| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| FebruaryViolet |
Posted - Aug 17 2009 : 12:15:28 PM
This might be a bit of rant...I will preface this by saying my feelings are hurt and I'm not a super-lover of weddings. I go because I support the couple, and usually just attend the ceremony because THAT'S the part that matters to me...And, I don't know about y'all, but I've been to all kinds of weddings--society to pig roast, and everyone is VERY specific about whether they want children or not on the invites. Maybe that's not what they do around your hometowns, but they sure do here!
So mom, Jus, Violet and I went to the wedding of a close family friend on Saturday to which we were ALL invited (all, to include my infant daughter--her name was on the invite). Nowhere on the invitation was it stated that nursery services would be provided. So, after driving the 2 hours to get to the wedding, both my mother and I having wedding gifts sent from their registry at Macy's a month prior, we arrive at the church and we're told by a 12 year old boy, snootily looking at Violet, "Um....there is a nursery downstairs for her because once you leave the sanctuary for any reason, you can't come back in." I'm sorry, was this a ticketed event at a coliseum? We were a little taken aback...but, to oblige, we went downstairs to the "nursery" which was a dark room with noone in it.
We came back up stairs and I asked an ADULT if there was anyone actually WATCHING the nursery. She said, "there should be...." but didn't seem to know anything more and just wandered off. I mentioned that we had driven 2 hours to come to the wedding but she was already gone...My husband, bless him, SHOULD have been so frustrated--weddings are NOT his thing, but I begged him to come with me to the because the bride was a close family friend and they hadn't met him, he took a day off work (we can ALWAYS use the money!!!), wore a suit (which he hates) and Violet looked so beautiful in her special Dotted Swiss dress, but, he said, "We'll sit out here, don't worry!"...So, my husband and my infant daughter sat outside the sanctuary like second-class citizens for a 20 minute service in which (based on the "level of security") I thought was a marriage of a Royal Couple as opposed to two 22 years olds from a small Kentucky town, where the bride laughed through the whole ceremony and one of the groomsmen wore sunglasses and snickered when the minister mentioned fidelity. I just felt like I was on fire...I was so upset that I couldn't sit with my husband. They played rock music to leave the church, and let everyone out in rows, one by one, like they were trying to avoid a stampede at a WHO concert.
Guess I'm just a little touchy about the proper way to do things (and the way we were treated) because during the ceremony, there were little ones up front, toddler age, who yammered away through the whole thing, and several other babies that I could see, while my little girl (who would have been quiet) sat outside with her father. I felt like we were singled out...my mom said, "Why did we even bother listening to that kid?" And I thought, "yeah????!!!!". Because I follow rules, even stupid ones!
We didn't even go to the reception--the wind was pretty much out of our sails. We went through the drive through at Chik Fil A and drove home.
Honestly, because of the close relationship, I'm debating calling the bride's mother and telling her, but I don't want to seem ungrateful or rude--am I making too big a deal out of it? Should it be an "in the past" thing? It's alright to say so. What would a Farmgirl do? And don't say, "stay home in the garden!" cuz that's really where I wanted to be!!!! 
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
| 25 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| ddmashayekhi |
Posted - Sep 27 2009 : 06:11:05 AM
I'm sorry to hear that you've been through this too Heather. I'm glad you were able to finally work it out with your father in the end.
I don't wish my brother bad luck in his new marriage, but bridezilla has really put him through the mills this year. I hope she is worth all the pain and trouble she has caused, but I doubt it.
Dawn in IL |
| MagnoliaWhisper |
Posted - Sep 26 2009 : 5:26:34 PM
I can not imagine one of my brothers doing that. They just wouldn't! Our parents once we are adults aren't much for telling us what to do.....but with all the children they have, I can't imagine they would sit back with that. I'm sure my step mother would raise a stink to my brothers about no children. However, like I said, I can't imagine them doing that any way. They all love children.
UHG, who would want to start a life with bridezilla! yuck! I hope she can get over herself enough so that your brother doesn't have another break down.
