| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| mima |
Posted - Jul 29 2007 : 07:32:21 AM
I'm really struggling with this right now. I really just want to be a homemaker!!! I'm 48 raised 4 kids, have 2 little grandaughters. I really just want to be around to be available to my family,neighbors,garden, home. I just feel so much self imposed or societal pressure to find my "real" purpose in life. I've worked full and part time at all sorts of various jobs, but I really like just being home. We ,of coarse, could use the money if I got another job, but my husband is cool about me staying home. I guess I'm wondering-is just being a homemaker okay to be when you grow up????? Thanks! |
| 25 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| catscharm74 |
Posted - Aug 09 2007 : 11:41:34 AM
Kathy- I agree with you. Most men are conditioned to the grow up, college or trade, work, work, work- provide for family- job is never asked to be given up in most cases. Women- grow up, college/trade/ work- family- OOPS!!- now you get to be the Mom and stay home. It is a sad division still in our society and I agree you have to find what works for your particular situation.
For me, I want to work to get us out the military "poor" spot we seem to be stuck in. We are frugal and happy but I do admit, more money right now would help us out a lot. Not for frivalous things, but for example- my DH's horrible ex-wife just cost us over $6,000 of our lifes savings for her own stupidity. Now, I am worried paycheck to paycheck but just keep plugging along, hoping just to complete school. We are on survival mode right now. Working makes me feel like I am securing my future in some way. I am definitely not to the type to just get a paycheck to go shopping.
Cheers,
Heather |
| ktknits |
Posted - Aug 09 2007 : 09:12:31 AM
I've tried to answer this both here and in the thread about being a working woman several times and each time I've deleted my answers, because I just haven't been satisfied with how they sound. So, is it okay to be "just the President"? "just" and "a homemaker" shouldn't be in the same sentence--Homemaker is very valid on it's own! Now, that I have that out of the way, on to my long-winded answer....
Everyone needs to be what they need to be to fit their life at any given moment. How's that for an answer?!
I worked full time and went to college at night--got my degree in accounting and passed the CPA exam, was married and had 2 children all before I was 25. The most time I've ever had off was 6 months when my second daughter was born. Other than that I've taken 2, maybe 3 weeks vacation every year. I've always worked full time and overtime--approximately 3000 hours per year (I know that because I have to keep and submit time sheets). I also commute 2 hours each day--approx another 500 hours a year. Here we are 30 years later, I'm almost 50, I'm still married to the same man and my children are both grown and on their own. And we all lived through it!
I've been happy in my career, I enjoy accounting--it's like working puzzles to me. If I have to work for a living, this is a great field. I've also been very sad in my career. My mom watched both of my children while I worked, so it was the next best thing to me being there, but it hurt like heck when she'd call me at work to tell my my daughter said her first word or took her first step or something along those lines. But, she loves my kids like they're her own, and my kids have 2 moms! I've been fortunate to work for places that let me take work home and work odd hours to get everything done so I could make it to programs, field trips, and just be around for my kids as they grew up. Not every job is flexible like that.
The women I feel sorry for are the ones who are single moms who NEED to work one and sometimes two jobs just to keep food on the table and a roof over their heads. Quite often these women don't have the luxury of a job that works around their family.
My husband lost his job 8 years ago and has been unemployed/underemployed ever since. So, I've been thankful that I've had my career. We have health insurance, so I'm very thankful for that! I love to knit, spin, weave, cook, read, antique, and lots of other things. I would dearly love to have the time I spend at work to be "just a homemaker". I'm not one of those people who will want "I wish I could've spent more time at work" printed on my tombstone. But, the reality of my life is that I work outside the home. I work my other interests in as I can, and, it's OK because it's what I have to do. Sometimes I resent not being able to be "just a homemaker", but then I think God put me here in this situation for a purpose, and I just have to be thankful for what I've got and try to be a blessing to others here, where I'm planted!
