| Author |
Across the Fence:  Is it okay to just be a homemaker?  |
|
mima
True Blue Farmgirl
1573 Posts
1573 Posts |
 Posted - Jul 29 2007 : 07:32:21 AM
|
| I'm really struggling with this right now. I really just want to be a homemaker!!! I'm 48 raised 4 kids, have 2 little grandaughters. I really just want to be around to be available to my family,neighbors,garden, home. I just feel so much self imposed or societal pressure to find my "real" purpose in life. I've worked full and part time at all sorts of various jobs, but I really like just being home. We ,of coarse, could use the money if I got another job, but my husband is cool about me staying home. I guess I'm wondering-is just being a homemaker okay to be when you grow up????? Thanks! |
|
|
knewslady
True Blue Farmgirl
555 Posts
Kathy
Russellville
KY
USA
555 Posts |
Posted - Jul 29 2007 : 07:41:46 AM
|
My answer would be a resounding yes. I have always been a homebody. Even the years when I did work I always wanted to be at home but being a single mom forced me into the real world. Now I am trying to make it through my crafts and candles and there have been some really tight times, but I still enjoy home. I think there are those women who truly enjoy the workforce world, I am just not one of them.
Kathy
Will always be a farmgirl at heart
Visit my online shop at http://thebackfence.etsy.com
|
 |
|
|
Mountain Girl
True Blue Farmgirl
806 Posts
JoAnn
Colville
Washington
USA
806 Posts |
Posted - Jul 29 2007 : 07:50:29 AM
|
| You bet it is, it's the best job in the world! I've been one for 35 years. I believe when women fought for their "rights" that it was the right to be whatever you choose--account executive or a homemaker. I have been asked "but what do you do all day?" My flip answer is "all the stuff you cram in the weekend". I stayed home when my kids were in school and after they graduated. Our lifestyle was easier if we didn't have to work around two work schedules. I read somewhere that when you are on your deathbed you're not going to mutter "I wish I spent more time at work". My choice was to be a homemaker. Repect my choice and I will respect yours. JoAnn |
|
|
|
Nance in France
True Blue Farmgirl
1438 Posts
Nancy
St. Laurent de la Salanque
France
1438 Posts |
Posted - Jul 29 2007 : 08:22:01 AM
|
| Mima, after reading your post, it sounds like you HAVE defined/found your "real" purpose in life....being home and available for family, neighbors, grow a garden, help out where you can and create a warm inviting place for everybody. And the biggest bonus is that your hubby is on board with the idea, so go for it! We can always go back to work, but we can never go back in time. I wanted nothing more than that also, but years ago with two little boys I found myself divorced, so into the corporate world I went, and I LOVED it! I worked hard and was proud of myself, but I can feel just as accomplished at the end of the day, dirty and sweaty with a once again tamed garden to look at! Whatever your heart is in, your energy will be, too. Have a great day! Nance |
|
|
|
Firemama
True Blue Farmgirl
1731 Posts
Amanda
Medical Lake
WA
USA
1731 Posts |
Posted - Jul 29 2007 : 08:47:49 AM
|
Everypnes "real" purpose is what they make it. I have gotten alot of the what do you actually do all day and Wow I could NEVER stay home I would get so bored. Alot of people dont understand.You do what you feel is right, once people get used to the idea of you being there, they will appriciate that you are home or around when they need a helping hand. Like Nancy said "We can always go back to work, but we can never go back in time."
Mommy to 2
Your FreckleFaced Farm Girl!!
Help when you can, Pray when you can't. |
|
|
|
happymama58
True Blue Farmgirl
1210 Posts
Patti
Missouri
USA
1210 Posts |
Posted - Jul 29 2007 : 08:51:56 AM
|
I've posted about this before, but I'll say it again. I was a sahm until the kids were in school, and my kids (21 next month and 18) have always said they loved that!
PLEASE do me a favor  and stop using "just" in front of "a homemaker". There's no "just" to it.
Go with your gut and love the life you choose.
Some people search for happiness; others create it.