I believe some day you will be able to forgive him......but may never forget. I've had some pretty hard things in my family to forgive and eventually did (not being invited to a wedding, where I thought I should of......well to be quite honest, I will just say it! My dad did not invite me to his wedding to his second wife. I was very very upset about it for about 30 years. Especially since her family was in it-children my same age at the time, and he had told me the reason I couldn't come was because children weren't allowed. I was fine with that (I was 5) till I seen the pics, and seen lots of children there. all her family!) Any way........my dad finally apologized to me a few years ago about it.....but I had finally let it go. Also I had held a grudge against my step mother all that time, and come to find out, she had begged my dad to have me in the wedding and there, and he was the one who had said no. I thought he had been side lined by her about it all those years. Any way, live and learn.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
| ddmashayekhi |
Posted - Sep 26 2009 : 09:07:00 AM
Well Belle, my brother and his new wife wouldn't allow my son to come to their wedding yesterday. I couldn't get a sitter, so I didn't go to the reception. My husband and I attended the church ceremony and then left to pick our son up from school. I am still shocked and hurt that my brother allowed this to occur. My brother is 16 years younger then I am and I was his sister, godmother, and surrogate mother. I have dropped everything to run and help him when he needed it and two years ago he was in serious need after having a breakdown. My new sister-in-law and her mother stuck to the "no kids" rule and said they wouldn't bend it for anyone. I think starting a new life with lots of hard feelings all around you isn't a good way to go, but they got their way.
My husband and I took our little guy out to dinner after we picked him up to a fancy Italian restaurant. Dinner took nearly 2 hours and my little boy behaved perfectly. No one sitting around us would not have been able to tell a "kid" was in the room unless they looked at our table.
I will never able to forget or forgive how the happy couple treated my son and us. I can only hope they have the same treatment done to them sometime in the future. Not nice to say, but that's how I feel.
Dawn in IL |
| homesteaderbelle |
Posted - Sep 25 2009 : 06:02:55 AM
quote:
Originally posted by MagnoliaWhisper
I've always thought it was stupid to not have children at such events. I can't imagine having a childless wedding........
Who wouldn't want children to coem to their wedding?!? That would be pretty boring with children!
Belle
http://www.homesteaderbelle.blogspot.com/
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| dutchy |
Posted - Sep 24 2009 : 10:55:14 PM
OH a second thing I just remember: Mt friend will take playthings to church. So the littlest bridesmaid can play if she gets fidgety. BUT it will be IN the church itself, so mom and dad can always watch both the ceremony AND the girl. And more kids can/will play with them, so there will BOUND to be noises heard 
Hugs from Marian/Dutchy, a farmgirl from the Netherlands :)
My personal blog:
http://just-me-a-dutch-girl.blogspot.com/
Almost daily updates on me and mine :)
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| dutchy |
Posted - Sep 24 2009 : 10:52:34 PM
My best friend is getting married soon (as if y'all didn't know yet, lol) and her bridesmaids are a 2 yr old and a 12 year old  . One is HER sister's girl and the other HIS sister's girl. There will be more babies attending during the civil AND church service. I can't imagine ANYONE being opposed to having babies at such a happy occasion . I mean in many marriages babies WILL be born someday, what do they do then? Throw them in the trunk of a car when they go someplace?? YIKES I don't even like to go to a wedding when there are no babies around, LOVE babies 
On a side note: When there is a friends baby attending a regular Sunday service, he often starts to whimper or cry during the Pastor's sermon lol. The pastor told the parents to PLEASE bring the baby as often as they wished because then : people would stay awake during the sermon
Funny, because when the congregation sings, the baby is quiet and as soon as the sermon starts, he starts to whimper But then again, our pastor is the best!!
Hugs from Marian/Dutchy, a farmgirl from the Netherlands :)
My personal blog:
http://just-me-a-dutch-girl.blogspot.com/
Almost daily updates on me and mine :)
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| mommatracy |
Posted - Sep 24 2009 : 7:18:58 PM
Back in 1973,at our wedding, my husbands 6 yr. old neice suddenly said out loud for the whole congregation to hear, " Mommy he kissed her!" just as my husband "kissed the bride". We and everyone else thought it was so sweet! I don't remember much from our wedding but I remember that very fondly.
www.cottagebythebay.blogspot.com |
| FebruaryViolet |
Posted - Aug 21 2009 : 05:49:13 AM
Dawn, honestly, I hate to say this but I would simple tell them you can't attend and then see what happens. At that point, I'm pretty sure your brother will speak up! Unfortunately, it's not your parents place to say it's "alright"--and that stinks. I know people get really adamant about the "no kids" rule, but I still don't comprehend it. Look, I didn't even KNOW I wanted children until I found out I was pregnant with Violet last July...but I've never been so full of myself that I thought they would "ruin" any sort of celebration. It's a wedding, not a knighting by the Queen of England!!!
