| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Annab |
Posted - Jul 18 2010 : 12:58:39 PM
This has been sticking in my craw for a long time and last night really almost pushed me over the edge.
We hosted a social gathering at our place and our godson, his kid sister and dad crashed the party. I was totally unprepared and felt weird 'cause all we had was adult type food and heavily laced punch.
What kills me, is the dad and mom who are separated will take these kids to all kinds of adult gatherings, while the son is STILL "homeschooled" and cannot read worth a toot. It's awkward to have his 4 year old sister say her brother can't read. Looks like someone needs to spend more time getting their kid into school rather than appear unnanounced at social gatherings
The son kept on going back for the home made blackberry pie I had made. So I made a "deal" in front of his dad, my hubby and his sister...saying that i'd make thie kid not one but TWO blackberry pies for his very own if he would go to the library and pick out a book and learn to read it all by himself. We "shook" on it...but i'm doubious.
Half of me wants so badly to give the mom a facebook message 1. at not giving any warning that her crew showed up unnanounced when she said she had to work late and gave no indication that the other 3 were going to show up. (they are split and live in different houses) 2. it put me on the spot and I had to watch these kids devour chips and sweets all night long (rather than a decent meal) and 3. I so want to up the ante and say the kids cannot come back to spend the night unless the eldest boy lears to read.
We did the same kind of thing for his sister when she was learning to use the potty. It workd, so she and borther spend the night.
BUT here's the kicker. My husband is so madly in love with these kids and he would KILL me if I even so much as squelched any future plans for them to spend the night. I get tired of listening to the whining, being bossed around with no pleases or thank yous, standing on furniture, cleaning up their messes and total disregard for manners or our home.
When they spend the night, if it were not for the dog, I'd check into a hotel in town and call it a night.
Am I totally crazy and just expecting too much?
Any suggestions? Any way to foresee and come up with a compromise?
I will speak to my hubby tonight, but I really do not want these issues glossed over if he should bring them up to the mom. And she is just psycho enough that if I got mad and did send an inflaimatory message, she'd probably deny hubby all visiting trips and it would be totally my fault. I don't want to drive a wedge, I just want a lttle respect...and above all for the durn kid to get enrolled into a school! I thought illiteracy was a thing of the past.......guess not |
| 25 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| JessieMae |
Posted - Sep 15 2010 : 11:48:58 AM
That kinds of reminds me a of a Garrison Keillor (Prairie Home Companion) monolog where he talks about how he wasn't a good reader in grade school, and one day his teacher told him what a nice voice he had, and that she was sorry she didn't get to hear him speak more often. So she asked him to stay in at recess and after school to read out loud to her while she marked papers, she enjoyed his voice so much.
Jessie Mae
Farmgirl Sisterhood #134 |
| AliciaNak |
Posted - Sep 15 2010 : 07:30:57 AM
And it could be a stalling tactic. My middle boy insisted he couldn't read. We worked with Cody, but he always insisted he couldn't get it. At the last parent teacher conference of the year his teacher says he's the best reader of the class! We come home and let him know his teacher "ratted him out" and we called his bluff. Sat down and he read an entire Dr. Suess book to us.
Alicia
Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.~Ralph Waldo Emmerson
www.blondenak.blogspot.com
www.artfire.com/users/BlondeNakCreations |
| Annab |
Posted - Sep 15 2010 : 03:25:43 AM
Found out yesterday that the boy is now being tutored for his reading. GOOD! He says he still can't read. I sure hope he isn't being rushed. Some of it may be a confidence thing too a little bit
Makes me mad at the mom every time.
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| Annab |
Posted - Sep 14 2010 : 03:37:36 AM
I whole hearidly agree about those teaching moments.............pity the mom was too involved w/ her exercise classes and keeping up appearances at various social functions
That's the awesome thing about farm life........there's always something going on and worth learning, even in winter! |
| JessieMae |
Posted - Sep 11 2010 : 2:33:22 PM
Kayla, you're exactly right. You have to be "dedicated to teaching every moment of every day." And you have to look for teaching opportunities everywhere...not just in workbooks and dittoed sheets from a curriculum company.
Jessie Mae
Farmgirl Sisterhood #134 |
| fiddlegirl89 |
Posted - Sep 11 2010 : 2:03:32 PM
As far as the reading goes...