Please visit me at www.marykay.com/pmiinch |
|
|
|
kitchensqueen
True Blue Farmgirl
521 Posts
521 Posts |
Posted - Jul 29 2007 : 09:14:07 AM
|
Yep, stop using the "just"! It's a very false perception that the only valuable contribution to society is a monetary one. And it's very unfortunate that the masses tend to hold it in such esteem. Just because you aren't producing money, or doing so in traditional ways, doesn't mean that you aren't leading a rich life and making respectable contributions to society.
There is nothing wrong with being a home maker, and I envy the women who get to do it everyday!
http://apartmentfarm.wordpress.com
http://shadetreestudios.etsy.com
New Rt 66 blog: http://historyinthemaking.wordpress.com |
|
|
|
Maryjane Lee
True Blue Farmgirl
2195 Posts
Maryjane
CA
USA
2195 Posts |
Posted - Jul 29 2007 : 09:21:58 AM
|
Mima, if your DH is okay with you staying home, do what your heart desires. Forget the pressures of the world. I have been able to be home for my family, friends and neighbors and very grateful I have. DH and I made a move 2 years ago to get closer to 7 of our 11 grandchildren and DH and I are so thrilled we did! Do what's best for YOU and enjoy!
Hugs,
Maryjane Lee
The Beehive Cottage~
est. 1971 |
|
|
|
levisgrammy
True Blue Farmgirl
9372 Posts
Denise
Beavercreek
Ohio
USA
9372 Posts |
Posted - Jul 29 2007 : 12:23:08 PM
|
Mima,
I believe homemaking is one of the most fulfilling jobs there is. I have had this position for 25 years. I am not sorry I chose to follow this path and neither are any of my family.
Society is not the best rule of thumb to go by. Everything society tells us is not the best for us.
I love that I have the opportunity to be a positive influence in the life of family and friends and neighbors.
"The earth is the Lord's and the fullness thereof and all that dwell therein."
www.torismimi.blogspot.com |
|
|
|
Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
Posted - Jul 29 2007 : 12:58:08 PM
|
I agree! I didn't want to be a homemaker/SAHM when I was younger- but now I realize how much of a contibution this can be to a family- and now it is what I want most in the world. ll ofmy goals now revolve around making this work for my family.
I know that keeping the house clean, the family fed, and finding time to run errands, pay bills, garden and such takes a lot of time. I think that if this is what you want to do- you should do it! You could always return to the workplace if it doesn't work out for your family.
Hugs!
Alee
The amazing one handed typist! One hand for typing, one hand to hold Nora! |
|
|
|
babysmama
True Blue Farmgirl
931 Posts
Elizabeth
Iowa
931 Posts |
Posted - Jul 29 2007 : 2:10:23 PM
|
| Yes, yes, yes!!! DO what your heart desires - whether it is being a zookeeper, lawyer, oy yes, homemaker. Being a homemaker doesn't mean that you are doing less in life. In fact, sometimes it lets you do more. Many women are so busy at their jobs all day that when they do have a free moment they just want to relax. Though homemakers are also busy all day they have more flexiable time that they can use to fix their family a wonderful meal, watch the grandkids when they are sick, take a meal to a sick or elderly friend, write a card to someone "just because", volunteer at a nursing home or animal shelter, etc. Being home does make a difference in the spouse's life and your children's lives. If you could use a little extra money, instead of going back to work and being miserable, find ways to make money from home. Have a garage sale, save money at the grocery store, find things to sell on eBay. If you want to stay home than I say to do it and not think of yourself as "Just a Homemaker". Say you are a homemaker or "Family Manager"! with pride!! |
|
|
|
Lizabeth
True Blue Farmgirl
560 Posts
Washington
560 Posts |
Posted - Jul 29 2007 : 4:02:03 PM
|
Yes to the above comments... homemakers are not "just" a homemaker
forgive the long posting, but y'all just have to see this:
WHAT IS A MOM WORTH? WORKING MOM vs. STAY AT HOME MOM SALARIES FOR 2006
New Online "Mom Salary Wizard" Lets Moms and Their Families Customize Mom's Job Description and Create a "Mom Paycheck"
Waltham, MA, May 3rd, 2006 -- Salary.com,Inc., the compensation experts, announced today the 2006 update to their valuation of a Stay at Home Mom's job and for the first time addressed the question of what a Working Mom's job is worth. Salary.com consulted with Stay at Home and Working Moms and determined the top 10 jobs that make up a mom's job description. If paid, Stay at Home Moms would earn $134,121 annually (up from 2005's salary of $131,471). Working Moms would earn $85,876 annually for the "mom job" portion of their work, in addition to their actual "work job" salary.
