| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| PlumCreekMama |
Posted - May 24 2008 : 8:07:45 PM
Once again, I've had one of my dogs hit and killed in the road. And once again, the jerk didn't bother to stop and tell us. Not only that, but there were no marks in the road indicating they swerved or even braked. I am quickly losing faith- I thought country people would be better than that. Almost every farm has a few dogs- how would they feel if it was their dog? In just over a year, I've lost 3 dogs and a cat to the road, and only one person bothered to stop. I've complained to the sheriff's office to no avail. People drive by on our gravel road like it's a highway. Tuesday we are going to the sheriff's office and the courthouse and complain until they finally put up slow children playing signs. Because next time it could be Tate.
I have been having a rough time lately. I haven't been feeling myself and really have no one to talk to about it. I have barely joined in this forum much. I've lost one puppy and another is very sick. I took in a dog today that the people just didn't have time or the inclination to care for anymore, after they had her for seven years. She's very sweet and they are pretty well off and young enough (40s) to care for a dog with high energy. Just didn't want to. That and the sickness going around are making me question being a dog breeder anymore.
I am so sick of everything- I have no ambition. My house is beyond being a disaster- I'm lucky if I shower twice a week. I hardly brush my hair or change my clothes or brush my teeth. I eat crap or not at all. I'm just fine taking care of the kids, but myself is another story. I start things and never finish. I worry about everything and get irritated at the drop of a hat. Hopefully I snap out of it soon. I probably won't be here very much for awhile. I'll try to check in from time to time to see what everyone else is up to. Thank you to everyone who takes the time to read this and listen to my ranting and raving.  
http://plumcreekmama.blogspot.com/ |
| 25 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Sandra K. Licher |
Posted - Jun 11 2008 : 11:31:25 AM
Journaling IS great....I started about 15 years ago when I went through some really tough times and I still journal every morning for an hour..it is my written prayer now but in the beginning it was a way to get all the negative stuff on paper so it didn't spill out on others. I also would write 10 things I was grateful for...at first that was REALLY hard but it's amazing when you think about it how much you really ARE grateful for...nowadays I could fill a whole page or more!
My daughter is a teacher in Cedar Rapids, IA and she just called me and said they are evacuating people in Palo and some other places and more rain is expected...DARN! I lived on my little farm back in 93 when it flooded and it was close...real close and they closed interstate 380 near my farm. I lived about halfway between Cedar RApids and Iowa City. We couldn't cross our little Plum Creek, which turned into a raging river, and get to the barn but the horses were high and dry and had plenty of pasture on that side of the creek. I will pray for all of you in Iowa and was planning on going up in July but there are so many roads closed we'll see. Hang in their Heather and we're all praying for the rain to stop and the sun to shine on you in more ways than one!
Love y'all......Sam in AR |
| Sage |
Posted - Jun 11 2008 : 10:43:23 AM
Heather; My heart ached when I read this and I had to write you. Life is hard and can really get you down when bad things seem to come all at once. You take care of your family but they need you to take care of yourself. Please go to the doctor if you don't get better and find someone to talk to. Each day set a small goal to accomplish - one load of laundry, 10 minutes dusting, or a healthy meal for yourself. I'd also suggest writing in a journal a few minutes a day of everything good in your life, your family, friends, your dogs, even a wildflower or a pretty leaf in the sun. When you wake up tell yourself how lucky you are and that you deserve to feel better - treat yourself better. The Farmgirls will always be here to listen and help when you need them.
Sending warm loving thoughts your way. Sage :)
Farmgirl sister #140
www.heritagedesigns.etsy.com |
| melanie47601 |
Posted - Jun 11 2008 : 07:13:45 AM
I have been deep in the shoes you are wearing now and from time to time I start to slip back in. Please see your doc. You would be surprised at how much better you can feel after a long pampering, uninterupted soak in the tub. Your little ones are probably like mine. Knocking on the door or just barging in. Find them something you know will keep them busy for the amount of time you think you will need to relax, don't worry about what mess they're going to make. Take your special alone time after they go to bed, before they get up or get a friend or family member to keep the kiddos for an hour or so. Make time for yourself, even if at first it's 15 or 30 minutes a day.