So, just to play devil's advocate, is it okay for a man to be "just a homemaker"? Does anyone feel bad for him because he only got 2 weeks off a year for 45 working years of his life? Is he any less entitled to have time outside of the workforce to pursue crafts or whatever than women are? What do you think?
Kathy T
http://ktknits.blogspot.com |
| catscharm74 |
Posted - Aug 09 2007 : 07:37:43 AM
No, I am in college full time starting again on August 22. I have worked as a housecleaner before and can resort to it if I need extra cash but college is VERY important right now. It means when I graduate, I can make decent money for the first time in my life, DS will be in school by then and we can move forward with our dreams of building our country home.
Cheers,
Heather |
| queenofdreamsz4u |
Posted - Aug 08 2007 : 10:15:44 PM
bump
"hold close your inner child and always listen to the gentle whispers" ~queenofdreamsz
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| mikesgirl |
Posted - Aug 06 2007 : 08:45:07 AM
Heater - do you have an at-home business? |
| Kathie |
Posted - Aug 04 2007 : 2:46:53 PM
Debi.. i think most women that work outside the home are so envious of those that are able to be at home.. they tend to want to lay some guilt on you for their feelings of having to.. or wanting to work outside the home.. when truth be told.. i bet most women given the chance would love the same opportunity..
I know if I could afford to NOT hold down a full time job away from home I'd do it in a flash right now.. I truly do HATE what I'm doing.. i HATE having to go to work.. mostly because there are so many things i'd so much rather be doing at home!!
i don't have any kids in the house any more.. just DH & Myself.. But.. I know the house would be different .. in better shape for sure!!
my garden.. my sewing.. i just could do so much more for US.. & others too! My Volunteering.. EVERYWHERE! But I feel like that working I neglect my Volunteering at the VA Hospital.. & that sounds so silly to say that.. Because I really think sometimes I get more out of it then THEY do.. But It REALLY pisses me off that I can't do as much as I want to over there there because of THIS dang Job.. & theis rediculous Schedule They have me on!!!
On MY own schedule.. I COULD!
Can't volunteer at Scools.. same reasons..
But Work just seems to get in the way of my Personal life!!
So.. My advice.. is if you can afford to NOT leave the house.. DON"T !
i wish i had JOUR JOB!!!
In a World Where you Can Be Anything, Be Yourself.. |
| mima |
Posted - Aug 04 2007 : 08:32:58 AM
Thanks for all your encouragement!!! I just got back from camping for nearly a week- then my daughter came up for a few days with her kids! I'm tired!!! I'm going to print this thread out -take my coffee and go back to bed!- and really read all your responses!!! Thank you again for all the encouragement!! Hugs!! |
| catscharm74 |
Posted - Jul 31 2007 : 12:24:44 PM
Here's my typical weekday:
Up at 7- 16 month off to daycar by 8-8:30- back home around 9 unless I have to stop off at college/grocery store/Walmart/bank etc...then home. Organize homework for the day then, depending on the day, I have different tasks. Mon- kitchen/bathroom Tues- bedrooms/office Weds- living room, sweep down patios, porches, etc Thurs- wash dog, pedicure, Fri= washing with everything else sprinkled in. I usually pick DS up by 4 -4:30, again depending on what is going on. I am learning how to make quick, easy hold in the pot, meals early in the morning so I won't fall behind. I am still tweaking my schedule around as I am just starting it this past week.
Lordy!!
Cheers,
Heather |
| paradiseplantation |
Posted - Jul 31 2007 : 09:31:00 AM
Mima - Being a homemaker IS a true purpose! I think Society makes us feel guilty about staying at home because the majority of women either can't or are pulled between the home and corporate world. I have the best of both worlds -- I work two days a week, and am at home the rest of the time. If money is a true object, try a home-based business or a part-time position. If it's not, you can make up the difference in so many other ways! And to be honest, sometimes working outside the home costs more than just staying home and living the life you love! |
| UrbanChick |
Posted - Jul 31 2007 : 06:49:47 AM
I sometimes struggle whether I should be a working mom or a stay at home mom. My mom worked, all my sister still work, I am the only one at home full time with my daughter. They understand I have obligations to be at home but they do ask sometimes when I plan on getting back to work and I feel the pressure to earn my own money. My DH has been very supportive of me staying at home and encourages me to stay a homemaker. It can get lonely without adult conversation sometimes so I try to get out and about on my own when she is in therapies or daycare. Having her in special needs preschool has helped lighten the load of her being full time at home and has given me time to find my own interests that are not a part of motherhood.
