| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| FARMALLChick |
Posted - Sep 19 2012 : 08:39:14 AM
As many of you know, like so many people lately, I have had a very trying couple of years. This last year has been the absolute worst ever. After losing the house to a fire almost one year ago, living in motels and rental houses, my husband having to leave his job due to health issues, helping my son (who has Asperger's) deal with his great-grandpa(my grandpa) forgetting who he is, the icing on the cake is my grandpa has accused me taking some papers from his safe. My brother tried to convince him to no end that I didn't take anything, but it was no help. I am crushed. I would never, ever take anything from my grandpa. All my life I have tried to be like my grandpa by working hard and fending for myself - not asking for handouts. He has been my rock. I have always relied on him for advice and guidance when I was down.
I have a feeling my mother has had something to do with this whole mess. Here's why. When my grandmother passed away 30+ years ago, she left my brother and me each a small sum of money. We didn't get any of it because my mother said she used it to raise us kids. I have since found out that she spent it to buy a new car way back when. A couple of years ago after my step-dad passed, she took all the medical bills to my grandpa and told him to pay them. He did because he felt obligated to help his only child. She has since had him pay off all her credit cards, mortgage and other bills. She's draining him, slowly.
Last month, my grandpa's brother died (93) and grandpa got the farm. My mother was jealous because grandpa was having it set up so that my brother and I would get the income off that farm and eventually inherit the property. She wants both farms.
She had a meeting scheduled at an attorney's office that grandpa told me about. He said he wanted me and my brother to be at the meeting. I showed up but my brother wasn't able to be there. I was refused entry to the meeting. When my grandpa and mother came out of the office, my grandpa wouldn't even speak to me. She has him convinced that I am trying to take over his finances and take all his money. That is not even close to being true. Grandpa now thinks I snooped through his stuff and found out about the meeting that HE told me about.
My mother told me he changed the will with a big smile on her face.
I am trying to figure out how to contact the attorney without sounding like nutcase to inform him that the last will change should have not been made BECAUSE grandpa is not of sound mind. Why would I say that? He doesn't remember my brother's children, he doesn't remember my son, he has forgotten my mother's name several times, he thinks my mother has remarried my step-dad (he died 4 years ago), he thought someone stole his favorite blanket off the sofa, (it had somehow gotten stuffed down between the cushions), he doesn't know when he's had an accident in his pants, he thought I was my grandmother (died 30+ years ago), he thinks I still work for the State Police because he's seen me driving around. (haven't worked there for 3 years and have only been in his county three times this summer June 9, September 9 and September 17.
I don't know what to do. All of this turmoil has caused me to miss deadlines here on MJF and probably makes you gals think I'm a slacker. I'm really sorry to anyone that I have made wait for trades and exchanges - like my secret sister - it was mailed finally - I hope you received it. I am so sorry you had to wait so long. I feel terrible.
Lora
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway" -John Wayne
www.CountryFriedAcres.etsy.com
www.farmallchick.blogspot.com
www.farmallchickphotos.blogspot.com |
| 25 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| FARMALLChick |
Posted - Feb 13 2013 : 11:11:49 AM
I just rec'd an email from my attorney with the doctor's report attached. Doctor says right there in black and white "He needs care." He was down 40 lbs and his blood pressure was 167/107. Mr. Attorney contacted 'her' attorney and asked about 'her' plans for getting him care. We are waiting for a response.
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway" -John Wayne
www.CountryFriedAcres.etsy.com www.farmallchick.blogspot.com www.farmallchickphotos.blogspot.com |
| FARMALLChick |
Posted - Feb 07 2013 : 1:55:00 PM
Thank you. My brother talked to Grandpa 2 days ago.He is still not eating. I know he is ready to go home, I just wanted to make sure he went with dignity. I have accepted that he's going to die. I've known for a long time. I just didn't want him to die in pain or filth. He deserves more than that. My gut is telling me he will pass before the end of this month, but my brother things he will last longer than that.
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway" -John Wayne
www.CountryFriedAcres.etsy.com www.farmallchick.blogspot.com www.farmallchickphotos.blogspot.com |
| ddmashayekhi |
Posted - Feb 07 2013 : 06:33:49 AM
I agree completely with Rosemary. Time to walk away and focus on you & your family. Hard, very hard, to do, but it really is for the best.
You are in my prayers.
Dawn in IL |
| AmethystRose |
Posted - Feb 06 2013 : 6:16:43 PM
Lora, you will not want to hear this, but my experiences impel me to say this--
Stop..
You said in your first post that your family has been through a lot recently. You need to stop and gather back your strength. Your family is your husband and son. You need to focus on them. You are blessed with a brother who also understands.
