| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| kristin sherrill |
Posted - Apr 24 2011 : 5:37:20 PM
that the person being abused is the last person to see they are being abused? They will go to their graves denying that they were ever abused.They will cover it up so well that people wonder if maybe they are wrong. They will hide their bruises. The abuser never hits someplace that will be seen. It's so sad. And very frustrating if you are a family member of an abused person. And I think my oldest daughter is being abused by her husband. Mentally more than physically right now. And that is really worse than being hit.
He is saying all kinds of bad things about her family and friends to her. Like we are the bad guys and he's the only one who loves her. He is trying to make her have another break down like he has before. But she isn't seeing this. He also makes everything look lke it's her fault. He is very controlling. And it's getting worse.
She had left him about a month ago,When she told him she had found a job. He just went crazy. I heard him when she called me. That's all I could hear was him. Then she called her dad who was home at the time. Of course he went and her and her DD Kansas came back with him. They stayed here for almost a month. He served her with divorce papers. There's alot more to this story but it would take forever to tell it. But I need to get soem of this off my chest.
They went to court. I went with her. They ended up going off together (in my truck that she was borrowing) to go get some of her stuff from their house. Then the next day she is back with him. And would not tell us anything. Now she goes crazy if I say anything. Just tonight she went off on me for no reason. He's turning her against her family.
Will y'all please pray for her and my granddaughter? That she will open her eyes and see what he is doing to her? And for their protection. That's the most important thing. Thanks so much. I just don't know what to do anymore. I know she's an adult and it needs to be her descision. But I am worried about them both.
Kris
Happiness is simple. |
| 25 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| kristin sherrill |
Posted - May 06 2011 : 5:01:46 PM
Yes, we love VBS. But the ones around here are always at night anymore. There is one in Flintstone that's still during the day but that's 20 miles away. I'll have to see if there are any during the day now that are closer.
We also have a camp up the road that K went to last year. She just did the day camp. But they have night and day for the older kids. She will be able to do that this year as will her sisters. I don't know about spending the night though. We will see. And that is really expensive but they have little scholarships for the people like us who need the help. And I will help out too so that will take some off the price.
Kris
Happiness is simple. |
| Joey |
Posted - May 06 2011 : 4:57:54 PM
Happy to hear a good birthday. She is so blessed to have you. Continue to send prayers for all. Joey
Well behaved women rarely make history. |
| Cherime |
Posted - May 06 2011 : 08:28:45 AM
I heartily endorse Vacation Bible School. Although it took me years to get back to the place I needed to be without VB I would not have known that what I needed existed.
CMF |
| SusanScarlet |
Posted - May 04 2011 : 1:41:11 PM
I thought about Church activities - Vacation Bible School is free. That would be something for them to do for 4-5 days in a row. |
| MagnoliaWhisper |
Posted - May 04 2011 : 1:28:57 PM
The YMCA does have free, or 5 dollar a month plans for "poor" children. You may want to go and see if your DD/DGD would apply for their free/5 dollar a month plans. Also a lot of the things like boys and girls clubs are FREE cause they are there to help the poor in the communitee, I have never been part of it just heard about it. What about a "big" sister, that is a completely free program, and that would take her away for at least once a week. I would imagine that 4-H would have some scholarship programs for children with low income families as well. Have you looked into kidsbowlfree.com as well? You would have to be there for that but it would be free, and not mess up your house.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
| kristin sherrill |
Posted - May 04 2011 : 1:04:00 PM
Lea, that's a great idea. But we are the ones that would have to pay for all that because H and her ex are always broke. Even though H pays child support for the 2 older kids, they never have money. I did take K to summer camp last summer and we paid. It was for just a week. And we can't afford too much. Everytime I even suggest something they right away say they don't have any money. I don't know how they live. I guess they have money to eat put and buy liquer and H's husband smokes and so does the ex. They will have those things. But when it comes to these kids, they never have the money. Even for after school activities. They have never gotten to play ball or anything. So it falls on us to do it. And my other Dd does alot with the kids. She is good with them.
Kris
Happiness is simple. |
| smiley |
Posted - May 03 2011 : 8:07:50 PM
Kris when mine were little I had to work during the summer and the boys and girls club was a life saver. Do they have that nearby? Our 4-h has summer camps. Hunt out affordable things were others are watching them and you can be helping yet not exhausting yourself. I found Red Cross swim lessons etc. all fill the summer and yet teach the kids valuable life lessons. |
| CMac |
Posted - May 03 2011 : 5:40:33 PM
Glad to hear that. Little girl deserved a peaceful birthday.
Connie
"I have three chairs in my house: one for solitude, two for friendship, three for company."
