| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| medievalcat |
Posted - Sep 03 2011 : 11:32:26 AM
Hello all,
I posted months ago about how my husband had stolen money from us and I forgave him and he promised to go to therapy..blah blah blah.
We move to Louisiana where I thought it would give him peace and happiness to be back here.
Then a week ago Friday he seriously hurt my 19 year old son and kicked him out of the house. It was 101 outside and my son had no transportation, money, or anything to drink..and no where to go. All this happened while I was at work.
Since then my husband has moved out and my son has healed from the physical damage. And all of us are trying to come to terms about what happened. Then once again I find evidence he's misused the money. I'm seriously in the hole and then he took his disability check out of the bank account and things bounced thankfully I signed up for text alerts and found out quickly. But that has put me further behind.
We are thinking about moving back to Arkansas mostly to get away from him but with the way things are I don't know if I can financially and I have to have a job before I can leave the one i have now.
And bad relationships hurt when they are over..
Saying all that.. the kids and I have found our laughter and joy again and that is priceless.
Hugs to all,
Cyn |
| 25 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| sjmjgirl |
Posted - Feb 12 2012 : 2:23:26 PM
Oh congrats! That's fabulous! Keep us posted, ok?
Farmgirl Sister # 3810
Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
- Dalai Lama |
| GirlwithHook |
Posted - Feb 12 2012 : 2:11:33 PM
Congratulations on the job, Cynthia! That's great news!
A hook, a book, and a good cup of coffee.... |
| medievalcat |
Posted - Feb 12 2012 : 1:17:45 PM
Hello all,
I found a job! It's at Home Depot about 45 minutes away. It's only part time but I can pick up extra shifts to make ends meet. It's really hard on my body after six years of a desk job and I have to wake up at 3:00 am to be at work by 5:00.
My eldest daughter does receive my husband's social security. The youngest dad pays child support so we don't receive anything for her. With the job I can make it if I pinch those pennies tightly. I treated the girls to pizza last week and that's about all I can do. I've pretty much have become a hermit over the past few weeks.
I found a great book at the library called Being A Widow and I highly recommend it. It's given some hope about my future and I've started to take care of my bills and house. The book says to spend at least one hour everyday working on the unpleasant aspects of being alone such as bills then treat yourself to an hour of something you enjoy..which is why I'm here!
I have a question to ask y'all.. but I'm going to start a new post for it.
Thank you all for all the support. I know I'm not alone.
hugs,
Cyn |
| SusanScarlet |
Posted - Jan 06 2012 : 6:26:48 PM
Cynthia - I don't know what age your children are but they can collect social security benefits under your husband's account until they are 18. Also, if they are college age, there are many scholarships available for them because your husband was in the military. |
| laurentany |
Posted - Jan 06 2012 : 05:47:23 AM
sending Hugs and positive thoughts from Long Island,NY to you Cynthia! Hoping that when you go and paint the town, they like the colors you choose and you find a great job!!
Enjoy the time with your mom, and her sewing lessons too! WIsh I had my grandma to teach me again. When I was little (like 8 or 9) I used to do some sewing with her but I dont remember alot of things. Definately have to put that on my bucket list for 2012. I would love to be able to sew!
Sending you good wishes- please continue to update us with your progress.
Smiles,
~Laurie
"Little Hen House on the Island"
Farmgirl Sister#1403
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.. |
| Bear5 |
Posted - Jan 05 2012 : 8:55:51 PM
Cynthia: My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry for what you've been through and sorry for your loss. Have you got a job yet? Please, keep us posted. We, at least I, am here to listen and to read your postings. I am happy you are with the MJF. I'll be praying for you Cynthia. Hugs to you.
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
| medievalcat |
Posted - Jan 05 2012 : 8:23:36 PM
Thank you Cherime and Marlee,
As it turned out I went ahead and call the big guys out to sweep my chimney. A word to the wise women..always make sure the people you hire to work on your home are certified and licensed. It cost a little more but it's worth it. When the guy try to run a brush down my chimney he found that the brush would not fit. None of them would because it was 95% clogged with creasol. Now the wood stove works great I just have to figure out how to put wood in without burning the tar out of myself.
Well still no job as of yet. I put out a lot of applications and did a couple of online assessment test for employment..I must have done really bad because no one has called. I received a little extra money today so I spent it on fabric and I'm going to start sewing and selling it to boutiques (if they like it). My mom has a lot of patterns from the '60's and 70's that my kids love so I figure with modern fabric it will go over well. I'm not good at sewing buy my mom is and she will be staying with me later this month for a couple of days to teach me the proper way to sew. Maybe I won't cuss as much.