"Courage dosen't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying: I will try again tomorrow." |
| Lizabeth |
Posted - Jul 31 2007 : 12:15:03 AM
Maybe y'all could share what a day in the life of a homemaker is? Whether you do homemaking full time (no paid work outside the house) or 2/3 time (with paid work in addition)?
Doesn't have to be long, simply a brief overview.
I am only 2 years married, we have an 18 mo. old, I take pleasure in being a wife and mother and home manager. I work 3 nights (5p-1a) a week as an ER tech at a hospital and I have a custom home decor, papercrafts and apparel business.
I am still figuring out how to balance each day and give appropriate priority to the people and tasks I must accomplish for each of those roles.
I'd love to hear what your (pl.) days are like as homemakers.
http://www.handcraftsbyheather.com |
| therusticcottage |
Posted - Jul 30 2007 : 11:25:14 PM
Absolutely!!! I've had a career with all the trappings that goes along with it. When I finally got to be a homemaker I was in heaven! As far as I'm concerned, being the keeper of your home is the highest calling any woman could ever have.
http://therusticcottage.blogspot.com
http://cottageramblings.blogspot.com |
| ArmyWifey |
Posted - Jul 30 2007 : 8:11:32 PM
OF course! There truly is no higher calling. The old poem "The Hand that Rocks the Cradle" says it well!
Glad for all the other posts on here so I won't repeat - just chiming in with another yes!
Holly
As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!
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| Shirlaroo |
Posted - Jul 30 2007 : 7:49:59 PM
Home makers are the best. My grndma was one, my Mum is one, and now I am one too.
Friends are the best collectables. |
| catscharm74 |
Posted - Jul 30 2007 : 7:18:37 PM
HI Alee and Everyone else!!! Don't mean to hi jack the thread but we FINALLY made it to Texas and are setting up the house and what not..I will post more when I get some time!!! Thanks for thinking of me.
Cheers,
Heather |
| Alee |
Posted - Jul 30 2007 : 5:54:40 PM
Hi Heather! Haven't heard from you for a while! I hope everything is going great for you!
Alee
The amazing one handed typist! One hand for typing, one hand to hold Nora! |
| catscharm74 |
Posted - Jul 30 2007 : 5:31:45 PM
I am struggling with this right now. Somedays- I just want to be a Mom and a homemaker and then other days, I am so thankful I can afford day care and to go to college and get out and see people and things. There is a lot of pressure on women to be one or the other and I am striving to break that mold and find my own balance. I think I know when I need my fill of each.
Cheers,
Heather |
| Linda Houston |
Posted - Jul 30 2007 : 4:19:40 PM
I am going to be redundant!!! There is no just to staying home and taking care of you and yours. As I read all the things the different farmgirls do during the day, I don't think the busiest executive in business could keep up.
If you can....stay home. What a blessing for you and your family. I do not agree with the world 's view on working verus not working. I have done both and being home is my favoirte. Your worth is not in the titles or salary you earn...It is the person God made and adores.
Linda H. |
| brightmeadow |
Posted - Jul 30 2007 : 4:16:31 PM
Oh, I agree! I wasn't trying to be "for" or "against" either way, I sure hope nobody read my post that way.
I was just trying to say that having a career doesn't guarantee that anyone will find their "real purpose" in life, which is what Mima said she felt pressured to do.
People WITH careers can still feel pressured to find their true calling, so my best advice is to follow your heart!
Who knows, our Divine Purpose in life might be just one moment in our lives when we give the right loving word or a hug to someone in need, and so prevent them from doing something dreadful!
