| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| one_dog_per_acre |
Posted - Sep 29 2011 : 09:30:44 AM
A little while back there was a post about marriage, and one of you ladies talked about how you protect your marriage by steering clear of situations or people that may pose a threat. The post was a perfect explanation, and I wish I could find it again.
I can't quit thinking about that post.
I have a friend whose DH has, "fallen in love," with her best girlfriends twice !!!!!
I wanted to find the perfect way to explain, because it is so touchy.
Thanks for reading this.
Trish
Make cupcakes not war!
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| 25 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| queenmushroom |
Posted - Oct 14 2011 : 09:42:30 AM
I'm sorry, I didn't realize there were children involved. Yes, I do believe in marriage for life, however, in the event of adultery and abuse, I am almost certain that God does allow divorce. Yes, it would be hard to give up a 20 year marriage. It actually happened to a relative of mine whose husband fell in love with another woman after being married for 20 some odd years. It hurt my relative, but, after her ex-mother in law (with whom she remained close to even after her divorce) died, my relatives ex hubby was over heard saying that he made a mistake divorcing my relative. She never remarried and will not take him back even if he divorced his current wife. Trust has alot to do with any relationship. There are boundaries in any relationship and I think that that the couple involved with this post need to sit down and have a heart to heart and possible counsiling if they cannot resolve this issue. |
| Joey |
Posted - Oct 13 2011 : 6:21:43 PM
Thanks to all who offered support. It's nice to think we could all just "chat." I am sorry for your friend. Difficult situation, especially with children. Joey
Well behaved women rarely make history. |
| one_dog_per_acre |
Posted - Oct 12 2011 : 3:47:33 PM
She is Catholic, but more than that, she is the nicest person I know. I imagine it would be hard to give up after 20 years. I could not forgive.
Trish
Make cupcakes not war!
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| MagnoliaWhisper |
Posted - Oct 12 2011 : 2:32:53 PM
Not trying to cause arguments, but the Bible does show there is grounds for divorce, and one if unfaithfulness-adultery. However, each person can choose if they want to on a individual basis to forgive or not forgive this form of unfaithfulness. Some people choose to forgive and go on with their marriage, while others do not think it is worth the risk. Both are christian since the Bible says you are free from your marriage mate if they commit adultery.
I'm not sure what I would do. I suppose I would forgive, but with small children I don't think I could put my health at that kind of risk. I have to stay alive to care for them. And sleeping with a man who cheats on me, would be putting my health at great risk-all kinds of diseases! So I don't think I could do it. However, I love my husband deeply and it would be hard for me to imagine life with out him. At the same time, I would imagine it would about rip my heart out that he would betray me that way too.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
| one_dog_per_acre |
Posted - Oct 12 2011 : 05:39:06 AM
She's with him because they are married and have children. Some people take that whole FOR WORSE thing seriously.
She's Christian, so forgiving is what Christians are supposed to do, right?
quote:
Originally posted by queenmushroom
I just skimmed through these posts (my 4 yo is tired and needs to go to bed). Anyway, I don't ever talk about disagreements or money issues between my dh and me with anyone (unless it's my mom and sister). Even female friends, even though they think they're well meaning, can destroy a marriage. My biggest piece of advice, don't let a mole hill destroy your relationship. If something is not going to matter in 1 day, 1 week, 1 month or 1 year from now, it's not worth getting upset over. My dh never gives me any reason to doubt him. He cuts wood, does some tractor work (rock rake dirt roads, roadside mowing) and some of it is for women. I've seen my dh's professionalism and nothing goes over that line. I guess what I am getting at is that if your friend can't trust her dh, then why is she with him? Some other advice I have given younger women, love does not equal sex. Love equals respect not only for your dh but also for yourself and if you can't respect yourself when you are with your man, then you do not respect him. And the same goes for him. If he can't respect himself, then how is he going to respect you? Good luck with your friend.
Lorie
Trish
Make cupcakes not war!