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
| Annab |
Posted - Aug 21 2009 : 03:42:10 AM
I would also have to prefface by saying it also depends on the age too.
My own nephews were in my wedding. Ringbearer at the time was 3 and did VERY well.
Still I also recall brother and I being farmed out to various friends homes and such where we had a better time playing |
| ddmashayekhi |
Posted - Aug 20 2009 : 6:27:02 PM
I'm having a bit of a wedding dilemma myself. My brother is getting married next month and his fiance doesn't want any children at the church or reception. Since they chose a Friday for their wedding, I can't get a babysitter. My sitters are in marching band & have a football game that night. My brother was fine about the kids, but he said "Bridezilla" is adamant about no kids. I pointed out that my son is only 6 years old and I can't leave him home alone! We were told we could bring him from my parents, but not the bride or groom. I'm not sure what to do. I refuse to go to the reception without my husband, so I guess we'll go to the church only if my son isn't allowed to the reception.
I went through this three years ago for my nieces (I'm her godmother & gave her a bridal shower) wedding. My sister and niece were very rude about my son coming to the wedding. Then they told me it was fine, but when we got there, they didn't have a place for him to sit at our table! We had to stand in the middle of the room waiting for a height chair. Very embarrassing and irritating since they acted very reluctant about helping us out. They pretended like they had no idea he was coming. The grooms side were so angry about the "Adult Reception" rule that the minute they finished eating they all got up at the same time & left!
I've been to weddings where children were allowed and enjoyed seeing the little ones all dressed up and dancing. I think the kids give the whole thing a warmer and more loving feeling. After all, I feel that's what the celebration is all about, family! I am hoping things will go peacefully at my brothers wedding next month. It's not that I demand my little boy comes, I can't get a sitter! I don't know what they expect me to do!
Dawn in IL |
| Contrary Wife |
Posted - Aug 19 2009 : 4:05:41 PM
Any more it seems it's more about the wedding than the marriage. Too bad, I think kids should be at weddings!!
Teresa Sue
Farmgirl Sister #316
Planting Zone 4
"Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly." The Dalai Lama |
| MagnoliaWhisper |
Posted - Aug 19 2009 : 1:07:48 PM
Sadly it's gone with the wind Laila.
Not that I am against alcohol, but my husband and I only had the wine for the pics and that was it for our wedding. One reason I wanted it like that for us, is my uncle spent thousands on a huge wedding, and all the pics he's obviously plastered! In my opinion ruined a day that could of been wonderful with great pics, but I would of been embarrassed to death of their pics of him so blantently drunk!
I did also serve wine at my wedding, but respectively asked (privately about a week before the wedding, in their own homes in person) that my guests that I know for a fact like to over drink to not come to the wedding drunk and to please not over drink at my wedding. Thank goodness since I invited so few, there was only two that I was worried about with it, and both respected my wishes. For which I stopped by their homes the next day and gave them a bottle of wine from the wedding each. Since my husband and I don't drink that much and we had a lot left over, and I really wanted them to have it since they were so good about respecting my wishes, when at every other family gathering they are always drunk. I know it may of sounded irresponsible to give them a bottle, but these uncle would of bought it on their own any way if I didn't. And I wanted them to know that I appreciated their respecting my wishes on such.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
| Laila |
Posted - Aug 19 2009 : 07:44:49 AM
I was a church organist for 30 years so I got to play for many weddings. The most memorable one was when the groom was obviously drunk. Needless to say the marraige didn't last. If I were the pastor, I would have refused to marry them. The pastors I worked with the last few years stated very clearly at the rehearsal that no drinking was allowed before the ceremony. I think it is really sad that people have to be told how to act. What happened to respect?
Laila |
| FebruaryViolet |
Posted - Aug 19 2009 : 07:14:13 AM
I totally agree, Anna..and I'm all for that, if it's done the right way. I'm not one of those mom's that thinks her child needs to be everywhere with her. There are some places where it just isn't appropriate--I can recall being left out of a lot of funerals :) ....
I love the bride, and I really hope that her marriage stands the test of time...her wedding reflected two VERY young people embarking on a commitment that appeared to be all pomp and circumstance. I'm crossing fingers for them!
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
| Annab |
Posted - Aug 19 2009 : 03:38:07 AM
The proper thing would have been to have stated on the invite about a nursery, then to have responsibly acted on it. As in someone paid to watch the kids.
No one realy wants a crying kid in a very quiet ceremony knd of thing, but really..once the kid is quiet there's really no disruption at sitting in the back of the room. That was really, really rude and hurtful!
