| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| medievalcat |
Posted - Dec 19 2010 : 12:12:33 PM
Hello Ladies..
I'm writing with a broken heart because my husband of 8 years walked out last night and refuses to talk to me. He's a recovering alcoholic and I think he might be bi-polar. I found out he's been lying to me about several very important issues and I asked him about it last night. I knew before I said anything that he proubly would leave. He became very angry and pushed my buttons when I kept asking him about this and that. I finally got so angry because I know he's done something so unethical to our finances that it cause serious legal issues. He refused to answer any of my questions. I don't remember what he said but I finally told him that he could pack his stuff and leave. Which he did.
Of course during the packing part he kept yelling about me about my failures and how I don't want him anymore. He accused me of wanting to be with my ex.. (oh yuck if I did I would need serious help). At this point I knew it was pointless to try and say anything. I did apologize for telling him to leave.
Thankfully the youngest kid was visiting her friend and the two teenagers stayed in their room during all this. My husband has threatened to move out so many times before that I knew it wouldn't take much to get him to go.
And I still don't have a clue to know what sort of problems he has caused me financially. I gave him full control over our finances so now I'm trying to figure it out for myself.
I want things to be back to what they were..but I know it won't be fixed with anything from the past.
He's at his daughter's house which is about 20 minutes from here. I've offered to take him his medication and other important stuff but he's told me through her that if I show up he's going to leave for good. Yep he's still angry.
So how do we have a merry Christmas now? How do I find out how much trouble I can be in... he's signed my name to bank accounts that I never knew about.. there's at least 20k missing.
I'm really heartbroken because I love the stupid oaf. And I do love him more than money. I don't know how to get his anger out of the equation.
I have no friends where I live and I have to be at work Monday morning. He's suppose to come over Monday and pick up the rest of his stuff. I've told the teenagers to stay in their room and call me.
Sorry for the rambling.
Cynthia |
| 25 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Alee |
Posted - Jul 02 2011 : 8:12:11 PM
Cynthia- What an exciting time! I hope the reunion goes wonderfully! *hugs*
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
www.allergyjourneys.blogspot.com
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| medievalcat |
Posted - Jul 02 2011 : 7:30:45 PM
Oh Smiley thank you for the laugh! And you're in Pea Ridge.. my aunt and uncle live there and it's beautiful. Well, my husband, kids (including my son), critters and junk are on their way here from Arkansas. I'm excited about it. I plan on spending most Sunday laying on the ground playing with the dogs. I called my kids often and husband even more than that..but the dogs and cats really didn't understand the texts I sent. My husb took pictures of them and sent them to me but I really missed them. I can't wait to love on my cat, Harry, too.
Thank you ladies for sticking by me! |
| smiley |
Posted - Jul 01 2011 : 8:54:44 PM
Have you heard that saying "women are like tea bags- the hotter the water, the stronger we get" |
| walkinwalkoutcattle |
Posted - Jun 30 2011 : 04:39:38 AM
Amen, FarmDream! Cynthia, I know how betrayed and alone it can feel. You just sit there like "What do I do with myself, now?" There's all these feelings that are just flying around you, hitting you every once in awhile...it's all so new and scary...but GOOD for you in realizing that that's just the "Growing pains"! You are the same person you were before-you just need that time to re-discover yourself.
I'm so happy you've also maintained healthy relationships with men in general. :) I hope you get back to your hobbies and passions and that your husband can recognize that those things are what makes you, YOU!
Farmgirl #2879 :)
Starbucks and sushi to green fried tomatoes and corn pudding-I wouldn't change it for the world.
www.cattleandcupcakes.blogspot.com
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| FarmDream |
Posted - Jun 28 2011 : 8:06:50 PM
Good luck on your journey of self-discovery. I started on mine a few years ago. It's wonderful to feel finally grown up and make real decisions about what I like and don't like and how I'm going to live my life. I think my DH actually likes me more because of my new self-confidence and independence. Wish you the best!
~FarmDream is Farmgirl Sister #3069
Live Today, Cherish Yesterday, Dream Tomorrow
http://naturaljulie.etsy.com
http://julie-rants.blogspot.com |
| medievalcat |
Posted - Jun 25 2011 : 8:38:49 PM
The strength I feel from the ladies here is simply awesome. It's taking longer for all of us to be together than we had planned but things can't be rushed just because I'm a little lonely. When I talk to my husband I can hear the stress and unhappieness in his voice but the kids report he's doing everything he needs to do. A hard thing for me to realize is that over the years I have become very co-dependant on him. For the first few weeks I hardly ate and didn't really care about anything. Slowly I had to learn how to live.. which is a good thing to know how to do. I'm also looking at other parts of myself..the dark corners of my mind and trying to find what I've outgrown over the years. I have a great house mate whose just great for a bachelor (no worries he's strictly a brother to me) and he's known my husband forever. I realized by talking to him that I've really curbed my life around my husband. I gave up doing the things I loved to do.. writings, reading, doing medieval sorts of stuff... I gave it up because he didn't like it. Now that I've been here nearly three months and have only seen him twice since then I'm realizing I have to live for myself. I'm not heading for a lawyer but I hope my husband realizes that I'm not going to stop living when he's back with me either.