You are grieving for your grandfather who is not the man of your childhood. No amount of arguments and legal proceedings will bring that back. He probably does not see you as an adult. At age 96, he is most likely ready to go.
You will not fail if you stop. You have tried, and your contact with a lawyer has established the honor in your intentions. Regarding your mother, leave her to her ill gotten gains and let her live with her actions. Karma can bite back.
Relax, try to un-stress yourself and concentrate your time, efforts and emotions on the people under your roof. |
| FARMALLChick |
Posted - Feb 05 2013 : 10:25:48 AM
Things are not going so well. My psycho mother has my grandfather convinced that I am trying to take the farm. Not true! My brother just talked to my grandfather and the poor man thinks he appeared before a prosecuting attorney on Saturday. As far as I know the prosecutor has never been involved. It is just between two private attorneys and us. He told my brother I had no spine because I didn't show up for the hearing as well. Like I said, the only hearing was on January 18 and I WAS there. He has not been to the doctor yet and said he has quit eating because he doesn't know what to eat. He said all he does is sleep because he cut the cord off of his t.v.. He thought it was making a weird noise.
I have called my attorney's office to find out what we do next and what happens to her if she doesn't take him to the doctor. I am so angry at her it is unspeakable what I am thinking about her right now. Forgiveness is NOT an option.
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway" -John Wayne
www.CountryFriedAcres.etsy.com www.farmallchick.blogspot.com www.farmallchickphotos.blogspot.com |
| BarnHeart |
Posted - Jan 31 2013 : 2:49:40 PM
Oh Lora - I have read the whole thread and my heart breaks for you and your situation. I hope the video works out in your favor and that this mess gets straightened out. Family feuds always seem to hurt the worst. Hugs, sister.
I love wool! Visit my website at www.heartfeltwool.com to see my creations! |
| FARMALLChick |
Posted - Jan 21 2013 : 07:35:53 AM
Spent 3 1/2 hours with Grandpa on Sunday. We video recorded the almost the whole visit. We now have it recorded that he thinks he made a mistake making his daughter (our mother) POA. We just have to get the video to the attorney and then to the judge. He said it more than once, too.
His cousin came to drop of 3 slices of lunch meat and 3 slices of cheese, a pkg of Oreos, some Ritz crackers and some other cookies. He got really nasty with my husband, who was outside smoking. He left, then came back and dropped off the food. He was so rude to me when he came in the house, my brother was going to ask what his problem was, but I told him to let it go. He's only heard our mother's side of things. He'll find out soon enough what a liar she is.
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway" -John Wayne
www.CountryFriedAcres.etsy.com www.farmallchick.blogspot.com www.farmallchickphotos.blogspot.com |
| FARMALLChick |
Posted - Jan 19 2013 : 12:32:03 PM
Well, the hearing didn't go so well. The judge wanted to give 'her' a chance to take him to the doctor. Her attorney told the judge that my grandfather was just a "96 year old man that wanted to be left alone." His words. And the judge bought it. The witch then drove straight out to my grandpa's house and told him that my brother and I were trying to get all of his money away from him. That is SO not true. I've told him countless times that I didn't want his money, my brother has told him the same thing. If he leaves it to us great - if not that's fine. It's his money, he earned it. Do what he wants. My brother and I are going to go see him tomorrow and try to undo the damage she did yesterday. Sickening.
Lora
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway" -John Wayne
www.CountryFriedAcres.etsy.com
www.farmallchick.blogspot.com
www.farmallchickphotos.blogspot.com |
| Emily Anna |
Posted - Jan 18 2013 : 08:05:53 AM
Lora,
Somehow I haven't kept up with this thread and am just now getting caught up. I know this is a tough situation for you, but I am so glad you have your brother to work with! I was also glad to hear that you are in contact with your dad again and that you and your MIL get along so well!! I will keep you in my prayers that everything goes smoothly with transitioning into guardianship for your grandfather! Please let us know what happens with your brother and the results of his scan. Will be keeping him in my prayers as well!
Emily |
| cj6 |
Posted - Jan 17 2013 : 11:10:58 PM
Lora,I just saw all of this and have read through each reply. My heartbreaks for you and your brother,as well as your Grandpa for all that is happening.You do what you need to for your beloved Grandpa and for your brother...praying that what they found is nothing bad and that all of this works out the way it should. Hugs <3 |
| FARMALLChick |
Posted - Jan 16 2013 : 08:44:27 AM
I filed yesterday for guardianship of my grandfather. Boy was my mother mad! She called my brother after my attorney called her. She wanted to know if he knew and why. He told her that 'we' filed and that it was because he felt grandpa wasn't being cared for properly. He was trying to get some of the heat off of me. She said "Well, just let her take care of it all then." He told that was what we were hoping for. We have a hearing on Friday at 1 pm with a judge. I just wonder if she'll even show up after that comment.
