| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Ninibini |
Posted - Oct 22 2013 : 09:15:36 AM
The Irreparable, Profound, Sharp Ache of Brokenness
Have you ever been in a place
Where you know who you are in God,
You know what is expected of you as His Child,
You know what you are capable of handling because of Him,
And you know the magnitude,
Scope
And profound depth of the responsibility
He has placed in you,
And yet,
There is this irreparable, profound, sharp ache of brokenness
Enveloping your life
And consuming your being?
I have...
More than once...
And I got through...
Only this time?
It's different.
It's the worst case scenario.
At least,
It's the worst case scenario
That you could possibly imagine,
But never really believed
Could happen to you.
Everything is broken.
And I don't know how to fix it.
I don’t think I even really want to.
And I cannot even ask Him
To take this cup from me
Because there is no cup left.
So.
Do I stretch my faith to the uttermost limits once again?
Do I trust in Him?
Do I trust myself?
Do I trust enough to endure this
And come out on the other side
Happy, healthy, whole
Grace-washed
Grace-equipped
And
Grace-infused?
Yes...
Yes...
And
Yes...
Amen…
Amen…
And
Amen…
Yes...
He has prepared me for this time,
For this purpose.
I do trust in Him.
Do I want to do it?
No.
Do I feel capable?
Equipped enough?
Strong enough?
No..
No…
And
No.
Then why?
Because of Him.
Because He said yes
Because He did it for me
Because He didn't abandon me
Because He didn’t forsake me.
Long before I was knit in my mother’s womb
Long before I had the breath of God within me
Long before I had any opportunity
To cause Him pain
And inflict upon Him
The most torturous suffering
And excruciating wounds;
Long before I knew Him
He knew me
Everything about me
And He loved me
With His indescribably
All-encompassing
All-Consuming
Deep
Abiding
Everlasting
Life-giving
Love.
And He sacrificed Himself
Enduring it all
Everything
Without holding back
Just
For me.
So,
I will do the same
Not for anyone else
And for no other reason
But because of
And just for
Him.
No matter how this feels
No matter what I face
No matter what I must endure
I will do it for Him.
I will not die.
I will not perish.
I will not turn into dust
Nor blow away in the wind.
I will not fall apart.
I will not fail Him.
I will survive
Because of Him.
I will be okay
Because of Him.
I will accomplish this task
Which He has entrusted to me
Because of Him.
I will accept the pain
Because of Him.
I will pick up and carry
This cross at my feet
Because of Him.
I will walk the path
He has laid before me
Because of Him.
I will accept the strikes against
The core and fibers of my being
Because of Him.
I will bare my soul
To be pierced
And expose my heart
To be wounded
Because of Him.
I will pour myself out
And let Him flow within
And through me
So that others will be saved
And have life
just like me
Because of Him.
For no other reason,
Will I endure
And walk this path
Carrying this cross…
Because of
And
All for the love of
Him.
Though the darkness is thicker than black
And I cannot see anything
And pain has gripped my heart
And my soul is overwhelmed with fear
And I don't feel I can breathe
Let alone move
I will trust Him to guide and protect me.
I know He is here
And I am going to do all of this
For and because of Him.
For and because of Him.
For and because of Him.
When you feel like shattered shards of glass
And like there is nothing but
The irreparable, profound, sharp ache of brokenness
And there will never be beauty
Or purpose
Again
Always remember,
He is the Master Maker
Our Sweet Life Creator.
He lovingly scoops up the shards
And refines them through the fire
Melting them in His kiln
He gives them hope for a future.
Then with His loving breath
Breathes new life to what was once unrecognizably broken.
He patiently refines
His new creation
Through the annealing process.
He relieves it
Of the stresses
Of the heat
And of the fire
It has endured.
It becomes tempered,
Strong
And durable.
And what was once seemingly irreparable
Is transformed into a new thing of beauty
Lasting beauty
Equipped to withstand the tests of time,
Transformed by His love
Imbued with the great promise
With great purpose
With great hope
With a great future.
Yes.
In Him,
Because of Him,
All things will be new again.
So,
I will walk this path
And carry this cross
For Him.
And in the end,
There will be
No more irreparable, profound, sharp ache of brokenness
But rather intense, life-affirming beauty
Fulfillment
And joy
Because of Him.
Thank You, Lord Jesus.
I love You, too.
- Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
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| 25 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Ninibini |
Posted - Nov 12 2013 : 05:41:21 AM
Thank you girls, truly! And a big AMEN, Sharon! Thank you!
Just had to share this pic of my autumn Easter Lily miracle with you...
