| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| SarahJ |
Posted - May 01 2007 : 12:00:01 PM
Let me preface this post by saying that I am NOT miss manners, nor I am very knowledgeable on such things. Recently, I hosted a baby shower for my BIL's girlfriend. On the invitations, it said "Please RSVP" followed by my name and phone number.I sent out 50 invitations...I got a total of four RSVP's (two who said they were not coming) and guess how many people showed up? 22.
When I asked around to a couple of guests, they said "Oh, I thought RSVP only means call if you are NOT coming."
If I am not mistaken, that is the scenario only when the invitation says "Regrets Only." Other guests just did not think it was important to respond.
So, I guess here is where my rant comes in. This baby shower took place at a hotel 2 hours from my home, and I had to premake all the food and pack every feasible thing I would need (including trash bags, decorations, etc). Can you imagine how hard it is to figure out how much food to make and plates, napkins and glasses to pack when no one responds to the invitations? I thought about calling everyone on the guest list, but all 50 calls would have been long distance, and I could not afford that.
Lately, I've noticed that many people do not know, or bother with maintaining even the most BASIC manners. I am sure part of this comes from the busy lifestyles people lead, but I also think many people just don't know. After all, they do not teach this kind of stuff in school anymore. I am sad to say that BIL's girlfriend has also not sent any thank-you notes to her guests.
After this fiasco, I ordered an ettitique book so I can brush up on my own basic manners, because I sure could use improvement.
Do ya'll think manners are becoming a lot art? Or am I just being too stuffy and old-fashioned?
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| 25 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| mtngirl1 |
Posted - May 09 2007 : 05:06:17 AM
Yes- manners are on the down hill slide. We instruct our boys to say please and thankyou, no sir, yes sir and to speak to adults and children when they enter a room. When my 10 yr old gets on the phone he says, "Hello, this is Marshall Thompson, may I speak with so and so" What really irks me is when other adults tell my children thay so not have to use their manners! Teaching our children is also a placae to start.
Kim |
| Sweet Harvest Homestead |
Posted - May 09 2007 : 03:48:35 AM
I can't remember exactly how the quote goes, something like
A Thank you note that was sent, will be read and forgotten, a thank you note that you did not send will NEVER be forgotten.
That is so true. I send little notes for everything. Can't tell you how many gifts that I have sent and never even gotten a phone call.
I always put myself in the other persons position. If someone takes time out of their day, to drive to the store, spend their money and time on ME or anyone in my family. You're darn tootin I am going to take the time to send a HANDWRITTEN note on nice paper to thank them.
Lindy
www.sweetharvesthomestead.typepad.com |
| brightmeadow |
Posted - May 08 2007 : 8:34:01 PM
The whole gift-giving thing is a puzzler to me. People now tell me what I can and cannot give them for a gift. It's not just my family, it's my DH's family too.
"Don't give me a plant for Mother's Day - I don't want to be burdened with taking care of it" (from my stepmother, filtered through my dad) - hmmm, because she's rejecting me as her child once again?
"Don't give me a jar of jelly for Christmas. I don't eat sweets (this from MIL, who is constantly munching lemon candies and butter-pecan ice cream)"
"Take this bottle of perfume back to the store - I don't want it" MIL again
"Here - here's the scarf you bought me, I don't like it" Step-mom again
"that hat lets the wind right through it, it's no good" about a hand-knit hat (MIL)
"Ya trying to kill me????" (from Brother-in-law, turns out he's allergic to cashews, how would I know?)
"I don't have a muffin pan" on receipt of a gift muffin-mix, from SIL
I THINK I was taught if someone gives you a gift you don't like, can't use, you still are to thank them politely and graciously and be glad they thought of you. (I learned this lesson early - I NEVER got what I wanted for Christmas!) If its a duplicate, explain that its a duplicate and you might be exchanging it for something similar, but different.... If you really don't like it and they give you exchange receipts (I usually do) then go exchange it yourself! If you can't exchange it, give it away! Don't ask the giver to shop for something else for you!
I'm not waiting around for thank-you notes, I just would prefer not getting outright rejection of my gifts!