People are so thoughtless sometimes.
To be kind to our guests when we got maried, we threw tradion to the wind and had the bulk of all our pix done before the cermony....more time to get to the eats. But we had a sit down dinner kind of thing. And yes, I ate and enjoyed every bite!
Am still very happily married after 9 years |
| FebruaryViolet |
Posted - Aug 18 2009 : 05:52:52 AM
Oh, Mary Jane, that is soooo cute (little boy saying, "Hi Momma!")...and that's what I think of when I think of memorable weddings...I'm not a huge fan, but I do love a beautiful ceremony. Now it seems that so many people are trying to put their "brand" on the wedding that they forget that the only real detail you need in the ceremony is love and adoration, and that "decorates" the church right there and then.
Aside from the bride giggling and the one groomsmen just being a total immature dork, I felt bad for the soloist who was going to sing the Lord's Prayer. She was also in the wedding party, walked up to the potium, and turned on the mic. Cue music, and she opened her mouth to sing, but Maria Callais' voice came booming out of speakers--someone played the track with the voice instead of the music version!!! So, bless her, she just sortof skulked back down from the potium and got back into line until it was over. Poor thing! It made her look like she was lipsincing!!!!
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
| FebruaryViolet |
Posted - Aug 18 2009 : 05:46:03 AM
I so appreciate your sentiments, girls. I sortof figured I wasn't in the "wrong" with my way of thinking. The last few years, I've received invitations to weddings (co-workers, friends, etc...) that will specifically say, "adults only service and reception" or "nursery services provided". The former is pretty clear: KIDS ARE NOT ALLOWED, the latter states that someone (picked by the families) will watch your children for the whole thing so what? I guess you can let loose and get hammered, or so they won't interfere with the overall "elegance" that the bride and groom are trying to convey? To be honest, the ones that request no children have been high powered young professional couples who don't have "time" for that stuff in their lives anyway....
Hosanna, that's exactly what we should have done--and I'm wondering now, if the other parents inside the church did the same thing (because their children were inside) or if they got another "sensible" usher.
Some mutual friends attended the reception and asked me why we didn't come...I told her. She said, "well, you didn't miss anything--when we left at 9:15, the cake still hadn't been cut and the bride was STILL doing the $1.00 dance with whatever 20-something guy, bumping and grinding to rap music." Yep, just what I wanted to see!!! A bride, still in her lovely gown, getting down with some guy who's NOT her spouse!!!! Oh, and the reception started at 6:00 so no cake for 3 or more hours????
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
| CountryBorn |
Posted - Aug 17 2009 : 8:37:32 PM
Most weddings I have been to invite children. I wouldn't of listened to the kid! Especially since little Miss Violet's name was on the invite. I can see getting up and leaving if a baby starts screaming and crying or an older kid acts up and no one can hear the ceremony at all. But then I think most parents would get up and take them out don"t you? I know I would. But a little baby cooing or happy talking has always made the occasion more special I think. Especially cute was the little boy about 3 who saw Mommy coming down the aisle and said Hi Mommy at the top of his lungs everyone just cracked up, even the priest. I am not sure if this 12 year old kid just took this upon himself or what, but I sure don't blame you for being upset and hurt. I think anyone would have been. The things that went on at the wedding must of made you want to get up and leave anyway! It is sad that a day you looked forward to was not a nice experience. I am just so not into weddings. Most of them bore me to tears. I love the simple ceremonies that actually celebrate the love of the two people getting married, not all the hoopla of it.
MJ
There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from the things we do. Freya Stark |
| MagnoliaWhisper |
Posted - Aug 17 2009 : 3:53:07 PM
It was nice, I loved my wedding, and can't imagine it any other way. Especially with out children.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
| 1badmamawolf |
Posted - Aug 17 2009 : 3:52:58 PM
I have never been to a wedding that DIDN'T have lots of kids of all ages, I did not know that people didn't always invite them?!?! I have a very large family and when someone in it gets married, its a BIG crowd, and all but one to date has been in a little country church, with a dirt parking lot and a dirt road leading to it. The one that was not at that church was one of my sisters cause she got married in a chapel in Vegas, lol.