Send prayers this way that it goes in our favor, please!
Lora
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway" -John Wayne
www.CountryFriedAcres.etsy.com
www.farmallchick.blogspot.com
www.farmallchickphotos.blogspot.com |
| queenmushroom |
Posted - Jan 15 2013 : 11:39:19 AM
Lora prayers to you and your brother. Glad things are going well for you and father and step mom. Take a deep breath and deal with one thing at a time. Put the rest in God's hands.
Patience is worth a bushel of brains...from a chinese fortune cookie |
| Alee |
Posted - Jan 12 2013 : 05:34:39 AM
Oh Lora! I am so sorry to hear that things haven't gotten better. My heart breaks for you and your grandfather. *hugs* Just handle one thing at a time. That's all you really can do!
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
www.allergyjourneys.blogspot.com
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| FARMALLChick |
Posted - Jan 08 2013 : 08:05:41 AM
She's at it again. My brother and I backed off a bit when we thought she was going to step up and do what was right. Then she flipped. She had made him an appointment to see a doctor, but then cancelled it the day before and didn't tell us until way later. My brother and I have decided to go ahead with the guardianship process even though neither of us can afford it. Hopefully the attorney will work with us on payments. I am waiting to hear back from the attorney. I am a bit nervous though - you know how they say deaths happen in three's? Well my elderly great aunt passed away yesterday and I went to the funeral for the sister of a friend a few days ago.
Lora
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway" -John Wayne
www.CountryFriedAcres.etsy.com
www.farmallchick.blogspot.com
www.farmallchickphotos.blogspot.com |
| FARMALLChick |
Posted - Dec 13 2012 : 2:29:55 PM
Update on the drama. I called APS and when I couldn't get through to them, I called the sheriff's office. Thankfully I know the sheriff in that county personally. I explained everything to him and he called the head of APS who when called me back. My brother and I have an attorney now as well. My brother sorta of 'threatened' my mother - not with violence more like "You had better do what you're supposed to be doing or else" kinda threat. She finally got off her butt and called a nursing home. He had his first interview with them this week.
My attorney says not to worry about being accused of taking things if I am not doing it. He said I should still go see my grandpa if I want. By the way - my brother found all the papers my husband and I were accused of taking. They were all in the house. I did go visit my grandpa on the December 8 and tried to take him to the doctor, but he just won't go. He told me he was ready to die. He wanted me to take him to the mortuary. I laughed and told him that something else had to happen before I could do that. I also told him if he was ready to 'go home' then he should go - not to worry about us. I told him grandmother was waiting for him. He then looked at me funny and asked if she was in town this weekend. (she's been gone for 30 years) I couldn't help but laugh a little. In the next moment, he knew who my son was and asked if he was ready for his Christmas vacation from school. The whole afternoon was like that - what a roller coaster ride of emotions!
I also found a copy of his will out on the desk. He said I could read it so I did. We cannot challenge anything in it because there is a section that says if anyone challenges it, then that person loses everything that was left to them. I have a feeling that was my mother's doing. Not much else I can do.
Also I talked with the APS guy and after telling him about my mother's house and mental state - he told me to wait until my grandfather passed then deal with her issues. He said there wasn't really anything we could do right now anyway because she was still able to get around, go shopping and so forth. I asked about our responsibility to her and he said since we reported it we would not be held liable if anything happened to her. I guess I can breath a little easier, but I still can't relax.
My brother has developed pneumonia and after reviewing the chest x-ray, the doctor saw a mass that has him concerned. My brother has to go in for a scan to make sure it isn't cancerous. I am hoping it is just the illness causing it and it will go away.
On a good note - I am spending Christmas with my dad for the first time in 25 years. I have really hit it off with my step-mother too. I really like her, she's so funny. We've spent hours chatting on FB - it's crazy. I guess the third time (his 3rd wife) is the charm.
Lora
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway" -John Wayne
www.CountryFriedAcres.etsy.com
www.farmallchick.blogspot.com
www.farmallchickphotos.blogspot.com |
| KatTylee |
Posted - Oct 17 2012 : 12:28:30 PM
Lora,
Sorry to hear about this. My two cents is to document everything. Even if it feels a little overboard. It isn't and it sure makes any legal battles that much easier for the lawyer and cheaper for you. I just went through a fiasco of getting a house from a life estate my aunt left my brother and I. I know, nothing compared to what you are going through right now but from that I know it sure helped to have every little thing documented. Those time and date stamped receipts can be a life saver. Oh, and make sure you make real copies or scan them into the computer. Most receipts these days are printed on a heat sensitive paper that will blacken if hit by a little bit of heat from any sunshine or heater vents. Also, e-mail is a great way to communicate with people like lawyers etc. as it puts a time and date stamp on them. Just make a hard copy to boot.