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You're so right, Peggy - A message from Heaven, trumpeted out loud through His creation! :) Love it!
Happy day!
Hugs -
Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
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| Calicogirl |
Posted - Nov 12 2013 : 05:31:43 AM
Nini, it is hard finding peace when going through trials. A verse that comes to mind:
Philippians 4:6-7 (okay 2 verses :))
Be anxious for nothing but in everything through prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God and the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus
This verse has helped me so much when trials have come about. I am still praying for you Nini!
Farmgirl Sister #5392
By His Grace, For His Glory
~Sharon
http://amerryheartjournal.blogspot.com/
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| laurentany |
Posted - Nov 11 2013 : 7:09:59 PM
Nini,
I continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Know that we are here for you, and we always will be.
Stay strong.
Hugs,
~Laurie
"Little Hen House on the Island"
Farmgirl Sister#1403
View my New Blog:
http://simplesuburbanpleasures.blogspot.com
Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds that you plant.
~Robert Louis Stevenson |
| Ninibini |
Posted - Nov 11 2013 : 3:47:41 PM
Hi girls - I'm sorry! I've been taking a much needed breather these past few days. It's tough sometimes, but I can truly feel you all lifting me up in prayer. It's amazing - you are all such wonderful blessings, such GIFTS! I am so grateful for your thoughts and prayers, truly. And Sherone - thank you for sharing that with me. I'm so glad that what I wrote somehow can help my farmgirl sisters through their trials, too. As I was just telling my sister last night, everyone, everyone, everyone has their cross - sometimes many - to bear. The struggles may be different, but they are still painful, difficult struggles just the same. Having each other in times like this really does help us to get through, doesn't it? The hardest times for me are the alone times. My mind just doesn't want to stop thinking and it can be hard to find peace. I don't want to dwell on the sad and painful, and yet, somehow it creeps into every aspect of my life. Hate that. But then I just talk to the Lord, and peace suddenly fills my heart. And I truly know that it is because of all of your prayers that what could be some of the worst times are so much more bearable than had you not been praying for me. Such wonderful graces and blessings. I just love you all dearly. I hope I can do the same for you all somehow when your trials come. The most important thing is to know we're not alone. Together, with the help of God, we can get through anything. BIG hugs - Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
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| prayin granny |
Posted - Nov 07 2013 : 07:18:48 AM
Nini,
Absolutely beautiful and right where I'm at these days!
Thank you for sharing
Blessings,
Linda
http://grannysbirds.blogspot.com/
Country at Heart |
| wooliespinner |
Posted - Nov 07 2013 : 06:53:55 AM
Nini still praying for you and your family.Glad you can feel the Lord working in your family's life. Hugs to you.
Linda
Raspberry Run Farm
Nubian Dairy Goats |
| sherone_13 |
Posted - Nov 07 2013 : 06:19:07 AM
Nini....please read my sisters post on Welcome Wagon on how your poem impacted her life. Her name is GypsyChar.
Sherone
Farmgirl Sister #1682
Thirty-One Independent Consultant
www.mythirtyone.com/sherone
My Blog
www.annapearlsattic.blogspot.com
My Etsy
www.etsy.com/shop/annapearlsattic
Women are angels. When someone breaks our wings, we just jump on our broomsticks and fly! We are flexible that way! |
| laurentany |
Posted - Nov 06 2013 : 6:14:03 PM
Nini,
You always make me smile and feel good when I read your posts.
God Bless you my farmsister.
Praying things are looking up for you.
Hugs and blessings,
~Laurie
"Little Hen House on the Island"
Farmgirl Sister#1403
View my New Blog:
http://simplesuburbanpleasures.blogspot.com
Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds that you plant.
~Robert Louis Stevenson |
| Ninibini |
Posted - Nov 04 2013 : 03:58:23 AM
Thank you so much, girls. God bless you. I feel your prayers lifting me up, I really, really do. And I pray that when you face your trials - whatever they may be - you will feel my prayers lifting you up, too.
Each day arrives with all the necessary graces to get through. 'Just putting on the Full Armor and following the path one step at a time. You can't rush God, but you can trust Him while you walk with Him. Just hold tightly onto His hand, stick closely by His side, and shelter yourself under the protection of His wing. "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 4:7. It's so, so, SO, so, so true. There truly IS joy, in the most unlikely of circumstances, isn't there? Perspective and faith make all the difference, truly. His way is so totally different than the way of the world, but it is so much better than the way of the world. It really does bring one peace and solid footing amidst chaos. Stepping outside of the situation and looking in, I honestly see that He has been preparing my heart and mind for this time, and how He brought it all together in His perfect timing so that hearts, minds, LIVES and souls would be saved. Do I wish it never happened? Yes. Do I wish I could go back in time and fix it soas to spare all of us this tormenting pain? Yes. But He really was working behind the scenes on our behalf, even when we didn't even know the worst was happening. We really can trust in Him. His love for us and His graces are absolutely amazing. Like my brother said, God can work miracles and wonders in the worst of situations and in the hearts of men who were lost but are now found. Getting to see His handiwork first hand is truly a privilege.
