
www.jennywrensurbanhomestead.blogspot.com/ |
| FarrarFarmgirl |
Posted - Apr 25 2006 : 09:19:24 AM
A moment of good health, compliments of Mary Ann, because I just had to chuckle, nonetheless, point well taken. However, I learned a whole lot more from your posts, what you shared is very vital for everyone no matter what their situation. I hope you know how right you are about personal financial planning strategies and practices, it is SO, SO very important. I must admit, though, you warmed my heart and gave me a smile by mentioning my name. This forum has taken on a life of it's own as we all want to help Ashley with her decison and yet you also remembered me - even if it was only because I had a very long post. :o) .
Thanks, you are a sweetie. God's blessings fill your days.
In His hands,
Lynda
Pray in faith and you will not live in doubt.
www.pamperedchef.biz/lorenzfamilycooks |
| frannie |
Posted - Apr 25 2006 : 09:09:29 AM
well,
this is a topic that is near and dear to my heart.
first let me say, i am an oldster, 55 and i come from a long line of people who for various reasons were not raised by moms.
i for example was born in an orphange type setting and then was adopted to a family where the mom was raised in a convent because her mom, who was raised with out a mother, died when my mom was 6.
so i guess im kind of an expert of sorts on families without mothers.
there is no substitute for a mother. men cannot be mothers, just like we cant be dads.
what i have noticed in my family of few moms is that the people dont know how to navigate socially in the world. there is a fear that governs people without moms.
the world wont tell you how valueable you arebut without the mom you are at the mercy of your own intuition to figure out lifes lessons. i think moms have a way of instilling these lessons without you having to learn them the hard way.
im sorry that the world doesnt walk the walk, but im glad there are still moms in the world who do in a time when i think there is little outside recognition.
i wonder about a church who wont let a low paying worker bring along a child to work. what happened to family values.
i blelieve that the husband has an important voice in the family but the expert on the children is the mom. search your heart and ask your husband to search his heart, the question on the table is "what is best for our child"
and remember there are people who grow up without benefit of a mom,
and there is no substitute for that, no auntie, no grandma , no day care.
and while im at it, all you moms who chose to stay home with your babies, thank you. it doesnt just affect your children, it affects our communities.
now i hope i have not been too harsh, or hurt anyones feelings, thats not what i wanted to do.
this is after all just my opinion, and i cannot set myself up as the shining example of a stay at home mom, but sometimes hindsight is 20/20.
also, i know when they a little and you are sleep dprived it feels like time is moving sooooo slowly, but these little ones really do grow up so fast, i know my babies are, 30 25 22 and 19. they seldom let me cuddle or kiss their booboos anymore.!
thank god for grandchildren.
fran |
| Horseyrider |
Posted - Apr 25 2006 : 05:30:09 AM
Ashley, my hubby and I decided many years ago that one parent should always be present. There is no daycare giver, teacher, or neighbor who could possibly care about the long term implications of their daily actions as much as Mom and Dad do. Your day care provider has them for a few years, and then they're gone and forgotten. Their teacher has them for a year, and then contact is lost. Neighbors move, and they're not responsible. A study recently showed that not even grandparents made the powerful impact that parents make.
I stayed at home with my kids. My older daughter was in day care for three years while I was in school, and I regret that. I feel like something important is missing. Ask around amongst your friends. Ask them what they wish they'd had from their childhood that they didn't get. The response is almost NEVER a fancy car, a big house, Nintendo, etc. They all wish they'd had more of their parent's time.
I believe we're hardwired for it. The yearning we feel, the desire to raise up our progeny, it's biologically part of what we are as human beings. The agony that Lynda so poignantly describes shows that. That was heartbreaking; and she had no choice.
There is no 'thing' that you can possibly own that can take the place of being there. The work is relentless, boring and thrilling, and often without tangible reward. But it's some of the best in the human experience. My daughters are grown now, and I wouldn't trade those years for anything.