We've always been homeschooled. I graduated in 2006 and one of my brothers graduated last year. I always loved to read, and started reading pretty early. (My mom's not around right now, or I'd ask her how early early was..I want to say age 5.) Then when my brother got to the same point in his schooling (and the same age) he just couldn't care less about reading. I devoured anything with words, and he just didn't like it. He wasn't that great at reading for a while, and my parents were concerned. Then, when he was, I don't know...maybe 8 or 9, something got him interested in the Civil War. Oh, my. He wouldn't QUIT reading and teaching us everything he was learning, too! He just turned 18, still reads a ton, and knows a LOT more about history than anyone else in my family, just because of his own research by himself. When he was 16, he taught a high school history class.
I've heard folks say not to worry about it if some kids don't learn to read right off. Once they decided they want to read bad enough, they'll learn SO much faster, and far exceed their age/grade level in no time. My parents never went by that plan though, and we've all learned to love reading, and started reading early. We babysit a little girl who has a brother the same age as my youngest brother (9.) Her mom brought my brother some books that her son had, and my brother finished one of the books the day she brought them. She was shocked that he had read it so quickly, and her son is in public school. My 9 year old brother wrote a paper the other day that had something to do with "the infamous attack of the Confederacy" and my mom and I just looked at each and laughed. He couldn't understand why the word "infamous" wasn't in his little dictionary he was using, and Mom told him it was because boys his age didn't usually didn't use words like that!
Homeschooling can be done well, but you do have be dedicated to teaching every moment of every day. Learning doesn't stop when you graduate, and parents have the ability to instill into their children a love for learning that will never be satisfied! It's an incredible job!
http://www.custerfamilyfarm.com
Direct link to my blog: http://custerfamilyfarm.com/blog1/index.php?blog=3 |
| JessieMae |
Posted - Sep 07 2010 : 06:17:16 AM
Stories like this just turn me into a crazy person. I was so careful all my life to do everything right, and no kids for me. These two bums who have trouble raising their own children seem as fertile as the Amazon forest. Where's the justice?
Jessie Mae
Farmgirl Sisterhood #134 |
| Annab |
Posted - Sep 07 2010 : 03:50:11 AM
That's what we plan to do. Even with so short a visit this time, the boy wanted to spend the night no question, while his sister wanted time w/ her little friends.
The dad is kind of turning out to be a real dead beat...and is most likely why the mom left to begin with. We get tastes of it occasionally and it drives me crazy...but anyway If we can continue to be a part of this kid's life, then indeed, we'll be the refuge especially during the teen years when trouble is more likely to surface. |
| solilly |
Posted - Sep 06 2010 : 12:02:39 PM
Keep one thing in mind and it sounds like this is what is happening. Kids need love and attantion. If they cannot get it at home they look somewhere else. You may be the best thing that came into these kids lives. You do care even if your hubby cares more. Jewel and the other ladies have given you thing to think about. You may be a person to keep these kids from becoming drunks or drugy just by showing and teaching them what they need just to make it in this world. See with the party thing I would have taken the kids aside and said come with me I have something for you to eat in the kitchen. Sure you may not have been able to put a real good meal together fast but even a peanutbutter sandwich is better then chips. Keep on being a light for these kids they need you. Care with kindness and love you will win. Lilly 
learning the life I always wanted. |
| JessieMae |
Posted - Sep 06 2010 : 11:38:23 AM
Anna, that's a really good idea. When I was a little girl I spent a lot of time at my grandparent's house, and they gave me a box (I think it was some sort of fruit box, but it was about the size of a big file box and had a hinged lid on it) where I kept my personal hygiene items that were just for use at Granny's house, along with clean undies, change of clothes and a spare gown, etc. I always had what I needed and never had to worry about forgetting stuff at home. Plus, I felt like I had a foothold there, like I was welcome and it was sort of my home-away-from-home. And, incidentally, it made a great spot to put stuff that I didn't want my sister finding, since she never came to Granny's!
Jessie Mae
Farmgirl Sisterhood #134 |
| Annab |
Posted - Sep 06 2010 : 03:38:17 AM
A-men to that! And I had always assumed that was the main reason why homeschooling was supposed to be so good was so that it can be made to fit the individual and perhaps actually TEACH and not teach for taking an end of grade teast at the close of the school year.