"Treat the earth well, it was not given to you by your parents, it was loaned to you by your children" |
| Hosanna |
Posted - Aug 17 2009 : 3:13:14 PM
Good grief. Some people. Know what I woulda done? Grinned at the 12 year old kid, and walked in anyway. I would certainly say something to someone about it, too. That was just so rude.
www.happilyeverafterhosanna.blogspot.com
www.thewindofheaven.blogspot.com |
| electricdunce |
Posted - Aug 17 2009 : 2:14:52 PM
That stinks. Weddings are always so peculiar to me, not that I've attended all that many, but this one sounds really unpleasant. A little baby talk or even a little baby squawk only adds a bit of charm to any large occasion. There really isn't much to say, I guess you could send a note and say "I'm not coming to your next wedding" but that would probably be considered rude.
Karin
Farmgirl Sister #153
"Give me shelter from the storm" - Bob Dylan
http://moodranch.blogspot.com
http://domesticnonsense.etsy.com |
| FebruaryViolet |
Posted - Aug 17 2009 : 2:09:45 PM
Thanks, girls. I guess my feelings are a little hurt (what? Was it that obvious?) and Lori, I too think that weddings are a celebration of love and family and wonderful things to come. I seriously thought that maybe they were having some sort of major video done or something like that, but when I finally could see through my veil of anger, there was sold older man walking around with a cam-corder. That was it.
Thanks, Lisa--that would be a hoot, wouldn't it? And fitting because the silhouette is black, like a void--of her little presence! Your wedding sounds so perfect for you both--we would have been honoured to have Vi be your witness! We need to get together very soon--maybe this weekend?
Heather, I think your wedding sounds like a dream. Very sweet, and why on earth wouldn't you want them all running around, shouting with joy! It's a celebration!
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
| MagnoliaWhisper |
Posted - Aug 17 2009 : 2:06:08 PM
PS unless I know the people like very very close family, I don't do weddings any more either. The last just "friend" wedding I went to I was so upset I could of spit nails, and ever since made a vow to only go to very very very close peoples weddings.
What happened was this....the rudest thing I can imagine! It was a noon wedding. I hadn't eaten because I had been so busy that morning, and I was only a teen, I had tried to get something to eat but my step father said we didn't have time and after all we would eat the reception.
Well, first of all the grooms family and friends (of which I was) all had to travel about 1 1/2 hours to their location of where the bride lived, and the wedding was being held. We get there, have the normal 30 minute ceremony. Then we are directed to go to the reception and wait for the bride and groom. Ok, it was only a block away. So tops you think it may be 30 minutes before the bride and groom get there right?
Well, we wait, and wait, and wait.......wait and wait........hour after hour tick by. I start asking is there going to at least be food...some one in the know says no only cake and mints.....but of course they won't be served till after the bride and groom arrive. Meanwhile old women are hollering about where they are, and they want to go home. lol More hours tick by........and a blizzard comes! (Remember most of us are from 1 1/2 hours away!) And we still wait......finally around 10 pm! Yes......waiting 10 hours for them, since it was a noon wedding, and it's now 10pm! They arrive........most left....we stayed because of the blizzard-we were stuck., and the cake was terrible, the mints worse......worst I have ever eaten in my life, tasted like aquafresh toothpaste literally!
I ran up to them when they arrived (I was a teen, and had no qualms) and asked them where they had been, we had all been worried sick they had been in a car accident or something, people had even went out and looked for them!
Their answer-They went to the hotel....
These were not young people.....they were in their 40's-50's, and this was both their second marriages! They had to have 10 hours of sex?????????? And leave us all. Why not just announce, they were going to the hotel to have their day and for us to meet them later. Why have the church announce for us to go to the reception and wait! I was so dang mad!!!!!!!!! I can't even describe to you. After that I was fed up with weddings forever.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
| MagnoliaWhisper |
Posted - Aug 17 2009 : 1:56:42 PM
I've always thought it was stupid to not have children at such events. But, that's just me. lol I had more children then adults at my wedding, literally! lol I have 16 siblings, and I'm only number 4! My MIL had never met my family before coming to the wedding, even though I had told her over and over again that at the time I had 14 siblings and I was number 4, and I had at the time 8 nieces and nephews.......when she actually came to the wedding she kept saying over and over again she didn't imagine there would be so many "little" ones. She wasn't imagining my siblings being sooooo little. Let's just say this I believe there was around 20 children there under the age of 3! They were running all around outside before the wedding and we have great pics of it! And I was watching and laughing. I can't imagine having a childless wedding.........my wedding would of been empty! I only literally I think had around 20 to 25 adults! Every one just had a lot of kids! lol hahahaha The children out numbered us around 5 to 1 I think. lol haha
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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