As for being practical, hubby and I drew up a budget and estimated what we'd need for housing, utilities, food, taxes, medical needs, clothing, entertainment, transportation, and savings, among other things. We cut where we could cut, and when we thought we were done, we cut some more. I worked at a natural foods co-op two hours a week while my hubby stayed with the kids, and in return got reduced prices on good food. We had just one car. We gardened extensively, and my daughters always played somewhere in the periphery of my vision. We turned down the heat, popped popcorn and watched movies for family nights, combined trips, and did whatever we needed to so we could get by. We also set aside $$$ for the future. We worked with the numbers over and over and on a continual basis to make it work.
There is no job more important than parenting.
And I agree with the others that this needs to be a shared decision, because it's shared work and shared responsibility. Be careful of surrendering your rights as an adult to anyone; this makes you not much more than your husband's oldest child. I don't think it's wrong to turn decisionmaking over to the person most equipped to do it; my hubby handles all long term investments because he's good at it and I'm not. Anything concerning the livestock, most of the stuff about the house, monthly budget management, etc, is mine. It's like Henry Ford once said: "Asking who should be boss is a lot like asking who should sing tenor. Obviously, the one who can sing tenor." But as for decisions as huge and irrevocable as adding another family member, wow, that must be shared equally.
I don't think I blabbed as much as Lynda, but I sure gave her a run for her money.  God bless you, Ashley, and good luck. |
| JennyWren |
Posted - Apr 24 2006 : 8:57:16 PM
Hi Ashley,
My children are 27, 19, and 17... What I did when they were younger, because for some of the time I was a single parent, even when I was married to my first husband he made very little money. I created jobs for myself where I could have my children with me.. I had a certified family day care. And also I cleaned a church I did both of these jobs most of my children's childhood. So that I had the best of both worlds, had my children with me, and made some money. Was it easy...nooooo.. but worth every minute of it. YES! Now, looking back on the whole thing I am so thankful I did things the way I did them. I have happy well adjusted kids. No money can buy that.
Carla...
If you treat an individual as what he is, he will stay that way, but if you
treat him as if he were what he could be, he will become what he could be.
-- Goethe
www.jennywrensurbanhomestead.blogspot.com/ |
| HorseyNut |
Posted - Mar 27 2006 : 05:21:34 AM
Rebecka,
Your faith is inspiring and you are so right! The lord has always provided well for us and we messed everything up from the get go. It's easy to forget what God has gotton us through already, who can be afraid of the future in light of all the gifts we have now?
Love begins at home, and it is not how much we do...but how much love we put in that action. - Mother Teresa |
| _Rebecca_ |
Posted - Mar 22 2006 : 08:15:54 AM
Here is my experience. My husband let me stay home from the time when my first was about 12 wks old. Our next child came when our first was 2 yrs 4 days old. Then our third came 2.5yrs after that and now we are expecting #4 and he will be 2 yrs 7 mo younger than our third.
It has never been easy to do this. We live near family, but no one that is able to help us out for the most part. When our 4th is school age, we plan on me going to work at least part-time.
I see all different situations at our church. Some moms get to stay home full time and some have to work full-time. Some are in between. If you only work 3 days a week it really wouldn't make sense for you to continue working. You said yourself you won't be able to afford day care. Most of the women that work part-time in our church have jobs that really pay off and their income allows them to pay someone (not day care) to watch their children.
The time has flown by quickly for us to have all our children. The two year spacing is a bit close, but I will get to be pregnancy free now and all my children will be close in age after this little guy is born. I am looking forward to it.
I am of the opinion that every situation is different. However, our husbands need us to be there for them. No one else can have children for them! : ) My husband had a very minimal paying job when I began to stay home. We lived in a very tiny house and we had lots of debt. Not everyone can start out in such a scary way. As time has gone by, my husband has steadily increased in income and we are very close to paying off debt. I am hoping that maybe this year we can buy a larger home.
I wouldn't have wanted my children to go to day care. Their relationships are so close to each other and to me. I think that raising them until they are school age is very ideal, just not everyone can do it. It's a very personal thing that you will have to decide with your husband and pray that God will provide for your needs as He is already doing. Financially and physically and spiritually we have been stretched to really extreme limits. We have taken it one day at a time and our marriage has been strengthened because of the trials we have had to face together. I see major blessings the whole way through it that wouldn't necessarily be seen from the world's perspective.