We're all praying for you and keeping you in our thoughts. Anytime you need to rant get on here, we'll listen.
Melanie
http://wheelsarealwaysturning.blogspot.com/ |
| PlumCreekMama |
Posted - Jun 10 2008 : 8:39:05 PM
Elizabeth- my hubby heard we are supposed to get another 5 inches on Thursday. That's just insane! We can't take much more! The next couple days we are having our parents come over to help watch the boys so we can at least pick up everything that has washed away before another flood comes and it's long gone. Hopefully we will be able to salvage whatever is left and put it in the little hog lot and gate it so it doesn't get away. If it does flood again and gets higher than last time, our older goats will be in danger as well. I think I'm going to put the livestock racks up on the truck so I can use it in an emergency. As it was, one of my wilder goats ran out into the pasture on me when I was getting the horses and he almost drowned in front of me. The current was so strong in that area that it shoved a tire underneath the cattle panel. I tried to get it out and couldn't.
We are lucky that all we have is a creek to deal with- the water level goes down a lot faster than in the rivers. A lot of metro areas (Waterloo/Cedar Falls, Cedar Rapids, Iowa City) are dealing with major flooding-worse than 1993 I've heard.
http://plumcreekmama.blogspot.com/ |
| aimeeravae |
Posted - Jun 09 2008 : 7:57:30 PM
Oh Heather! I am just to the north of you in SD. I have been watching the weather and am just sick that you have to go through all this. We have had lots but not nearly as much as you.
It sound like the same thing I went through this winter. I had to find something to bring me out of it. I started to bake cookies. This is what worked for me. It got me through until I could get outside to my garden. The littlest things annoy me. This was the first winter I didn't smoke. So, then I wonder, have I always been this crabby? I wanted to start smoking again SO BAD. That was my anti-depressant. Now I just Yell alot and apolgize to the family when I over react.
Aimee
http://laplantewardklopf.blogspot.com/ Motto To Live By
"Life should NOT be a jouney to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, latte in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, what a ride!" |
| babysmama |
Posted - Jun 09 2008 : 5:16:25 PM
It was so good to hear an update on you Heather, especially since I was thinking of you as we drove by Earlville yesterday and saw how bad Plum Creek looked! I am so sorry that your yard is such a mess, I can only imagine all the work you have ahead of yourself and let's just hope we don't get anymore rain, though right now it looks like it ould rain and the forecast has a lot of chances for thunderstorms this week. 
Our basement only had a slight dripping yesterday so we are fine there but our ceilings in the bedrooms are wet since it has been leaking around the chimmney. I've called several roofing companies the past few weeks but they are all backed up with the storms and tornadoes that we have had so it may be awhile. Ugh! I really hope that it dries up and we can get some sunny weather.
So glad your animals are all okay and once again, I'm glad that things are starting to look up, except for all this WATER!
-Elizabeth |
| Carol Sue |
Posted - Jun 09 2008 : 4:21:52 PM
Oh Heather,
Will certainly be praying for no more rain for a lot of you gals back there.
I am so glad that you and your family are okay as well as rescueing your puppies, chickens, goats and horses. Goodness girl you have been through it.