I'm still depressed but it's getting better. If I can find a way to support myself and kids I know my depression will go away. But how does a person get a job while depressed? I'm taking steps I hope work..like I bought makeup for the first time in ages. Fixed my resume. I'm heading out tomorrow to paint the town with my resumes to see if anyone will talk to me.
I do have brighter news. One my "adopted" daughter gave birth to her first child December 30. They live in Florida so I don't know when I'll be able to get down to them but I'm all happy about it. They named their daughter Alyss.
Also my uncle, God love him, gently kicked me in the rump and told me to take care of business. He told me because my husband fought in Vietnam I should check out the Disable Vet government website. I didn't want to look but I did and I was stunned. One of the heart conditions my husband was diagnosed with was caused by Agent Orange. I went to the regional office in Little Rock and the man I spoke with was very kind. He told me they could have been helping my husband all along and he really wish we would have come to him sooner. He believes they will be able to get me some help because the cause of death clearly states the heart condition..whereas it is not the heart condition that is listed on the Agent Orange page but what he died from is linked to it. Of course it will have to be reviewed but the DVA has JAG lawyers to fight for the families of Vet's who died because of wounds or service related as could be the case for me. Since my husband was Marine Recon.. he's considered 100% exposed to it. The bad part is that it will take up to six months before I ever receive any help. It's a lot to be hoping for but I have hope.
Thank you all for being so wonderful to me during all this. I think of MJF and this forum often during my day and I'm almost a MJF preacher to many women in the area. My mom is even going to pay for my subscription to the magazine since I had to let my membership lapse. And the library had the issue I missed so I get to read it after all. It's a good life Charlie Brown. |
| marlee |
Posted - Dec 30 2011 : 4:00:57 PM
My writing was bad above. I meant to say that there is some stuff that comes in a can that you can get a Home Depot to put in stove to stop the build up of creasol in the pipes. Now at least you can read it. Marlee |
| marlee |
Posted - Dec 30 2011 : 3:56:59 PM
hi Cynthia You might need to look in the stove to see if the damper is shut,If you have one.If you do there should be a little lever to open it with,or one in the chimney that is closed that is why u have smoke coming back out. I hope you get it fixed. And go to Home Depot to put in chimey or stove to stop the buildup of creasol in the pipes . Hope it helps.Hugs Marlee |
| Cherime |
Posted - Dec 11 2011 : 4:18:06 PM
I used to have a draft problem with my wood stove and had to open the front door to get it to draw well enough to actually burn and not have the smoke billow back into the house. I put a draft inducer into the stovepipe and have not had any problem since. I turn the inducer on before I try to start the fire and the garbage goes up the pipe. Also Meeco Red Devil makes a creosote destroyer in powdered form that I use a baby formula scoop to throw onto the fire when it is burning well and it keeps the junk down. Hope this helps http://www.draftinducers.com/ad1.htm
CMF |
| medievalcat |
Posted - Dec 09 2011 : 7:31:17 PM
Thank you Julie. I told my dad tonight that I'm going to start baking again..for fun. Apple Charlottes from MJF Magazine Oct 08 pg 108. For me.. if I'm baking it means the world is getting better. It's still rough without a job but my dad and I started talking about starting our own company. But I will wait to talk more with him in the coming days. If I can figure out the job thing I know I'll be happier. I've also applied to several places including Home Depot as a diy-er.
And Ruby.. you crack me up! From now on I will have that vivacious red head on my mind when doing any new projects!
Thank you all so much for the love and support you have shown me. |
| Ruby V |
Posted - Dec 09 2011 : 09:36:18 AM
Cynthia - whenever I'm doing home repairs and it's turning out to be a fiasco, I always picture myself as Lucy from "I Love Lucy" and how it would make a funny episode of her trying to do what I am and everything is going wrong {laughing} That always cracks me up and helps makes the impossible chore seem at least do-able. Hang in there!
Ruby ~ Sister #3597 |
| FarmDream |
Posted - Dec 08 2011 : 10:59:07 PM
So happy to read your update Cynthia! It sounds like you are doing just about normal. You still have rough spots which is to be expected. I'm sorry no one called you. I'm sure they did want to give you space and maybe weren't sure what to say. Maybe they were afraid you'd be more upset if they brought up your anniversary. It's good you're laughing and writing again and making new friends. That's the thing about life. It goes on. I'm sure you'll feel like it's 2 steps forward and 1 step back. As long as you keep working hard at it, it will all turn out o.k.
