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Across the Fence:  The Irreparable, Profound, Sharp Ache of Brokennes  |
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
 Posted - Oct 22 2013 : 09:15:36 AM
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The Irreparable, Profound, Sharp Ache of Brokenness
Have you ever been in a place
Where you know who you are in God,
You know what is expected of you as His Child,
You know what you are capable of handling because of Him,
And you know the magnitude,
Scope
And profound depth of the responsibility
He has placed in you,
And yet,
There is this irreparable, profound, sharp ache of brokenness
Enveloping your life
And consuming your being?
I have...
More than once...
And I got through...
Only this time?
It's different.
It's the worst case scenario.
At least,
It's the worst case scenario
That you could possibly imagine,
But never really believed
Could happen to you.
Everything is broken.
And I don't know how to fix it.
I don’t think I even really want to.
And I cannot even ask Him
To take this cup from me
Because there is no cup left.
So.
Do I stretch my faith to the uttermost limits once again?
Do I trust in Him?
Do I trust myself?
Do I trust enough to endure this
And come out on the other side
Happy, healthy, whole
Grace-washed
Grace-equipped
And
Grace-infused?
Yes...
Yes...
And
Yes...
Amen…
Amen…
And
Amen…
Yes...
He has prepared me for this time,
For this purpose.
I do trust in Him.
Do I want to do it?
No.
Do I feel capable?
Equipped enough?
Strong enough?
No..
No…
And
No.
Then why?
Because of Him.
Because He said yes
Because He did it for me
Because He didn't abandon me
Because He didn’t forsake me.
Long before I was knit in my mother’s womb
Long before I had the breath of God within me
Long before I had any opportunity
To cause Him pain
And inflict upon Him
The most torturous suffering
And excruciating wounds;
Long before I knew Him
He knew me
Everything about me
And He loved me
With His indescribably
All-encompassing
All-Consuming
Deep
Abiding
Everlasting
Life-giving
Love.
And He sacrificed Himself
Enduring it all
Everything
Without holding back
Just
For me.
So,
I will do the same
Not for anyone else
And for no other reason
But because of
And just for
Him.
No matter how this feels
No matter what I face
No matter what I must endure
I will do it for Him.
I will not die.
I will not perish.
I will not turn into dust
Nor blow away in the wind.
I will not fall apart.
I will not fail Him.
I will survive
Because of Him.
I will be okay
Because of Him.
I will accomplish this task
Which He has entrusted to me
Because of Him.
I will accept the pain
Because of Him.
I will pick up and carry
This cross at my feet
Because of Him.
I will walk the path
He has laid before me
Because of Him.
I will accept the strikes against
The core and fibers of my being
Because of Him.
I will bare my soul
To be pierced
And expose my heart
To be wounded
Because of Him.
I will pour myself out
And let Him flow within
And through me
So that others will be saved
And have life
just like me
Because of Him.
For no other reason,
Will I endure
And walk this path
Carrying this cross…
Because of
And
All for the love of
Him.
Though the darkness is thicker than black
And I cannot see anything
And pain has gripped my heart
And my soul is overwhelmed with fear
And I don't feel I can breathe
Let alone move
I will trust Him to guide and protect me.
I know He is here
And I am going to do all of this
For and because of Him.
For and because of Him.
For and because of Him.
When you feel like shattered shards of glass
And like there is nothing but
The irreparable, profound, sharp ache of brokenness
And there will never be beauty
Or purpose
Again
Always remember,
He is the Master Maker
Our Sweet Life Creator.
He lovingly scoops up the shards
And refines them through the fire
Melting them in His kiln
He gives them hope for a future.
Then with His loving breath
Breathes new life to what was once unrecognizably broken.
He patiently refines
His new creation
Through the annealing process.
He relieves it
Of the stresses
Of the heat
And of the fire
It has endured.
It becomes tempered,
Strong
And durable.
And what was once seemingly irreparable
Is transformed into a new thing of beauty
Lasting beauty
Equipped to withstand the tests of time,
Transformed by His love
Imbued with the great promise
With great purpose
With great hope
With a great future.
Yes.
In Him,
Because of Him,
All things will be new again.
So,
I will walk this path
And carry this cross
For Him.
And in the end,
There will be
No more irreparable, profound, sharp ache of brokenness
But rather intense, life-affirming beauty
Fulfillment
And joy
Because of Him.
Thank You, Lord Jesus.
I love You, too.
- Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
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Penny Wise
True Blue Farmgirl
1903 Posts
Margo
Elyria
OH
USA
1903 Posts |
Posted - Oct 22 2013 : 09:19:56 AM
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wow-timely...thx nini
Farmgirl # 2139
proud member of the Farmgirls of the Southwest Henhouse
~*~ counting my pennies; my dreams are adding up!~*~ |
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Annika
True Blue Farmgirl
5602 Posts
Annika
USA
5602 Posts |
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nndairy
True Blue Farmgirl
3704 Posts
Heather
Wapakoneta
Ohio
USA
3704 Posts |
Posted - Oct 22 2013 : 11:06:00 AM
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Just yesterday I had a horrible day. I thought that today I should get on here and ask my farm girl sisters how they cope with a rotten, broken feeling inside. Thank you Nini for answering before I even had to ask. Isn't it funny how God works sometimes. You said everything I needed to hear. Bless you!
Hugs,
Heather
Farmgirl Sister #4701
http://nndairy.blogspot.com/
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wooliespinner
True Blue Farmgirl
1311 Posts
Linda
Manchester
Ohio
1311 Posts |
Posted - Oct 22 2013 : 12:02:39 PM
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Wow that blew my mind Nini. Nini you will weather this storm. You are strong enough and I am here to listen whenever you need me. Hugs.
Linda
Raspberry Run Farm
Nubian Dairy Goats |
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laurentany
True Blue Farmgirl
3259 Posts
Laurie
Patchogue
NY
USA
3259 Posts |
Posted - Oct 22 2013 : 1:42:45 PM
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Thank you for that post Nini, and know that I am praying for you and your family girlfriend!
Hugs, Blessings, Love, Faith and more Hugs,
~Laurie
"Little Hen House on the Island"
Farmgirl Sister#1403
View my New Blog:
http://simplesuburbanpleasures.blogspot.com
Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds that you plant.
~Robert Louis Stevenson |
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ceejay48
Farmgirl Legend/Schoolmarm/Sharpshooter
13989 Posts
CeeJay (CJ)
Dolores
Colorado
USA
13989 Posts |
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HealingTouch
True Blue Farmgirl
3448 Posts
Darlene
Kunkletown
Pa
USA
3448 Posts |
Posted - Oct 22 2013 : 3:18:29 PM
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Nini,
You will get through this and come out stronger than before. You can do All things through Christ who strengthens you.
Prayers for you and your family.
Be Blessed and Be a Blessing,
Darlene
Sister 1922
God first, everything else after!
When Satan's knocking at your door, just say "Jesus will you get that for me?"
When it gets to hard to stand, Kneel!
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Edited by - HealingTouch on Oct 22 2013 3:19:08 PM |
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LadyInRed
True Blue Farmgirl
6740 Posts
PeggyAnn
Vancouver
WA
USA
6740 Posts |
Posted - Oct 22 2013 : 5:42:27 PM
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Nini...we all suffer times of brokenness and pain...but we can pick up our Cross...because
He died on it for us already. And the end result was Victory...and that Victory is for each
and every broken soul. In our brokenness we can relate in a small way to His own suffering and pain
on our behalf. Some times we have to be broken and shattered to be made whole again.
Praying for you and your family. Relating to your brokenness...but will rejoice with you when you
come through to the other side of your shattered circumstance. Breathe dear girl breath deeply in to
your Faith and God's Love for YOU!
Love,Blessings and Prayers,
Peggy
Farmgirl #1326
http://ladyinredsite.blogspot.com
"Leave Your Cares Behind...Join Us On The Porch"
"I'm only as strong as the caffeine I drink, the hair-spray I use and the Girlfriends that I have."
"Believe in yourself and let the glitter fly!" P.Smith Mail Art Hostess |
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Oct 23 2013 : 04:14:14 AM
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Thanks so much, girls. All will be well, I trust in Him. I really, really do. And He is revealing Himself in amazing ways. You know, it's almost freezing out at night, and yet suddenly out of the blue yesterday, an Easter lily - of all things - has popped out of the ground in my front garden and is about to burst into bloom! Talk about a clear message from Above! It will all be okay. I will be okay. We will be okay. Don't you worry! :)
Thank you so much for all the love and prayers.
Love you, girls!
Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
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Edited by - Ninibini on Oct 23 2013 09:31:13 AM |
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LadyInRed
True Blue Farmgirl
6740 Posts
PeggyAnn
Vancouver
WA
USA
6740 Posts |
Posted - Oct 23 2013 : 09:54:52 AM
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Awe...NEW BIRTH (and not in Spring)...but God knew you needed a sign from Him. And a Lily
Trumpets it Loudly doesn't it?
Hugs and Love,
Peggy
Farmgirl #1326
http://ladyinredsite.blogspot.com
"Leave Your Cares Behind...Join Us On The Porch"
"I'm only as strong as the caffeine I drink, the hair-spray I use and the Girlfriends that I have."
"Believe in yourself and let the glitter fly!" P.Smith Mail Art Hostess |
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forgetmenot
True Blue Farmgirl
3602 Posts
Judith
Nora Springs
IA
USA
3602 Posts |
Posted - Oct 23 2013 : 10:19:19 AM
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Nini, I am praying for you and whatever is broken in your life. You expressed yourself so well and spoke from all of our hearts too I think.
Life only repairs for me when I breathe deeply and place it all into his hands.
That is not an easy thing to do..why do we keep forgetting?
Sounds like you are making the right choices by giving it up to God.
I felt such joy for you when you shared your lily...I am a great believer in those gifts!!!!!
Farmgirl sister #3926
"Courage is not the absence of fear, but the belief that something is more important than fear." Ambrose Red Moon |
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Ladybek9756
True Blue Farmgirl
882 Posts
Rebecca
Linneus
Maine
USA
882 Posts |
Posted - Oct 23 2013 : 1:23:21 PM
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Nini,
I have one thing that I do and it has helped me through all that I have endured my entire life.
Faith!!!!!!!!!!!
This is how I perceive Faith. He does not want us to figure it out. He does not want us to rely on him to make it right. What he wants is for us to ask for his help and the biggest part of Faith is to believe he will. Faith is belief in him after we ask for help. So often we say we have faith, but we still try to work the mess out. No ask for help. Then believe that he alone will give you the solution. Then the hard part is wait. I know that having faith and waiting are the hardest parts. That is when we are tested the most. But if you can truly exercise the Faith muscle in your heart, he will give you the answers to help you through whatever you may be going through. Keep the faith and believe in him no matter what.
Becky
May the stars carry your sadness away. May the flowers fill your heart with beauty, and may hope forever wipe away your tears. |
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Oct 23 2013 : 3:52:42 PM
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Peggy! You are SO right! I never thought of it that way! LOVE it!!! :)
Thank you so much, Judith and Becky. I really try to walk what I believe - WHO I believe! I feel so enveloped in His love and protected under His wing. It's amazing the strength and comfort He gives when we give it all to Him. I think it is very hard for the unbelievers in my life to understand my decisions and commitments - they sure go against everything the world teaches us. But I'm standing firm. I'm starting to have some really bad panic attacks today, but I'm standing firm. I've had them before. I know to recognize them and how to help myself through them, but man, are they unpleasant.
Thanks again for your prayers. I know we all go through trials like this. The important thing is to just let go and let God. He'll take care of everything.
Hugs -
Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
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auntsmelly
True Blue Farmgirl
559 Posts
Jenny
Pitman
NJ
USA
559 Posts |
Posted - Oct 23 2013 : 5:39:49 PM
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Sending you love and hope, Heather. You are strong and faithful. You will be fine. This I know.
I'm counting my blessings today instead of my calories.
Piglet noticed that even though he had a very small heart, it could hold a very large amount of gratitude. A.A.Milne
Jenny, Blessed Sister #4359
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Calicogirl
True Blue Farmgirl
5216 Posts
Sharon
Bruce Crossing
Michigan
USA
5216 Posts |
Posted - Oct 24 2013 : 10:44:47 AM
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Nini, (and Heather) You are both in my prayers. What I read sounds so familiar. Do not give up on Him, He is there for us. Draw closer to Him and immerse yourself in Him.
Farmgirl Sister #5392
By His Grace, For His Glory
~Sharon
http://amerryheartjournal.blogspot.com/
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Oct 25 2013 : 03:45:52 AM
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Thanks, girls. I'm okay, really. It's amazing what His Grace can do. Simply amazing. :) Hugs - Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
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ceejay48
Farmgirl Legend/Schoolmarm/Sharpshooter
13989 Posts
CeeJay (CJ)
Dolores
Colorado
USA
13989 Posts |
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Oct 25 2013 : 6:13:10 PM
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Thank you, CJ. I love you, too. I really, really do. Hugs - Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
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violetrose
True Blue Farmgirl
960 Posts
Ruth
Epworth
GA
USA
960 Posts |
Posted - Oct 27 2013 : 6:34:43 PM
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HI sweet Nini, I just saw your post and want you to know that you are in my prayers and heart. Trust in the Lord, He IS!
