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Family Matters:  Anyone ever want to give up?  |
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faithymom
True Blue Farmgirl
360 Posts
Faith
Sandpoint
ID
USA
360 Posts |
 Posted - Jan 23 2007 : 12:51:22 PM
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Patti-
The Five Love Languages is a great book!
Along with His Needs, Her Needs
and my personal fave: Sex Begins in the Kitchen
It's cool, because if you read His Needs, Her Needs, then 5 L. L. and then S.B.i.t.K.
you can see how they have built upon the previous one, while remaining pertinent.
"All television is educational television. The only question is, what is it teaching?"-Fmr. FCC Commissioner Nicholas Johnson |
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windypines
True Blue Farmgirl
4567 Posts
Michele
Bruce
Wisconsin
USA
4567 Posts |
Posted - Jan 24 2007 : 05:39:00 AM
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| It is so good to see so much support. For me it is helpful to know I am not alone in feeling how I do sometimes. I would like to just runaway somedays, but I figured when I came back, I would have twice the amount of work to catch up on. My husbands take on it all is, he goes out and "works" and makes the money that pays the bills, that is enough. !@#$%$$#@@ Michele |
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asnedecor
True Blue Farmgirl
1054 Posts
Anne
Portland
Or
USA
1054 Posts |
Posted - Jan 24 2007 : 06:58:41 AM
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Ashley -
I do not have as many things to do as you (you have more then a person's share), but I have gone on "strike" so to speak. I work a fulltime job outside of the home, I do the grocery shopping, laundry, clean house, yard work, etc. Plus we have an old house so when we are doing any remodeling I also am in charge of call contractors, doing plastering, painting, etc. DH has his own business that he runs, which he spends a lot of time at, but there are times when I feel he thinks that is the only thing he needs to do. One day I finally had enough - I was tired, sore from working in the yard, etc. I stopped doing the dishes (we have no dishwasher, they have to be done by hand), stopped cleaning and stopped making dinner. When DH asked what was going on, I said I was on Strike! He got the hint. Since then he is much better on pulling his load.
Anne in Portland
"Weeds are flowers too, once you get to know them" Eyeore from Winnie the Pooh
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MsCwick
True Blue Farmgirl
775 Posts
Cristine
Farmville
Virginia
USA
775 Posts |
Posted - Jan 24 2007 : 10:12:14 AM
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Hey Ashley, I'm Cristine. I don't know if you read my post called "Sometimes I feel Like I don't DO enough" But I think that you and I are feeling the same way, and that our husbands might be similar too, and while I'm not going to tell you what you should or shouldn't do, I will tell you some of the things that have worked for me and my husband. Now, I don't have a baby, but I have found that emphasizing teamwork is helpful. Although you may want him to help you with this or that around the house, he may appreciate your help as well. Does he do NOTHING? Is there something that he does that you could help him with?? I have found with my husband that since he was not raised to be as responsible as I am, and since I can't just let him take the lead and make for more problems, that there are nice ways to "lead by example".
In your post you said "I" a lot and listed everything you do, but what about him? I'm not taking his side for being uninvolved but men do not see the things that need to be done like a woman, let alone a mother.
Why did you get married? Part of the reason that we all get married is because 2 is better than 1.
Men do not think like women. He may not see the clothes on the floor or the bills waiting to be paid. But if you take it upon yourself and do it for your marriage and do it for God. In the end, it is only up to Him. For example, I am perfectly capable of getting the woodstove going, but I will let it get freezing cold when I am at home all day and when my husband comes home and builds a fire, I intentionally wait until he is home to start carrying wood up, and it never fails that he'll come help without being asked. Maybe you are just doing TOO much? I call josh and I'm like "hey baby, can you do something really sweet for me when you get home? I need a strong man to help me out? I would really appreciate it if you carried the bag of feed to the shed for me. " And then it clicks in his head that I need him because I am the weaker vessel, and we have talked about why we are together time and time again, but it is because there are certain qualities that I lack that he has, and there are things he lacks that I have. There are some things that men have no concept of. Can you pick one night a week for you to cook and him to do dishes? And for God's sake, reward him. Appreciating a man is KEY!!! Men need to feel like they are super appreciated for some reason, mainly because they really do so much.
Do you want to stand out? Then step down. Be a servant. if you puff yourself up, you'll get the wind knocked out of you. But if you're content to simply be yourself, your life will count for plenty"
-Matthew 23:11-12
We want our lives to count for something. Jesus' prescription however seems backward compared to prevailing definitions of success. He teaches us that we win not by gaining but by giving, not by standing up but by stepping down. Pretending to be something we aren't or trying to camoflouge our limitations doesn't cut it when it comes to God.
Once we've learned to accept ourselves as we are - weaknesses and strengths, irritating and lovely habits alike, we've taken a giant step toward making our lives count for plenty. That's a necessary prelude for receiving and using the gifts God has givven us.
Her children rise up and call her happy; her husband too, and he praises her.
-Proverbs 31-28
Complimenting your spouse is the best reward you can give for what he or she does. We easily give compliments to our neighbors and to friends; yet often we take those closest to us for granted. One way to change this pattern is the think of at least one thing each day you can say in a complimentary way to your partner. Sometimes you might want to express that compliment in the form of a telephone call, or a note left on the kitchen counter of an email. Remember however, that compliments should be genuine and sincere, not superficial or artificial. In you give the compliment face to face, offering a hug or kiss afterward is like icing on the cake. Sharing such compliments when children or relatives are present can mean even more. It's a way to say "thank you" and "I love you" at the same time.
-Excerpts from 365 Meditations for Couples :) |
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owwlady
True Blue Farmgirl
899 Posts
Jan
Tomahawk
WI
USA
899 Posts |
Posted - Jan 25 2007 : 12:13:07 AM
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| My sister tried that idea of not doing anything around the house to see what would happen...well, nothing did, no one helped out and she got so discouraged that she never really did catch up on things. Now the house is worse and she just doesn't have the energy anymore to take it all on again...she also works full-time, makes more than her husband and they rely on her healthcare benefits, so it's not like she just sits around doing nothing all day, but her "experiment" just backfired. She's just given up. |
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Family Matters: Anyone ever want to give up? |
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Anyone ever want to give up?