~FarmDream is Farmgirl Sister #3069
Live Today, Cherish Yesterday, Dream Tomorrow
http://naturaljulie.etsy.com
http://julie-rants.blogspot.com |
| medievalcat |
Posted - Dec 08 2011 : 9:04:43 PM
Hello Ladies..all of you are so great!
November was rough. My anniversary was the day before Thanksgiving this year. It was not a good day to try to make a cheesecake for the first time. During the day I had many calls from the real-estate office selling my house in La. I finally told her why I was so despondent. She apologized and left me alone until the following Monday. The cheesecake was so ruined I ended up making a cake to take to my mom's for Thanksgiving. What really hurt is that a lot of people knew it was my husband's and my anniversary yet no one called to talk to me. I guess they were trying to give me space. But I really needed help staying out of my head. The next day was Thanksgiving and I decided that I was done grieving. The conversation went something like this, "Cyn.. it's time to let go... I know it won't be easy..but I have faith in you. You have strength..now grow a set and use it." That night my daughters and I watched a Country chick-flick and we ended up crying and laughing and gasping for air.
I did make the cheesecake again a few days later and it was very fattening and yummy.
My dad is staying with me from mid November till whenever..he's learned not to check up on us when we are on sugar highs. He was smart and stayed in his room.
I guess the hardest thing is not to stay depressed and only see what I have lost. I have to choose to look at what I still have and go on. I've started writing again and one thing one character tells the main lady, "You have to stop looking at the wine that has been spilled in your past but look to the wine yet to come in your future."
I've made some new friends that I try to see every week. I laugh a lot with them and none of us take ourselves too seriously. I'm going to be helping as a part time officer in the local medieval reenactment group I use to play with years ago. The girls are really excited about it.
I still haven't found a full time job and I became really ill last week. The joys of being the "man" of the house is learning how to do it all. My woodstove started belching smoke into our house. It was during the time when my dad was visiting his sister out of town. I removed the inner stove pipes and discovered one of the pipes were 90% clogged with creasol. I went to Tractor Supply and bought pipes to replace the pieces I knew were bad. It took me two days to figure out how to connect one side of the pipe to it's other side. My hands were so cut up from it!! Finally I had my daughter hold the pipe in place as I pressed down on the seams and pop.. it connected and held. I was so happy!! I replaced the pipe..but oh damn I had to cut one of the pipes because it was too long. Here I was with a grinder giving the pipe hell in my living room..sparks flying everywhere! It was so much fun. The pipes have now been all replaced and it's not pretty but I'm proud of it. My dad said it was beautiful...lol good daddy.
But the damn thing still is polluting the house and I have asthma. I had inhaled a lot of smoke over that week and by last Friday I was running a high fever and could hardly breath. The doctor gave me two shots in the rump and I'm on a lot of meds. I'm better but wish I was feeling like new already. About the woodstove.. I have no choice but to use it since it's our only heat source. I can keep it low enough the smoke goes out of the chimney and doesn't backdraft into the house. Tomorrow I have a certified Chimney Sweeper coming over to work on my chimney..which I hope fixes the problem.
Other than that..I'm learning how to be on my own and learning how to laugh again. It's hard and there's been days I've fought the feeling of wanting to say screw it all. But if I said that then what would happen? I may not be focusing on what I've lost but I don't want to loose anything else so as soon as I don't sound like I smoke ten packs of ciggs a day I'll be job hunting again.
Love all of you!
Cyn |
| FieldsofThyme |
Posted - Nov 21 2011 : 09:17:58 AM
Do you have any new updates? I am praying for you.
Farmgirl #800
http://pioneerwomanatheart.blogspot.com/
http://scrapreusedandrecycledartprojects.blogspot.com/
|
| ClaireSky |
Posted - Nov 01 2011 : 5:22:11 PM
Cynthia, Remember that God never gives us more than we can handle. We learn and also teach from every situation we go through. Each one of us reading these posts here is learning something, as well as you are. But, you are also teaching us something by telling your story. We will all go into the world better prepared because of your story. Thank You and God Bless You.