Happy day, girls!
Hugs -
Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
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| laurentany |
Posted - Nov 03 2013 : 4:37:23 PM
Nini,
Thinking of you and your family and keeping you all in prayer.
May you feel HIS love more and more with each passing day, and know that this WILL pass and things will work out.
Sending hugs and love to you my friend!
~Laurie
"Little Hen House on the Island"
Farmgirl Sister#1403
View my New Blog:
http://simplesuburbanpleasures.blogspot.com
Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds that you plant.
~Robert Louis Stevenson |
| wildflower17 |
Posted - Nov 02 2013 : 2:18:02 PM
Nini,
Beautiful and so touching!!!
Hugs!
Judy
THERE IS ALWAYS...ALWAYS...ALWAYS SOMETHING TO BE THANKFUL FOR...
Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened...
"Country Girl at Heart...Blessed Beyond Measure"!!!
Farm Girl #5440
Farm Girl of The Month September 2013 |
| Lavender Rose |
Posted - Nov 02 2013 : 1:04:38 PM
Nini, You touched my heart today. He's always there for us no matter what. It such a peaceful feeling and the longer you have Jesus Christ in your life the more you will feel his presents. I couldn't have made it without him. He is so good and gracious. You are in my prayers.
Lots of Farm Girl Hugs to you,
Lavender Rose
Each day we add to our legacy-good or bad. Our Daily Bread |
| Past Blessings |
Posted - Nov 02 2013 : 10:47:14 AM
Nini, this is lovely! While I too am going through a trial, though comepletely different than yours, I am finding joy in the brokenness as well. In the brokenness, we can take ourselves out of the way so that God can fully work. There really is a peace in that. Praying for you!
Hugs & Blessings,
Brenda
Come visit my blog at http.//www.pastblessings.blogspot.com |
| ceejay48 |
Posted - Nov 02 2013 : 07:40:31 AM
Nini dear . . .
. . . I continue to pray for you and your family!
LOVE YOU!
CJ
..from the barefoot farmgirl in SW Colorado...sister chick #665.
2010 Farmgirl Sister of the Year
Mother Hen: FARMGIRLS SOUTHWEST HENHOUSE
my aprons - http://www.facebook.com/FarmFreshAprons
living life - www.snippetscja.blogspot.com
from my hands - www.cjscreations-ceejay.blogspot.com
from my heart - www.fromacelticheart.blogspot.com
from my hubby - www.aspenforge.blogspot.com |
| violetrose |
Posted - Nov 01 2013 : 6:18:42 PM
That is awesome Nini! Hang on to that, better yet, do draw it out so you will always have that visual (I know you will never forget your encounter though). Keeping you and your family in my heart and prayers.
love you
Ruthie
Farmgirl Sister # 1738
God loves each one of us as if there were only one of us!
St. Augustine |
| Ninibini |
Posted - Oct 30 2013 : 09:53:31 AM
Thank you, girls. No, I haven't read the book... I'll have to get it.
Ruthie - I've missed you so much. We'll have to catch up soon... There's just so much turmoil right now to deal with. You are always in my thoughts and prayers, though. Love you!
Thank you, Darlene! I DO remember that every breathing moment! But thank you so much for telling me that. Sometimes, it's just good to hear it as well as to know it! You have been in my prayers, too. :)
I had the most beautiful vision early this morning when I was deep in prayer. I saw myself carrying my cross. I was pouring with sweat and in agony, just feeling like I couldn't do it anymore. Suddenly, Jesus appeared right in front of me. He, too, was carrying His cross, looking so much worse than I could ever have imagined. He look straight into my eyes, reached out His hand, and touched my cheek. Then He put his hand around the back of my neck and nodded as if to say, "I'm here. We're going to get through this." Oh, the love! The peace! The relief I felt, the renewed strength... It was amazing. I know with all my heart that He will bring us through, and I know I can bear all things because I have Him. Everyone needs Him. I swear, if I can get out to the store this afternoon, I'm going to pick up a new drawing pad and start drawing what I saw. It was life-giving. Everyone needs to see.
