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Family Matters:  Not really sure where to post this so here it is  |
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sunshine
True Blue Farmgirl
4877 Posts
Wendy
Utah
USA
4877 Posts |
 Posted - Oct 31 2006 : 9:34:55 PM
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I was at church a few weeks ago and a lady in my church found out that my husband is unemployed and hasn't been paid in ruffly 4 months if you count the back pay they owe him and his accrued vacation time they owe him.
Funny I thought she was going to say are you ok do you need food or any thing I can help with. She just had such a look of concern on her face. Here is the funny part she said oh my what are you going to do for Christmas. For starters I wasn't thinking of Christmas for my immediate family yet just extended as they have to get in the mail and be gone sooner.
My kids are fine with one gift and even if I bought nothing and made nothing my grandmother would buy them all a gift or make them all a gift. Same goes for my husband mom she gets them a bout 3 gifts each. So I wasn't even thinking Christmas is an issue. Plus we have so much stuff that I can make stuff with that isn't a concern any way.
I don't let my kids watch normal tv most of the time it is just PBS and movies I have so they aren't bombarded with commercial and usually don't know what is trendy from tv just school. Plus they aren't those type of kids. When their daddy got unemployed they told him they had money so he would be fine he could have it if we needed it.
Good kids they don't ask for much. The money they have is from their birthdays, Christmas and other things like that it is deposited in their bank accounts. Side note we are not touching it it is theirs and will stay that way. I don't think I could live with that guilt. ( long story short my mother stole a few thousand dollars out of my bank account as a teenager and never paid it back wasted it on frivolus things still a sour subject). Won't do that to my kids.
It is interesting to me that some one would worry about frivolous gifts before they worry or even think about the every day needs of a family. we are fine and that is what I told her and I told her I wasn't worried about Christmas and we woudl be fine that way.
Do alot of people think like this I am curious because that would not have been what would have come out of my mouth I would have asked ( or just done this)do you need groceries can I bring some by. Can any one explain this to me I am at a loss for understanding.
She said things like
"oh my kids wouldn't stand for that just old handmade things."
"We save all year to give them a nice Christmas"
" How are you going to get them the new items all kids need" ( she was referring to trendy toys)
What so un-nice about a family reading the bible talking about the nativity and giving each other one or two small hand made gifts. Have I just lost touch with the world and if I have I think I am glad I did.
Sorry this was so long and sorry for typing and spelling errors
have a lovely day and may God bless you and keep you safe
my web store www.sunshines.etsy.com my other web store http://vintagethreads.etsy.com/
my blog http://sunshinescreations.blogspot.com/ my google page http://sunshine.harbaugh.googlepages.com/home |
Edited by - sunshine on Nov 02 2006 10:48:08 AM |
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daffodil dreamer
True Blue Farmgirl
805 Posts
Jayne
Hamilton
Victoria
Australia
805 Posts |
Posted - Oct 31 2006 : 9:52:49 PM
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Sunshine,
Firstly, so sorry to hear about your husband. I'm sure it is really difficult for you at the moment, but you sure seem to pulling through well.
I agree with you though - even when times are not tight with us, I prefer a Christmas with less gifts (and I try to make as many as I can) and more love. Kids seem to get so much and then they don't know what to do with it - I think it would probably be simpler for them (and make them happier overall) to receive less - some kids must be overwhelmed by the 'stuff' in their lives.
I would prefer to lose touch with the world if it is just about commercial stuff and who has the most, biggest and best of everything.
You do what you feel is right in your heart for your kids and your family's Christmas - it will be lovely.
All the best,
Jayne |
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MsCwick
True Blue Farmgirl
775 Posts
Cristine
Farmville
Virginia
USA
775 Posts |
Posted - Oct 31 2006 : 10:42:58 PM
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Read The Paradox of Time I posted in Across the Fence. That will give you an idea about the type of person you are dealing with. If I were you, I would send her a card in the mail or something telling her you love her and that you appreciate her asking about you, but you are leaving this difficult situation in God's hands, and you are trusting in your Lord that He will see things through for you.
It is a shame that people are that way nowadays. I am young, and I am from a new age generation, but nowhere in my personal etiquet would I speak to someone like that. It's almost like she was poking fun at your situation. You should pray for her. She probably had a little case of Foot-In-Mouth Syndrome and didn't even realize she was being rude. Some people aren't even Christians on sunday. You could imagine how empty her life is the rest of the week.