Author: Henry David Thoreau |
| kristin sherrill |
Posted - May 03 2011 : 4:57:46 PM
The party was good. She had 4 little friends plus her 2 sisters. I took them skating the next day and back here for another little family party since my mom and step dad didn't go to H's. So we had hot dogs and ice cream cake from Baskin Robbins. And my other Dd and her hubby came out too. My hubby of course was not here but driving his truck all over the country. So it was a busy weekend. I was so tired. We need to work it out somehow where they can be here when my hubby's here. The weekends have been the opposite from when he's here. This way I am not getting my weekend alone, which I miss.
Annette, you are probably right. She won't hear anything she doesn't want to hear right now. And prayer is all that will work anyway.
Kris
Happiness is simple. |
| CMac |
Posted - May 03 2011 : 4:46:20 PM
Kris, How did the birthday go? I sent some good vibes that day!
Connie
"I have three chairs in my house: one for solitude, two for friendship, three for company."
Author: Henry David Thoreau |
| Heartbroken farmgirl |
Posted - May 02 2011 : 9:54:24 PM
Kris, I wish there was a way for me to talk to her too, but no stranger she hasn't confided in would help.:(
The best any of us can do is keep praying. I wish I could remember which farmgirl ends her post with this, but "we stand tallest on our knees!"
The tears I shed then, watered the flowers I harvest now.
www.broken908.blogspot.com
http://forums.familyfriendpoems.com/broken908
"The aim of education is the knowledge not of facts but of values."-Dean William Ralph Inge |
| MagnoliaWhisper |
Posted - May 02 2011 : 4:24:36 PM
Yeah I can totally relate. they fight a lot too. Still after all these 10 years of my mom trying to help them. For instance one day we went to a buffet restaurant, the oldest at the time was about 13 and started yelling at his 12 year old brother, "why are you following me!?" "why are you getting the same things I'm getting!?!" We were at a small buffet (only one isle of food, so EVERY one had to follow each other, there wasn't any where else to go!), and um there was only about 10 things on the buffet, if you didn't get the same thing as every one else you wouldn't get anything! It had been a long day it was really my last straw that night and I just couldn't believe it. UHG. Drove me nuts. However, I do know some fighting is just normal. lol However, I'm not the type of mom who thinks they should always just work it out among themselves, I'm more of a we can't have this mom. lol However, like I said I do remember fighting with my own brother when I was growing up. Then something sparked in us one day when we were in middle school and we literally haven't fought since. lol For the most part I have always gotten along with all my other siblings though no fights, literally none.
Oh and I almost forgot, the last time they stayed at my house, the 12 year old girl would not let me 4 y/o play with any of her toys she brought with her. I didn't step in on that cause with her my mom gets upset with me for saying the least little thing to her. However, I did let my 4 year old set her straight. Kind of funny......after a few hours of her keeping on telling my 4 y/o she couldn't play with this toy or that toy she had brought, then she wanted to play with my DD's toys and my DD said no you can't play with my toys either! The 12 year old was upset, and came to me and I just smiled and said oh......sorry. I guess you should go play with the toys you brought then, that you aren't letting Lela play with. She got a look on her face, but I think she got the point! lol haha
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
| kristin sherrill |
Posted - May 02 2011 : 10:51:47 AM
Heather, yes, I do have to watch them. They fight alot too. Poor K is not around her older sisters but every other weekend and they tend to gang up on her sometimes. Not alot. But when they are on the computer, it's hard to get them to let her have a turn. So there are alot of hard times. But they are mostly good. Just sometimes they get out of hand. I am sorry you had such a hard time with those kids. There is alot of emotional trauma that we will never know about. Like the oldest grand is terrified of the dark. I mean reallt terrified. She said one time when she was little her dad locked her in the basement at his grannies. So I have lots of lamps upstairs for all of them.
Kris
Happiness is simple. |
| kristin sherrill |
Posted - May 02 2011 : 10:45:37 AM
Jackie, thank you for the hugs. I know she will finally wake up to what's going on. But the waiting is awful.
Annette, I so wish you could talk to her. It sounds just like what she's going through. She would sleep all day. In fact, that's probably what she's doing right now. And K is there with her. She has had to get her own breakfast and lunch when H is sleeping. I just sent her a text. Tried to call but her phone must be off. Anyway, it sounds exactly like what she's going through. And it scares me that K is there by herself. There are so many people around where they live that I would not trust. I will keep calling her. Thank you so much for being here. ANd for your prayers.