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| queenmushroom |
Posted - Oct 11 2011 : 5:01:06 PM
I just skimmed through these posts (my 4 yo is tired and needs to go to bed). Anyway, I don't ever talk about disagreements or money issues between my dh and me with anyone (unless it's my mom and sister). Even female friends, even though they think they're well meaning, can destroy a marriage. My biggest piece of advice, don't let a mole hill destroy your relationship. If something is not going to matter in 1 day, 1 week, 1 month or 1 year from now, it's not worth getting upset over. My dh never gives me any reason to doubt him. He cuts wood, does some tractor work (rock rake dirt roads, roadside mowing) and some of it is for women. I've seen my dh's professionalism and nothing goes over that line. I guess what I am getting at is that if your friend can't trust her dh, then why is she with him? Some other advice I have given younger women, love does not equal sex. Love equals respect not only for your dh but also for yourself and if you can't respect yourself when you are with your man, then you do not respect him. And the same goes for him. If he can't respect himself, then how is he going to respect you? Good luck with your friend.
Lorie |
| LuckyMommyof5 |
Posted - Oct 10 2011 : 1:38:42 PM
Jen - you made me laugh so hard!
Farmgirl Sister #3243
"The real things haven't changed. It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures; and have courage when things go wrong." - Laura Ingalls Wilder |
| Dusky Beauty |
Posted - Oct 09 2011 : 6:31:13 PM
I'm sure if someone is in the mindset to get offended I can improvise something! :D
"The greatness of a nation and it's moral progress can be judged by the way it's animals are treated." ~Gandhi
http://silvermoonfarm.blogspot.com/
"After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.” ~Will Rogers |
| FarmDream |
Posted - Oct 08 2011 : 6:45:12 PM
I wasn't offended. It takes everyone's opinion to have a discussion. We can't learn from each other if we're never sure we won't say something out of bounds. I thought we were all kinda bragging about the awesome sweethearts we have. We should cheer ourselves for having such deep bonding relationships.
~FarmDream is Farmgirl Sister #3069
Live Today, Cherish Yesterday, Dream Tomorrow
http://naturaljulie.etsy.com
http://julie-rants.blogspot.com |
| LuckyMommyof5 |
Posted - Oct 08 2011 : 12:12:08 PM
Joey - NEVER be afraid to speak your mind here, whether you agree or disagree with a topic or post. I wasn't offended by your honest opinion! I know I like to see honest, open, civil discussions and politeness here and I think that's exactly what you were doing. I think everyone here values every Farmgirl - don't ever feel like we don't want to hear what you have to say, because we do! Speak your mind! I think it's great that you and your husband found what works for you. My husband and I wanted our marriage the way we have it. I think we're all lucky to have spouses who are our best friends and who we can really talk openly with.
Farmgirl Sister #3243
"The real things haven't changed. It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures; and have courage when things go wrong." - Laura Ingalls Wilder |
| Dorinda |
Posted - Oct 08 2011 : 06:31:34 AM
Joann, I did not feel like you were being to critical. I did not take anything you said to heart at all. Everyone has their own opinion. And everyone lives their married life separtly and has their on beliefs. NO, your comments were fine you posted on this topic! I feel blessed to have you ladies to converse with! You owe no apology here.
Seize The Day!
Dorinda |
| MagnoliaWhisper |
Posted - Oct 07 2011 : 11:37:36 PM
BTW, my husband and I each have all of each others passwords too. We don't use them to check up on the other one, but as some have brought out we do sometimes play online games, and sometimes one or the other of us will be busy and ask the other to check "our" game and play it for the other! lol haha We also sometimes check each others email, mainly my husband wants me to check his for the point stuff, I have going to his email, he doesn't like clicking on the links to get the points/gift certificates. lol For me, I sometimes want him to check my email cause I'm too busy and may be waiting on a important confirmation email or such. I also have him check my blog sometimes to get a recipe or such, easier to to search the archives as the owner then a subscriber. lol So while I'm in the kitchen making something and forgot was it one tablespoon or one teaspoon, I'll yell over to him to check my blog for the recipe while I continue on to something else in the kitchen trying to get every thing ready. We have nothing to hide, so hide nothing. We don't even think about it, having each others passwords. Like I said it's more of a help for each other, then a I'm going to check up on him thing.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
| MagnoliaWhisper |
Posted - Oct 07 2011 : 11:31:16 PM
I wasn't insulted/offended in the least. Even though I have a different way of life, every one makes their own choices. It's a conscience matter, it's not something written in stone in the Bible. It's something that some christians see as a protection for them, while others don't feel it a need. Neither is right or wrong. The main thing is each go by their conscience in the matter, and not push theirs on others.