Do you have the book "Jesus Calling"?. It's an awesome daily devotional. My favorite.
Hugs and prayers,
Ruthie
Farmgirl Sister # 1738
God loves each one of us as if there were only one of us!
St. Augustine |
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HealingTouch
True Blue Farmgirl
3448 Posts
Darlene
Kunkletown
Pa
USA
3448 Posts |
Posted - Oct 28 2013 : 9:35:47 PM
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Ruth,
I have The "Jesus Calling" devotional and I also got the Bible and love them both.
Nini,
You might want to try it. My sister got the devotional for me when I was going through chemo and it was such a blessing. I gave several for Christmas last year and everyone loves them. Hope everything is getting better for you. Still in my prayers. Remember that you are the Daughter of the King!
Be Blessed and Be a Blessing,
Darlene
Sister 1922
God first, everything else after!
When Satan's knocking at your door, just say "Jesus will you get that for me?"
When it gets to hard to stand, Kneel!
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Oct 30 2013 : 09:53:31 AM
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Thank you, girls. No, I haven't read the book... I'll have to get it.
Ruthie - I've missed you so much. We'll have to catch up soon... There's just so much turmoil right now to deal with. You are always in my thoughts and prayers, though. Love you!
Thank you, Darlene! I DO remember that every breathing moment! But thank you so much for telling me that. Sometimes, it's just good to hear it as well as to know it! You have been in my prayers, too. :)
I had the most beautiful vision early this morning when I was deep in prayer. I saw myself carrying my cross. I was pouring with sweat and in agony, just feeling like I couldn't do it anymore. Suddenly, Jesus appeared right in front of me. He, too, was carrying His cross, looking so much worse than I could ever have imagined. He look straight into my eyes, reached out His hand, and touched my cheek. Then He put his hand around the back of my neck and nodded as if to say, "I'm here. We're going to get through this." Oh, the love! The peace! The relief I felt, the renewed strength... It was amazing. I know with all my heart that He will bring us through, and I know I can bear all things because I have Him. Everyone needs Him. I swear, if I can get out to the store this afternoon, I'm going to pick up a new drawing pad and start drawing what I saw. It was life-giving. Everyone needs to see.
I love you, my sisters. I truly do feel your prayers lifting me. Thank you and may God bless you in every way!
Hugs -
Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
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violetrose
True Blue Farmgirl
960 Posts
Ruth
Epworth
GA
USA
960 Posts |
Posted - Nov 01 2013 : 6:18:42 PM
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That is awesome Nini! Hang on to that, better yet, do draw it out so you will always have that visual (I know you will never forget your encounter though). Keeping you and your family in my heart and prayers.
love you
Ruthie
Farmgirl Sister # 1738
God loves each one of us as if there were only one of us!
St. Augustine |
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ceejay48
Farmgirl Legend/Schoolmarm/Sharpshooter
13989 Posts
CeeJay (CJ)
Dolores
Colorado
USA
13989 Posts |
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Past Blessings
True Blue Farmgirl
1083 Posts
Brenda
Orchard Prairie
WA
USA
1083 Posts |
Posted - Nov 02 2013 : 10:47:14 AM
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Nini, this is lovely! While I too am going through a trial, though comepletely different than yours, I am finding joy in the brokenness as well. In the brokenness, we can take ourselves out of the way so that God can fully work. There really is a peace in that. Praying for you!
Hugs & Blessings,
Brenda
Come visit my blog at http.//www.pastblessings.blogspot.com |
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Lavender Rose
True Blue Farmgirl
1979 Posts
Brenda
Jackson
MI
USA
1979 Posts |
Posted - Nov 02 2013 : 1:04:38 PM
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Nini, You touched my heart today. He's always there for us no matter what. It such a peaceful feeling and the longer you have Jesus Christ in your life the more you will feel his presents. I couldn't have made it without him. He is so good and gracious. You are in my prayers.
Lots of Farm Girl Hugs to you,
Lavender Rose
Each day we add to our legacy-good or bad. Our Daily Bread |
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Across the Fence: The Irreparable, Profound, Sharp Ache of Brokennes |
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The Irreparable, Profound, Sharp Ache of Brokennes