HTH-
.·:*¨¨* :·.Rebecca.·:*¨¨* :·.
Wife of Jonathan, Mother of Joel, Caitlyn & Elia |
| bboopster |
Posted - Mar 22 2006 : 07:54:19 AM
Hello Ashely,
As most have said go with your heart. I too was able to stay home with my children untill most were in school. I did daycare for other working mom's. If you have two children I found three or more wasn't all that diffucult. I always tried to have children my childrens ages so that they had built in playmate. I also hook up with a state program called 4C's that did training, helped with expenses for food and diapers. It was geared to the home daycare provider. Think of the good you could do for some other working mom. Having their child in a home instead of a day care. If you crunch the money budget up front it never seems like you will have enough. But if you are willing to give up some of the material things that we all get caught up in AND HAVE PRIDE IN WHAT YOU ARE DOING, I think you will love it. I loved teacher my children nursery ryhmes, taking walks, play in the mud, not having the grind of 8-5 is so relaxing. Besides most of the time they pay you cash and what is better then the good old green stuff. If you do claim any of it you can also write off expense so it is always a wash. I can't say my house was any cleaner, but my family and I were happier. But do remember if you do daycare for others that if a child doesn't fit into your mix as hard as it is you need to let them go. My experences with home daycare were wonderful I got to watch not only my childern grow but others some from birth to school. Sometimes you just need to take that leap of faith.
Pray for our troops to come home safe and soon.
Enjoying the road to the simple life :>) |
| HorseyNut |
Posted - Mar 22 2006 : 07:12:24 AM
Motherhood is the greatest gift and the greatest sacrifice. To make this choice here is a bit of advice, when you are on your deathbed what will you want to have done? What does God want you to do? God made us to Mother our Children, have faith, you will be provided for. Mother Teresa said "I know God won't give me anything I can't handle, I just wish He didn't trust me so much." You can do it, by the sound of it you can't afford to keep the job anyway with childcare expenses.
Here are some hints I use to pinch pennies. Don't drive, stay home as much as possible. Don't eat out except as a rare treat. Make a budget for such things and STICK to it. Make a meal plan each week and shop for it, buy nothing extra. www.meals.com is great for this. Shop at stores like Aldie if they have one there, saves me about $50 a week for a family of 5. Buy whole frozen chickens, have baked chicken day one, chicken soup or dumplings next. Meat is expensive, make it last. Make things like cooked oatmeal, pancakes and eggs for breakfast, cereal costs an arm and a leg and has nothing in it mostly. I have a liberal grocery budget and I buy whatever extras from it by cooking more and buying less convenience foods. No frozen foods, then of course beans and ham with cornbread is cheap and healthy and can be chili the next day. Also if you are home you can learn to bake bread, this might not be a big saver for you, but if I buy a big 25 pound bag of flour, I save a TON, because my kids eat about a hundred peanut butter sandwiches a day. Wheat bread costs a bit more to make, but you can save there too, because good wheat bread is even more expensive. I make a massive amount of dough, then freeze it in loaf size pieces in ziplock bags. Fresh bread everyday, for less. Of course since it's you and Hubbie that eat it mostly you might spend more on bread this way, because it tastes so darned good LOL.
This summer if you have room you can garden and can your veggies too, even if you buy fruit it's often cheaper to can yourself then buy.
Chickens can give you eggs and meat for less too if you can manage to do the deed. You can raise a roaster chicken here for about 42 cents off your own egg with a broody hen. Maybe someone should start a thrifty section for us to put these ideas? I have no idea how to make that happen any ideas from you more experienced girls?
Good luck, have no fear, you can make it work, we all manage to somehow. |
| happymama58 |
Posted - Feb 28 2006 : 6:12:18 PM
Lynda, I just now saw your post and have to tell you that it just about broke my heart. Yet through it all, I saw such grace and strength of character. Bless you for sharing that.
