| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Sharon Denise |
Posted - Jan 31 2012 : 12:21:49 PM
Hi ladies. I'm needing some encouragement. Mind if I vent? I don't understand exactly when it became a stigma to want to be a "housewife." I went to college, I got my masters degree, I've been working working working like I'm "supposed" to, but all I want is to be able to stay home! I want to clean and cook for my husband and volunteer. I want to be able to homeschool my stepson and the future children I pray for. My husband wants this for me too, but we both belonged to that society that taught that it was the height of success to rack up debt, and then work yourself to death to pay that debt. Never to pay off that debt, just to maintain. We know better now, but I feel trapped. Then, there's inevitably someone who thinks I'm crazy. "You're still paying off your masters degree, but you don't want to work? What a waste!" As if being a homemaker isn't work. "But you don't have any kids! It's not like being a SAHM. At least that's a valuable use of your time." First of all, my stepson IS my child. He lives with us 7 days a week. (That's a whole other vent session.) I agree that women should never be forced to stay home. They should have options and choices. However, if I realize I made the wrong choice, shouldn't I be allowed to try for something else? Why does that mean I'm lazy or a quitter? Why am I an affront to feminism by wanting to choose this most natural of Biblical roles? My husband helps cook and clean and is a wonderful man. I just want to be able to do that for him, rather than both of us working full time and then both working again when we get home. What's your take on this? Have any of you turned your back on a job/lifestyle you worked hard for but then realized isn't what you really wanted? How did you transition? And when exactly did "homemaker" begin to conjure up images of uneducated women who do nothing but watch soaps and eat bon-bons all day. As if! >:-(
Farmgirl Sister #3754
"There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. Yet that will be the beginning."
~Louis L'Amour |
| 25 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Sharon Denise |
Posted - Nov 25 2012 : 07:10:11 AM
I hope everything is going well for you lovely ladies! It's been a loooong time since I was able to post. Life happened so fast!! I'm now a WAHM, working online part time with my now one-month-old daughter. It's so hard, but I'm so much happier. One step closer to the dream! :-) Can't wait to celebrate her first Christmas.
Farmgirl Sister #3754
www.facebook.com/bellcountybelles
http://bellcountybelle.blogspot.com/
http://pinterest.com/bluemonarch/
"There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. Yet that will be the beginning."
~Louis L'Amour |
| ModernishHomemaker |
Posted - May 22 2012 : 5:43:29 PM
Honestly, I'm jealous. I am finishing my masters degree and yet, I would like nothing more than to be able to apply it to my own children rather than working full time. Sadly, you gotta find a good man first. I can't stay home and be a homesteading, homeschooling, homemaker like I want to be without a supportive spouse, and that's the biggest piece I'm missing. So I'll keep being a professional woman making my own tiny home on the side and pray I don't become a spinster dog lady.
In the meantime I'm just trying to pay off all my debt and build my savings so that staying home with my kids is less of a financial strain when the time does come. :)
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I'm just a 20-something girl making a home for me (and my dog) and waiting for the family to fill it!
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modernishhomemaker.blogspot.com |
| pnickols |
Posted - May 21 2012 : 1:23:50 PM
I just read all of these. I too thought we now had the choice to stay at home or work or both. I tried to stay at home as much as I could. personal choice, it's what I felt was in my heart and best for my children. Some thought me lazy when I stayed at home and then when I did work some accused me of abandoning my family. so in society we can't win. But I did what I thought best, we paid for it financially but I have wonderful, intelligent, talented well respected children that is worth it any day of the week. I would love to start a business from home( am working on that ) and I went back to school for the degree I have always wanted, I still have plenty of years to work |
| delicia |
Posted - May 18 2012 : 09:04:52 AM
I think women should respect the choices made by other women. If you want to and can afford to stay at home that is great for you. I worked as a REaltor while my son was young that way I had a flexible schedule and that worked for my family. I do have to say that I did the PTO thing and the only parents that showed up to my particular school were working parents who came right after they got off. I think it is different for each family and what ever works for you I say Congratulations, live the life God has planned for you and enjoy. |
| FarmDream |
Posted - Apr 30 2012 : 09:40:25 AM
That was interesting information about Mormons, Mary. I get to stay home 5 days a week and hopefully will be 6 days a week soon and then 7.