Salary.com found the job titles that best matched a mom's definition of her work to be (in order of hours spent per week): housekeeper, day care center teacher, cook, computer operator, laundry machine operator, janitor, facilities manager, van driver, CEO and psychologist. New job titles that made the list in 2006 include psychologist, laundry machine operator, computer operator, and facilities manager. The job title of nurse fell out of the top 10 this year.
Now, moms and their families can visit http://swz.salary.com/momsalarywizard/htmls/mswl_momcenter.html and create their own "Mom paycheck" with the Mom Salary Wizard®, the first interactive tool that allows moms and their families to price the "mom job," based on location and mom's personal hours worked in each of the 10 roles. Users can create a hypothetical mom paycheck and mom pay stub, which can be printed and emailed to family and friends for Mother's Day.
"The true value in raising my daughter is priceless, because even while working full time, I cherish my moments with her," according to Manya Chait, of Lexington, MA."A mother's job is challenging on so many levels and Salary.com should be commended for recognizing the millions of Stay at Home and Working Moms across the country."
"People recognize that both Stay at Home Moms and Working Moms carry a heavy load of responsibility and work long hours," said Bill Coleman, senior vice president of compensation at Salary.com. "It is an eye-opener for many people when they see the real market value of the work moms perform. This year, by adding information about the compensation for Working Moms, we hope to expand the recognition of just how hard all moms are working and of the economic value they bring to society."
"The rewards I have by being there all the time in spite of my own needs are priceless," said Laura Pennington, a Stay at Home mother of three from El Paso, TX. "My children's well-being and education are my priority regardless of the daily marathon I face from sun up to well after sun down. It's the greatest job in the world."
"We don't want to add fuel to the mommy-war fire," said Meredith Hanrahan, senior vice president of Salary.com Interactive. "Both moms struggle with keeping the house clean and moms of both types reported making tremendous sacrifices to make their children happy, healthy, and successful. Stay at Home Moms give up the benefits of working outside the home, including extra income, title, and career advancement. Working Moms give up more sleep, time for exercise, and skip lunch to spend quality time nurturing and educating their children. In the end, both claim it was well worth it."
Other interesting findings from the 2006 Stay-at-Home/Working Mom Study include:
Moms work an average of 90 hours a week
Working Moms reported spending 44 hours per week at their "work job" and 49.8 hours at their "mom job," for a total of 93.8 hours per week. The Stay-at-Home Mom works 91.6 hours at her mom job.
Working Moms get less sleep
Working Moms reported getting only 6.4 hours of sleep per night, versus 6.7 for the Stay-at-Home Moms.
Two extra hours that Working Moms devote to two jobs result in two fewer hours of sleep
Both kinds of moms report that the "lower paying" mom role of housekeeper is their most common role.
Working Moms work 7.2 hours as housekeeper, versus 22.1 for Stay at Home Moms
Taken together, the three lowest paying roles of housekeeper, laundry machine operator, and janitor represent 29 percent of the Working Mom's "mom job," but as much as 38 percent of the Stay-at-Home Mom's job, suggesting that Working Moms need assistance with these tasks.
"My house isn't as clean as I would like and I want to spend more time with my family"
Working Moms and Stay at Home Moms both spend roughly 4 hours per week nurturing the emotional needs of their kids in the "mom job" of psychologist. The big difference appears to be in the "mom job" of day care center teacher, with Stay at Home Moms reporting an average of 15.7 hours per week and Working Moms reporting 7.2 hours per week.
The desire to have time to teach their children prompted write-in responses from Working Moms, who report being more focused and efficient in their day job so they can come home and have more time for their "mom job."
Often these moms skip lunch, come in early, and give up exercise in order to save time to be with their kids for homework and other activities.
According to one Working Mom, "Work is less important and I have less freedom to attend events and work whenever necessary. I have only certain windows in which I can work. I also have become more of a morning person, so that I can work out, go to work and then be home to see the kids or coach a sport."
