| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| julia hayes |
Posted - Nov 09 2009 : 7:41:37 PM
 I was feeling down-right optimistic today thinking that Aria's counts would be trending upward. Everything appeared to be headed in that direction, but we all know that appearances can be misleading. Still, she was fantastic all week long despite very low counts, hard-core chemo a week ago, both flu shots and steroids! She power napped daily and was in fabulous spirits! Soooo today I was almost certain we'd see an improvement and maybe even enough for her to head back to school. She misses her friends.
At the same time I must tell you that I also carried as a companion a healthy dose of ambivalence. Perhaps that sounds strange but it's true. I felt perfectly at ease with whatever outcome was going to come our way...I didn't want to get my hopes up too high nor did I want to despair too deeply in disappointment. It was a perverted kind of peace I had today.
Last week Aria's counts were 480. They should be somewhere between 1000 - 2000. Today they were 220. Fortunately, she is not showing any signs of illness whatsoever. That's the hardest part. She doesn't seem compromised in the least! Still, she can't go to school and she was crushed. Anything less than 500 means the immune system is just too suppressed to be in any public situation. Aria was crushed when I told her. She burst into tears saying, "When will I ever see my friends!! I miss them!!" I don't blame her. She feels fine and yet isn't.
This is the hard part ladies being so close to the finish line. We are indeed so close and yet so far. I feel like we're sprinting but not getting very far. It is a peculiar thing.
Overall, I'm ok. Really I am. I'm disappointed and sad to be sure. But I'm also so completely and overwhelmingly grateful that it isn't any worse. She could have a count of 220, be feverish and in the hospital. As it is, we were flying paper airplanes, playing in the bath, reading, coloring and just generally having fun. It could be better but it could be SO much worse.
It is what it is and I'm so good with that. Still, if you could keep her close I'd appreciate it. We're skirting a fine line, thanking our lucky stars and despite trying to take deep breaths, we're holding them!!
Here's to Aria and here's to you! ~julia
*UPDATE 11/14**
I took her back to clinic yesterday to check her counts again. They have risen to 400. This is certainly better than 220 but still not great...still no school etc..etc... Hopefully with the improvement it shows that she is heading in the right direction. However, all afternoon she had a low grade fever 99.7-100.2 (100.4 gets us a nice trip to the ER) So we were watching her like a hawk. She was punky and put herself to bed twice. CLEARLY, she is dealing with something. I called her doctor and we decided to just watch her and see if she actually spikes a true fever. She had all manner of complaints yesterday as well; aches and pains all over and just a general fussiness. Poor thing. I kept encouraging her to play with her toys but she just either wanted to lay down or watch tv. She is in 'veg' mode for sure.
This morning I checked on her and she's nice and cool! She's got a funky chemo rash on her face that we're watching too. We had our first snow yesterday and she wants nothing more than to play out there. If her temp is normal I'll let her. This is one of "living in the moment" things. Trust me, I want nothing more than to cuddle up with her and make sure that nothing happens. I could get consumed by the anxiety of it all if I allowed myself; "What if she goes outside and something happens? What if she comes in with a fever? What if? What if? What if?" I'm learning to untie that strangle hold. Aria wants to go out and play. If all signs point that she's ok, well then in the moment she is and I'll treat her as such. It's a tough one but I've learned that inhibiting her spirit from soaring "in case something might happen" is not a good thing. Aria doesn't need her wings clipped, she needs me to teach her to preen and then to shine and then to fly.
Here's to today. It will be exactly as it was meant to be..Here's to Aria, working to get better! What a soul she is!! ~julia
being simple to simply be
Farmgirl #30
www.julia42.etsy.com
www.about-aria.blogspot.com |
| 25 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| CherryPie |
Posted - Dec 03 2009 : 07:42:54 AM
My thoughts and good wishes to you and Aria. A big farmgirl hug from me!
Kimberly Ann
Farmgirl Sister #225
Crochet Geek, Newbie Fiddler, Would-be Farmer, Backyard Chicken Rancher
http://beesinourbonnetsintheburbs.blogspot.com/ |
| maggie14 |
Posted - Dec 02 2009 : 5:51:54 PM
I'm glad she liked the card!! I'm going to send her a little something tomorrow or friday for her.