Recently I became super disillusioned when a friend decided to enlist. I may have raised a question about this in another post. Anyway, due to this person's home schooling, the military wouldn't take him HUH!?
But I digress!
Good news is....and I'm really excited for our little god-son.....next time he and his family visit, he said he WILL be reading and is expecting his pie! He is in fact reading the newer versions of the Dick and Jane books now, so in a few months I'll be super interested to see how he has progressed.
And I have also decided to give the boy and his sister REAL suitcases for Christmas for when they visit. The mom totally forgot to pack the basics again and left the boy's sunday shirt at home. So I plan to buy toothbrush, toothpaste, ditty bag to put it all in, a nice new clean bag of fun undies, perhaps a packable travel pillow and some other travl essentials that maybe the mom will get a clue about!
Good husband of mine did their own little church service Sunday morning when they had to stay home due to no decent clothes, so hubby gets extra bonus points!
We'll salvage this poor kid yet! |
| JessieMae |
Posted - Sep 05 2010 : 10:29:39 PM
I think homeschooling is a dangerous trend. Done right, it's a great thing...but it's HARD to do it right! Some people purchase a curriculum off the internet made up of a series of workbooks. They put the kid at the kitchen table with a stack of workbooks, and once he's completed a page from each subject, he gets to run off and watch t.v. for the rest of the day. Parents who want to homeschool their kids have to be totally prepared for the amount of work and tons of planning that goes into giving their kids a thorough education. Not only that, but you have to be really disciplined to keep a routine and regular schedule. And it requires a lot of one-on-one time with your kid...you can't count on gardening, working on hobbies, cleaning the house, etc. while the kid works alone and unsupervised. Regular schools have special services to help children with special needs excel, and parents with special needs kids need to adjust their homeschooling curriculum accordingly. Good teachers in schools don't rely only on textbooks and dittos, and good homeschooling parents shouldn't, either.
Jessie Mae
Farmgirl Sisterhood #134 |
| Annab |
Posted - Sep 05 2010 : 03:49:40 AM
Thanks very much!
After 2 weeks of school and figuring out that a routine now has to be established (as in earlier to bed and remembering homework) both kids are doing well.....it's still the mom who needs the boot to the head to help her kids "remember" this stuff!
They each came back up for a long weekend visit and spent the night last night, but sadly arrived too late for much playing or reading. Good news is, hubby will be taking older brother to church this a.m.....and this is yet another subject yet to be discussed some other day.
But all in all the happy family is doing ok. It will be awhile before they can come back to visit again, so in the meantime I'll be searching out some of those books and very much want to sit and be read to when the kids return |
| AliciaNak |
Posted - Sep 01 2010 : 10:31:39 AM
I hope he's doing better these days! After reading all these posts...Goodness. I agree with some earlier posts, about manners being taught in your home. As the mother of 3 boys this is a big thing to me. I'm not a short order cook, a butler, a buss boy or a maid. All the neighborhood boys figure this out after a few visits to our home. There are clean up songs to help with making that more fun, I make dishes and sweeping a game.
The reading...A tip given to me by a teacher of my oldest son-Let them find a subject they are interested in (and this may change a few times), and then guide their choices to books of their reading level. It's very frustrating and disheartening to pick out a book that looks so cool, only to open it and feel overwhelmed and beaten before you start. These days, instead of Dick and Jane, there are Jack and Annie, who go on all sorts of adventures and do neat things. They are part of the Magic Tree House series. My middle boy was introduced to them in 1st grade, and loves loves loves them. There is also a series of I can Read books, on all sorts of subjects (including cartoon movies, which help grab their attention) that are structured on levels. 1 being beginning words, 2 reading with help, etc. These may help boost his confidence, when he can master one level (2 perhaps) and move on to the next level.
My oldest boy (9 this year) struggled for 2 years with reading, even needing extra help in school. He has built up his confidence (and perhaps it finally "clicked" for him) and is reading away now. Another suggestion by the school is 30 minutes of reading time a night. It really helps. Weather it's being read too, or reading on their own.
You all will be in my prayers!