In some ways I feel this time we are spending apart is like going through life with training wheels on. I know he's there and I know we will be together again..but knowing that I can make it if him and I don't make it is a good thing as well.
Now that I have my computer and internet where I'm staying I'll be on this site a lot more. Thank you with all my spirit.
Cyn |
| walkinwalkoutcattle |
Posted - May 25 2011 : 07:37:31 AM
I second the "Fireproof" series! :) Good tip, Betty Jo!
Farmgirl #2879 :)
Starbucks and sushi to green fried tomatoes and corn pudding-I wouldn't change it for the world.
www.cattleandcupcakes.blogspot.com
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| bboopster |
Posted - May 23 2011 : 08:15:01 AM
Megan what you said is so true. 17 years ago I was left with 5 children and no idea what I was going to do. Today all 5 are grown, my 3 boys military, 2 daughters wonderful mothers to 2 babies each. All 5 support themselves and are wonderful people. I would suggest looking into the "Fireproof" series for self help. Look up "Fireproof your marriage" awesome movie and the books are a great help too. Good Luck and remember we are here for you! 
http://www.bboopster.blogspot.com
Nana to 5
3 Blue Star Mother and Proud of it!
Pray for our troops to come home safe and soon.
Enjoying the road to the simple life :>) |
| walkinwalkoutcattle |
Posted - May 21 2011 : 05:43:40 AM
Cynthia, I'm glad you've found that inner strength. I swear, once us as women discover it, we're invincible! More power to you!
Farmgirl #2879 :)
Starbucks and sushi to green fried tomatoes and corn pudding-I wouldn't change it for the world.
www.cattleandcupcakes.blogspot.com
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| rksmith |
Posted - May 17 2011 : 7:59:21 PM
Hope that all continues to improve and go well for you.
Rachel
Farmgirl Sister #2753
Do not ask the Lord to guide your footsteps, if you are not willing to move your feet--Dr. Kioni
http://madame1313.wordpress.com/ |
| medievalcat |
Posted - May 15 2011 : 5:31:31 PM
Hello everyone and many thank you for the well wishes and advice. Currently things are going really good. I'm living in Louisiana and my husband and kids are in Arkansas until mid June. I have given him the reigns and have told him where the buck stops. I landed a job quicker than I had plans for so now I'm still scrambling to get us all moved here. Our relationship has become stronger and in part I think it's because my depression has improved and him and the kids are excited about moving here too. He has responsibilities now and he can't let anyone down but himself.
But in case he decides to be an a** once we are all here I have a second plan figured out and feel strong enough to accomplish anything I set my mind on. I never realized how much I depended on him for just about everything. Living apart from him during this has given me new strength.
I will try to post more soon but I'm borrowing a computer until mine arrives.
Cyn |
| smiley |
Posted - May 14 2011 : 8:22:38 PM
Just wondering now that the holidays are behind us is the situation any better? Is there a clebrate recovery program around you? |
| Carianne |
Posted - Feb 03 2011 : 7:12:21 PM
I was in a very similar situation. My husband finally left. He's got severe derpression and doesn't care to have a relationship with anyone in the world, including me. He's very alone. But he's spent up a fortune and put himself way in debt since we've split. I filed for divorce because I could see the tidal wave coming of financial problems if I didn't. I even had him taken off the house. I didn't have extra money laying around for a lawyer, but there is help and I found it.
In your position you need to be ready for anything. So put away money for YOU someplace where he can't get it. Always have a back up plan. That's not trusting him, or God that's being prudent. When you have kids, you have to do what you have to do. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. So until he's got a LONG time of being more agreeable, figure that he's still the same. You are lucky to have a good friend. That is better than a counselor anyday, she cares about you. All the best. |
| prayin granny |
Posted - Jan 18 2011 : 07:28:48 AM
Cynthis, prayers and the best of luck to you with all of this!! Blessings, Linda
http://www.scatteredlittleblessings.blogspot.com
Country at Heart |
| medievalcat |
Posted - Jan 17 2011 : 11:22:09 AM
Some good news! My husband has put his truck up for sale and has therapy appointment in Feb.
Thank you for all your support and prayers. |
| prayin granny |
Posted - Jan 14 2011 : 07:25:08 AM
Farmgirl prayers!! Take care and the best of luck as you deal with all of this.
Blessings, Linda
http://www.scatteredlittleblessings.blogspot.com
Country at Heart |
| alterationsbyemily |
Posted - Jan 13 2011 : 5:51:51 PM
You will be in my prayers. I hope that you can get your information quickly.
--
See my custom costumes, download free patterns, and hear some spook EVPs from Gettysburg, PA on my site, www.alterationsbyemily.com |
| MrsRooster |
Posted - Jan 04 2011 : 1:53:34 PM
I am continuing to pray for you.
He needs to work on himself. You need to heal.