By the way, I think the way your family has Christmas is excellent. That is what the holiday is for is rejoicing in the Lord. What more do you need? Toys? Clothing? What does that teach our kids about our values? That we have a value about Chirstianity that we should worship the Lord 364 days a year and on His birthday, we will just worship our new toys??? You aren't the one who has lost touch.
Love is to the heart what summer is to the farmer's year. It brings to harvest all the lovliest flowers of the soul. --Billy Graham |
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sunshine
True Blue Farmgirl
4877 Posts
Wendy
Utah
USA
4877 Posts |
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Beemoosie
True Blue Farmgirl
2077 Posts
Bonnie
New York
USA
2077 Posts |
Posted - Nov 01 2006 : 04:56:48 AM
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It's cliche but, Jesus is the Reason for the Season. You know your family's needs best. Even Christians lose focus and put priorities on the wrong things. Your celebration of Christ's birth sounds wonderful. I agree with everything that has been said...people just don't realize how materialistic this society has become, and when they meet someone that does not covet all the "stuff" they don't stop and think. They assume you would want all that stuff if you could, because that is how they live. It would never cross many people's minds that you choose not to buy all the "lastest and greatest" (junk)!
You are blessed, Sunshine!
Bonnie
...she is far more precious than jewels and her value is far above rubies or pearls.
Prov 31:10 |
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BlueApple
True Blue Farmgirl
430 Posts
Julia
Oregon
USA
430 Posts |
Posted - Nov 01 2006 : 05:04:54 AM
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Unfortunately, I think the way the lady at church felt is a bit typical in our 'me' society. The pressures and pulls of our world are great - we are to be in this world but not of this world. I'm sure that your kind response to her has given her food for thought. We are all on a path and each person is at a different place on that path and your example of what Christmas is really about is a wonderful testimony.
Julia
BlueApple Farm |
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Marybeth
True Blue Farmgirl
6418 Posts
Mary Beth
Stanwood
Wa 98292
USA
6418 Posts |
Posted - Nov 01 2006 : 05:30:20 AM
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I think our best Christmas' were when my husband was out of work because we all expected nothing but the joy we give each other. Like your kids, our kids watched minimal TV and we lived out in the country, went to a small school and we , of course had each other. The one who should be pitied is the materialistic lady. She has no idea what real happiness is.
Life may not be the party we hoped for...but while we are here we might as well dance! |
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frannie
True Blue Farmgirl
2246 Posts
fran
bonham
texas
USA
2246 Posts |
Posted - Nov 01 2006 : 06:19:08 AM
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sunshine,
as usual the farmgirls have had great responses to your question.
i am sorry this lady tried to put this guilt in your head. i think all year not just christmas you are giving your children a wonderful gift, so i wouldnt be disturbed about what she said to you.
i know i often get disturbed by peoples remarks because i will momentarily think that i must be "wrong" or "crazy" to live and believe in the things i believe in.
i am very aware that i am in the minority, and i have tried to be like other folks but it just wasnt a fit. maybe it made them feel better but it didnt make me feel better.
my dad used to call it being a bubble off plumb, i call it being of the world but not in the world.
i think you are a great mom and the values you are teaching your children are better than any other gift they might receive at christmas.
i have worried a little about your family ever since i found out your husbands job situation. i know you assured me that yall have done some planning for this and that all is well.
i do hope however, if you needed some help you would let us know if ther is any way we could be of help here.
i am sending out thoughts and prayers for your family at this time.
when i was a young girl one of my "mothers"
told me that during hard times is when we learn the most valueable of lifes lessons, and when we acquire the most treasured memories, i didnt quite understand her at that time, but boy i have really come to understand through the years the wisdom of those words.
i will continue to keep you and your family in my thoughts, and prayers.
love
fran
(http://farmfolks-frannie.blogspot.com/) |
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GaiasRose
True Blue Farmgirl
2552 Posts
Tasha-Rose
St. Paul
Minnesota
2552 Posts |
Posted - Nov 01 2006 : 06:33:44 AM
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Sunshine, I just wanted to give you my well wishes! You are teaching your kids wonderful qualities of a human being. The irony I find is that she was so worried about what kind of things you would give your kids at Christmas and she approached you at church. Worrying about greed at church, and not worrying in a good way....
Keep your chin up and know that we all have you in our hearts and if there is anything you all NEED for day to day, you can always turn to your farmgirl sisters!
