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Family Matters:  A confusing family...  |
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goneriding
True Blue Farmgirl
1599 Posts
Winona
Central Oregon
USA
1599 Posts |
 Posted - Apr 18 2007 : 08:50:54 AM
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Ok, I'm going to let loose here and ask you guys if anyone has had to deal with this.
I have the best hubby in the world but his family is just...something else. I stated in my other post about my FIL that sometimes I have wondered how my hubby genetically came from his family.
We each have a couple of marriages under our belts but my family has embraced him and my kids treat him like he's been here all their lives. His family?? Until lately, they acted like I didn't exist, despite his denials they were ignoring me.
So finally, I gave up (in the past 6 mos or so) and just treat them exactly like they have treated me. I don't call them and can't stand my SIL cuz she is a shark. I can't type everything that's happened obvioulsy but I've had my friends meet some of them and my friends tell me later that at first they didn't believe how the family was but now they do believe me and if something happens to my hubby, be sure to get the best lawyer I can afford.
I have traveled almost all around the world and have been there, done that but they haven't barely gotten out of this part of OR. My family is extrememly well educated but they are basically HS grads (which I am also but 2 yrs college) and no clue of the outside world. My hubby is the opposite of them and has a wanderlust, which I share also.
The upshot of this post was that now that I treat them as they treat me, they can't seem to stand it. His ex's seemed to never stand up to them for some reason. Maybe that's why they divorced him.
My other SIL, whom I get on with nicely, married into the family and she agrees with me but she's a peacemaker and has endured them for over 20 yrs but she has the same complaints I have. I've only been around a bit over 4 yrs and have cut them more slack than I would anyone else but nothing changed. Now that I don't put up with their bull, they can't stand it. The change is something else to see. It drives them nuts. I don't care about their money and I wonder if that's how they hold everone together, hoping that someday there will be a payoff?? Doesn't matter to me if my hubby inherits or not.
It's the strangest family from the inside out. Anyone else deal with this?? I should say that the country side of the family is ranchers and I get on great with them. I'm talking the city side, his immediate family.
Winona :-)
Don't sweat the small stuff...
http://goneridingagain.bravehost.com |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22944 Posts
22944 Posts |
Posted - Apr 18 2007 : 2:33:03 PM
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Winona-
What do you mean by "they can't stand it"? Are they calling you now and trying to socialize?
I'm sorry you have an odd extended family, but it sounds like you and your hubby are a good match. Hopefully the good out weighs the bad.
Ciao
Alee |
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Love-in-a-Mist
True Blue Farmgirl
367 Posts
Shannon
Independence
Oregon
USA
367 Posts |
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therusticcottage
True Blue Farmgirl
4439 Posts
Kay
Vancouver
WA
USA
4439 Posts |
Posted - Apr 18 2007 : 3:11:43 PM
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Winona -- sounds like my in-laws!!! My SIL is nice but BIL is a real pain and the MIL & FIL are the very worst. I've endured them for 18 years and finally said I've had enough. Now I don't bother them and they don't bother me. I told my husband if he wants to socialize with them to go ahead because they are his family -- just don't include me and don't guilt me into being with them. This even includes Christmas Eve. He and our daughter can go be with them -- I'm staying home!
www.annarosetta.com |
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goneriding
True Blue Farmgirl
1599 Posts
Winona
Central Oregon
USA
1599 Posts |
Posted - Apr 20 2007 : 07:59:32 AM
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When I say they can't stand it now that I'm treating them as they have treated me I mean, I don't call them or ask after them and when we go to his parents house, I tend to bring a book and sit on the back porch and read. They like to play cards, which I can't stand, and so I opt out of that too. Used to be no one would acknowledge I was there till I spoke first and now I don't really care if I speak or not, polite or not.
I'm also seeing some things in this family which I'm not posting here but there is a lot underneath that they don't want to acknowledge...at least out loud. Sometimes I think his mother knows that I can 'see' their underside and it makes her nervous. Does that make sense?? I'm starting to think his family has lived in denial for so long that, to them, it's natural, normal.
I don't have long enuf right now to go into it but that's the short version.
