| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| simpler1773 |
Posted - Apr 29 2007 : 12:13:16 PM
Hi ladies ~ I just need to get this out, and you are all such a wise bunch that I thought this may just be the place to do it.
It seems like lately (I'd say slowly getting worse over the course of the last two years), I am just so tired and easily overwhelmed. I have a 14 yr old and a 2 yr old (both girls), I am technically a stay at home mom but I help run my husband's business (computer networking) and I work a few hours a week at a coffee shop to help out my friend that owns it. I have daycare 2 days a week, so I DO get a break from the two year old. She's a handful though, so much so that I truly believe she has ADHD (I really hate putting those lables out there, but it is what it is).
I've lost my ability to create. I used to make 3 or 4 really wonderful primitive dolls a week, and many other things too. Now I look at my fabric and want to either cry or burn it because I am so frustrated. I have nothing left inside of me to actually do the work. I look at magazines and books and think I'm inspired and then I go to the studio and pick things up and set them down and can't force myself to do ANYTHING. It's terrible!
I come here and I see and read about all of the great things everyone is doing and I wonder what is wrong with me, why can't I get in gear to do these things?
I'm torn between keeping stuff that I think I will use someday and just getting rid of everything because it's so depressing to NOT be using it right now. Does that make any sense?
Between taking care of the girls and my husband, getting meals on the table and the house clean, I just don't feel like I have anything left. And when I try to do one extra thing it seems like everything else suffers. It doesn't seem like it should be this hard. I'm not sure why I can't handle more than I do and it frustrates me to no end. Am I just really poor at time management? Am I doing something wrong, or is there just something functionaly wrong with me?
Please tell me how you all do it....I need help!
~Ricki~
You can't pour anything out of an empty vessel, take care of yourself! |
| 25 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Alee |
Posted - May 03 2007 : 12:39:59 PM
Ricki-
I am so glad to hear that things are starting to turn the corner a little bit for you. There is something my friends and I call "zen hugs". We say this when we are on the phone with each other or over the internet. Since we can't be there in person to give each other a hug- we are "zenning" one to the other person. So just imagine all of us farmgirls "zenning" you a hug!
Alee |
| Bluewrenn |
Posted - May 03 2007 : 09:44:16 AM
Ricki - you sound like my sister (who's raising four boys, one with special needs; working part-time, taking care of at least one (and probably more than just one) elderly neighbor, involved with four boys' activities (boy scouts, swimming lessons, karate, choir, soccer, afterschool activities, counselors and doctors' appointments, etc.) AND working at her church as well...
My recommendations to her (and to you) are... don't be afraid to ask for help.
Her boys all need rides to activities, usually all at the same time, and she kills herself trying to get everyone where they need to be on time, and to get back to pick them up, while also doing errands in between, meeting with teachers etc... Ask some of the group leaders if some of the other parents wouldn't mind dropping off one of the boys. Usually you can negotiate a barter - perhaps in return for some child care later on if the parents want to get away for a weekend or something.
Hire a college kid or even a teen neighbor (or someone from church) to come in and help out at the house for a couple of hours a week. Have them watch the baby while you take some time off. You don't even have to leave the house if you don't want to - just shut the door and take a long bath... She spends hours trying to help her boys do their homework, and if she could get some help with those daily struggles, it might leave some energy left in the evenings for doing something to relax. As it is now, she's too tired after struggling with the boys (who hate doing their homework) to do much.
Another idea that might work to help you regain some creativity is to try doing a project together with your 14 year old... maybe make some dolls together or something for her bedroom... My sister actually got one of her boys (the 9 year old) hooked on quilting that way. He made a small quilt for his cat, while she made a larger one for his bed. They had a great time working together on it and it allowed her to be creative again.
My Homesteading Journal http://toomyvara.livejournal.com
My craft journal http://bluewrenn.livejournal.com
|
| simpler1773 |
Posted - May 03 2007 : 08:54:32 AM
Oh no! I didn't get any e-mails ~ in fact I haven't been getting the notifications for subcribing to this thread either. I even checked my junk mail, and nothing. Dang! Maybe just try sending it directly to my e-mail which is oldquiltlover at hotmail dot com.
The meeting at school went well. I have to say I went in with a rather ho-hum attitude thinking I already had my mind made up, but I left feeling like they really cared. We've got some new stratagies for my daughter and we'll see how the rest of the year goes before I make the decision to homeschool or not.
My little one is in daycare today so I am catching up on the cleaning which is just too hard to get done with her "help", but I'm going to take a break for lunch with hubby at the local deli.