Kris
Happiness is simple. |
| MagnoliaWhisper |
Posted - May 02 2011 : 09:34:22 AM
Yup my mom is raising 4 kids of my step brother and his ex now deceased wife. And they are all special needs......along with having problems from neglect that my mom can't seem to make go away. (she's been raising them for 10 years now, and they still hoard food under their beds because of being scared they will starve again!) they still write on the walls. and I have to be careful even in the car. I can only let my husband drive while I literally sit next to them in the back seat or they will tear it up! one time they stuck stuff in the seat belt thing so I wouldn't make them wear their seatbelts, cost us hundreds of dollars to get it fixed! Last time the youngest one was sitting in the back but I was having to concentrate on my baby girl (she was less then 1 year old) and he found some chuck e cheese tickets we were keeping in the back for the next time we went and saving them for a big item my DD wants, and he found them (he is 11 years old keep in mind!) and he tore them into tiny little pieces all over the very back of our SUV (third row, I was in the second row). I didn't realize it till I was cleaning the car later. My DD
(4 years old) had told him to not tear the tickets, and in my mind I had thought she meant he was taking them apart (you know along the perforated line!) had never dawned on me he was tearing them into these tiny little mouse bite pieces! I had turned around and said leave her tickets alone, put them back in the bag, but I hadn't actually seen what he was doing. Being a 11 year old, I had just thought he was just taking them apart along the line you are supposed to, not actually tearing them to pieces. Any way, I called my mom and told her about it, and that really he is too old to of been doing such in my car. and I can't have them in my car any more, she told me she would replace the tickets, but that was not the point. The point is, what if that had been a check or something very important, and he had done that. I could care less about a few chuck e cheese tickets. But, the point was.....I can't remember at 11 years old being in the back of some one's care and thinking about tearing something up like that, it would of never dawned on me. But, that is just the nature of these children, very very destructive, and I really don't have the time and energy right now to keep a hawk's eye on them, which seems like what you have to do with them. So I can so totally understand. It's hard! Especially when they are not yours.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
| Heartbroken farmgirl |
Posted - May 02 2011 : 08:29:49 AM
Kris,
My mama really struggles with my four kids too. She takes 1 or 2 at a time. My kids are shockingly well behaved(by nature, not my doin!), and they still wear her out.
After I left my first husband, my oldest was 6, and I had a nursing 3 month old, all I wanted to do was sleep. With every fiber in my body cryin out to collapse, shut down. My mama would let me nap, maybe an hour, but then there she was, waking me, come on Net, babies don't raise themselves. Depression makes you tired. Your mind and body get overwhelmed, and you sleep to get away. Last year, I ran into the most difficult time of my life. My marriage was in crisis, my grandpa had surgery, I put an offer on a new house, my oldest got into serious trouble, and my mom was out of town. My in-laws were at odds with my DH, due to the marriage crisis, and I had a 1 1/2, 4, and 6 year old and a teen. I couldn't shut down. My DH works 7 days a week, 12-16 hours a day. I was manic, and couldn't take the meds, as I'm allergic to most, and the ones I can take drug me too much. Sleep? I couldn't, not this time! My mom would call, my in laws would come talk, my DH sent my best friend who lived an hour away, gas money to come check on me once a week. When I slept during my first depression, nothing got solved. I figured nothing out. The only benefit was I didn't have to think, didn't have to feel or face anything. This second, much worse bout of depression, I was forced to face. The people around me, who loved me, wouldn't let me hide. As much as I thought I needed to become comatose, stop feeling and thinking, its really counterproductive. It took the "whole village" to get me up and keep me up, a lot of their effort expended, but I know it saved my marriage and kept me going as a mother.
I know this is hard. I know some your DD brought on herself with the drinking, but the depression, the need to distance herself from the kids, the hiding, its how she is handling the mess she's found herself in. Once we have kids, its not a 0-18 year job. They are a lifetime commitment. Pray for wisdom, and strength. Then, in faith that the wisdom and strength are already given to you, roll up your sleeves, and get her out of bed, any time you can. Call, visit, pester...up up up!
I'm praying for you, (((hugs)))
The tears I shed then, watered the flowers I harvest now.
www.broken908.blogspot.com
http://forums.familyfriendpoems.com/broken908
"The aim of education is the knowledge not of facts but of values."-Dean William Ralph Inge |
| BalancingAct |
Posted - May 02 2011 : 07:20:12 AM
Pray. Be strong. He has gotten into her head and played with her emotions. She will eventually need you to lean on more than ever when she comes to her senses and has had enough.
Lots of hugs to you.