I would bet those of us who choose to live the life that some of us have-guarding our marriage/friendships, is more of the minority then the majority.
At least I feel I am in the minority as far as I know. However, I also wouldn't judge or push my choices on others. Every one has to go by their own thoughts and consciences on such topics as this where there is no strict guidelines in the Bible perse, it's more of just a feeling some christians have to do so, and others not. It's important to not judge others for different feelings on such, at least I feel. Cause we also wouldn't want to cause divisions.
Personally I didn't feel you were trying to judge anyone or offensive, but like you said, just putting in your own two cents. For anything to be "right" for any one, they must challenge it, think on it, and really pray hard for the right choice for them. Going into any choice blindly isn't what God would want either. So I never feel offended by some one else's choices, other wise it would show me that maybe I haven't really thought out my own choice enough. A well thought out choice, is one that we have confidence in where it really doesn't matter what others believe or do, we know it's what is best for us. I feel the more mature you are in your choices like this, the less offended you are by others different choices in the matter. Again has to do with the confidence you have in it's right for "you".
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
| Joey |
Posted - Oct 07 2011 : 9:47:04 PM
I have re-read some of the posts after mine, and I feel terrible. I would NEVER say "Oh, they are doing it wrong." about anyones marriage. I would not challenge anyones Biblical principles (we are praticing Christians too). I did not meant to insult or upset anyone. I have 2 male friends that I have known for 45 years and yes, we are still close. They know my husband and fish with him and do sports and sorry, I trust them explicitly. I am so sorry that my post about my life upset anyone. Maybe I would be better keeping my minority comments to myself. I thought it was a dialog and I was just adding a different viewpoint. Sorry. Joey
Well behaved women rarely make history. |
| Joey |
Posted - Oct 07 2011 : 9:35:01 PM
Please understand that I was not at being critical AT ALL and I deeply apologize if anyone took it that way. I was just saying what works for us. I am CLEARLY in the minority. My husband has been retired for 6 years. We traveled the country for 5 years just us 2 together. He usually drives me to work and picks me up every day. We are SUCH good friends and truely enjoy each others company. We have grown together. My grandparents were married 50 years. My parents were together 50 years (Mom died at 49 and 1/2 years..so sad.) I was the first divorce in my family ever! My 33 yr old daughter has been happily married 13 years. My best friend has been married 37 years. We have just been so blessed. (I am NOT saying that others are not blessed also.) I am not judging anyone EVER. I'm just saying that this is a different viewpoint..not better, just different. Joey
Well behaved women rarely make history. |
| FarmDream |
Posted - Oct 06 2011 : 08:52:29 AM
I guess cutting off half the population is one way to look at it. Circumstances are different for everyone. DH and I are following Bible principles that haven't steered us wrong. We like these boundaries. Others would think they're too confining. For us it's one less thing to worry about. I don't get into other people's marriage and say "wow, they're really doing it wrong." We all have our own way and what works.
Trish- if you have a friend that's a 100 years old I wouldn't sleep with her either! lol DH and I also come from families that have a lot of divorces and dysfunctional relationships. While our boundaries may seem over the top it's a source of protection for us.
~FarmDream is Farmgirl Sister #3069
Live Today, Cherish Yesterday, Dream Tomorrow
http://naturaljulie.etsy.com
http://julie-rants.blogspot.com |
| Dorinda |
Posted - Oct 06 2011 : 05:52:58 AM
Joey, We do not facebook either or play online games. We also have a lot of couple friendships. We go out to dinner with them together. We were high school sweethearts and have been married for 32 years. We also feel very blessed with our marriage. I would never ever cheat on my husband. I don't believe he would ever do that to me either. My oldest son is terrible with the ladies. He was just bragging to us last night how he had 4 girls who were in love with him and don't know what to do about it. He just got out of a bad relationship about 4 months ago. So he is playing the field right now. I told him don't go around breaking hearts. He is 29 years old and I do so wish he would find his true love in life and settle down. So he would move back out!!!!LOL.