Some people search for happiness; others create it.
http://happymama58.blogspot.com/ |
| HollyDee |
Posted - Feb 28 2006 : 2:29:07 PM
I love this topic. Staying home is the bar none absolutely hardest task I have ever had. We have 4 boy's 12,9,3,2. I have been home for so long. But have alway's been able to find an outlet. Like this website. I have just been itching to take being at home to another level. Now trying to be thrifty and more organic and more creative and have a recourse to reach out to when everyone else seems to be putting kids in daycare, going back to work a job outside the home. it can feel isolating. It was a huge struggle in the beginning. We had like $12.00 left after bills. I just started hangin the clothes on the line. thrift shopping. trading, canning, gardening. Thank God I had grandmas that went through the depression they were a wealth of information. It just seemed like everyone we knew was buying new cars, taking lavish vacations, buying the latest fashions, getting nails and hair do's must I go on. There is a time and a place for material goods but being home for your hubby and your kids is a must in my eyes. I know some people don't have the choice or so they feel. But it is well worth it. But Hard. Hope you come to a peacefull decision, You'll never get enough sleep, have enough money but you'll have each other and that is worth it. Raising your family is the most rewarding and heartfelt thing you'll ever do. Good luck with your decision. I wish you well my frind. HollyDee |
| westernhorse51 |
Posted - Feb 25 2006 : 2:37:17 PM
oh honey, do what your heart tells you to do. For me at age 40 being a mom was all I wanted. Being home was hard at times financially & I have worked full time since the age of 15, so working was all I knew. Nothing can replace those times. Not everyone makes the same choice & it's different for everyone. Just do what your heart tells you, like my grandmom used to say "you can never go wrong if it's truly from the heart". I agree with her. Good luck. Michele
she selects wool and flax and works with eager hands Prov.31:13 |
| Aunt Jenny |
Posted - Feb 25 2006 : 10:18:17 AM
Welcome Erin (I love that name...I have a 9 year old daughter who is Erin too!!) be sure to go over to the welcome wagon section and introduce yourself! I am glad you found us
Jenny in Utah
Inside me there is a skinny woman crying to get out...but I can usually shut her up with cookies
http://www.auntjennysworld.blogspot.com/ visit my little online shop at www.auntjenny.etsy.com |
| ErinRapp |
Posted - Feb 25 2006 : 08:37:18 AM
I have four kids of my own 7,6,3, and 20mo. I tried working after the first and second, only from the pressure that to be a strong woman you had to have a career outside the home. And then, when I looked around me I realized some of the strongest and most intelligent women around me were mothers. My husband was happy to have me stay at home even though our financial situation was tight. Somehow we're provided for and we make it through. Of course we have great family support and that makes a big difference. I'm still at home and love it!
The grass is greener in your own backyard! |
| FloralSaucer |
Posted - Feb 24 2006 : 02:41:04 AM
I haven't read all the replies. It wasn't an issue when I started I didn't think. My eldest is nearly 18. I had the first four three years apart, and because of retrenchments etc. the last 5 years apart. It has worked well for me. I haven't had to go back to work and we have been on varying wages. |
| garliclady |
Posted - Feb 23 2006 : 05:10:53 AM
One of the reasons we started the farm was so I could stay at home and be a wife and mother. The first years of our marrage we lived simply and we both worked and we started the farm. We bought and payed for equipment and tractors etc to give us some extra income.
After a couple years of trying to have children we decided to adopt.
We were so glad we had been frugal and saved because adoption is expensive . we planned for one and ended up with 2 lovely children thru adoption. I am a stay at home mom and love it . Since we started our marriage living simply and staring a home business(Farm) it hasn't been a strain so much finacially . I believe most families could live with one income but it takes life changes and doing with out some of our wants. Not going to work saves on wardrobe , gas, and babysitter fees. It also may help with your taxes if it puts you in a
lower tax bracket. Staying home means eatting at home more , having time to shop more wisely, growing and putting up food for your family not needing a cell phone because you will be home . We cut out our cell phone , have no cable, shop at thrift stopes, Barter with others for the things we don't grow, keep our heat turned down and we have cheap internet. There is lots of ways to cut out expenses. Most stay at home moms find little ways to make some income and save money. I have worked for churches in the past and know you don't get paid that much. So staying at home may acually save you money .