~*~Brightest Blessings~*~
Tasha-Rose
blog: http://gaiarose.wordpress.com |
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Phils Ann
True Blue Farmgirl
1095 Posts
Ann
Parsonsburg
Maryland
USA
1095 Posts |
Posted - Nov 01 2006 : 06:44:57 AM
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Sunshine, I also am touched by your own response to celebrating Christmas. As Fran said, you're in the world, but not of it... and the materialism of this age isn't what we're to be about. As for the woman in church, a lot could be said. Hopefully she didn't mean to be as foolish and thoughtless as she undoubtably sounded.... but she sounds like she's in a lot of darkness.
I hope you will see your husband getting the right job soon, and I'm so glad you had saved and planned for this. Your PEACE shows, by the way. Do let us know of any needs. Meanwhile, I, too, am praying for you all.
XO,
Ann
There is a Redeemer. |
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ArmyWifey
True Blue Farmgirl
712 Posts
Holly
Abilene
KS
712 Posts |
Posted - Nov 01 2006 : 06:59:31 AM
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Maybe you should offer to write a little bulletin/newsletter insert or article on how to really celebrate Christmas and what it's really about......
As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!
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summerbreeze
True Blue Farmgirl
277 Posts
Laura
WA
USA
277 Posts |
Posted - Nov 01 2006 : 08:36:56 AM
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Hi Sunshine,
If everyone in this world had your attitude, the world would be a better place. Most people live in a consumer society. To place so much emphasis on Christmas and "things" speaks volumes on the type of person she is...shallow. Unfortunately I think she is the majority these days. It is my opinion why personal bankrupsy(sp?) is at an all time high. 42% of people in my area who took out new home mortgage in my area took out interest only loans. The good times in the United States have gone on for a long time. I always wonder how many people would survive if our country had another depression. Sad she saves all year for one holiday, I would love to see her credit card bill in January.
Please let us know if there is anything we can do to help. I have great skills in resume writting.
Laura
You only live once,if you do it right once is enough. |
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julia hayes
True Blue Farmgirl
1132 Posts
julia
medical lake
wa
USA
1132 Posts |
Posted - Nov 01 2006 : 11:36:17 PM
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Sunshine! I'm sure this woman took your breath away! She was only projecting her fears if SHE was the one dealing with your situation. I think her intention was one of genuine concern regardless of how shallow it was. I think she represents an attitude in our very affluent culture that is all around us. People have lost their sense of intimacy so they have to buy their kids' affection..more and more toys and more and more expensive toys...gotta work more to afford all that stuff..all that stuff that kids 'need'...people are genuinely very confused about what "needing" actually means in a society where most people are needing for absolutely nothing and wanting for positively everything. I think the wholesome path you are on is rare and extremely admirable..most people will benefit from your example. I loved the idea of writing a Christmas tale to distribute to your church members. I bet many people would feel blessed to have that gentle reminder of what Christmas means at its core. My blessings and well wishes to you and your family.
Julia Hayes
being simple to simply be |
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Nance in France
True Blue Farmgirl
1438 Posts
Nancy
St. Laurent de la Salanque
France
1438 Posts |
Posted - Nov 02 2006 : 08:32:34 AM
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Greetings, Sunshine and everybody. I think it was MaryBeth who posted that 'your peace shows'...and that is the truth. Apparently that poor woman at church doesn't see it. Maybe she was mentally putting herself in your situation and feeling the panicky pressure to provide the "perfect" holiday, which in today's society means showering everybody with gifts, probably bought with a credit card. America has become a nation of "conspicuous consumers". Society (advertising)puts so much pressure on us to create THEIR version of perfection, which is the only way to insure happiness. Remember the old Rolling Stones song "I can't get no satisfaction?" They poked fun at advertising with the phrase "but he can't be a man cause he doesn't smoke the same cigarette as me"... The collective 'we' are increasingly allowing ourselves to be led by corporate glittery promises of joy and status but only if we buy THEIR brand! Mainstream television is truly bringing about the "dumbing of America", I fear.