More detailed information on the Stay-at-Home and Working Mom compensation analysis as well as the Mom Salary Wizard, log onto http://mom.salary.com/.
About Salary.com, Inc.
Salary.com is a leading provider of on-demand compensation management solutions helping businesses and individuals manage pay and performance. Salary.com provides companies of all sizes comprehensive on-demand software applications that are tightly integrated with its own proprietary compensation data sets, thereby automating the essential elements of the compensation management process and significantly improving the effectiveness of its client’s compensation spend. For more information, visit www.salary.com.
http://www.handcraftsbyheather.com |
|
|
|
Lizabeth
True Blue Farmgirl
560 Posts
Washington
560 Posts |
Posted - Jul 29 2007 : 4:06:17 PM
|
I just calculated my "paycheck" and I think I am going to print this and put it up in our office to remind myself what I contribute to the family.
|
|
|
|
jpbluesky
True Blue Farmgirl
6066 Posts
Jeannie
Florida
USA
6066 Posts |
Posted - Jul 29 2007 : 4:21:48 PM
|
Mima - Excuse me if I repeat things - I did not even read the replies you have gotten - when I saw this topic, I had to answer right away!!!! I am 58. I wish I had been a stay at home all my life. I was swayed by my peers that women had to be professional. Now I can now tell you - the most important thing you can do is be at home - be there for your family, no matter how old or young you are - and provide a safe and warm place for them. If only I had followed my instincts when I was 25! But it all turned out alright. Do not ever think that staying at home is insignificant. It is the most important job there is!
Psalm 51: 10-13 |
|
|
|
Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
Posted - Jul 29 2007 : 4:26:19 PM
|
Thanks Lizabeth! That is a great article and link! I should make my mom a "mom paycheck" I think she would get a kick out of it! As long as I don't owe her back salary! LOL
Alee
The amazing one handed typist! One hand for typing, one hand to hold Nora! |
|
|
|
Mumof3
True Blue Farmgirl
3890 Posts
Karin
Ellenwood
GA
USA
3890 Posts |
|
|
willowtreecreek
True Blue Farmgirl
4813 Posts
Julie
Russell
AR
USA
4813 Posts |
Posted - Jul 29 2007 : 5:35:32 PM
|
Hubby and I have some college debt to pay off and as soon as we can get it manigable I plan on being a "homemaker". WE don't even have kids and aren't sure if we will but it is still in the plans. Right now I teach so I kindof get to be a homemaker 2 months out of the year! I love it! Starting next month my whole paycheck is going to pay off debt and we will live of Richies paycheck. WE have plans next spring to get our own chickens for eggs and meat, 2 beef cattle and a milk goat(or 2). We want to provide for ourselves so when I make the move to full time homemaker in about 2 years we will have the means to get by without too much of a struggle. I think you should do it if you can. Who care what "society" thinks! You need to do what makes you happy!
Jewelry, art, baskets, etc.
www.willowartist.etsy.com
www.willowtreecreek.com |
|
|
|
newmomma327
Farmgirl in Training
32 Posts
Tabatha
Michigan
USA
32 Posts |
Posted - Jul 29 2007 : 6:20:37 PM
|
Goodness yes it's okay - in fact it's more than okay. My dream would be to feel like I could devote my time to my home/my family/my community/my church/myself full time and not feel like punching that timeclock at my job interfered with doing that. Funny in fact I got a little weepy with my husband tonight b/c I sit here at work (I'm on a 2nd shift job) and just feel like if I'm going to be spending 9 or so hours a day/5 days a week away from the things that mean the most to me I wish I could feel as if my job really meant something and wasn't just a way to bring home a paycheck.
This is a topic that is so near and dear to my heart right now (and if the number of posts above mine have anything to say about it - a lot of others hearts and minds too). I think I was "taught" growing up that motherhood/homemaking are somehow a lesser means of living than having that career. I'm not about to speak against any form of womens movement or feminism - I'm all for that equal right. However, I don't think the equality in the form of the responsiblities is still shared between moms and dads, men and women out there. I don't know if there truly is such a thing as an engrained sense of mom guilt or rather women's guilt - but Lord knows that is a feeling that has been sitting on my shoulders since I became a wife and mother. That heavy weight of feeling like on top of having that job, I still need to be there 110% to make my home the warm place I want it to be, to make sure I'm there for every moment of my child's growing life, to try to show my devotion to my God, to my own spirit, to this marriage that is still so new and sometimes struggling against all the other pressures out there.