~FarmDream is Farmgirl Sister #3069
Live Today, Cherish Yesterday, Dream Tomorrow
http://naturaljulie.etsy.com
http://julie-rants.blogspot.com |
| Madelena |
Posted - Apr 29 2012 : 8:47:40 PM
I don't think I can add anything to these great posts. I always ask someone "Do you work outside of the home?" (Obviously we women DO lots of work inside the home). I have a college degree (and a Masters) and I chose to stay home until all children were in school (10 years), then I chose to go to work (22 years).
I stayed home because my DH made enough money to pay the bills and put food on the table. I made all my children's clothes (even the boys Sunday suits when they were little ) and kept a garden for extras and managed money seriously.
I decided I wanted to be the one to form my children's values and help them to grow the way I was taught as a child (great parents!) My children are all grown and I have great !! grand children. The kids are all wonderful parents and delightful. (considering society today, that's saying alot) I am one blessed MOM!
I was reading up on the Mormon religion with so many public figures representing that Church and learned that the Mormon's encourage women to get their college degrees and also be stay at home Moms. They think that the more education and knowledge a women attains helps her to be a better wife and mother at home, but she also has skills to work outside the home if necessary to help her family. I think this is right on.
All that being said... BE YOU !! No one else is qualified to do that !! And congrats on the future farm girl (or boy) -- the stork will be circling my son's house this summer.. And yes, his wife is a stay at home mom too. |
| BlackHorseFarm |
Posted - Apr 21 2012 : 05:29:05 AM
We all make choices that someone is not going to like. I personally live with my significant other, but we are not married. We are in our 40's and plan to get married, but it just isn't as important now as it would be, say, to a 20 year old. I bet there are a lot on here that would have difficulties with a friend of mine and her life style with her girlfriend. I would like to adopt a child in a year or two. I know I will get questions about that. Both because I am only and am not having "one of my own"
The fact of the matter is that we only have on life to live, our own. We all make our own decisions about that life and have to live with them. What someone else thinks, really doesn't matter.
I talked to a woman who felt guilty that she like to knit, do crafts, take care of her children and husband. That makes me sad. Life is about taking care of the people we love and doing things we enjoy. That might me that we have to earn money to do those things or it might mean that we share that burden with someone else.
I personally love my job. I work at a therapeutic day school for children with Autism. It is a really difficult job; physically and emotionally taxing. Some day I would like to move to a more relaxed teaching position but for right now I love it. If I could afford to stay at home with a child of my own, I would jump at it. Just as rewarding with about half the stress (yes ... half the stress ... try working with a school-full of high needs children with Autism. ;) )
http://countrygirlinchicago.blogspot.com/
Farmgirl Sister #4032 |
| Betty J. |
Posted - Apr 20 2012 : 09:44:13 AM
Thank you Prudy. This "father" doesn't even know he is a grandfather either, but has claimed his third wife's child as his own! Interesting how we human beings behave.
Betty in Pasco |
| prudy |
Posted - Apr 20 2012 : 09:34:28 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Betty J.
I wanted to be a housewife and SAHM, but it was not in the cards. $200/month child support won't take care of them. I had to leave them at a day care and I was lucky to find a woman who really did a good job. I hope their Dad is happy in his time away from the kids. He hasn't seen them for at least 20 years. They have grown up to be wonderful adults and I never had a bit of trouble.
I am proud of my two boys.
Betty in Pasco
I'm sorry Betty... I have one child from a previous marriage and his father never cared to send a card, letter, phone call or child support. You are a strong woman!
farmgirl sister #1528
www.avintagemom.blogspot.com
www.lollipookiesoap.etsy.com |
| Betty J. |
Posted - Apr 20 2012 : 08:15:20 AM
I wanted to be a housewife and SAHM, but it was not in the cards. $200/month child support won't take care of them. I had to leave them at a day care and I was lucky to find a woman who really did a good job. I hope their Dad is happy in his time away from the kids. He hasn't seen them for at least 20 years. They have grown up to be wonderful adults and I never had a bit of trouble.
I am proud of my two boys.
Betty in Pasco |
| GreenMtnGal |
Posted - Apr 19 2012 : 1:07:02 PM
As stated here many times before, it really depends on the situation - every person / couple has different feelings on the subject and, frankly, I don't think everyone is suited for it! I do think that there is a double-edged sword.... you stay home and you are judged for not "contributing to society", you work and you are "neglecting the children".