You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands - You shall be happy and it shall be well with you. -Psalm 128.2
Visit my blog at http://brightmeadowfarms.blogspot.com ,web site store at http://www.watkinsonline.com/fish or my homepage at http://home.earthlink.net/~brightmeadow |
| Carol Sue |
Posted - Jul 30 2007 : 4:06:30 PM
Brenda,
I think whether you work at home or work in the work place, regardless of the circumstances, you do what you have to do. I don't think it ever needs to be for or against. I think it is women doing what needs to be done for their situations. And that we support each woman in whatever she does. Just my 2 cents worth.
Enjoying life. |
| Alee |
Posted - Jul 30 2007 : 3:31:49 PM
What a great conversation ladies! I think that women's rights are so very important, and like has been already said: We have the right to choose to work outside the home, or work inside the home. I think the work place needs women and there are some women who need the work place. I know a lady who has a daughter but doesn not really enjoy the "kid" thing so for their family and her mental health- it is better to have a job and then enjoy a more limited amount of time at home. I know that might sound odd to some, but she really does love her daughter in her own way.
Alee
The amazing one handed typist! One hand for typing, one hand to hold Nora! |
| brightmeadow |
Posted - Jul 30 2007 : 1:35:49 PM
Coming at this question from another perspective, one of a "career woman" who at times has been "too busy" to spend time with family and friends...
I think that having a career as a pathway to "fulfillment" is overrated. Careers can be downright boring! There have been a few high points, but after 28 years of sometimes feeling little more than a rat in the maze, I can truly say that even though my career kept my family financially afloat, both when I was married and after I was divorced, and now (thankfully) I am in a position to contribute to my grandchildren's college fund, as well as having a secure retirement, the "fulfillment" hasn't always been there. I often wonder how I am contributing to society and if, in fact, manufacturing cars faster and better and cheaper is a good thing or not! For example, my client is asking us to write to our senators and representatives to make the CAFE standards less restrictive. In my heart, I believe they should be more restrictive! Another example: I work for a company that is a defense contractor, and I am personally anti-war. And, another of my company's clients is one of the biggest processed food manufacturers there is - and I think food should be local, fresh, and unprocessed as much as possible. I think this is called cognitive dissonance, and sometimes I think my head will explode with it.
If you find fulfillment, contentment, joy, and love by staying at home, more power to you! If your family won't struggle financially, then you SHOULD stay at home.
Just remember not to criticize those who work, because they choose to, or because they have to -- they should be financially compensated on a scale equivalent to their male counterparts, and have the same opportunities, and not be limited because of their gender.
You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands - You shall be happy and it shall be well with you. -Psalm 128.2
Visit my blog at http://brightmeadowfarms.blogspot.com ,web site store at http://www.watkinsonline.com/fish or my homepage at http://home.earthlink.net/~brightmeadow |
| Mountain Girl |
Posted - Jul 30 2007 : 11:36:30 AM
Don't forget that just because you stay at home doesn't mean you never get out of the house. Wonderful opportunities are open through volunteering. I have been a docent at a zoo and got to raise and babysit program animals, gave tours and the beautiful Consrvatory when I lived in St. Paul, gone on great field trips with the kids when they were in school, give tours through the firelookout at the Historical Society in town, help rehabilitate wildlife animals that are injured or orphaned, volunteered at a Nature Center. Whatever your love is, you can be a part of it. JoAnn |
| Amie C. |
Posted - Jul 30 2007 : 11:06:19 AM
As a teenager, I "secretly" wanted to be a homemaker, too. But I thought I would have to have children to justify it. Now I think that with or without kids, it can be immeasurably helpful to a household if one person is stationed at home full time to deal with whatever comes up and to keep the organization running smoothly. If you can afford to do it, don't feel like you are letting yourself down. I only wish we could live on one paycheck. |
| mikesgirl |
Posted - Jul 30 2007 : 10:38:26 AM
Stephanie - I tried to go to your blog and look at your products, but couldn't find how to get into your catalog. What did I miss? |
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