Hugs Carol Sue
listening to the quiet moments
Farmgirl #39
www.Quitemoments.blogspot.com |
| PlumCreekMama |
Posted - Jun 09 2008 : 3:49:32 PM
Thank you everyone for all your kind words and helpful hints. I am feeling quite a bit better and taking better care of myself and the house. Or trying to anyway :) I have been following flylady a bit, that's been helpful. So things are improving! I've been on Zoloft for about 3 years now, and I don't feel as depressed as before. I think I just went through a bit of a bad patch. It doesn't help much that we have had 3 bad floods in the past couple weeks. The one last night was the worst yet. We almost lost our puppies, who got pushed under the deck by the current and couldn't get out. Hubby went out to feed them before he went to bed and saw the water at the first step of our deck. Just their little heads were sticking up. We brought all them in the house and checked the older dogs and their pen was filling up, so we had to put them in the garage. Then I looked in the hog lot going to the barn and saw about a foot of water- the other hog lot had 2 feet of water, so I had to run to the barn. I rescued all the baby goats and put them in my camper- the older goats were on a ledge, so the water was only about knee-high on them. The four horses in that part were about knee-high as well, but I figured they would be all right, or at least I hoped so since I had nowhere to put them. The two horses in the back were too scared to come in the barn, so I had to wade out in hip-deep water to pull them in and tie them in the barn. Then I had to pick up all the chickens and put them on the wall. We had the fire department on our road as close to us as they could get checking the water levels to see if it was still rising. If it was, they were going to wake up some farmers around us to get a big tractor to get us. Luckily by then it was receding a bit, so we stayed home. The only place that was dry was a section of our front yard- everything else was water, including under our trailer. We were very lucky though, we are all fine and we didn't lose any animals. A lot of our stuff floated away though, including all of our firewood for next winter. We found some of it about a half mile away, but most of it is long gone. I had a huge wooden cage that I found along the road about a half mile away too, and one of my raised beds is a mile away in the ditch, but there is no sign of our huge farm gate for the backyard- and that thing is very heavy! Our road is mostly washed out and there are logs in the fields. There is also and inch or more of mud everywhere, including in the barn. I am glad I was feeling better so that I could adequately deal with this, though there is more rain in the forecast this week. I don't know how much more we can take! If anyone wants a small hobby farm in Iowa and doesn't mind floods, let me know! We are definitely taking about moving now. Elizabeth- we went to Manchester today, and your town is a huge mess also! I hope you don't have a basement full of water! All the roads around have chunks missing and bridges have holes on them.
I'll try to check in from time to time, but for awhile I am going to be pretty busy cleaning up and finding our stuff. Please pray that eastern Iowa doesn't get any more rain for awhile!
http://plumcreekmama.blogspot.com/ |
| babysmama |
Posted - May 26 2008 : 08:57:11 AM
Heather- I am so sorry to hear about your dog. Losing a beloved pet like that is so hard and even worse when you realize the person that hit him probably didn't even care. I went through the same type of anger when we lived in the country. We lost a cat on the road and a dog (who had just had puppies). Then I found another dog dead in our yard and no footprints leading to where he was so whoever hit him didn't even stop to check. THEN the landlord allowed someone on our land to hunt coyotes and he shot two of our dogs. I was livid and called him and he denyed it all...considering he was a little crazy we moved out soon after. It was a horrible experience and I was all shook up and had anxiety.
It sounds like you do have some depression, though it may be more of a situational depression rather than chemical. Maybe being able to get a handle on getting a sign on your raod will ease some fears. I don't have a lot of suggestions but if you ever need to chat let me know...you could come visit my messy house to see you aren't alone!
-Elizabeth |
| mima |
Posted - May 26 2008 : 08:23:04 AM
Hey...I'm on Lexapro too! at first I was soo ashamed at having had to go on anti depressants because I think of myself as Miss Natural and healthy. But it literally saved my life! You know that commercial that says..depression hurts...that was me! Please Plum creek mama stay in touch with us! If we don't here from you soon we are all coming after you!!!!!  Hugs a million times!
"No pessimist ever discovered the secrets of the stars,or sailed to an uncharted land or opened a new heaven to the human spirit." Helen Keller
http://www.thebodyshopathome.com/web/dcole1 |
| yarnmamma |
Posted - May 26 2008 : 06:07:52 AM
http://www.amazon.com/Kidkusion-Driveway-Safety-Sign-Pack/dp/B0002KWTHK
Here's the link to a sign. I'll try to put the pic here for you. My photobucket is slow.
luv ya
****************
"NEVER underestimate the power of a woman."
farmgirl #71 Linda in PA |
| yarnmamma |
Posted - May 26 2008 : 05:47:30 AM
I have seen big stand alone signs that say things like Caution, Children playing. You could just sit one next to the road. I have seen them online.