Seize The Day!
Dorinda |
| one_dog_per_acre |
Posted - Oct 06 2011 : 05:48:44 AM
We have not cutt off the rest of the population. We are realists. I think it also has to do with time. I like to be with my husband, so we do lots of things together, because he is gone for 12 hours a day.
My friend, a woman, that I have known for 100 years, a friend of my family, asked me if my husband and I would sleep with her. This is a married woman, that I would before this, have no problem letting DH stop by to help her with whatever, because her husband is out of town a lot. I guess my point is that it can come out of left field, and that you have to be alert, and that trouble can come even from seemingly safe people.
Yea, we're not hanging out anymore.
Dh's mom, married three times, divorced three times
DH's dad, married twice, divorced once.
My Mom, married twice, divorced once
My Dad, MARRIED 4 TIMES! Divorced three times Six kids, four moms.
Look at what they have taught us......NOTHING
All we can do is try everything we can to do for Owen what none of the above did for us.
My MIL took a picture of DH and my Bro in law, of them hearing that their mom and dad were divorcing. David is six, crying holding his dad in the grass, BIL, has his arms crossed with fists in his armpits.
This picture is in a frame. She says she likes how it captures their emotions. We are never doing that to Owen.
Trish
Make cupcakes not war!
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| Joey |
Posted - Oct 05 2011 : 9:53:03 PM
I found this post and comments so interesting. I may be the only one on the planet BUT:
I have a few male friends and yes, I have gone to lunch or dinner with them alone. My husband has a few female friends and has occasionally gone to dinner alone. It makes no sense to me to cut off half the population just because they are the opposite sex. Having said that, let me also say... we have been happily married for 17 years. We have both always had friends of the opposite sex who share interests. We have several "couple" friendships. We have each others passwords and we do not facebook or play online games. I know all my husbands friends and he knows mine. I am his wife AND girlfriend and he knows I would never cheat on him or he on me. We talk about things all the time. We have both been in horrible marriges before. I never ever though about cheating on my ex-husband despite his terrible behavior. It is just not part of who I am. My current husband is a guy I knew in the 70s who came back into my life in the 90s after I had been single for 14 years. We NEVER take this marriage for granted. We are good friends and I would never deliberately hurt a friend and certainly not my husband. We feel truely blessed in this marriage and truely feel that this was ordained by God and would NEVER put it at risk. Joey
Well behaved women rarely make history. |
| peafarm |
Posted - Oct 05 2011 : 8:55:45 PM
One of my proudest moments as a wife, was when my husband looked at me and asked "Can I take you for granted?"
As it turns out, my husband (who was on the road quite a bit at that time) was talking to fellow employees and they were discussing people who had gone home and found wife cheating on them or gone and that you can never say never when my husband tried to tell them that was something he didn't have to worry about.
So yes, dear. You may take me for granted. I will always be here waiting for you. I will never cheat on you.
And like Heather, I just plain don't believe in putting myself in that situation where I'm talking or emailing another man without husband being involved.
And I'm happy to say that marriage is just getting better after 22 years.
Penny
www.444Farm.com |
| FarmDream |
Posted - Oct 05 2011 : 8:33:26 PM
That was a great post from that other thread. Dorinda, you have nothing to worry about. My DH came home and said he told everyone at work that he was falling in love with me all over again! I can credit some of that to Nini. I saved her words and at times it feels like something out of the 50's, but she's right. I like rereading it, the Bible, and some other things to keep my perspective. Another thing that helps is when he gets home I get off the computer or stop what I'm doing and let him decide how the evening will go. He doesn't want to come home and try to talk to me through FB and me answering text messages. Once he's settled then I can go about my business. And if he wanted to go out to dinner, there's nothing so important that it can't wait a little longer.
~FarmDream is Farmgirl Sister #3069
Live Today, Cherish Yesterday, Dream Tomorrow
http://naturaljulie.etsy.com
http://julie-rants.blogspot.com |
| Dorinda |
Posted - Oct 05 2011 : 3:12:30 PM
No Trish, my husband does not go on lunches with other woman. Only his work crew. Yes most of the women on his phone is business associates. And only wife friends whos husbands are in business for them selves also and if he cannot get a hold of them he will once in a while contact their wives to tell their husband to call him. Also he always calls me to see if I want to meet them for lunch.