Alicia
Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.~Ralph Waldo Emmerson
www.blondenak.blogspot.com
www.artfire.com/users/BlondeNakCreations |
| Annab |
Posted - Aug 19 2010 : 03:48:09 AM
Thank you for the beautiful words of happiness and encouragement!
My own mother has echoed your sentiments almost to a T....we are to be the light. And that we shall.
Before school has started, the mom had said that part of the problem was not being able to let her kids go. She comes from a family whose father was sexually abusive, (he has since passed about a year ago) so our friend's guard is up all the time. I can understand, but certainly not to deny a child and his/her future.
Poor thing |
| Ninibini |
Posted - Aug 18 2010 : 04:26:05 AM
That is such great news, Anna! In school AND really enjoying it! I'm so happy and relieved. Homeschool is wonderful, and I'm sure in her heart their Mom probably really did have the best of intentions, but it's not for everyone. Please don't let her see this as a failure - her change of heart is a sign of love and commitment to her children's welfare. Besides, there are so many ways she can continue to contribute to her children's education outside of public school - simple things like baking cookies, taking in an open air concert in the park, or walking through the woods and simply taking note of all the cool things going on in the nature all around you. These are all wonderful experiences parents can share with their children! I would encourage her to take heart - now she can supplement their school time with other fun and educational things - and in the process will be creating wonderful memories! They will adore her for it! :)
She may not recognize it at this point in her life, but you and your husband are such a blessing to her! My goodness - can you imagine coming from such a harsh, cruel family? What mountains she must have to overcome! I'm so thankful she has you. Her struggles would be so much more difficult if she didn't have your love, support and encouragement. I am sure it's very difficult for you at times, but hang in there. Flowers will wither in scorching sun, however they flourish in gentle, radiant light! YOU are that light! :)
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
Farmgirl Sister #1974 |
| Annab |
Posted - Aug 18 2010 : 03:42:46 AM
I'd never think of calling out the mom. Her own mother and sister are already critical of the decisions she has or has not chosen to make. The mom is kind of "off" anyway and gets SUPER defensive and combative. The last thing we want to do is drive a wedge between us and the kids.....so we crab to each other and keep our mouths closed otherwise
Hubby and I continue to be supportive for the kids' sakes.
After their first day of school this past Monday, the kids called us with updates. Each had a wonderful time, and the younger sister was very tired. She's usually very peppy, so even through the phone we could hear it had been a long day.
Will be interesting to see them in a few weeks and hear all about it in more detail.
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| knittingmom |
Posted - Aug 17 2010 : 3:57:28 PM
Hmm if he likes comics and graphic novels maybe get some of those as gifts. Some kids are just not readers and it's hard to convince them this is a skill they really need to develop. But like anything small steps and if he feels supported in his efforts he'll make it through
Do you know if he's had his eyes examined?
"There is no foot so small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world" |
| corrabelle |
Posted - Aug 17 2010 : 2:40:39 PM
My kids are homeschooled so this post hits close to home. My oldest is slightly delayed in reading because of an eye problem, which has improved a great deal with some exercises. He's eight now, can read almost at his expected level now, although he just doesn't really "like" reading.
Also, keep in mind, boys do not always catch on to reading as early as girls. They don't always share the same desire, and their minds are not working at the same levels as the girls their own age. I've known several little boys who didn't really *get it* until they were about 10, all of which have become very knowledgable adults.
I would, if I were you, go ahead and play reading games with him (we like phonics bingo, sight word bingo, hang man and mad libs) and continue to read with him when you get the chance.
If you do confront their mother, I urge you to do so gently and with caution. This really is, bottom line, her decision, and her child, and she deliberately chose this for her family because she thought this was best for them, which is her right as a parent.
It sounds as though they're in a rough spot in their lives, which hopefully will become brighter sooner than later.
And while you feel that enrolling him in school would offer some stability and a better education,this isn't always the case. (I'm not sure what schools are like where you are, but here they're failing miserably to teach basic math and reading.)
The school system also isn't always the most stable place for a kid who's been through the ringer.
Yes, there's a routine. However, there can also be bullying, anxiety, total misunderstanding for the material being taught (which means he could start to fall through the cracks really quickly without anyone noticing..) I'm a homeschooler, so I have a really long list.