That is also something I would suggest you do asap. Put the sign out there and it will help you feel better and safer.
luv ya
****************
"NEVER underestimate the power of a woman."
farmgirl #71 Linda in PA |
| yarnmamma |
Posted - May 26 2008 : 05:44:46 AM
(((((Heather)))))) hugs for you.
I agree with all the suggestions from your farmgirl sisters.
When I have any kind of problems these farmgirl sisters help me more than anything!
You have depression plus grieving. We should never go thru grieving alone.
When I went through my seperation and divorce I found a 24 hour hotline. I called and talked after my son was asleep. I felt so alone. I talked to anyone who would listen and it was just what I needed. They can be called things like "Women's Resource Center", or simply "hotline".
Sometimes I would wake up during the night and shook and cried and my mind said it was just not worth living...
I have called a clergy or church in a new town and they were helpful. You don't have to be the same faith or even know the people at all and they will care about you, talk and give suggestions. A professional therapist is sometimes just what we need, even if it is for a short time.
I have had depression off and on for my whole life, days where I have to force myself to do anything, and crying everyday at the drop of a hat. I considered suicide countless times during those depressions. What changed my life was a medicine called Lexpro...there are many meds out there and don't hesitate to try something!
You are loved....PLEASE KEEP IN TOUCH with us!
When you reach out and touch a farmgirl you are truly not alone. (((((Heather)))) more hugs.
****************
"NEVER underestimate the power of a woman."
farmgirl #71 Linda in PA |
| kissmekate |
Posted - May 25 2008 : 9:40:31 PM
Oh, Heather, I am soo sorry about your dog. ((((Big ol' bear hug))))
Please listen to us, take yourself to your doc and see what is up.
I used to feel the same way you do.
(Nobody loves me, is there something wrong with me? God has abandoned me, I don't want to get out of bed etc.)
The whole gammut of the blues.
Perhaps it is something else health related as well.
My darkest time was also a time when I found out I had some major health issues pop up. Once I got that under control, I felt like myself again, and didn't have the "blues" so much.
Hang in there, take time for yourself, and remember we Farmgirls love you.
Don't miss out on a blessing, just because it isn't packaged the way you expected. ~MaryJo Copeland |
| shepherdgirl |
Posted - May 25 2008 : 9:16:04 PM
I know exactly how you feel Heather. It seems that when we hit that preverbial "bottom of the Barrel," something's gotta give. First thing to do is get to a good Doctor. I've worked in the Medical profession for many years, and I'll tell 'ya, depression was the #1 thing we saw the most of in younger people. It COULD be something as simple as a chemical imbalance as Tina suggested-- a blood test can easily determine that. If you need medication to help you back up on your feet, then don't be embarrassed to take it-- but you MUST do something soon!
I had depression so bad many years ago that it scared me! I didn't know what was wrong with me though, because the symptoms I experienced were NOT what most people have. But I was fortunate enough to have an excellent Doctor who knew the signs well. (he called it "Atypical Depression" -- AKA: ABNORMAL-- the story of my life!) He was also my BOSS on/off for 10 yrs, so he knew ME very well too. I tried 4 different medications before we found the right one, and I took it for 2 1/2 yrs. It really helped get me back on my feet. I have been medication, and SYMPTOM free for 11yrs now, but it WAS a stuggle in the begining. I know now that part of the problem was WHAT I WAS EATING!!! (along with a hereditary condition) I had to change a lot of things in my life, and it wasn't EASY, but if I can do it, so can you!