Julie
Farmgirl Sister #399
West-Central WI Farmgirls
"Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful." Herman Cain |
| SusanScarlet |
Posted - Nov 01 2011 : 12:22:23 PM
Cynthia - So glad to read the update and that your move is completed. If your ex was ever in the military, there might be some VA benefits for you and also for his children's college. Also, any of his children under 18 are entitled to his social security. Praying for you. |
| laurentany |
Posted - Oct 31 2011 : 8:23:49 PM
Cynthia,
Just a note to say hello, and that I pray that each passing day becomes easier for you. Your posts amaze me, with what you have been through and continue to go through. Stay strong, take one day at a time...baby steps and gradually things will fall into place. (HUGS) to you and your children.
~Laurie
"Little Hen House on the Island"
Farmgirl Sister#1403
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.. |
| Dusky Beauty |
Posted - Oct 31 2011 : 7:27:23 PM
Cynthia, here's another song that brings me comfort. Remember you're not walking through this alone. http://youtu.be/x8QubLxJI54
"The greatness of a nation and it's moral progress can be judged by the way it's animals are treated." ~Gandhi
http://silvermoonfarm.blogspot.com/
"After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.” ~Will Rogers |
| medievalcat |
Posted - Oct 30 2011 : 6:34:55 PM
Thank you Cheryl and yes today especially I felt like crawling in a hole. I don't know why but it was like walking in quicksand. I did a few things and the house looks better and we have a few more boxes to burn. A cup of tea sounds perfect for the end of the day.
The funeral home director told me if I don't pay all the cost by the end of the month then he has the right to take me to court. My mom's church came up with money to help pay the cost but I still owe a lot. My husband's children are in their mid to late twenties and they are really struggling with their own bills and falling behind. I can't ask them to pay it. When my house sells down there I will receive a little money from the insurance we paid up front for the year. I hope it's enough to cover the funeral but if not I have nothing else I can do but try to sell his truck for more than what's owed on it.
Thank you Jen.. the song brought me to tears but it wasn't a bad thing. The line about hope really made me cried because I don't know about Hope. I named my new kitten Trinity because I kept going back and forth between Faith, then Hope then Charity.. Trinity covers all of it and it fits her. I hope to find more of each Faith, Hope, and Charity every day.
Since moving back to Arkansas my cousins and aunts have asked me how I'm doing. And my dear dad calls me at least once a week to check on me. If y'all might remember I had a bad run with him earlier this year when he went psychotic. He's doing much better and no longer lives in Georgia and a really great friend keeps him busy and makes sure he's eating and taking his medications. He's planning on visiting me this fall.
Thank you Farmgirls for holding my hands!!
As a side note.. I asked my local bank here in Arkansas if they would consider a savings account for strictly funeral related costs. I know funeral homes sometimes have plans you can pay on before your death but what happens if you move out of state. The bank lady said she would give it a consideration.
|
| Dusky Beauty |
Posted - Oct 30 2011 : 12:27:11 PM
Cynthia, consider this a "Thinking of You" card.
http://youtu.be/dV9rH3UaDNQ
"The greatness of a nation and it's moral progress can be judged by the way it's animals are treated." ~Gandhi
http://silvermoonfarm.blogspot.com/
"After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.” ~Will Rogers |
| Tapestry |
Posted - Oct 30 2011 : 12:16:26 AM
Dear Cynthia, I can't even imagine all that you've gone through in the past month. You must feel as though you've been beaten with a baseball bat and tossed in a hole. First hurtfulness and lies from your husband, then more hurt done to your son and finally he leaves only to pass away days later. Ironic isn't it? I know right now you feel so stuck and not in control. I think you can bypass the funeral home and actually contact the city clerks office for a copy of the death certificate. The funeral home surely will work out payments with you once you've gotten settled and should understand. This is just all so sad and my heart goes out to you. You have the power of prayer from all the farm girls holding you up with loving hands.
Happy farmgirl sister #353
Look for rainbows instead of mud puddles
http://pinterest.com/ctapestry/
http://tapestrysimaginings.blogspot.com/ |
| medievalcat |
Posted - Oct 29 2011 : 11:02:54 PM
Thank you all a million times over!
Well we have made it back to Arkansas. There are boxes everywhere and God help us if there's any danger we need to rush out the door for.. we have paths through the mess but it's rather convoluted.