Cornerstone Garlic Farm http://home.bellsouth.net/p/s/community.dll?ep=16&ext=1&groupid=140532&ck=
My Recipes http://recipecircus.com/recipes/garliclady/ |
| lonestargal |
Posted - Feb 23 2006 : 01:11:22 AM
Very well said Lynda!!! I couldn't agree with you more. If mothers choose to go to work I don't think bad of them at all because like you said some people just don't have the drive to take care of a house like we do. If I didn't have children I would most certainly be working but they are now my main priority. Even when my youngest starts school, I told DH I don't really want to work because I want to be here when they get home from school. If you financially have the oportunity to stay home, you won't regret it at all. |
| FarrarFarmgirl |
Posted - Feb 22 2006 : 5:58:34 PM
Hi, Ashely,
Everyone has given you such good loving advice and the common message I am hearing, is to just do it; follow your heart and be the mom you were called to be. It sounds like you already know what you want to do, but are seeking not only advise, but permission because it is such huge step to take. Trust the Lord and let your faith be your safety net, your husband will be your earthly support and we will all gladly lend our shoulders and prayers.
I'll throw in my two-cents here from a little bit of a different perspective. I was NOT a stay-at-home-mom; I say was because I am way past your situation and by the sounds of it, most everyone else who posted here, too. My age is going to show on this one. :o) My children are all grown and on their own and we did have them very close - 4 in 5 years. Yes, they are close in age and to this day they are also very close to each other. They have been each other's best friends from little on up.
I did stay home with them when they were very little. At some point in time, we began to feel the strains of raising 4 children on a very small income and I offered to go work just part time to help with the "bottom line." It was just 2 days a week; 3 of the kids were in school so only needed a babysitter for the youngest and an aunt covered those duties. Well, not long after that and certainly not as a result of that, my husband and I divorced. I was devastated as one can imagine, but my biggest area of anger came from the fact that it forced me to work full-time. I never in my life wanted to do or be anything but a mom and a homemaker.
With this new status in life, it was necessary that I move from the country (3 miles back on a gravel road in the woods)to the city so that I could find a good enough job to support us. That meant having to work full time; the judge saw no need for alimony since I was in good health and could work. I guess taking care of 4 children didn't rank as high on the the full-time job chart as a job in an office. (oooh, there's still a touch of bitterness, isn't there?) Now the people in the office were very, very nice and were very understanding to the fact that I was a single mom with 4 children and that they were my first priority. Considering that I lived 25 miles from my job, they were exceptional in their understanding. What they didn't know was how many times I cried myself to work because I would see moms pushing their young ones in a stroller out for a walk or waiting with their children to get on/off the bus. It was terribly painful, my heart just broke, true physical pain.
I could go on and on because it was a very traumatic time in my life, but God in His grace and mercy gave us all the strength and resouces to endure and rise above. He is so good and provisional.
All this to say from the other side of the coin, from a mom who did work and who regretted/resented that I had to. Since you are at a point that you can make a decision one way or the other, putting it all on paper like most have suggested is a great way to see what you need to in black and white, but you also have to look beyond that at what you will miss in your heart and what your children will miss, too. They will never miss the money if they don't know any different. A life of sacrifices in material/surface areas only strengthens the more important areas of love, memories and safety, and those are the ones they will feel and remember the most. I can easily chime in with everyone here about sacrifices and making due (and none of which I regret). If you are thinking that working will make it better; it may in some areas, but it doesn't sound like the money area is your greatest concern. I had no choice, and I regretted everyday that I was not home for my children. Our situation made us very close and them close to each other, trust me I would have much rather had the same results under normal circumstances. Despite the situation, our children rose to the occassion and have made me proud over and over. God was with us every step of the way and His fingerprints are visible today as reassurance and proof that He makes all things good. Romans 8:28 (my favorite scripture)
Even to this day though, I am saddened by the fact that I couldn't stay home with them, which makes me want to be able to stay home even more now (yes, as an emptynester) so that I can still be the homemaker that I've always wanted to be and be a "grandma on call". When I was in high-school my mother went to work for the first time in her life, we had a household of 12. As saddened as I was as a mother to work, I was even more heart-broken for my kids that they never got to know their grandmother very well because she was still raising kids of her own and had to work. She couldn't be the kind of grandma that I had, or that I want to be, now that I am a grandma. It is so, so sad and it has not gone unnoticed or unmentioned by them either. It's a rippling effect. I have not let go of my dream to stay at home, be a homemaker, available for my grandkids and still for my kids when they need me too. (Grown children still call and ask for your help - and I'm thrilled.)