I do care about my appearance but about the past year I do not wear makeup as much as I use to. But I am always clean if I have not been working in my garden! I do flirt with my husband alot!!!
Maybe to much LOL! I always have a pitcher of sweet tea waiting on him when he gets home and a kiss to go along with it! No I do not grouch him because he has a quick temper and would not stand for that! I have never used sex as a weapon. I guess I am his wife and girlfriend! I think I have been worried a little because my Aunts and Mother have always told me that once my husband turns 50 we will start having trouble because he will start looking at younger women. They have always told me that since the first year we were married. And we both turned 50 this year. They say that is what happened to them. But I do not think that will happen to our relationship. People tell me I do not look 50. They usually guess my age at 40. Maybe I will just not think about it anymore! Thanks for reminding me that I am a good wife.....and girlfriend....
Seize The Day!
Dorinda |
| one_dog_per_acre |
Posted - Oct 05 2011 : 2:24:03 PM
It's not about trust. It's about removing negative influences, because no one is perfect. Only you know your husband. When you say friends, you mean associates? Does your husband go on lunches with women for non-business reasons?
I would be willing to bet that you are your husband's girlfriend.
Do you care about you appearance?
Do you flirt with your husband, and make him feel so happy that it's you he gets to come home to?
Do you not grouch him about things that go wrong in your day when you see him after work?
Do you never use sex as a weapon?
If your husband has a wife, you
and a girlfriend, you
will he ever need another woman?
Trish
Make cupcakes not war!
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| Dorinda |
Posted - Oct 05 2011 : 1:08:46 PM
I was very fascinated by this post. My husband and I have been married for 32 years and we have run a business together for 28 years of it. We both have lots of opposite sex friends . Alot of them are business associates. He has probally over 300 phone contacts or more stored in his cell phone. Alot of females. Some are health inspectors, real estate agents, chamber members, office personel,ect. and friends wives. Now I do not have near as many as he does. My husband is a very socialble person. We have always had male employees. I am always surrounded by men. I did have problems with one of his hunting buddies about 10 years ago. He became very infactuated with me and started liking me alot. He finally ended up telling me he had feelings for me and I told my husband. So he gave up his friend ship with him and did not let him come over anymore. They still speak to one another when ever they see each other in town. He owns a car dealership where my husband buys his trucks. But they do not hunt together anymore. I see alot of girls flirt with my husband. But I have always trusted him in hopes that he chooses the right words and actions. So far So good from what I've seen. But now not long ago The guys were waiting for one of the inspectors to show up at the shop to inspect the pump trucks they have to be inspected every 6 months by the state. So the girl that normally does most of the inspections showed up . She is about 30 years old, long blond hair, trim and I would say very attractive girl. All the guys had that deer in the head light look on their faces. I was watching out the window at this. They did not know I was watching. My husband walked up to her and shook her hand and started talking to her. He took her over to the trucks and she started doing her job. The other guys followed suit.
They all stood around watching her. My husband seem to still be assisting her and very business like. But when she was done and walked away back toward her truck one of the guys said something
and they all started laughing and could not keep their eyes off her rear end if you know what I mean. Now my husband laughed along with them but he turned and walked into the barn when ever she was headed toward her truck. The other guys could not get that look off their face until she was finally in her truck and backing out. I saw them slapp each other on the back and laugh again. That night I talked to my husband about it and told him how uncomfortabe that makes a women feel and he said he would mention it to the guys to not do that again. A couple of days later they all came in and apologized to me. I told them that they did not owe me an apology but they did to the girl inspector. Anyways after reading this post it made me start wondering should I be worried?
I am getting older as I turned 50 this year. My husband seems to still be very attracted to me.
Am I being to naive and trusting? Hum!! I am not as out going as he is.
Seize The Day!
Dorinda |
| one_dog_per_acre |
Posted - Oct 05 2011 : 11:23:40 AM
I am confused to what is work place, and what is a fantasy game. If all of your problems are virtual, you should huck the computer out the window.
Trish
Make cupcakes not war!
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