I feel better. And it has just helped SO MUCH to have the support of all you great farmgirls. I'm amazed...really.
I wish I could give ya'll great big hugs. I hope it's beautiful wherever you are today!
~Ricki~
You can't pour anything out of an empty vessel, take care of yourself! |
| CabinCreek-Kentucky |
Posted - May 02 2007 : 10:01:01 PM
sweeetie pie .. i'm jus' sending you a great big warm hug! xo, frannie
True Friends, Frannie
CABIN CREEK FARM
KENTUCKY
|
| abbasgurl |
Posted - May 02 2007 : 8:31:51 PM
Ricki, I sent you a couple of private messages. I think they go to your email. Hope you got them! 
Rhonda
I'm a one girl revolution. |
| Kathie |
Posted - May 02 2007 : 1:54:01 PM
Hope your Metting went well..
I know how they can try to wear you down..
I am really so happy that you spent the day out on your own with a friend!! No guilt there Sweetie Pie!
i think as girls growing up we are trained that we just aren't allowed any time to ourselves. or anything that is just for us..
but now as an Adult.. with Adult Children of my own i know that one of the best things i could have done for them when they were little was to give us all some space now & then.. They needed.. & & I REALLY needed it sometimes!! Gave us all a fresh look at things.. & we appreciated our time together.. & each other a bit more..
I do think keeping the Coffee shop Job is important.. As you need some time on your own.. away from the house.. & gives you that adult perspective & conversation that you need.. The Kids & Husband are great..
I love all of mine too..but the conversations away from home are needed..
Plus like you said..the extra cash is always good..& the fact that your helping a frined in need.. may be doing alot to help you emotionaly too..
There is nothing in the world wrong with taking care of yourself..
We feel guilty doing that too.. & you know.. we need to be a little more selfish.. Do things just for you.. somethings that don't matter to anyone else but you.. something that is just yours..
These things that we do.. can be so healing to us..
It will give you the biggest sence of well being....
& you'll find that the things that you start doing again are the things you always used to enjoy.. they are the things you loved.. & they won't seem like a burdon.. or a chore.. or a deadline if you enjoy what your doing..
You'll get yourself back into that craft room again.. with a whole new outlook.. there will be things that you want to do.. & that you WILL be able to do..
But not until you've given yourself some down time..
Right now your just over burdened with things that you feel as if you HAVE to do.. that the thought of doing something more.. Just seems over whelming..
i know you've read all of our thoughts & prayers & well wishes..
But you have to know that not just that your not alone in how we feel for you.. But do you hear it? Do you hear how many of us have all gone through the same exact thing? So many of us Sweetie..
Your not alone.. i think we can all take turns with icky bouts of depression.. Thoughts of i'll never get through this.. & that this is just too much..
But you know what Ricki.. You will honey..
Either on your own.. or talking it out with us or other friends.. or through your Dr.. but you will.. It'll pass..
It's just really cruddy when your going through one of these spells..
i know.. i'm there plenty too..
I lable mine as "never ending overwhelming impending doom"..
pretty huh?
& for NO reason!! i can never find any one thing that is bothering me really!!! I am just in such a low.. that i feel so overwhelmed.. & there can be absolutly NOTHING going on around me.. i find nothing to point out that is bad or wrong or not right.. It's just there!!!
& Then the wind changes..& the cloud lifts.. & the sun comes out again.. & I'm back to my old smart Aleck Self again!
So i really do know how you feel.. We all do..
& i want to tell you that we love you.. & are thinking about you..
& are just waiting for you to feel like the Old Ricki again.. okay?
Always here for you..
Kathie
In a World Where you Can Be Anything, Be Yourself.. |
| simpler1773 |
Posted - May 02 2007 : 11:29:03 AM
Thanks Kathie ~ You're all so kind. Im ok, I am trying to keep my mantra: just enjoy the passing of time, and one day at a time. Yesterday I spent the afternoon with a girl friend and that was nice...I tried really hard not to feel guilty and was successful for the most part! In an hour and a half I need to go meet with my 14 yr olds teachers so they can try to convince me *not* to homeschool next year...yup, one day at a time :)
~Ricki~
You can't pour anything out of an empty vessel, take care of yourself! |
| Kathie |
Posted - May 02 2007 : 09:39:46 AM
Ricki,
How are you feeling today Sweetie?
I've thought about you all week end long....
In a World Where you Can Be Anything, Be Yourself.. |
| britchickny |
Posted - May 01 2007 : 4:25:48 PM
Ricki, sounds like you have some great friends here! Hope your day was not too crazy!