Be a gentle nurturer to this child and your advice will probalby be much more welcome when push comes to shove. You don't live with them, so inconsistant bouts of bribery/parenting may not work very well.
You do want to continue to see these children (or at least your husband does), so please approach this with an open mind and a willing heart.
Corra
A Kansas gal living in Ontario. Sigh. |
| Annab |
Posted - Aug 16 2010 : 03:36:15 AM
The mother never did go through the proper channels. She just thought that buying those kids activity books like what you see in the kid's section in Border's would qualify
She admits to this failure now
Good news is, the boy will most likely go through some kind of formalized testing and the teacher will be more than willing to work with him to get him up to speed.....or he may be assigned a tutor, not sure
Some friends of ours will be throwing a going away party this weekend for the family.
It's still kind of odd. The husband (still not living w/ his family due to the boyfriend) accepted a full time tree service job, so he'll be needng a place to live.
This story 'aint over by a long shot, but at least the father will be employed by someone else now = job security
Sadly, the "family" dog will have to find a new home. He never was given proper attention. Luckily I have friends who work with our local Humane Society and may be able to rehome him. |
| Ninibini |
Posted - Aug 10 2010 : 8:10:08 PM
Hello girls!
"Bob" Books are a great tool to help kids learn to read. I have given several copies to friends over the years when their children were having trouble. We've always had great results. There are many different levels, they are very, very simple and include pictures. They are fun, which really makes a difference - especially when the child is struggling!
My sister-in-law and I homeschool our kids, my eldest nephew is the same age as my son. When the boys were young, she was absolutely disheartened and dismayed that her son wasn't whizzing along like mine in reading. I well remember her frustration and worry. Having support of family and friends really helped her and my nephew through. She finally came across the Bob books through another homeschooling parent in her co-op, and they made all the difference. He continued to have so much difficulty with each year's increasing requirements, that she and my brother finally talked to the doctor and had him tested for learning disabilities. They found out he has dyslexia and has since had a special counselor helping him with reading and math, and he's doing wonderfully now! You just never know. Anyhow, the Bob books can be found at virtually any book retailer and eBay. Maybe giving them as a gift to the child and sitting with him will be a great thing! :) If you need help finding the books for you, I'd be happy to help or even send them to you - just let me know! :)
As far as the homeschooling end, I'm not sure what NC law is, but I do know here in PA the laws are pretty strict - each year you have to show your school district that your child is showing progress. You can contact the school district to find out what their requirements are, and they will definitely point you in the right direction if you share you concerns. :)
Hugs,
Nini
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
Farmgirl Sister #1974 |
| Jennifer Q. |
Posted - Aug 09 2010 : 11:36:32 AM
I am glad to hear that! Hopefully they can get caught up quick! Thanks for the update. :) |
| MaryLD |
Posted - Aug 05 2010 : 4:10:24 PM
Keep us posted!!!!!
Mary LD
Haflingers- You can't have just one!
( I'm just one short of a drill team!) |
| Annab |
Posted - Aug 05 2010 : 10:02:48 AM
Received news that the children will be enroled into a performing arts school in SOuth Carolina and not here in their home town.
Still, not sure what the wake up call qwas, but the mother FIANLLY got off the dime and will also trying to work.
The husband has also put in a application to work w/ a tree company down there too. But each of their homes here will continue to be maintained too. Strange
Pity they can't seem to make it work here.
My husband is sad that there won't be many more unscheduled sleep overs and Friday afternoon play dates.
I'm still in shock
Happier though that the kids will be in school. So next time we see them for a sleep over at our place, I'll be able to make good on my promise and bake those pies!
Stay tuned |
| Leilaht |
Posted - Jul 25 2010 : 12:51:16 PM
My kids both knew how to read before they started school, and my son is AD/HD and tested at low normal intelligence. You just have to put the effort in and apparently she isn't going to. As far as behavior, it is your house. They follow your rules or they get nothing. If my kids asked me for a drink etc... I would just look at them until they said please and didn't let go until I heard thank you. I still remind some of the people I work with. Please and thank you never hurt and go a long way toward getting what you want.
Liz
Strength and honor are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.
Proverbs 31:25 |
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