I am really tempted to just give up gift-giving altogether. Just a card. That's all anyone in my family is getting from me any more. Maybe I'll just go out of town at Christmas!
You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands - You shall be happy and it shall be well with you. -Psalm 128.2
Visit my blog at http://brightmeadowfarms.blogspot.com ,web site store at http://www.watkinsonline.com/fish or my homepage at http://home.earthlink.net/~brightmeadow |
| steeleyedjack |
Posted - May 02 2007 : 4:14:20 PM
Debbie,
Thank you! Your note made me feel so much better. You're right. I will do a special meditation to let go of the negative stuff and get on with the joyful farmgirl life. hmmmm can't put that in tupperware and haul it off can they? lol
"You may be on the right track, but you'll get run over if you just sit there" Will Rogers |
| Alee |
Posted - May 02 2007 : 1:12:26 PM
I agree that manners are a dying are that desperately need CPR! Manners are the oil that lubricates civilization. Without proper manners, it makes it harder for people with different personalities to work together.
I must make a confession though- I love to write thank you notes for the things people gift me, but I am horrible about follow through. I have often opened a draw to find all the cards still stacked up- addressed and everything- because I had to tidy up really quick and lost track of them.
I vow to make a better effort to write Thank You cards in a timely manner!
I also want to go buy a "Miss Manners" book, just to brush up on my own manners. I know my parents taught my sisters and I manners, but I think one of those books would be fun to read.
Alee
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| lisamarie508 |
Posted - May 02 2007 : 12:46:12 PM
I can't understand why people have such a hard time controlling thier children. If control was ever done in the earliest years it would be no problem later. My children knew "the look" and always behaved in public, pleases and thank yous and everything. Kids screaming and running around in stores, restaurants; even the library is extremely annoying and rude of the parents to allow it. The comment "just being kids" is more like "just being rude obnoxious kids out of control".
I love the t shirt idea and maybe bumper stickers, too? If MJ ever wanted to do a small book on manners that would be a lot of fun. I know a lot of people (some children) that I would buy it for. Even if I don't get a thank you note. Somehow manners and courtesy need to be brought back. Why not through us?
We come from Nature, we go back to Nature; health & happiness in between requires intimacy with Nature. |
| KYgurlsrbest |
Posted - May 02 2007 : 11:58:54 AM
Wow. I forgot about addressing my own thank you envelopes. I thought it was a little weird, too. Almost every shower, bridal or baby or housewarming I've been to that I've done this, I always feel like it's a comment on my life for some reason....that the hosts are saying "YOU may have time to do thank you's, but, the extremely important extremely busy bride (or mom to be, new homeowner,8 year old birthday boy :))will NEVER have time out of their BUSY schedule to address a couple of tiny envelopes each night!
I often think about our friends, who got married and then flew to England and Ireland for 3 weeks on their honeymoon. Our card was mailed from England. She wrote her thank you's on the 8 hour flight over and dropped them in the post when she got there. She is my hero :)
"In the spring, at the end of the day, you should smell like dirt." Margaret Atwood
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| Luzy |
Posted - May 02 2007 : 11:32:40 AM
Oh my gosh! Where to start? I have a niece and nephew that have no manners whatsoever! Their mother is hard of hearing, so that's the excuse. I say, well she has two good eyes and she can SEE how they behave! It has gotten so bad that we don't go out in public with them anymore. They literally run a muck in restaurants. The boy came up on a man standing in line and tackled him from behind, while the girl is crawling under the tables!!!They were 8 and 10 yrs old. How can anyone let their kids behave like this?? Oh, and forget about taking them shopping! I also hate not getting a thank you, even verbally, when I've given a gift. Chances are that person won't be getting another gift from us! I'm just sick of it! Also, recently Hubby and I splurged and went to an evening movie and had a family sitting behind us with monsters for children. When I asked the kid not to kick the back of my chair, the Mom replied, he's just being a kid!!!! THEN halfway through the movie a mom with a crying baby came in and sat 2 seats away from me! After 10 minutes of that I went and got the manager and they asked her to leave. What's wrong with people nowadays!!!