Angie.
"Mercy, peace and love be yours in abundance" JUDE 1:2 |
| britchickny |
Posted - May 01 2007 : 4:24:08 PM
Holly, I just read your note to Ricki and it just hit home. Thank-you for sharing. I'm thinking that I may need to do some re-thinking' myself!
God Bless.
Angie.
"Mercy, peace and love be yours in abundance" JUDE 1:2 |
| Alee |
Posted - May 01 2007 : 09:36:45 AM
Ricki-
Let me know what you think about the free writing after you have done it a few times. It really helps me when I am stressed and my mind won't quit racing. I think it also helps us understand that perfection is not always expected or even desired (because you aren't supposed to go back and correct or re-read etc).
*hugs*
Alee
|
| ArmyWifey |
Posted - May 01 2007 : 07:20:55 AM
I understand ..... you need to recharge your adrenals honey! The book adrenal fatigue has some great advice, as does the maker's diet.
If you are a beleiver than here's the bottom line God says in His word through Christ - You can do NOTHING without me. Is that what you are doing? How's your devotional life? You also need to let go and trust that He will provide for your friend and that maybe SHE needs to trust Him for that and you are standing in the way. Not trying to be harsh just point out things we often miss when we are in the middle of it!
You need to cut out everything outside the home you can and focus on your home, you and your kiddos by not running hither and yon all the time! (beleive me I know that's easier said than done!) Focus on your home and the routines you need there, THEN branch out from there. Build in time for you to sit and have a cup of tea - naptimes, etc.
Blessings,
Holly
As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!
|
| mtngirl1 |
Posted - May 01 2007 : 05:13:15 AM
Ricki-
I was in denial for a long time about how busy I said I wasn't and others said I was. Write down all you are doing and you will see where you need to cut back. If your priorities are out of balance, everything will be out of whack- God first, then husband, children then home and all else is after that. I also take a trip once a year for myself to re-charge. However- I also "schedule" time each week to take a breather- I mught just shut myself in our bedroom and look a t magazines or read- but my husband gives me and supports this for me each week. I find it very helpful. Prayers out to you.
Kim |
| britchickny |
Posted - Apr 30 2007 : 5:01:04 PM
Dear Ricki, whatever 'the reason', you are right about the guilt. Leave it at the side of the road (and don't look back!) We live in a society that encorages us to feel as if we need to fill every waking hour! We are supposed to be all things to all people. How can we be? You know, it is okay (very okay!) to once in a while put yourself first. No, you are not being selfish by doing that, just smart. If you drive your car with your foot on the gas for miles and miles, at some point you will need to stop and put gas in the car. Sounds like you need to stop and re-fuel. That could be as easy as looking at your calender and leaving some blank spaces! As you can see by your replies, you are very much not alone. We have all been/are there and do understand.
Ricki, God loves you and He has a plan for your life. Every day He is with you.
Just take one day at a time. Angie.
"Mercy, peace and love be yours in abundance" JUDE 1:2 |
| simpler1773 |
Posted - Apr 30 2007 : 4:51:57 PM
Thanks again you guys!
Alee ~ I have never heard of the free writing but it sounds neat, I'll try it. Also the melatonin...the sleep has been a real issue.
I can't even tell you guys how much it helps to know I'm not alone and that ya'll don't think I'm some kind of flake :)
~Ricki~
You can't pour anything out of an empty vessel, take care of yourself! |
| mima |
Posted - Apr 30 2007 : 3:08:45 PM
Hugs!!!!! I honestly didn't get all that much done when my kids were little! They are alot of work!!!!!!! A teenager and a two year old and you work! Cut yourself some slack! Your doing a great job. Be good to yourself. There is a time for everything and someday youll have the time to do all that you want!Just take care of yourself now! DON"T WORRY! BE HAPPY!!!! |
| Alee |
Posted - Apr 30 2007 : 1:11:03 PM
Ricki-
Wow! Okay so just the thought of traveling 100 miles to see your midwife made me tired! Let alone trying to remodel TWO Houses!
One other thing- If you are having a hard time sleeping/mind racing you could try keeping a journal by the bed to write down all your thoughts. I make lists like crazy of all the stuff I want to get done each day. If I don't get it done, that’s okay, but writing it down helps my mind relaxes at night. It is kind of like my mind saying "Okay she committed to getting something done- I can quite bugging her now"
Also free-writing helps a lot to. It's a skill I learned in High school. You get out a piece of paper, a pen and set a time for 30 seconds, a minute or whatever. Don't read what you write- Just write whatever is in your head. It can be completely disjointed or a poem or a story or anything! It just helps empty out the confusion. Sometimes you will be writing a sentence and start writing a new one right in the middle of the old! The important thing is to not let the pen stop moving or to re-read what you just wrote.