The most expensive gift in our society nowadays is the gift of time....nobody seems to think they have enough, and heck, it's easier to buy something to show your love. Right? I remember one account of Christmas in a Little House on the Prairie book....family friends were coming for the meal and when the wife unwrapped a small plate of butter she'd brought there were squeals of delight all around, because they hadn't had butter for months. Sometimes it is a struggle not to become jaded, and not to fall into the pattern of believing it's necessary to show our love with material things, especially at Christmas, so we go with the flow and shop til we drop. If we follow our own hearts, logic, ethics, circumstance, we will have the happiness we hope to enjoy and bestow on our loved ones.... the happy warmth of a loving home, and that is a gift that never goes out of style. Have a simply great day, everyone. Nance |
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sunshine
True Blue Farmgirl
4877 Posts
Wendy
Utah
USA
4877 Posts |
Posted - Nov 02 2006 : 10:25:45 AM
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I want to thank everyone for the things you have been writing. I have read every new post as it came up just haven't been sure what to write. Funny me at a loss for words. You have all been very kind and I greatly appreciate it.
I hope you all have a very loving christmas full of family, friends, well wishing ,love, and the charity of Christ.
sunshine
have a lovely day and may God bless you and keep you safe my web store www.sunshines.etsy.com
my other web store http://vintagethreads.etsy.com my blog http://sunshinescreations.blogspot.com |
Edited by - sunshine on Nov 02 2006 10:41:51 AM |
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summerbreeze
True Blue Farmgirl
277 Posts
Laura
WA
USA
277 Posts |
Posted - Nov 02 2006 : 10:37:00 AM
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Hi Sunshine,
I don't think I have ever been so preoccupied with a post. It has been interesting for me to read everyones responses. I have found myself thinking about the topic most of yesterday and last night.
Something about it has bothered me to my core. It is like the tune you can't get out of your head.
I'm sorry she was so insensitive. I know it hurt my feeling and I wasn't even present.
Sending you prayers and positive thoughts.
Laura
You only live once,if you do it right once is enough. |
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sunshine
True Blue Farmgirl
4877 Posts
Wendy
Utah
USA
4877 Posts |
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bboopster
True Blue Farmgirl
1140 Posts
Betty Jo
West Bend
Wisconsin
USA
1140 Posts |
Posted - Nov 02 2006 : 11:04:29 AM
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Hello Sunshine,
Jesus in the reason for the season!!!!! The best Christmas my children and I have ever had was the one where my husband and their daddy left us at Thanksgiving and saying as he left that he would destroy me! I was a wife and stay at home mom to 5 children no outside income of my own and he took all bank books and credit cards and household belongings. I had saved a small amount of pocket change but nothing enough to amount to the huge amount of money that we spent previous years to give our kids "A Good Christmas". We took green paper and made a life size tree which we decorated with ornamintes we made from sticks, paper, buttons, anything we could find in the craft room, garage, basement. We baked cookies, read Christmas stories, played games ect.... Took names off the christmas tree at church and bought a gift for those more needy then us. Santa brought each of them a gift of a box of their favorite cereal and mom bought them each a 12 pack of their favorite soda along with a special mom made gift. Christmas day we served lunch at church as a family. To this day my kids talk about that Christmas and how much fun it was and all the time we spent as a family. Yes daddy bought them the huge "Good Christmas" but we had a true Christmas with Christ and giving at the fore front. That year we started a new tradition of family and giving. To this day the kids know not to expect the latest and greatest from mom but to expect The reason for the season and family. You are not alone with your thinking.
Pray for our troops to come home safe and soon.
Enjoying the road to the simple life :>) |
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Past Blessings
True Blue Farmgirl
1083 Posts
Brenda
Orchard Prairie
WA
USA
1083 Posts |
Posted - Nov 12 2006 : 5:29:22 PM
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Sunshine,
Someday, this Christmas might be the year you look back on as "the best Christmas ever" because the focus was truly about Christ, not all the goodies. It is easy, even as Christians, to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of what society has made the season, rather than focus on the birth and ultimate chance for Life that came with Christmas. It is a good reminder for all of us. I pray that your husband will find a job soon but that the selfless attitude you have will continue. What a blessing you are!
As for the insensitive woman at church, I do think she needs to be cut some slack. Yes, she asked a very worldly question, but that is because the world has obviously influenced her greatly. The fact that she even asked and had a look of concern, shows that she has soft heart . . . it just needs to be redirected a bit. I think the example you are can speak volumes to her. My guess is that she cares and wants to help, or she wouldn't have asked. She just is seeing things through the worlds eyes not God's. Given the fact that she asked and was concerned, I wouldn't be surprized to see her show up with gifts for your family. If she does, it certainly shows her heart is in the right place, just not her sense of values in the Christian view of things.
God's blessing to you and your family! Brenda
Past Blessings . . . Celebrating Life as it used to be . . . when people loved God, loved their families and loved their country. |
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westernhorse51
True Blue Farmgirl
1681 Posts
michele
farmingdale
n.j.