I love you, my sisters. I truly do feel your prayers lifting me. Thank you and may God bless you in every way!
Hugs -
Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
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| HealingTouch |
Posted - Oct 28 2013 : 9:35:47 PM
Ruth,
I have The "Jesus Calling" devotional and I also got the Bible and love them both.
Nini,
You might want to try it. My sister got the devotional for me when I was going through chemo and it was such a blessing. I gave several for Christmas last year and everyone loves them. Hope everything is getting better for you. Still in my prayers. Remember that you are the Daughter of the King!
Be Blessed and Be a Blessing,
Darlene
Sister 1922
God first, everything else after!
When Satan's knocking at your door, just say "Jesus will you get that for me?"
When it gets to hard to stand, Kneel!
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| violetrose |
Posted - Oct 27 2013 : 6:34:43 PM
HI sweet Nini, I just saw your post and want you to know that you are in my prayers and heart. Trust in the Lord, He IS!
Do you have the book "Jesus Calling"?. It's an awesome daily devotional. My favorite.
Hugs and prayers,
Ruthie
Farmgirl Sister # 1738
God loves each one of us as if there were only one of us!
St. Augustine |
| Ninibini |
Posted - Oct 25 2013 : 6:13:10 PM
Thank you, CJ. I love you, too. I really, really do. Hugs - Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
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| ceejay48 |
Posted - Oct 25 2013 : 5:26:40 PM
His Grace IS sufficient!
My prayers continue!
LOVE YOU!
CJ
..from the barefoot farmgirl in SW Colorado...sister chick #665.
2010 Farmgirl Sister of the Year
Mother Hen: FARMGIRLS SOUTHWEST HENHOUSE
my aprons - http://www.facebook.com/FarmFreshAprons
living life - www.snippetscja.blogspot.com
from my hands - www.cjscreations-ceejay.blogspot.com
from my heart - www.fromacelticheart.blogspot.com
from my hubby - www.aspenforge.blogspot.com |
| Ninibini |
Posted - Oct 25 2013 : 03:45:52 AM
Thanks, girls. I'm okay, really. It's amazing what His Grace can do. Simply amazing. :) Hugs - Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
|
| Calicogirl |
Posted - Oct 24 2013 : 10:44:47 AM
Nini, (and Heather) You are both in my prayers. What I read sounds so familiar. Do not give up on Him, He is there for us. Draw closer to Him and immerse yourself in Him.
Farmgirl Sister #5392
By His Grace, For His Glory
~Sharon
http://amerryheartjournal.blogspot.com/
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| auntsmelly |
Posted - Oct 23 2013 : 5:39:49 PM
Sending you love and hope, Heather. You are strong and faithful. You will be fine. This I know.
I'm counting my blessings today instead of my calories.
Piglet noticed that even though he had a very small heart, it could hold a very large amount of gratitude. A.A.Milne
Jenny, Blessed Sister #4359
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| Ninibini |
Posted - Oct 23 2013 : 3:52:42 PM
Peggy! You are SO right! I never thought of it that way! LOVE it!!! :)
Thank you so much, Judith and Becky. I really try to walk what I believe - WHO I believe! I feel so enveloped in His love and protected under His wing. It's amazing the strength and comfort He gives when we give it all to Him. I think it is very hard for the unbelievers in my life to understand my decisions and commitments - they sure go against everything the world teaches us. But I'm standing firm. I'm starting to have some really bad panic attacks today, but I'm standing firm. I've had them before. I know to recognize them and how to help myself through them, but man, are they unpleasant.
Thanks again for your prayers. I know we all go through trials like this. The important thing is to just let go and let God. He'll take care of everything.
Hugs -
Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
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| Ladybek9756 |
Posted - Oct 23 2013 : 1:23:21 PM
Nini,
I have one thing that I do and it has helped me through all that I have endured my entire life.
Faith!!!!!!!!!!!
This is how I perceive Faith. He does not want us to figure it out. He does not want us to rely on him to make it right. What he wants is for us to ask for his help and the biggest part of Faith is to believe he will. Faith is belief in him after we ask for help. So often we say we have faith, but we still try to work the mess out. No ask for help. Then believe that he alone will give you the solution. Then the hard part is wait. I know that having faith and waiting are the hardest parts. That is when we are tested the most. But if you can truly exercise the Faith muscle in your heart, he will give you the answers to help you through whatever you may be going through. Keep the faith and believe in him no matter what.
Becky
May the stars carry your sadness away. May the flowers fill your heart with beauty, and may hope forever wipe away your tears. |
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