Farmgirl Sister #2851 -"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson |
| kristin sherrill |
Posted - May 02 2011 : 06:21:21 AM
Thank you, Lea. They really do need prayer. I had the kids all weekend while H slept most of it. She did have K a birthday party Sat. afternoon. I had them the whole rest of the weekend. I am pooped. They wear me out. I love then to pieces, but goodness, they are so wild and I hate to say this but sometimes so ungrateful. And they tear stuff up and make the biggest messes and don't clean up and I have to get on to them and get upset when they don't. Sometime Sat. the 2 youngest went upstairs with craft paints. Do I even need to go further with that? So there was paint all over the bathroom. I saw it while getting them ready for bed that night. Too late then. I had them scrub as much as they could. And they both said it wasn't them. That's the part I can't stand. It's always someone else. So I am going to have to talk with H. She needs to have the kids during the day and bring them here at bedtime. This is too much for me. I can handle 1 or 2 but all 3 is getting to me. They really are good kids. But sometimes they are a bit much all together. I do love them so much. But this is just another way for H to get time to sleep.
And now schools around here are not going back for at least another week and H will probably ask me to keep K while she works. Today was just voluntary at her job. But last week she said she only worked a few hours. I have told her she needs to make other arrangements for the summer. I don't mind keeping her a few days but not all week. When my kids were little and I needed to work, I only worked during the school year. Never during the summer. But that was just me. I also don't want her going back home and getting back in bed which she will do. I don't know. I am just tired right now and not making any sense. I hope I don't sound too mean. But does anyone have to deal with this too?
Kris
Happiness is simple. |
| smiley |
Posted - May 01 2011 : 7:36:13 PM
I dont have any great advice to share like the others on here. I just wanted to let you know I was praying for you and your family. |
| kristin sherrill |
Posted - Apr 29 2011 : 5:59:06 PM
He is always nice and good and treats H so good when he's around us. Always has. But the minute they are alone he changes. I think they have been ok this week. She said today she was having chest pains again. She's also a hypocandriac or how ever it's spelled. If she hears anyone talking about a disease she'll get it too. But I told her to check all her 6 or 7 prescriptions for the side effects. It's probably on one or 2 of them. She got the other 2 kids and have been at my house most of the day. Never even went upstairs to clean. The kids will be staying here at night with me. So far they have missed their Papa. This is not his weekend home when they are here. We will have to get that changed. Anyway, I guess I will go. I don't have to talk to him. I can stay out on the porch most of the time.
Heather, I am so glad your mom does what she does. I will tell mothers what good boys they have. Tell her thank you for me.
Jen, I agree with you. It's not good how the Bible is taken so out of context. I do believe the man should be head of the house and make the final descision. After we have talked about it. I do leave alot of things up to him so he will eb responsible. Anyway, you are right.
Kris
Happiness is simple. |
| Heartbroken farmgirl |
Posted - Apr 29 2011 : 07:07:53 AM
Kris, are there going to be other children at the party, other non-family adults? If so, Jeff will probably be on his best behaviour. Outsiders tend to keep people in line. Maybe going to K's party is a good idea? Try to keep normalcy? Her birthday is special, and I know my kids get hurt when one of their grandmas can't come (ie Gideon activity or something brakes on the farm...) even with everything that's happened, K is turning 8, and its a big deal to her. Her dad should be kept in line by party guests. Just a thought, as I don't know everything that's happened. I'm so sorry this is happening to your family. Hugs.
The tears I shed then, watered the flowers I harvest now.
www.broken908.blogspot.com
http://forums.familyfriendpoems.com/broken908
"The aim of education is the knowledge not of facts but of values."-Dean William Ralph Inge |
| kristin sherrill |
Posted - Apr 29 2011 : 06:02:36 AM
I just talked to H. K's birthday is tomorrow. She'll be 8. She wanted to have her party at the skating rink. But of course they are broke now. The place where H works is shut down due to the tornado and no power so she can't get her check til next week. So now she wants to have K's party at their house. I will go if jeff is not there. It should be during the day so he might be working. He works for people who do tree work so he should be busy right now. So if he's not there, I will go. If he is, then I will do something for her here on Sunday with my parents and other Dd. I just think with all that's happened it's not a good idea.
I have to go to town to Mrs. T's so will comment on Heather and Jne's posts then. I did read them earlier.
Kris
Happiness is simple. |
| MagnoliaWhisper |
Posted - Apr 28 2011 : 10:11:53 PM
Jen that is soooooo true about the Bible. People really twist that submission thing. Submission is not the same as living under tyranny! The Bible mainly focuses on VERY strong independent women, Ruth, Jael, Esther, Abagail! the list could on and on. The book of Proverbs describes a capable woman/wife, she had a TON of freedom, ran her own businesses, sold and purchased her own property, etc etc. Didn't talk anything about a husband watching her every move, nit picking her every choice, etc. Then there is the scripture that says, God will not listen to prayers of a man who abuses his wife.......pretty powerful!