If things like that don't help, you might try a sleep aid, like Tylenol PM or buying Melatonin from the health food store. Melatonin is the chemical that you brain naturally produces during sleep. My fiancé and I have used it before to get better sleep habits and it helps SO much! You don't feel groggy or drugged when you wake up and it can help you drift off to sleep in no time flat!
I hope you are feeling better today!
Alee
|
| MagnoliaWhisper |
Posted - Apr 30 2007 : 10:32:58 AM
Sleep deprivation will do it! That's for sure. Just give yourself some slack. It sounds like you had a rough few years. It will take a while to find your center again!
I went into diabetic keytone acidoses (didn't know I was a diabetic) 6 years ago. It took me about 2 years literally before I had the energy to wakeup and feel like even getting out of bed. About 2 years into it, one morning I woke up and felt like actually getting up, rather then why on earth is it morning already! And pulling the covers back over my head! Took another two years for me to have the energy to clean the house, wash dishes etc. So give yourself time! lots of time! Eventually you will get it back. In the mean time just try to do what is best for you. |
| simpler1773 |
Posted - Apr 29 2007 : 11:09:26 PM
Wow ~ all of your responses are amazing. Thank you so much.
I really have tried to incorperate me time into my life here and there ~ but I seriously need to work on the guilt factor  I always always feel guilty. And that is why I use the signature line that I do ~ trying to remind myself.
WARNING: This next part is long and not real relevant.
The whole moving 4 times thing was completely unplanned and quite surreal when I think back on it.MOVE #1 We wanted to persue a dream of living in Duluth, MN. where we could be close to Lake Superior (which my husband grew up on), so we sold our house and moved. Just like that! Crazy, I know. So we got an apartment in Duluth just because we were not sure about buying a house there yet. Well, we ended up in this fabulous duplex but with partying college kids next door ~ nightmare.MOVE #2 So we found a fixer upper forclosed house in the next city over and bought it cash ~ we'd live in it and fix it up at the same time. We did that for 2 months before we found out I was pregnant (complete SHOCK! 5 yrs of marriage, no protection, just figured I couldn't have kids anymore, very irregular period, etc.). Wanted a home birth ~ couldn't find a midwife willing to do a VBAC within 100 miles, so we traveled the 100 miles to the midwife every month ~ she'd come to us for the birth. In the meantime we found a little cabin we could buy for cash (it was CHEAP!) halfway between us and the midwife ~ MOVE #3 Figured we could do the homebirth there and then the ripped apart remodel we were working on wouldn't be such an issue with the new baby. Labored at the cabin but after 48 hours of labor ended up at the hospital for an emergency c-section anyway  . But, baby is a couple months old when I figure out there is no way I have the energy to remodel a house and don't want to go back to the city anyway. MOVE #4 We sell the city house, and the cabin, and buy a real house here by where the cabin was. Now baby is two years old and I am STILL tired...lol.
You're all right, I could quit the coffee shop, and I would if I thought it was the problem. It's not, it's more of an escape for me than a job. The shop is also an art gallery with many local artists displayed, fun music, etc. And I'm only there about one day a week.
And whoever asked if I was sleeping...no! It's 1:00 AM as I type, and the nights Rebekah has slept thru the night in her life, I can count on one hand. She'll be awake by 6:30 for sure. It's an issue. Hubby gets up with her alot, but I still wake up and have a hard time getting back to sleep...my mind starts running and it's off to the races.
Also someone mentioned food being a problem. We have almost no junk food or high fructose corn syrup products in the house, and I try to buy mostly organic. I allow a few items here and there, and I guess I can try to be even more strict about it. That is hard though.
Ok ~ enough rambling, off to bed, I hope. Hubby has a cold and is snoring like an old bear so I am sleeping on the couch for peace and quiet tonight!
Thanks again ladies ~ you're the best!
~Ricki~
You can't pour anything out of an empty vessel, take care of yourself! |
| Alee |
Posted - Apr 29 2007 : 9:50:26 PM
Ricki-
Moving 4 times in 18 months! No wonder you are exhausted mentally and physically!! Yikes hun! When my Fiance and I moved once a year we were exhausted! It takes us over 6 months to even feel somewhat settled and just about that time we already had to start looking for a new place! This is the first time we haven't had to move in a long time and we are finally catching our breath. I never ever felt like doing crafts when we were moving a lot. Just so much to have to unpack and find to get started- It was really daunting!