Okay I didn't mean to go off topic there - but I guess my opinion is DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO AND YOU WILL FEEL FILLED UP BY. Life is too short to worry about what you are supposedto be doing, and I think your idea of what a homemaker is is divine and blessed and I wish you to feel that way on the days you can sit at your kitchen table look around you and sigh a sigh of contentment. I wish you all the best on this remarkable journey |
|
|
|
Bee Haven Maven
True Blue Farmgirl
1862 Posts
Beverly
Pennsylvania
USA
1862 Posts |
Posted - Jul 29 2007 : 6:28:59 PM
|
Mima....I truly and happy that you are considering this. I don't think you will ever regret it.. I often think that we lack a certain quality of life when we live a life that is driven by a job outside the home (and I did just that for many years). You will be able to give your family so much more by being available for them... You go girl!! and enjoy yourslf. And know.....you are not alone.....so many of us feel the same.
Keep Smiling.....Bev
Check out my shoppe at www.honeybeez.etsy.com
www.beehavenacres.blogspot.com , www.beehavenmaven.blogspot.com |
|
|
|
Carol Sue
True Blue Farmgirl
4033 Posts
Carol Sue
Washingtonian
USA
4033 Posts |
Posted - Jul 29 2007 : 8:43:56 PM
|
I am a domestic diva and enjoy every moment of it, even though it at times can drive me crazy.
I have been a homemaker since I was 22 and I am now 50 and will continue on. My mom has been one all her life and she is 71. It is one hard job and very fulfilling.
Mima, you will do what works for you and be content in whatever that is.
Home life is never boring, I can tell you that.
Glad you started this thread. Thanks.
Carol Sue
Enjoying life. |
|
|
|
sweetproserpina
True Blue Farmgirl
535 Posts
meg
Vinemount
Ontario
Canada
535 Posts |
Posted - Jul 29 2007 : 11:52:58 PM
|
I sure hope so Mima! I really want to be one too, but just like you, have found that 'everyone else' needs to see women with careers, climbing corporate ladders, contributing (monetarily) to the family etc. I'm all for equality, but with freedom of choice too. When I was young, coming from a divorced home, I secretly wanted to be a homemaker. I thought it such a comforting, warm thing to be. But it just wasn't an acceptable answer to 'What do you want to do when you grow up?' As the years go by though, I'm finding it's much easier to tell people that in my off-season from work, I'm a homemaker. I don't want to be defined by my career, but what I love instead! And finding all these great farmgirls that love so many homey things (aprons!) makes it so much easier.
"Isn't it splendid to think of all the things there are to find out about? It just makes me feel glad to be alive--it's such an interesting world."
http://theprimroseway.blogspot.com/ |
|
|
|
Buttercup
True Blue Farmgirl
1433 Posts
Talitha
Vermont
USA
1433 Posts |
Posted - Jul 30 2007 : 01:07:18 AM
|
hmmmm "real" ...what is that? I think whatever you are doing that fits and makes your life and heart feel fulfilled is more then real, it is wonderful!  Of course it is ok!! The main thing in life is to be able to choose right? So if that is what you choose, and it feels right, then I say you have found your real place in life which is wonderful!! So many do not! Enjoy it and embrace it!
Hugz!