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May I always be the kind of person my dog thinks I am. |
| blueroses |
Posted - May 02 2007 : 11:09:28 AM
Hi Constance,
I don't think there's any point in saying anything to MIL & SIL now. Some people (my Aunt Ro for example) either have no clue, or have a clue but just don't care. You were a loving and kind DIL to do what you did for both your DH & FIL. You can rest easy knowing you granted his last wish and that you did your best under really rude circumstances. I'm just glad that your DH realizes what went down. But..that being said, I'm with the DH - I wouldn't have any of them back at my place, at least not for a good long while.
"You cannot find peace...by avoiding life."
Virginia Woolfe |
| Beemoosie |
Posted - May 02 2007 : 10:57:43 AM
Sarah, I agree with you! Manners have gone by the wayside and it shouldn't be acceptable! My big peeve is Thanks Yous when you are given a gift. I think this really ties in on the topic I started this morning about gift registries; many people think they "deserve" everything, hence there is no reason to use manners.
Very sad
My soul magnifies the Lord, And my spirit rejoices in God my Savior. Luke 1:46,47
www.beequilting.blogspot.com
http://beemoosie-picture-diary.blogspot.com/ |
| Kim |
Posted - May 02 2007 : 09:40:49 AM
I am so happy this was started! I NEVER get thank you notes from my cousins, to whom I have always sent Christmas presents to. This past Christmas, as hard as it was, I didn't even acknowledge them. But I am sure no one will notice either. It is SO sad.
I had to laugh at the above post on calling people Miss/Mrs or Mr. After 27 years out of high school, I still refer to my girlfriends dad as "Mr So and So". (There are some I am on a first name basis with).
I get so annoyed with people who don't RSVP. Whether it is regrets only or not.
Maybe MJ should put out a FarmGirls Book of Manners!!
Blessed Be!
farmgirl@heart
"Go confidently in the directions of your dreams; live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler." - Henry David Thoreau
http://chevy49girl.livejournal.com/
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http://chevy49girl.deviantart.com/ |
| steeleyedjack |
Posted - May 02 2007 : 07:45:55 AM
May I vent here?
Hours before my Fil passed away he asked to buried in the front yard of our farm. So, six months later, we just had the memorial service and buried his ashes in the stone cairn(tomb) that I had to build because my husband just had rotator cuff surgery. His two strapping brothers never bothered to come and help.
This was supposed to be immediate family only. My Mil called two weeks before to tell me she invited 44 other family members. They all came, no one offered to help with anything. I was up till midnight everynight for a week getting food and tables and chairs and beverages ready. Not to mention taking care of DH recovering from surgery. They all showed up and ate and drank and as I was scurrying around to check on my guests, saying good bye to those who were leaving, my Mil and Sils put ALL of the leftover food into MY containers then put it in their cars to take home with them.
I have yet to receive a thank you in any form or fashion from anyone other than my DH. He was completely appalled and promised to never have any of them back here again.
Do I say anything to my Mil or Sils?
Y'all are the best family.
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| junkjunkie |
Posted - May 01 2007 : 9:28:40 PM
"Common sense isn't" or "common courtesy isn't".....perfect! Those are really good! |
| lilpunkin |
Posted - May 01 2007 : 9:13:40 PM
OK I have to get in on this one because I am so big on using manners. The one I probably hate the most is when you are in a store and someone needs by you and they dont say excuse me. They will just stand there and look at you with the evil eye. Now I dont normally block an aisle and am very cautious of those kinds of things. But sometimes it just happens that some one needs to get by. Well dang it, say excuse me, I will be more than happy to move. And I have to admit, I have purposely ignored someone to see if they would say it and they never do. So sometimes when they are passing me I will say, "If you would have said excuse me I would have been more than happy to move for you" or I will say, "excuse me works really well". I just come right out and say it, and so does my big sis. Not one person has ever responded to my comments. I dont know if they are realizing how rude they were, or if they are just shocked that I made the comment. Either way, I think its rude to just expect someone to just move for you.