For me personally, no kids yet but we're talking about starting a family later this year. When that time comes, we might consider making arrangements so I can stay home with the baby for longer than two months. Six months to a year would be best but we'll see what money allows. At least by then, babe won't be quite so helpless! Honestly, I love what I do for work. I feel as though I am valued in my job and that I am an important part of the team. And because I work for a good company, I am financially bringing in about the same as my hubby. Which again, makes me feel good. I always wish I had more time to do the things I love at home (gardening, canning, yardwork, stuff with the critters) but I'm sure I'd be feeling that way even if I was home. There are never enough hours!
So, for me, I have a foot in both worlds. But luckily my husband is superman and does a lot of stuff to clean up around the house as well. 
In sum, do what makes you happy and ignore the comments of others who just don't know to keep their mouths shut! |
| mrsamy |
Posted - Apr 19 2012 : 1:06:22 PM
Sharon, whatever you and your husband decide is right for your family is what you should do. If you are both dedicated to make it work on one income that is only your choice to make. As a mom that has worked outside the home full time, half time and been stay at home for a time I can tell you that it takes a lot of moxie to be a mom...period. I know some truly lazy stay at home moms and I know some neglectful work outside the house moms too. Don't let anyone pressure you one way or another. You are the only one who has to live with your decision. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. Do what makes you think the grass is greenest where you're at.
Prayer costs nothing, but is worth the most. |
| country_lovin |
Posted - Apr 07 2012 : 6:19:40 PM
I've been a housewife for 17 of my 20 years of marriage. I personally don't like to work outside the home. I love being home, homeschooling my girls. They grow up soo quick. There have been some to look down on me, but I don't care. I'm home with my girls and enjoying every minute of it. Even when they fight and bicker..Good Luck on your decision. |
| prudy |
Posted - Mar 31 2012 : 2:49:36 PM
hope I didn't step on any toes. I know some women have to work and some choose too. And you are A OK in my book :) Just don't like it when people make a gal feel like she is lazy or taking the easy way out by being a housewife....
farmgirl sister #1528
www.avintagemom.blogspot.com
www.lollipookiesoap.etsy.com |
| prudy |
Posted - Mar 31 2012 : 2:47:56 PM
Well you just chose the hardest job on the planet! I have been a stay at home mom/housewife for 19 years and I feel absolutely blessed to have been able to do it all these years. I have 5 children and it has not been easy. We pray for our children and our husbands, we cook and clean for them, do the laundry, we are therapist, taxi's, book keepers, bakers, vet's, we run the most important company's of all time-Family! Don't ever let anyone make you feel less than, because you choose to raise your children and run a comforting home for your hubby to relax in! It is God's work (not that a career isn't). We will answer to God for how our children were raised, it's an honor! God bless you! Oh and it doesn't mean you still can't run a business from home, I think alot of us here do that!
farmgirl sister #1528
www.avintagemom.blogspot.com
www.lollipookiesoap.etsy.com |
| Bonnie Ellis |
Posted - Mar 29 2012 : 9:41:55 PM
Sharon: I just celebrated my 50th wedding anniversary. I was a stay at home mom (after a couple of college degrees) and was lucky to be able to do both. I was close to my husband and family and we felt it was right. Many women today "have to work" and are probably jealous that you are doing that. Some are stuck. I commend you for staying at home and doing what you feel is best. Just pray for those others. They don't know what they are missing.
grandmother and orphan farmgirl |
| SpyChicken |
Posted - Mar 28 2012 : 7:41:56 PM
"to thine own self be true!" that quote encourages us to find our own happiness. For some it is a job or career that takes them outside the home, for others it is a working at home. It's hard in this day and age but don't let anyone make you feel guilty about being the person you want to be!! |
| KanMogirl |
Posted - Mar 21 2012 : 08:27:43 AM
My idea of "women's lib" has been for a long time is "if you feel you are where you need to be for the time, or are satisfied, or happy at what you are doing then you are liberated. I suppose there are always exceptions, though. There's nothing wrong with being a full time homemaker and/or stay-at-home mom
I would rather wear out than rust out.----Richard Cumberland |
| FARMALLChick |
Posted - Mar 06 2012 : 08:49:11 AM
There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with wanting to stay home! I would work until the student loans are paid off. Get those out of the way as quickly as possible. Then take that money and put towards anything else you owe. Then, when you are in a position of little or no debt, STAY AT HOME! You can work part time as a substitute if you feel the need or if you just want some extra cash. Don't let outsiders squash your dreams. Too many of us let that happen. I started out a SAHM, but dh lost a job back then and I had to get an outside job. I was there for 9 years and 2 years ago my job was eliminated and I found myself at home again. Only this time, we had a bunch of debt. I am working again, but only long enough to pay it all off.