One other suggestion- If you can afford it, hire a maid for one really good cleaning or for a light cleaning once a month or even once a week. I did housecleaning for others for years and I could really tell how much it helped some of the ladies. One of my clients was a SAHM with a special needs kid (he has brittle bone disease!). She really just needed some "her" time and having me come in and change the sheets and scrub the bathrooms gave her a couple hours a week to mediate and relax.
BTW there is nothing wrong with you for feeling overwhelmed or even if you have some depression! And there is nothing wrong with you if things get a little out of control! Sometimes I think we care so much about our family and others that we get a little (or a lot!) stressed if we can't live up to our high expectations.
I think you would be really wise if you took some you time and went away for a long weekend!
Too bad you couldn't come out here for the Farmchick's show!
*hugs* You are an awesome mom and an amazing person! I can't believe you managed to move 4 times in 18 months!
Alee
|
| catscharm74 |
Posted - Apr 29 2007 : 7:00:24 PM
I just wanted to add that I don't like to be home during the week. I enjoy being out and working so becoming a SAHM for me was huge and frankly, I AIN'T GOOD AT IT!!! And I am darn proud of that...not that I am a bad Mom, just bad at the 24/7 thing. I like to work and attend functions and be out. I know this to be true of myself and no matter how I tried to justify staying home, it is killing me and that is something my whole family does not need.
(((HUGS))) All around for being brave enough to admit our truths and even braver for taking the necessary steps!!! YIPEEE!!!!
|
| mkmomus |
Posted - Apr 29 2007 : 5:36:51 PM
Ricki,
I will just tell you what everyone else and that is to take care of yourself, but.... do go to the dr and have things checked out. Also go to the gyn and have a check up as well. I too was perscribed with an anti depressant but it turns out I had a thyroid condition and that overrode the effects of the anti depressant so that didn't work. Then I got a thyroid medice but we had to screw around with that. Then I found out husband was sleeping around and went to dr and found out I had HPV which was zapping me. NOw I am not suggesting in anyway your husband is doing that, I am just saying check everying out because it could be anything. Also, how are you sleeping? Because if you are not sleeping well it knock you out. The other thing is, I think you really have to find out what you WANT to do. If you like to do all tose things then you should, but if you feel you have to do any of those things I think you could bow out gracefully. If you just want to stay home and craft and cook and play (and you can afford it) do it. If you want to that and you can't aford it, find a way anyway. I think most mothers have been where you are so don't ever feel alone or different. Please take care and let us know how you are doing.
Merle |
| MagnoliaWhisper |
Posted - Apr 29 2007 : 5:18:26 PM
Good for you Cats! You have to do what is best for you, no matter what any one else thinks. I try to avoid the judgemental people who think they have a say in how I live my life. I'm the one who has to live my life not them. Same for you, you are the one who has to live your own life. So making the choices that are best for you is the best way to do things! So good for you! :) And you are right, you have to keep yourself so you can be a good example of how to have a happy life when they grow up too! :) |
| catscharm74 |
Posted - Apr 29 2007 : 5:10:09 PM
You are so not alone, so first (((((BIG HUGS)))). Second, I agree with everyone else, you need to take better care of yourself now. I just went through Post Partum Depression that lasted from the day I left the hospital up until about a month ago (DS turned 1). We are putting him in daycare and I am going back to school, full time in September. I take daily walks, dumped all the junk food in the house, starting FINALLY getting back to the self I love. I hadn't worn makeup or done my hair in over a year because I was so down in the dumps. DH tries to help, but I need more than just his help. I have no family here and we have moved 3 times in the past year due to the military, so friends are not an option either. We are moving to Texas and I plan on having a life. Yes, I chose to have children but doesn't mean I give up my life entirely until they are grown. I believe in leading by example and DS should know his mother is strong, independent and worthy and not just a maid, cook, chauffer and not just there to care for everyone but myself.
Daycare will relieve a lot of my stress, and yes, I can stay home while he is in daycare. Frowned upon and misunderstood by many but my frugal ways have allowed me to do this. Take good care of yourself!!! |
| westernhorse51 |
Posted - Apr 29 2007 : 4:22:30 PM
Ricki, please know you are not alone at all. I think most of us feel that way often. I get so tired sometimes I cant think straight & working 2 jobs leaves very little time. Its not you, its life & we take on so much. Go easy on yourself.
she selects wool and flax and works with eager hands Prov.31:13 |
|
|