Sigh.. it's been a few days past a month since my husband passed away and I still feel a little shocked when I look back on what's gone on since his passing. We had a horrible time with the move back and I thank God that my mom was able to help me with it. I finally made it back to my little farm last Wednesday. I had to hit the floor running as my eldest girl had Mono and had a relapse with it and had to be seen by a doctor and my youngest girl was having a lot of problems in school which meant I had to be at school to watch her teacher give her a swat on her backend. Thankfully since that time both girls are doing better.
I had to find a job and the one I did find is an hour away and it's part time but I have faith it will turn to more work than I can deal with on my own so I'm enlisting my cousin and we are going to start our own company..but for now I just need to get some money flowing in.
My son who was assaulted by my husband is moving out this week to be closer to his work. He's dating a girl I have reservations about and we had a big blowup over it. I realized I was putting my fears on him and I apologized and explained why I was upset. I will be having breakfast with my son and his girlfriend next week to try and mend fences.
Only heat we have is a woodstove and only a partial rick of wood from last year and no money to buy more. I have found that people keep saying, "please let us know if we can help" and when I finally get over my pride and ask for help the help isn't there. I wonder why people say that to begin with.
The kid's school has enrolled us with "shop with a cop" for Christmas and the local church is helping us with the heat problem. And there's so many problems with the house and barn that I have sat and cried.
One of the biggest issue is that as of two days ago the coroner finally released the cause of death and the death certificate (there were issues in getting the cause of death because my husband lied about seeing doctors in La. and they had to send off to Arkansas for the rest of his records and oh..they didn't do an autopsies and he was cremated shortly after his death so it was too late for it) but I can't get the death certificates because I still owe the funeral home nearly $2,000.00 and they won't let me have the papers until they are paid. Without the papers I can't do anything with his truck because I'm not on the loan (he had lied and told me the truck was paid off). And because we had a house for a short time in Louisiana we have to have a succession and La law states his biological kids get half of his worth but they also have to take on half his debt. Good news is the house has buyers willing to pay cash for it but it's stuck in limbo without the death cert.
When I made it home I was in shock because my husband had told me he finished the remodel on the house before he and the kids moved down to La to join me. Nothing was done and I can see why no one bought the house. I think the hardest part is still finding the lies he told me.
I had dinner with his daughter last night and we sat and cried together and when it was time to leave we hugged each other and said "love you". She is still my daughter in my heart and she admitted that she handled everything badly when she came to my house after his death. I told her I understood her feelings at that time and now. I hope we will spend more time together and she stays in our lives.
I've been asked out on dinner dates by a couple of guys and I just can't bring myself to go out with them. I just want to be with my kids. To be honest I don't know if I will ever trust another man after all this. I don't want my kids to be hurt anymore and I don't want it either. And NO ONE will ever be in charge of my finances but me from here on out!
In the spring I'm hoping to go back to school and my friend and adviser asked me if I would think about becoming an English teacher for grades 4th-8th. I've been mulling it over.. but I'm 42 and I won't graduate if I go full time till I'm 44..who will hire a middle age woman for their school?
Looking at the time I realize it's my eldest son's birthday.. he's now 22. Time flies when you aren't watching.
I do want to express to everyone who has emailed me and posted here how much it helped me through the darkest days. When I felt alone and said "I just can't do this" I remembered Mary Jane Forum and I knew I had friends across the miles. I hope to repay your kindness in some way and I hope once I'm back on my feet I can figure something out to show my gratitude.
Thank you with all my heart,
Cyn |
| Cherime |
Posted - Sep 29 2011 : 08:32:05 AM
May Gos bless you and keep you safe. Do no worry about how much or how little you are crying or not crying. Let Him carry you now. Praying for you.
CMF |
| Annika |
Posted - Sep 28 2011 : 7:05:23 PM
Cynthia, I am so sorry, Things have been so rough for you this last year. Your husband passing so suddenly is so very sad and I send my sincere sympathies to you and your family.
Dealing with all of the mixed up feelings of grief, memories, anger and love is one of the hardest things to sort out. Let yourself grieve and take the time to give yourself the space that you need to do so. Don't let anybody tell your how long you should grieve, every person is different. Talk with your children about it and help each other through this. A close family is the most precious thing on earth. I'm so glad that you have each other and I'm so ashamed of your friends and neighbors for not helping you and paying common courtesy! I so much want to hop on a train and come bake bread and share some of my favorite family comfort food with you and your kids. Big farmgirl hugs to all of you!
You are loved
Wishing peace and comfort to you and your children
Annika
Farmgirl & sister #13
Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication. ~Leonardo DaVinci
|