I have 2 boys and I make them say please, thank you, yes ma'am, no ma'am, yes sir, no sir. I would hope that others would do the same with their kids and teach them respect for other people, but I know it doesnt happen with everyone. I think everyone could use a good freshing up on their manners and it would be nice if they could teach a class on it in school or something. Because I know not all parents are teaching it in their homes. So sad.
Anyway...
Life isn't measured by how many breaths you take, but by how many moments take your breath away. |
| catscharm74 |
Posted - May 01 2007 : 8:30:56 PM
I find it all sad. I don't think we have to run around being perfect but commom courteousy has even gone out the door. I was coming out of the store with my son in a stroller. The lady coming in rushes up to make it through the door I was already opening with my foot just to get in the store first. OH- I am sorry, I wasn't standing here with this stroller, 2 bags, baby, purse and myself...UGH!!!
I am really saddened just by the lack of thank you's (like the other day, the grocery clerk shoved my receipt into my hand and was already onto the next customer before I had even moved away. No thank you for shopping or have a nice day..smile...nothing)
I was raised that you call someone Miss or Mr. as a courteousy. I still do that even with adults. I have never gotten an acknowledgement from my brother or his wife and 3 kids about gifts either. I too stopped sending them about 3 years ago. And don't get me started about phone manners...ohhh!!! I could cry.... |
| Ronna |
Posted - May 01 2007 : 8:06:07 PM
Many years ago, I read on a church marquee...Common sense isn't..... and it's stuck with me because it's so true. A little play on yours Tina, but if you were to put "Common Courtesy Isn't" it would get a lot of attention from those who read it and think about what it means. Feel free to use it if you think appropriate. I hold doors, let people go ahead of me, etc etc all the time. Sometimes I get an amazed ''thank you'', especially from men. Being in the mass merchandise stores all the time for my job as a sales rep, I often help people when it has nothing to do with the toys my company makes. Especially older people, who get confused easily. I would hope someone will do the same for me when I get old and feeble.
Ronna |
| MariaAZ |
Posted - May 01 2007 : 7:12:55 PM
I agree that manners and common courtesy have gone by the wayside, but I think much of the problem is that people no longer learn them. As a result there are many people who don't KNOW they are being rude. With this in mind, many people probably honestly don't understand what "RSVP" means. I looked it up, and it is French for "Please reply" (respondez s'il vous plait).
I've learned a lesson from this situation; if I send out invitations I'll bypass the French and plainly state "Please reply if you are attending or not."
Visit my blog at www.craftyfool.net |
| EmmJay |
Posted - May 01 2007 : 6:19:08 PM
Wow, Great topic!
I am a HUGE fan of manners.....There may be a few that I could re-learn, but I do try my best.
Both my children are NOT to call an adult by their first name, unless that person says to. I am 39, and will say Ms, Mr, or Miss Smith, until that person asks me to call them by their first name.
My son, or anyone else for that matter, are permitted to wear a hat at the dinner table, and please keep the elbows off the table.
I went and picked up two coffee for a friend and myself today, and the door was held open by another woman, and when I said "thank you", she laughed at me. What was that about???
MJ
"Thank GOD I'm a country girl"
http://s119.photobucket.com/albums/o134/EmmJay07/ |
| _Rebecca_ |
Posted - May 01 2007 : 5:35:47 PM
I'm so absent-minded. I have thank you notes, 3 of them, that I found and I hadn't sent them. One couple had moved away by the time I discovered my misplaced notes.
I feel so bad.
Anyone else ever do this?
.·:*¨¨* :·.Rebecca.·:*¨¨* :·. |
| blueroses |
Posted - May 01 2007 : 4:55:29 PM
Wow, ladies. I'm with all of you. I've been to two weddings in the past 2 years and both were aquaintances;not really good friends. I really tried to get nice gifts and have never received a Thank You card. It really irks me - that should just be a given. When one of the ladies was pregnant and I got an invitation to her shower, I RSVP'd with my regrets. I may be stuffy but oh well. We do have to try and teach our children and grandchildren (if their parents don't get miffed) about good manners. I'm amazed at the phone manners of many clients and others that we deal with. People will just begin talking as if I'm supposed to recognize their voice! I would love to be able to remember everyone, but it's not gonna happen.