Keep your chin up! Let someone else care for the kids for awhile and go soak in a nice warm tub and read a book that makes you laugh! Spend some time with YOU. All of these ladies have some VERY good advice. Don't be afraid to TAKE it! But first things first-- get to the Doctor ASAP. DON'T WAIT! Sending you my prayers for peace and joy to your heart, and BIG HUGS too! ~~~ Tracy {PS If you're a Bible reader at all, Psalms 144 and 145 have been a big help to ME when things get rough. There might even be a special scripture just for you. Just open the book and you'll see what I mean}
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. ~~ George Carlin |
| willowtreecreek |
Posted - May 25 2008 : 11:36:38 AM
heather please see a doctor. My sister suffered from severe depression. This is not something you want to take lightly or itcan have devistating effects on you and your family. No measure of depression is "not serious enough" to see a doctor about. I will be praying for you.
Farmgirl Sister #17
Blog
www.willowtreecreek.wordpress.com
Felt and Fabric Crafts
www.willowartist.etsy.com
www.willowtreecreek.com
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| CabinCreek-Kentucky |
Posted - May 25 2008 : 09:46:08 AM
heather .. healing blessings for your sad heart coming your way! xo
True Friends * Frannie
adopt a 'rag-chile'
http://sistermercysfoundlinhome.blogspot.com
treasures .. new and olde .. http://mudpiemanormercantile.blogspot.com
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| Firemama |
Posted - May 25 2008 : 09:13:04 AM
Heather,Please please look at your beautiful babies. You have SO much to be here and healthy for. I am so so sorry you are going through this. I definatley know how you feel. You are the only one who knows what you are feeling right now. Please like Debi said go to a doctor, ANYTHING get help! You need help hun. Please keep your head up. We are ALL here for you.
Mama to 2
FarmGirl# 20
Rich or Poor, It Dont matter We're all the same everybodys hungry in a different way....
http://myfarmdreams.blogspot.com/
www.justanotherhousewife.etsy.com
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| graciegreeneyes |
Posted - May 25 2008 : 09:07:37 AM
Heather - You are worth taking care of. Please talk to somebody or do something for yourself. I have been there too - just know that you have people praying/pulling for you and that this too shall pass.
Amy Grace |
| emsmommy5 |
Posted - May 25 2008 : 08:19:41 AM
Heather
Been there. I agree with all the other advice already given. Stop and make it a priority to take care of YOU!!!
HUGS
Angie
Farmgirl #208
What are you doing with your dash? |
| KYgurlsrbest |
Posted - May 25 2008 : 08:04:43 AM
Heather, Karin is right...I went through a similar thing after my divorce..I didn't eat (or couldn't), really didn't care much at all about my appearance, and I literally lived like a hermit with the exception of holding down a job. It was like I could separate myself to go to work. But overall, I had not one ounce of drive, and I all the things that gave me joy stopped working. With all of the things you've had going on, it seems like depression would be the obvious answer. Now, as to how to stop feeling depressed, well, that's a whole nother' animal.
I like Karin's idea about making your own sign. You could even go as far as to petition your local reps for another speed limit sign, or even a privately maintained road sign, if that's the case. Usually those signs indicate to folks to slow down, or simply stay off. But, I would put up my own to start. There is a man on the outskirts of town who has a house before the end of a dead end road....people turn in his drive all the time to turn around, even though the sign a mile before told them it would dead end...So, he put a giant,hand made sign that said, "Turnaround. $5.00..I'll be watching!". No more turnarounds. A neighbor next door to our law firm made a sign that says, "Clean up your dog's "business", We know who you are, we've been watching!!!" And this man reports no more dog doo in his lovely landscaped yard.
Now, you. Well, it's going to take some time, and I hope that you find the simple joys in each day like I eventually found. But, I had to go through the dark a little bit first. Sounds to me like with the depression, is a whole lot of grieving going on that you probably didn't allow yourself to do because of the daily needs of the household, the kids, the farm, etc...you got lost in the shuffle. Take this new dog and go for a hike across your land...do it everyday if you can. Before the demands on your time start for the day. You know you can even talk to this new girl, tell her all your secrets and your fears--tell her about her predecessors, because, you and I know well that dogs are our best friends. During my divorce, poor ole Lil's coat was always wet with tears, and she never seemed to mind.
I am truly thinking of you, Heather, and I know this will get better, you just have to be strong for you, strong for your dogs that have been lost and remember that you matter in this world. Love to you!