Winona :-)
Don't sweat the small stuff...
http://goneridingagain.bravehost.com |
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Aunt George
True Blue Farmgirl
1476 Posts
Georgann
Midlothian
VA
1476 Posts |
Posted - Apr 20 2007 : 08:28:45 AM
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I have an "ex" family like that. Their greed far exceeds their charity. I truly believe that what ye sow ye shall also reap. So be polite, but don't let them make you sweat. Go about your business and stay upright...that drives them crazy. Good Luck...time will show who they really are.
http://auntgeorgeshouse.blogspot.com/index.html
Thanks for checking out my apron and sewing musings! |
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GaiasRose
True Blue Farmgirl
2552 Posts
Tasha-Rose
St. Paul
Minnesota
2552 Posts |
Posted - Apr 20 2007 : 08:47:35 AM
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Winona, you sound like you are describing our extended families!!
Rob and I both wonder constantly how we came from the people we did. Both of us are so unlike our families it is frightening.
We are strange to them and honestly they are strange to us. I know what you are going through but it is a shunning of sorts on both of our families not just one or the other.
hang in there....truly you will find that you and your husband are your family, everyone else, htough valuable, doesn't matter if they are unsupportive of your relationship and lifestyle. They dont have to agree, but they do have to respect, and if they cannot, well, that is their problem, not yours.
hang in there!
~*~Brightest Blessings~*~
Tasha-Rose
Blogs: http://gaiarose.wordpress.com
http://tasharose365.wordpress.com/
Homepage:
http://gaiasrose.etsy.com
http://ForestFaeries.etsy.com
Birth is safe, interference is risky; TRUST BIRTH |
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_Rebecca_
True Blue Farmgirl
568 Posts
Rebecca
OK
USA
568 Posts |
Posted - Apr 20 2007 : 10:48:43 AM
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How funny. Yes, I have weird in-laws too. They are not like yours, but pull weird crap sometimes.
Maybe they get mad at you ignoring them because you aren't any fun that way. They may want to mess with you for their entertainment. You've got to keep in mind that they DON'T have anything else to do, from what it sounds, except find people to irritate.
.·:*¨¨* :·.Rebecca.·:*¨¨* :·. |
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westernhorse51
True Blue Farmgirl
1681 Posts
michele
farmingdale
n.j.
USA
1681 Posts |
Posted - Apr 20 2007 : 12:20:01 PM
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I think most of us go through junk like this w/ extended and IMMEDIATE!!  Sometimes you just have to let it go so it doesn't eat you up. Don't hide your feelings if you can't but don't be rude either, just matter of fact. Just my input.
she selects wool and flax and works with eager hands Prov.31:13 |
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cinnamongirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1682 Posts
Carrie
Canada
1682 Posts |
Posted - Apr 20 2007 : 3:23:51 PM
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| I say follow your heart two wrongs do not make it right. It sounds like its rocky when you get together perhaps confronting the dirty laundry will make it better or at least you will feel better. What does hubby say? |
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mtngirl1
True Blue Farmgirl
51 Posts
Kimberly
Roseland
Virginia
USA
51 Posts |
Posted - Apr 22 2007 : 06:33:02 AM
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| I have the same problem- However- be polite, and do not do anything you'll have to answer for later. Kill them with kindness and ignore the drama. that is how I deal with mine. Also- I do not know (on purpose) what goes on in my husbands family-ignorance truly is bliss!!! |
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goneriding
True Blue Farmgirl
1599 Posts
Winona
Central Oregon
USA
1599 Posts |
Posted - Apr 22 2007 : 07:57:13 AM
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Thanks for the support. At least I know I'm not being weird, which is what you would think if you heard about me from them. I've stood around the corner and listened to his mother and daughter talk about me in not the most flatteringly way. Once I walked around the corner just to stir things up (this was after I had had it with them) and they reacted like a horse with something thrown in its face.
Once I asked his mother if she talked about me like she talks about others and I got the 'deer in the headlights' look and she knew she'd been nailed. I don't like to talk about others disparagingly (sp??) cuz I haven't walked in their shoes and don't know why others react as they do. But it's almost sport with them. Like I said, little minds IMHO.
My hubby has talked to them but it's like holding back the Nile. They've done it for so long that I guess it's natural but he's not like that.
I'm trying to keep some living distance between us. Close enuf that if they need us for something, we are there but far enuf away that they won't come visit.
Welp, I'll keep trying to be polite and be above the fray and when I get uber frustrated, I'll post here!!
Winona ;-)
Don't sweat the small stuff...
http://goneridingagain.bravehost.com |
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Family Matters: A confusing family... |
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A confusing family...