"You cannot find peace...by avoiding life."
Virginia Woolfe |
| laluna |
Posted - May 01 2007 : 4:31:34 PM
Ah, such a subject of frustration for me! I teach grade eight, and I am constantly having to model good manners and even just common courtesy for my students. It's quite obvious what kind of parenting goes on in the students' homes based on how they conduct themselves in my classroom. One happy story that makes me smile, even though it is a simple one, is the time I ran into one of my current students while shopping. When he noticed me, he immediately went over to get his mom and "formally" introduced us to one another. How sweet!
Unfortunately, I also have a goddaughter to whom I've sent presents over the years (for Christmases, birthdays, communion, etc.) and have not received a thank you note in quite some time (she's 11 years old now). This past Christmas, I finally decided to stop sending gifts. I just felt that if she (or her mother) couldn't even acknowledge my little gestures with at least a phone call, then maybe it just didn't mean enough to them. Makes me sad... |
| ArmyWifey |
Posted - May 01 2007 : 3:54:23 PM
This is so RUDE! RSVP's should be returned within 24-48 hours if at all possible and one should not change ones mind! Regrets only means you don't have to call unless you aren't coming otherwise you are supposed to call.
So many people nowdays just don't bother and it is a huge inconvenience to the hostess!
So sorry for you. T-shirts are cute idea.
Although it is polite if two people are talking to interuppt so long as you say excuse me or pardon me FIRST! Otherwise waiting quietly is fine.
As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!
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| _Rebecca_ |
Posted - May 01 2007 : 3:26:27 PM
I have to confess that I didn't grow up knowing about 80% of what good manners were like. Or if I did know, I was just not remembering them and being a total twit.
Now that I have children and we live in a community where everyone knows everyone it is so important to me.
Just the fact that you need to look people in the eye no matter who the person is very important.
Waiting until the person who called you on the telephone hangs up first, then you hang up. (I learned that as a receptionist).
Greeting people and returning greetings. Saying goodbye, nice meeting you, nice to see you etc.
And I don't care who you are, Do Not walk up to two people talking and interrupt. (I am incredulous at this one!!! The people who should know better....Don't!)
And one thing that really burns me up is when teenagers or kids PLOP down on a sofa and they do not take into consideration that adults are present and should be offered a seat. And don't get me started on families that don't teach their kids to show respect at the dinner table for guests or elders.
So, yeah, T-shirt away!!! Great idea!
.·:*¨¨* :·.Rebecca.·:*¨¨* :·. |
| KYgurlsrbest |
Posted - May 01 2007 : 2:52:07 PM
Yippee! Shirts! I cannot wait. I'm excited to start our "trend" of niceities. Emily Post is a bit stuffy, but Amy Vanderbilt would do...times have certainly changed, but there are some good guidelines. This brings me to something else...My best friend is a guy, accomplished attorney, nice looking and is back out on the market after a rough divorce. He's been telling me his "horror" stories from the dating world, and most of them detail etiquette or manners in someway. He's a gentleman, and believes in holding the door for a gal, opening the car door for you (he unlocks it too), will NEVER let a girl pick up the check (I've tried and tried) and is, what I imagine, rather refreshing in this day and age....he said women are turned off by his manner. One girl told him he was a chauvinist, and that she could open the door for herself! His big pet peeve in the "dating world" is having dinner with a gal who answers her cell phone while they're having dinner. These are gals who don't have kids at home with a sitter, or whatever, just answering the phone to talk to friends about nothing in particular. One date answered her phone 3 times and didn't even notice he'd waived for the check. He said, given the opportunity to go back to dating prior to cell phones, he would, just to get out a full sentence!! I personally think that would be awful...I'd be really embarrased after the first call..
"In the spring, at the end of the day, you should smell like dirt." Margaret Atwood
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| junkjunkie |
Posted - May 01 2007 : 2:12:43 PM
Me too!! |
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