USA
1681 Posts |
Posted - Nov 12 2006 : 5:39:48 PM
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everyone has said everything I feel but people (like that woman) don't realize Christmas means different things to different people. She was bizzare in my opinion & like you I would think someone needed food, clothes, things most people would want & need. I guess she meant well but...........
she selects wool and flax and works with eager hands Prov.31:13 |
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Patsy
True Blue Farmgirl
592 Posts
Illinois
USA
592 Posts |
Posted - Nov 13 2006 : 07:47:52 AM
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Unless they have been in a tight situation, some people just cannot understand. I became disabled after working in the corporate world for over 30 years. I had savings, stock, cd's, and a 401K. When I got sick, I found out our insurance thru work, wouldn't pay for alot of the tests and surgeries (7 total throat surgeries) I had to have.
After huge medical bills and the inability to work, I no longer have any savings, stocks, cd's or much of anything else. In fact, I had to file bankruptcy just to keep on living. And when you first go onto disability, it takes six months before you draw any money. Thank God I had some savings to get thru that.
So it puts into perspective what is really important. It isn't where you live or material things that you have. It is God and health and family and friends.
So that lady needs to get a reality check and get down on her knees and be grateful for the important things in her life.
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ali2583
True Blue Farmgirl
404 Posts
Alison
Winnipeg
Manitoba
Canada
404 Posts |
Posted - Nov 14 2006 : 2:54:06 PM
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This has been one of the most interesting threads I have read. I've tried for years (but I guess not hard enough) to convince my family that Christmas just doesn't need to be out the money and the presents. In my family, Mom and Grandma start the Christmas discussion in *September* and it just makes my head hurt and my ears bleed. It feels like such a drag, because they need to know exactly what everyone wants (where's the surprize?) and they need to know how much we are spending so it's fair for everyone.
I've ended up having more than one heated argument about this. But this post has given me a lot of food for thought, and I hope to have a reasonable discussion with family about it this year. Christmas shouldn't have to feel like such a chore.
"God's gift to you is life. What you choose to do with that life is your gift to God" |
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sunshine
True Blue Farmgirl
4877 Posts
Wendy
Utah
USA
4877 Posts |
Posted - Nov 14 2006 : 3:03:42 PM
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Ihope everyone has a lovely Christmas with out worry and debt with love and compasion. Remember those in more need the families who have loved ones over seas at war and things like that it is not a time to think of oneself but others well being. If you bless those around you, in turn you will be blessed with love and compasion.
have a lovely day and may God bless you and keep you safe my blog http://sunshinescreations.blogspot.com
my web stores www.sunshines.etsy.com and http://vintagethreads.etsy.com
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Tina Michelle
True Blue Farmgirl
6948 Posts
Tina
sunshine state
FL
USA
6948 Posts |
Posted - Nov 14 2006 : 3:07:46 PM
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I couldn't help but think about how the Bible mentions that some folks are "busy bodies" /meddling into others affairs not for the sake of being helpful, but rather even though they sometimes do not realize it..but as those that sow discord and problems in the midst of congregations..
not to be helpful to a person's situation..but rather to have more fodder whereupon to "gossip" about.
Now whether or not this woman is in that category..I have no idea..but she certainly wasn't being helpful or Christian like in her manner of speaking and questioning of the situation..and wound up showing just how shallow minded some folks can really be.
~Seize the Day! Live, Love, Laugh~ |
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sunshine
True Blue Farmgirl
4877 Posts
Wendy
Utah
USA
4877 Posts |
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Aunt Jenny
True Blue Farmgirl
11381 Posts
Jenny
middle of
Utah
USA
11381 Posts |
Posted - Dec 16 2006 : 11:39:08 AM
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Oh Sunshine...I LOVE this idea!!! Our family does "the 12 days of Christmas" for a family each year but we are going to do THIS idea next year for sure. We try to focus on Christ and family in our little 12 days gifts, and do a picture of Christ on the last day..I posted about it on my blog last night...but I think doing a nativity would be so so much more special...I hope you don't mind if we totally use this idea from now on!!! Thanks!!
Jenny in Utah
Inside me there is a skinny woman crying to get out...but I can usually shut her up with cookies
http://www.auntjennysworld.blogspot.com/ visit my little online shop at www.auntjenny.etsy.com |
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Family Matters: Not really sure where to post this so here it is |
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Not really sure where to post this so here it is