And Kristin EXACTLY, my mom still teaches her young boys (youngest one is 9) to open doors for girls/women/elderly, to carry bags for girls/women/elderly etc. You should see the looks she gets from other adults when she tells one of her young son's go open that door for the lady. They look at my mom disgustedly! My mom tells them, I am training my sons to be gentlemen! I'll never forget one time we were in a funeral procession when I was about 9 or 10 years old, and there was two young boys walking down the side walk of one of these small Texas towns we were in. And they stopped, one took his ball cap off, put it over his heart, and bowed his head. The other one was very apparently teasing him for it and telling him let's go on etc. my mom literally pulled the car over in the middle of the procession we were in, and told the teaser, to take his hat off and do as his friend was, that his friend was a gentleman, and she didn't want to see a gentlemen treated like that again! or something to that effect. I just remember us pulling over and my mom giving him a piece of her mind and complimenting the boy doing the "right" thing! lol haha You should of seen the smile on the boy doing the right things face, and the humiliation on the boys face who was the teaser! lol
And I LOVE the Fried Green Tomato movie/book, it's my top favorites of movies!
Oh and any one judging a mother for making the right choice for her child, has no idea what abuse can do to a child obviously. I wish more people would do the "right" thing when it comes to children! My parents have adopted 10 kids total. While we feel very badly for their parents, and some of them we totally don't understand (for instance one of my little sisters mother died, her father remarried and the new wife didn't want my "sister" (she is now my sister by adoption, not my fleshly sister) so he gave her up for adoption to please his second wife! That is something that goes against every moral in our body, but if he didn't care about her enough to want to keep her and if a step mom is that horrid, probably was the right thing to do for my sister. She is loved now, and wanted! She is from Haiti, they don't have many if any child protection laws, who knows what her step mother may of done to her being that nasty! (not wanting to keep a child cause she wasn't hers even though her mother had died!) Not saying you would of hurt your child at all, but like you said who knows what your boyfriend/husband would of done to your daughter. She never needed to know her father and that kind of abuse, in my opinion. She is probably very loved and wanted where she is.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
| Dusky Beauty |
Posted - Apr 28 2011 : 8:31:45 PM
Annette, thanks for sharing. When we finish our current board bible study we should look at one about what's expected of the Godly woman. Many people might be surprised exactly how feminist the Bible's message is to His daughters. We are riddled with incredibly strong and admirable women who bucked convention to do the right thing, and serve The Lord and his people.
It's sad how much the Bible's message has been twisted by evil people to suit their selfishness. My mother was completely taken advantage of and let down by her church family. They came on our farm once my father was gone like vultures and stripped anything of value to prosper themselves. We were on welfare the last couple years we lived there-- with mushrooms growing inside the damp walls of the house making us sick and they never even offered to give us market value, or even HALF market value on the horses and mules they pretty much stole.
If I'm ever in that end of the country again I have half a mind to walk my God loving and serving heart up to that pulpit and call out each one of them still living for the heretics they are and the evil they did to my family in "God's" name, but I'm willing to bet that that house of hypocrisy has fallen in 18 years.
Oh, and like your daughter Annette, I can't handle listening to a couple screaming at each other. I never saw the physical abuse but I could hear the yelling through the walls. I'm a 6 ft tall fierce valkyrie of a woman but some things just touch on that bruise that never quite healed from childhood and it makes my stomach drop, my head swim and I just want to curl up fetal style. When I lived in an apartment next to some good friends who were having a really, really big (normal, healthy) fight, my husband found me in bed because the shouting and crying was scaring me. I have a hard time helping my husband with holding the light for him while he works on a tight space, because my Dad would have me do that, and flip out on me if I didn't get the light where he needed.
On the surface, I look like I came out of the situation really well. I didn't choose an abusive partner, I don't abuse my kids, and they didn't scare me off of "religion", but under the right set of conditions, it still effects me in ways other people don't behave, and you'd hardly know it by knowing me.
"After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.” ~Will Rogers |
| kristin sherrill |
Posted - Apr 28 2011 : 7:23:34 PM
Amen, Diane! That's something I have worried about for a long time. The little boys these days are not nice to little girls. I have seen them. My grands tell me things that happen to them. Mothers NEED to be teaching their very small boys how to treat girls NOW. That is so important to do it when they are young. I have seen some really good boys with great manners that are very respectful and nice and I just have to thank their mothers right then. Please, train them now for their sakes. Thank you for bringing this up, Diane.
Kris
Happiness is simple. |
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