Be who you want to be!
Lora
If it ain't red, leave it in the shed.
www.CountryFriedAcres.etsy.com
www.farmallchick.blogspot.com
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| queenmushroom |
Posted - Feb 25 2012 : 09:14:12 AM
My problem is I was married "late" (36 y/o) in life. I've never been with out some type of job since I was 18. Even though I've been married for 6 1/2 years, it's still hard for me to stay home part time and be a sahm. Old habits are hard to break.
Patience is worth a bushel of brains...from a chinese fortune cookie |
| mudpony farmgirl |
Posted - Feb 23 2012 : 4:23:28 PM
I find it really interesting how many of us were raised with the expectations of living a certain lifestyle and wound up going an entirely different direction. I went into college immediately after highschool even though I had no desire to simply because it was expected. I got two years into an anthropology degree only to realize I had absolutely no interest in pursuing it. Invest $40,000 into an education just because I'm "supposed" to, to get a job I will probably end up hating so I can buy all kinds of stuff I don't need? No thanks.
I would like nothing more than to be a housewife and a stay at home mom. It is absolutely exhausting trying to keep up a farm when both of us work full time outside of the home. And I would really like to know when raising children(unless of course, they're not yours, and someone else is paying you to do it)stopped being considered work! |
| Sharon Denise |
Posted - Feb 22 2012 : 10:51:33 AM
Of course not, that would be great! :-)
Farmgirl Sister #3754
www.facebook.com/bellcountybelles
http://bellcountybelle.blogspot.com/
http://pinterest.com/bluemonarch/
"There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. Yet that will be the beginning."
~Louis L'Amour |
| Simple Living |
Posted - Feb 22 2012 : 10:36:45 AM
Congratulations to all the new moms. I recently found out my oldest daughter (32 Yrs old) is having her first baby also. That makes me a granny for the very first time. So maybe I can post things also about her pregnancy and exchange with each other whats going on with yours. If you don't mind :)
Happy Trails
Farmgirl 3842 |
| Sharon Denise |
Posted - Feb 22 2012 : 09:54:31 AM
Woo hoo, Emily! And Tracy, I'm so happy for your daughter! I'm 31 (32 in July) and just found out I'm having a baby too! So here's hoping we can finagle things so I can be a SAHM mom come the autumn!
Michele, that is wonderful! Good for you, and that's the kind of life I have in my head. I don't want hubby to have to worry about anything except his work, which he actually really enjoys. I'm so glad you've managed so well and been so fulfilled!
Lorena, good for you! You gave your friend a whole new perspective on things. I'm glad I've started speaking up more to friends about this, because I have several friends who are new mommies with very good careers that pay twice what mine does. They often get flack for NOT staying at home, even though they are both extremely attentive mothers who make plenty of time for their kiddos. I respect their ability to be happy and fulfilled while working, and now I know that at least these two respect my desire to work in the home. I've started to systematically cut the Negative Nellies out of my life (and off of facebook), since I realize they will criticize me no matter what I choose to do. Who cares!
Y'all are the best. :-)
Farmgirl Sister #3754
www.facebook.com/bellcountybelles
http://bellcountybelle.blogspot.com/
http://pinterest.com/bluemonarch/
"There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. Yet that will be the beginning."
~Louis L'Amour |
| queenmushroom |
Posted - Feb 19 2012 : 4:08:02 PM
I did reply to this post earlier, but just revisited. I remembered a conversation I had with a good friend of mine. Her husband was a long haul truck driver. She worked what she could to help make ends meet, but couldn't find a job that allowed her to utilize her degree as a lab tech. She was telling me how bad she felt when she was out of a job for a few years. The job that she held when I first met her was a weekend job. At the time she had 2 small kids (now all grown up). I said to her this, "Remember one thing. You have been able to do one thing that your friends have not been able to do...watch your children grow up". She was silent for a few minutes. I think I opened her eyes to what she actually had which, in this day and age, is worth more than any job could pay. I wish more mom's could stay at home.
Patience is worth a bushel of brains...from a chinese fortune cookie |