(edited because I haven't had coffee yet and there were some grammatical errors I couldn't stand!)
Farmgirl Sister #80, thanks to a very special farmgirl from the Bluegrass..."She was built like a watch, a study in balance ... with a neck and head so refined, like a drawing by DaVinci"...
NY Newsday sportswriter Bill Nack describing filly, Ruffian.
http://www.buyhandmade.org/ |
| Mumof3 |
Posted - May 25 2008 : 05:06:15 AM
The not showering, combing your hair, brushing your teeth, eating....all sound like depression to me, too. My dad went through that very same thing right after his illness. It is not something that you want to ignore. You are the first person you have to care for- every day. Please call your doctor and go talk to her (or him.) There are many short-term treatments that will help you get over this and back to your happy self.
But, can I suggest that you start by forgiving and forgetting those people who killed your dogs? They may have been in a hurry, not paying attention, distracted by their children, listening to the radio too loudly, reaching for a cell phone, unable to swerve when the dog appeared...but I am sure that they did not get in their car and plan to hit an animal that day. While I agree that the kind thing would have been to stop, check and notify you, maybe they were afraid, or unable to for some reason.
Don't lose faith. People make mistakes. Every day. Forgiveness isn't so much for them as it is for you. So that you can move on and heal.
Place your own sign at the end of your driveway. Let them know that dogs and children are playing nearby, ask them to think about their own family and pets and to please slow down. As more and more people move from the city to the country, they just need to be made aware. It is a different lifestyle and they need education. Write an editorial in your local newspaper. Be proactive. Rise above this and don't let it comsume you. They win otherwise. I love the phrase "Be the change you want to see happen." You are the change. You have inner farmgirl strength that needs to be called upon. Find it.
((((HUGS)))) to you, Heather. We are here for you, whenever you need us to be.
Karin
Farmgirl Sister
# 18 :)
Wherever you go, there you are.
www.madrekarin.blogspot.com
www.madrekarin.etsy.com |
| mima |
Posted - May 24 2008 : 10:25:38 PM
Oh sweetie- I've been down this road! so NOT fun!!! You get yourself to a doctor! Do NOT talk yourself out of it ! You sound like you have some serious depression! please stay here talking to us and please please please go to a good doctor! love and hugs!!!!!!
"No pessimist ever discovered the secrets of the stars,or sailed to an uncharted land or opened a new heaven to the human spirit." Helen Keller |
| ruralfarmgirl |
Posted - May 24 2008 : 9:47:20 PM
Heather it sounds like you have been so busy taking care of others and stuff that you forgot about taking time for you.. seems to be a typical ailment for us gals. Can you find the energy to "put yourself on your tado list?"................even if it is taking time to walk by yourseld, or curl up on a hammock and read.... I think I saw on your blog that your kiddos were young... SO I know how hard it is to carve out time.. But I learned a little late that the best way to care for those you love is to take care of thier mama.... Sending you all my prayers....
Rene~Prosser Farmgirl #185
" Plant goodness, harvest the fruit of loyalty, plow the new ground of knowledge. Hosea 10:12 |
| DeepsouthMamma |
Posted - May 24 2008 : 9:41:44 PM
AWWW! I'm really sorry youre not feeling well.
The dog problem can be so depressing- but we have installed a radio fence to keep our dogs from being hit or maimed- it works wonderfully!
It's not too expensive either-check it out for your dogs.
It is much more humane than seeing the dogs hit or killed by cars-even in the country.
I agree with Tina & whoever else said you need to share your concerns with your physician- many meds are on the $4 RX plan at WalMart too. My dd is on one and is very happy to have been relieved of her depression and pretty quickly too.
Also- sometimes you get accustomed to feeling bad and you forget that you really have felt better before-
It's not until you really feel good that realize how badly you were feeling!
I will be praying for you!!
<<<HUGZ>>>
Blessings,
Autumn
Farmgirl #49
http://simplytoday-autumn.blogspot.com/
Isaiah 40:31
But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. |
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