Sorry again to hear you are going through this.
~"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken."
— Oscar Wilde~
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| FARMALLChick |
Posted - Oct 02 2012 : 07:54:56 AM
My mother is his POA for everything. Quite a mess, isn't it? I am stressed, but I am trying to Farmgirl UP and keep going.
Lora
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway" -John Wayne
www.CountryFriedAcres.etsy.com
www.farmallchick.blogspot.com
www.farmallchickphotos.blogspot.com |
| queenmushroom |
Posted - Oct 01 2012 : 6:42:42 PM
Darn android.
Patience is worth a bushel of brains...from a chinese fortune cookie |
| queenmushroom |
Posted - Oct 01 2012 : 6:41:41 PM
It sounds like he's getting or does have dementia. Who has medical power of attorney over him? Is there any way to take him for an exam to find out where he.is cognigtively? If he is declared legally incompetent you might be able to file a petition to be his guardian then you will know all about what is going on with his financially and. Sorry that this is so rough on you medically.
Patience is worth a bushel of brains...from a chinese fortune cookie |
| FARMALLChick |
Posted - Oct 01 2012 : 1:43:04 PM
Thanks again everyone. On September 20th, I returned the old will of my grandmother's. I spent 3 hours with grandpa trying to make him understand he was wrong for accusing me of taking papers. He apologized. Then he told me that he needed groceries. Said his daughter (my mother) wouldn't get him any - said he could do it himself. So I loaded up the family and we went grocery shopping for him. He reimbursed me the $40 I spent even though I told him I didn't need it. He then told me his phone wasn't working - I called to get that fixed. He said mom knew about it but didn't do anything.
This past Friday - my brother called and told me that Grandpa was now accusing my husband of taking his deed, his certificates of deposit and his savings passbook. Said that we were only there for 15-20 minutes and had no other reason for coming up. I told my brother the timeline and said there's a receipt to prove it and time stamps on my phone for calling the phone company.
I have contacted the Sheriff's office in his county to have someone file a theft report, if nothing else to clear our names. those papers have to be there or my mother has them. I know it will make him mad, but I feel its the only way. I have also contacted an attorney about everything else.
Lora
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway" -John Wayne
www.CountryFriedAcres.etsy.com
www.farmallchick.blogspot.com
www.farmallchickphotos.blogspot.com |
| Melina |
Posted - Sep 21 2012 : 3:19:09 PM
Another thing, he hasn't broken your heart...the situation is breaking your heart. He is still the wonderful person who loved you all those years, even if he cannot remember it in his present state. The title of your post makes me hurt for both of you every time I see it.
The morning breeze has secrets to tell you. Do not go back to sleep.
Rumi |
| queenmushroom |
Posted - Sep 21 2012 : 10:59:51 AM
Prayers that all will be worked out in the end and that family ties will be healed.
Patience is worth a bushel of brains...from a chinese fortune cookie |
| FARMALLChick |
Posted - Sep 21 2012 : 08:36:29 AM
Ok, ladies. I have read and re-read all of your messages. I have contacted an attorney for further assistance. I am going to call my brother after work and we are going to have a long chat about this mess. I hope we can figure this out. I do so appreciate your input. It really does help. Yes, it is hard, but it has to be done.
Lora
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway" -John Wayne
www.CountryFriedAcres.etsy.com
www.farmallchick.blogspot.com
www.farmallchickphotos.blogspot.com |
| rphelps4 |
Posted - Sep 20 2012 : 9:28:44 PM
Lora I live in Indiana, and work in a nursing home with the elderly, you really do need to contact adult protection for everyone involved, you and your brother could be charged with neglect, I am not saying it's right or fair but that is the law in Indiana. We have a few people that are in the nursing due to adult protection for several different things, and the part about your grandfather's farm being taken by the state is true but I think it has to be in someone else's name for 5 or 8 years, Indiana got everything my mother had stocks her home everything, they will make you sell everything put that money in account to pay the nursing home, it is really sad.Let me know if there is anything I can help you with. Roxanna |
| queenmushroom |
Posted - Sep 20 2012 : 7:01:10 PM
I know dealing with family in touchy situations is difficult. I would definitely contact an attorney regarding your grandfather. Most states, at least in Maine, go back are least 3-5 years to collect assets or large sums of money if an elderly family member is put in a nursing home. So what I am saying is this ...if your grandfather is put in a nursing home, the state that he lives in can attatch the property that your mom got from him or any money that he collected from property sales for his room and board and upkeep in.a nursing home.
Patience is worth a bushel of brains...from a chinese fortune cookie |