So, Ashley, as I tell EVERY stay at home mom I meet; I commend you for making the decision to be home with your children, they are a gift and God has given you a very high calling to take care of them to the best of your ability. This is no way a slam towards those who don't or can't stay at home with their children, everyone's situation is different and they must choose what is best for their family and home. My DIL is a perfect example of a mom who loves her children very dearly, but for some reason is not suited to be at home all day long. She did try up until the twins were over 18 months old. I am very proud of her for doing so. I think she enjoyed it, however she is just not a domesticated woman, she does not have the drive or desire to take care of house and home the way I do, and I certainly don't judge her (or anyone else) for it, she has to do what is necessary to make her a better mom; working outside of the home is what helps her. We are all different. So if you can choose to stay home and that is what your heart is telling you, then don't hesistate to follow it.
I know I have gotten VERY windy on this subject, and I truly apologize to everyone, but I guess since I feel like I missed out on an opportunity I longed for and felt was my God-given calling and I know I will never get the chance to do it again, I am so passionate about it. I want to encourage every mom to stay home; raise their children in a safe environment, filled with solid family values and memorable teaching moments, surrounded by agape love, that provides every advantage a home-grown, faith driven home can provide. You won't regret doing a single one of those things. I pray God will guide you with this very important and heavy-hearted decision, trust that your prayers will be answered and you will know what is best with His help.
In His hands,
Lynda L.
Pray in faith and you will not live in doubt.
www.pamperedchef.biz/lorenzfamilycooks |
| lonestargal |
Posted - Feb 22 2006 : 06:45:50 AM
Oh Ashley, I was in your same situation and I went back and forth for so long on it. First of all about having another baby, that is a decision for BOTH of you not just him. Are YOU ready to have another one soon? I personally couldn't do it but that's your decision and whatever you decide will be the right one. Regardless of what you decide on that, you have a 9 month old that needs you so much right now. The first 2 years of life is so important in their development and the little ones need their mommies.
I was working a full time job and my parents were raising my kids for me because I couldn't afford daycare either. I was not happy at my job at all and I was taking it out on DH and the girls. I woke up one morning and told DH that I was quitting my job, I was done with it. All he said was "good, it'a about time!" I didn't know if we would be able to pay the bills or not but at that time I didn't care, I just wanted my family back. It was the BEST decision I have ever made.
Money is VERY tight. I don't get new clothes, eat out with my friends, or go on nice vacations. I have my family though and that's more important to me than any material things or any amount of money. We are able to pay the bills and we have a roof over our head, we basically have all our 'needs' but we have a lot of 'wants'. We sacrifice a lot but all of us are so much happier and when my kids hug me and say "Mom, I'm glad your home with us. Don't ever go back to work again, ok?", then I know I'm right where I'm supposed to be.
Do what's in your heart. If your heart is at home, then quit and learn to sacrifice. Good luck!!! |
| Rebekka Mae |
Posted - Feb 21 2006 : 9:32:09 PM
WIC is great and something crazy like 45% of women in the US qualify-
for cheese, milk, vegi's, farmers market coupons, juice, cereal, beans, peanut butter, tuna (which I think is kinda scary with the mercury) etc
in WA and many other states you can get organics...and hand breast pumps...
You need to ask- this is a program with a set amount of money, if people don't use it it goes to waste.
You can be on WIC as a pregnant or nursing Mom until one year, the kiddo's can also get WIC beyond that first year.
Go to the WIC website and see about eligibility.... also see if your child qualifies for medical coverage because he or she is on WIC (I think that they do).
Rebekka |
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