Talitha
"If we could maintain the wonder of childhood and at the same time grasp the wisdom of age, what wonder,what wisdom,what life would be ours" |
|
|
|
mikesgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
3659 Posts
Sherri
Elma
WA
USA
3659 Posts |
Posted - Jul 30 2007 : 07:35:45 AM
|
| It was always my aspiration in life to stay at home and nurture my family. I absolutely LOVED being a SAHM and housewife. I never wanted to be anything else. It was easy for me to justify staying home and not contributing financially to the family when I had kids at home. I truly believed, as did my dh, that the kids needed me at home and thrived on it for the most part. Where it gets tricky is when the last one leaves home. I still enjoy being home, I always wanted a chance to spoil my dh - he really deserves it. But, as most of you know, now we are responsible for supporting my mom and I really struggle with my decision to stay home and work at my business. I make decent money at my business when I have a good show in an affluent area, but that's sporadic. We both still would like for me to be home, I love it and dh appreciates the home cooked meals, clean laundry, clean house, etc, but is it right to indulge in this luxury, or should I be out earning more money than I can make at my home business, to take some of the pressure my mom's disease puts on DH? What's sad for me, is this is the part of our lives where we were supposed to enjoy each other and relax after our long years of childrearing. My heart breaks when I see DH leave the house at 4am and get home at 8 or 8:30 at night, exhausted. Some night it takes him 3 hours to get home. (For those of you who aren't from western WA, Seattle has some of the worst traffic in the nation, and he's working on the other side of Seattle). He doesn't complain about it, but I think "These are his 'golden years' and he's killing himself working to support MY mom." So, would he be better off with me working to help with the finances, or is he better off with me at home, to take care of everything from doing all the yard work to taking stuff to the dump, so he can just relax on his day off. I don't know and it bothers me everyday. Sorry to play the devil's advocate here! |
|
|
|
_Rebecca_
True Blue Farmgirl
568 Posts
Rebecca
OK
USA
568 Posts |
Posted - Jul 30 2007 : 08:19:34 AM
|
I prefer the title of "kept woman." Ha. Just kidding. When I am older and my kids are raised, I want to be out of the house. I think if you feel the desire to stay home you should. It's really a personal preference I think. You enjoy it, so keep it up!!! And it sounds like you have been exposed to all kinds of employment, so you know what's what.
We have a lady at our church who has 4 grown children and she continues to stay home. She is one of the happiest, most content people I know. And she takes pride in the title of homemaker.
.·:*¨¨* :·.Rebecca.·:*¨¨* :·. http://boinglink.blogspot.com/ |
|
|
|
mikesgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
3659 Posts
Sherri
Elma
WA
USA
3659 Posts |
Posted - Jul 30 2007 : 09:49:22 AM
|
| I just got back from Les Schwab, waiting for a tire to be fixed and a young woman with a 6 month old baby sat down next to me. I started flirting with the baby and we got to talking. I told her I had 2 grandsons I only got to see about twice a year, even though they only live about 2 hours from me. She asked why and I told her my daughter was way too busy to have us visit very often and that she had never been to our house. The woman asked if she was that busy, did she have time for her boys? Then she told me what kind of sacrifices they had made in their marriage so she could go part time to stay home with her precious baby. Her husband sold his prized truck for one thing. Sometimes I wonder if my daughter is so anxious to keep her high paying job because I stayed home when she was young and she felt deprived of some of the things other kids had and she wanted. I think it's individual. My son, who is next to her in line, won't hear of his wife working after they have kids - but she is having trouble getting pregnant. So, he must have enjoyed having a mom at home, even considering the sacrifices we made. It's a tough call but overall I think I made the right decision. I just wish my dd would slow down and enjoy her family before it's too late. I really feel like we (dh and I) and those grandkids are both missing out on valuable relationship building time though. |
|
|
|
queenofdreamsz4u
True Blue Farmgirl
3845 Posts
Stephanie Suzanne
Smoky Mountains Tennessee
USA
3845 Posts |
Posted - Jul 30 2007 : 10:31:22 AM
|
Homemaker is a fabulous profession!!! And don't let anyone make you think differently...I have always loved "home" and through the years of all sorts of needlework I discovered my love for design and sewing and so I now have a studio in my home and my website.
It feeds my desire to be at home and also to make some income so it's really great!!
It's not for some women..I have a few freinds that don't know how I do it...but they are the type that needs to be around people at all times..I enjoy my quiet time and home is usually the only place to find that these days.
I just turned 49 :o) and am doing what makes me the happiest so you go girl! Do what makes your heart sing 
...til next time ~ queenofdreamsz
www.dreamkingdomdesigns.com/apronpocketswap.html
www.dreamkingdomdesigns.blogspot.com
"hold close your inner child and always listen to the gentle whispers" ~queenofdreamsz
|
|
|
|
Across the Fence: Is it okay to just be a homemaker? |
|
|
|
Is it okay to just be a homemaker?