Hugs,
Channah
If you can dream it, and if you are willing to put forth the work and effort, you can have anything you envision. |
| katmom |
Posted - Nov 19 2009 : 09:14:31 AM
hey neighborette,
how's Aria feeling today?
What more can I say that has not already been lovingly said by these beautiful "MJF sisters"....
I think you should take Aria, Reo & Rehanna out to play in this fresh fallen...and still falling snow...
sending you hugz from across the field and over the tree tops.
>^..^<
>^..^< Happiness is being a katmom.
"I've never met a sewing machine I didn't like!"
www.katmom4.blogspot.com & http://www.graciesvictorianrose.blogspot.com
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| Bear5 |
Posted - Nov 17 2009 : 10:34:26 AM
My prayers today will be for Aria. God Bless her. Julia, I shall pray for you.
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
| Tn.Earthmama |
Posted - Nov 17 2009 : 09:07:03 AM
Julia, Aria is blessed to have such a loving and smart Mom, and you are blessed to have such extraordinary kids!!! Aria is so spunky and tough, glad you let her take the lead, are letting her spirit soar!!
sending healing thoughts and energies. watching for those rising counts. hugs Phyllis |
| Beverley |
Posted - Nov 15 2009 : 9:26:51 PM
I'm glad to hear her counts are up. we will keep praying that they keep going up too..
Folks will know how large your soul is by the way you treat a dog....Charles F. Doran
beverley baggett Beverley with an extra E...
http://bevsdoggies.googlepages.com/ |
| mikesgirl |
Posted - Nov 14 2009 : 08:43:58 AM
I second Kelly's thoughts - Aria has been given exactly the right mother. You are frequently in my thoughts, but extra healing vibes during this bump in the road.
Farmgirl Sister #98
Visit my online store at:
http://www.shopthefrontier.com/VFstore/index.php?manufacturers_id=79&osCsid=6be4b25bf9555031c6e2e86bbde23dba |
| Beemoosie |
Posted - Nov 14 2009 : 08:03:48 AM
Julia, you and Aria never cease to inspire me.
hugs and prayers for you & yours
Bonnie
My soul magnifies the Lord, And my spirit rejoices in God my Savior. Luke 1:46,47
www.beequilting.blogspot.com
http://beemoosie-picture-diary.blogspot.com/ |
| 4HMom |
Posted - Nov 14 2009 : 07:19:43 AM
Julia...you are an amazing mom and woman! Aria is so fortunate to have you! My grandmother's middle name was Julia and she was a strong woman. I named my youngest daughter Julia...If she has half the strength and wisdom as you, she will do fine. Hang in there and keep being who you are. Positive energy heading your way!
"Be the change you want to see in the world" -Gandhi |
| jpbluesky |
Posted - Nov 13 2009 : 02:15:00 AM
Julia - it is good to know that she is feeling well. Praying those counts go up soon. Glad she is home with you.
Farmgirl Sister # 31
www.blueskyjeannie.blogspot.com
Psalm 51: 10-13 |
| therusticcottage |
Posted - Nov 12 2009 : 12:51:40 PM
Julia - sending hugs to both you and Aria. I am so sorry that the counts are way down. Glad that she is not showing any signs of illness though. I will continue to pray for all of you!!
Hugs,
Kay
Handmade Soap, Lotion Bars & More! http://therusticcottage.etsy.com
The Rustic Cottage Blog http://therusticcottage.blogspot.com
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| electricdunce |
Posted - Nov 11 2009 : 07:50:54 AM
Sending old hippie healing vibes your way. I am so sorry to hear about Aria's counts, could it have anything to do with fluu shots? At least she is feeling well enough to hoot it up at home with you, and you are brilliant to know that is a good thing. One thing about kids, they are so resilient and so full of surprises. I hope you both have a lovely day...