Take your time.
Lots of love
www.mrsrooster.blogspot.com
Farmgirl #1259
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| medievalcat |
Posted - Jan 04 2011 : 11:42:47 AM
Thank you ladies for your kindness and support. I'm glad Christmas is over and I can start working to fix the problems that were created by my DH. He's very sorry for what he's done and he's trying to make amends. But my fears is that one day he will resent me for this tight control I have over everything. I'm taking it one day at a time and I've talked to his adult daughter and explained why I may end up kicking him out. She completely understands and is very upset with her dad. He's yet to go into therapy but I can't force him to do it. I told him he has to start caring about himself and taking care of himself. I refuse to feel sorry for him any longer.
I want this year to be one of love and respect for all of us. The kids want him to stay with us.. he's not their biological dad... last week while the kids were home I discovered he did not make them do any chores. So this past weekend I ended up being the mean parent to get them to do anything. I confronted them about it and told him that it's not fair to me to have to be the mean person. He agreed and apologized.
Why is marriage never 50/50?
Take care and I'll report as I can ( I have limited internet at home).
Cynthia |
| missusprim |
Posted - Dec 31 2010 : 07:32:19 AM
quote:
I'm sorry, but I'm having trouble reading this post. I see the manipulation starting all over.
I'm leaning towards feeling this way as well. My biggest concerns here are the kids and what they've witnessed/overheard between you and your DH.
This isn't a case of someone not fessing up to putting an empty container of orange juice back in the fridge. What your DH did was a calculated act of deceit over a period of time, and with a big lump of money to boot. There was a huge breach of trust that not only involves you but your kids as well and it's still unclear as to what his reasons were as he hasn't told you? Alcoholism, abuse, etc. is not an excuse or reason to justify what your DH has done.
I don't think anyone on MJF advocates divorce, and I would be included. However, there are times when you have to take a hard look at yourself and ask some tough questions about the present and your future and how this not only affects you but your kids, too.
I always hope for the best, but I also prepare for the worst. I'm a woman who has been dealt a wicked hand in many ways but it's made me wiser to how I protect myself and my kids. I only ask that you don't sell yourself short. You deserve to be happy and carefree to enjoy life.
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| goneriding |
Posted - Dec 30 2010 : 11:15:42 AM
quote:
Originally posted by SusanScarlet
Also, sometimes we think we're in love with a person, when really we're in love with who we wish that person was. I've been there. Sending prayers your way.
This.
I'm sorry, but I'm having trouble reading this post. I see the manipulation starting all over.
Please stay strong and if you need some stone ovaries, I and others are here. I'm not sorry I feel this way, I'm just a tougher cookie than I used to be...
For some 'venting'-type of entertainment, please read my blog, http://lostadventuresintrucking.blogspot.com . Now with pictures!!
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| SusanScarlet |
Posted - Dec 29 2010 : 1:34:59 PM
Cynthia - Might I suggest that you have credit reports run on you and also your children. Unfortunately, if your husband had access to your children's social security numbers, credit cards/loans could be obtained in their names, not paid and then their credit is harmed. A member of my family had this happen to him when he was under 18. His parents used his social security number to obtain credit and then did not pay. A real mess but he finally got it straightened out. Also, sometimes we think we're in love with a person, when really we're in love with who we wish that person was. I've been there. Sending prayers your way. |
| LucyMae |
Posted - Dec 27 2010 : 3:35:51 PM
I had a wise sister (now deceased) that said everyone deserves one chance to make things right. You are a strong woman and no matter what, you must do what is right for you and your children. Pray, ask God for direction, and it will come. It is not for anyone but you to understand what you do and why. We are here, we offer friendship and love without judgement. We cannot judge if we have not walked in your shoes.
Love and Blessings |
| knittingmom |
Posted - Dec 27 2010 : 10:31:11 AM
Our prayers are with you and your family through this. If you can get into family counselling that can not hurt. Ultimately remember that though you love him you and the kids are your priority.
"There is no foot so small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world" |
| marjean |
Posted - Dec 27 2010 : 10:20:00 AM
Cynthia,
I'm so happy to hear you are willing to do what is best for you and your family. In my family we follow the Bible's advise and do not divorce unless it is for adultry, abuse near death and if they are a child abuser. But, then it is up to the indivual to decide.
That is why it took my mother so long to know what to do.
She had evidence of adultry and filed for divorce and they worked it out and then to our horror some years later found out my dad is a child abuser. So, with more evidence of adultry again she divorced him. He had secretly bought other property with my brother so when that came out, my Mom got the house in the city and he got the property in the country.
But, if she would had followed through with the first divorce what tore the family apart years later would never had happened.
I'll be praying he does the right thing this time for both your sakes.
Farmgirl sister #308
handmade cards, vintage organizer bags and more at www.jeanpatchbymk.etsy.com
http://jeanpatch.blogspot.com
www.fullerdirect.com
id#0920150
www.watkinsonline.com/rjaramillo
www.sunshinefarmgirlcoop.com |