Karin
Farmgirl Sister #153
"Give me shelter from the storm" - Bob Dylan
http://moodranch.blogspot.com
http://domesticnonsense.etsy.com |
| gr8tfulmom |
Posted - Nov 11 2009 : 03:36:25 AM
Positive and healing thoughts for both of you, ((hugs))
Sarah
Farmgirl sister #779
http://symbioticstitches.blogspot.com/ |
| maggie14 |
Posted - Nov 10 2009 : 9:32:44 PM
I am sending you both a card asap tomorrow when we go to the post office
Hugs,
Channah
If you can dream it, and if you are willing to put forth the work and effort, you can have anything you envision. |
| Carol Sue |
Posted - Nov 10 2009 : 8:23:25 PM
Julia and Aria,
Hugs to you both. Yes, we miss our friends when we can't spend time with them whether we are young or older. But the important word is that you are having fun just hanging together. May you have more fun in the days to come.
www.Quitemoments.blogspot.com |
| Beverley |
Posted - Nov 10 2009 : 6:44:12 PM
Well all our schools are closed right now due to the flu and have been for 2 weeks so you can let aria know she is not alone there are many kids out of school right now. So maybe it is a good thing she is not at school. She is much better off to be at home. God bless you real good and I will keep aria in my prayers...
Folks will know how large your soul is by the way you treat a dog....Charles F. Doran
beverley baggett Beverley with an extra E...
http://bevsdoggies.googlepages.com/ |
| catscharm74 |
Posted - Nov 10 2009 : 5:25:19 PM
Big Prayers and (((HUGS))) coming your way.
Heather
"Hitch your wagon to a star"
http://somewheredownintexas-heather.blogspot.com |
| Aunt Jenny |
Posted - Nov 10 2009 : 5:13:42 PM
I was thinking the same as Julia above....the schools are pretty full of flu cases right now..it is likely great that she is home right now...sad for her I am sure though. What a blessing that she is feeling good through it all. I continue to pray for you guys daily!
Jenny in Utah
Proud Farmgirl sister #24
Inside me there is a skinny woman crying to get out...but I can usually shut her up with cookies
http://www.auntjennysworld.blogspot.com/ visit my little online shop at www.auntjenny.etsy.com |
| nubidane |
Posted - Nov 10 2009 : 1:59:14 PM
Julia
I will agree with Jonni.. If her spirits are high, her health will soon follow. That attitude is worth everything! |
| Tina Michelle |
Posted - Nov 10 2009 : 1:22:49 PM
will continue to pray for your little darling.
~I Dream of a Better World..where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned!~
blogs:http://gardengoose.blogspot.com/
and http://thevictorygardener.blogspot.com
magazine: www.stliving.net
etsy shops: http://GardenGooseGifts.etsy.com
and http://myvictorygarden.etsy.com |
| willowtreecreek |
Posted - Nov 10 2009 : 07:52:30 AM
Oh Julia and Aria (and family) I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this. I am thinking that maybe this is God's way of protecting her. I am a school teacher and our school is just OVERRUN with H1N1 and the seasonal flu right now. Perhaps he has lowered her counts so she would have to stay out of school and would stay safe and healthy otherwise as you have described. We cant understand the master plan and how do you explain that to a child? I have CONTINUED to keep you all in my prayers and will continue to do so. Love and hugs your way!
Farmgirl Sister #17
Blog
www.willowtreecreek.wordpress.com
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| FebruaryViolet |
Posted - Nov 10 2009 : 05:58:56 AM
Julia (and Aria)...
I am keeping you both in my thoughts as I go about my week. I am of the mindset that if her spirit is healthy, then she soon will be, as well. It just has to be. Give hugs to that little girl and tell her healing thoughts are coming from Kentucky!
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
| Marcy |
Posted - Nov 10 2009 : 05:54:54 AM
Julia,
I am so sorry you and Aria are going through this yet again. She is such a special little girl and you are a wonderful mom. Know that you are all in my thoughts and prayers and that you are thought of more than you know. If there is anything at all that I can do, pleast let me know and please keep us posted on how you all are doing.
Farmgirl #170
Since you get more joy out of giving joy to others, you should put a good deal of thought into the happiness that you are able to give...Eleanor Roosevelt
http://marcysworldofcreativity.blogspot.com/ |
| Sarahpauline |
Posted - Nov 10 2009 : 04:34:45 AM
Im sorry to hear that things arent going as you had hoped. Hugs! My thoughts and prayers are with you and Aria.
Not all those who wander are lost...
www.SarahPauline.com
www.AbraxasBaroque.com |
| dutchy |
Posted - Nov 10 2009 : 12:05:41 AM
Hugs and prayers for you and Aria :)
Hugs from Marian/Dutchy, a farmgirl from the Netherlands :)
My personal blog:
http://just-me-a-dutch-girl.blogspot.com/
Almost daily updates on me and mine :)
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