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Hogs & Quiches & Prayers Round-up:  Troubling situation  |
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prariehawk
True Blue Farmgirl
2914 Posts
Cindy
2914 Posts |
 Posted - Jun 18 2013 : 7:45:49 PM
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I have a friend at work--she's a really nice person but she has a problem with alcohol. She talks about drinking all the time and how she likes to get drunk. She had a party recently and invited me and I declined cause I knew she was planning on getting drunk. She even made sure she had the next day off from work cause she knew she'd be hungover. It bothers me to be around people who are abusing alcohol but I don't know how to tell her that. Now she feels miffed because I didn't go to her party. she knows I don't drink. At least not to get drunk. I may have a glass or two of wine on occasion but that's about it. I really can't afford to drink like a fish cause I take medication and alcohol could really mess me up. Plus I just think it's immature. I know she's addicted and i think she knows it but she doesn't see it as a problem. I had a neighbor like that, and she lost everything--her husband, her job, her house. I want to be her friend but I feel kind of like keeping my distance as well. I know you can't help an alcoholic unless they want to be helped. It depresses me to not be able to help her. It also depresses me to keep my distance. Please just keep me, and her, in your prayers. Work is stressful enough as it is.
Cindy
"Vast floods can't quench love, no matter what love did/ Rivers can't drown love, no matter where love's hid"--Sinead O'Connor
"In many ways, you don't just live in the country, it lives inside you"--Ellen Eilers
Visit my blog at http://www.farmerinthebelle.blogspot.com/ |
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darlenelovesart
True Blue Farmgirl
7628 Posts
darlene
Loleta
California
USA
7628 Posts |
Posted - Jun 18 2013 : 7:52:44 PM
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Hi Cindy
I sure will keep your friend in my prayers and you as well so that you might find a way to help her. Do they have some kind of help at your work for people with those kind of problems?
Maybe you could check without involving yourself in it.
Take care, I do know how you feel and it is so hard to see someone ruin themselves this way.
Blessings
darlene
I have learned that to have a good friend is the purest of all God's gifts, for it is a love that has no exchange of payment.
by Frances Farmer
Just follow God unquestioningly.
Because you love Him so, for if you trust His judgment there is nothing you need to know.
I trust in you Jesus... |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Jun 18 2013 : 9:39:30 PM
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All you can really do is keep her in your prayers. But, don't feel bad about it, it's NONE of your fault.
But, believe me more people then you know are like this. I've been shocked by having Facebook just how many people drink ALL the time! Also when we lived in NYC we worked on television sets in Martha Stewart's studio, and the majority of the actresses/actors drink a LOT, even the ones that most people think of as pretty conservative, based on their tv personality. You would be SHOCKED what they have said to my DH and I, while completely snockered! Again I'm talking about very conservative TV personalities not, Charlie Sheen types!
My DH and I don't drink either. It's our religious beliefs but only our personal religious beliefs as it's not our religions complete take on it. But, it just bothers our personal consciences before God so we choose not to. However, don't judge others who do. BUT, we do worry about those who seem to obsessively drink, especially to the point of drunkenness.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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AnnieinIdaho
True Blue Farmgirl
437 Posts
Annie
ID
USA
437 Posts |
Posted - Jun 19 2013 : 1:21:01 PM
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Hi PrairieHawk,
Annie here. I know it is difficult to watch people in that situation. My thoughts are to reframe your situation. Instead of considering her a "friend" (which do not wish you to engage in harmful activities) consider her a "colleague" at work. When she keeps pestering you to join in her activities, just explain you have some personal health conditions and are on medications that do not allow you to drink alcohol. You could also mention that you try to keep people you work with separate from your personal life. Be sure to mention you value your work relationships but that in order to truly rest from work on your days off you keep work relationships separate from your inner personal life circle. (it is also for safety reasons these days) Also, explain drinking makes you too tired and you have too many responsibilities to party and that you are at a place in life that you just want to enjoy living without getting a buzz on. This sets up a boundary with her. You could even mention you enjoy visiting with her at the office because she is more herself and it is a truer connection for you. Then do distance yourself from her and move on to find people who are like minded with you. No need to feel "false guilt" on yourself. No need to rescue her, she has her own life path and will have consequences to her decisions. No need for you to become enmeshed with those consequences. Also, at work, if your superiors are having difficulties with her and they eventually will, your reputation by association will be better off by not seeing her outside of the work environment. Good luck. This is all easier said than done,I do realize that. Annie
"The turnings of life seldom show a sign-post; or rather, though the sign is always there, it is usually placed some distance back, like the notices that give warning of a bad hill or a level railway-crossing." Edith Wharton, 1913 from 'The Custom of the Country'. |
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Joey
True Blue Farmgirl
1868 Posts
Joey
Gulf Coast
FL
USA
1868 Posts |
Posted - Jun 19 2013 : 4:08:22 PM
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Annie, those are such wise words. Well said. Joey
Well behaved women rarely make history. |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
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sherone_13
True Blue Farmgirl
2460 Posts
Sherone
Evanston
WY
USA
2460 Posts |
Posted - Jun 20 2013 : 07:14:45 AM
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PH - It has been my experience (way too much experience on this subject) that those who abuse alcohol will obsessively look for others to surround themselves with, who are engaging in the same irresponsible behaviors. (ie: bars, honkytonks, etc) While it can be fun to have a occasional night out, it is very important to not be the one who is encouraging this behavior. This is called enabling and you don't seem like you want to enable her. Use Annie's GREAT advise and break the friendship into what it should be....a work relationship. Eventually, hopefully, she will get the hint that people who aren't abusers don't want to be around abusers.
Hope this helps you. :)
Sherone
Farmgirl Sister #1682
Thirty-One Independent Consultant
www.mythirtyone.com/233237
My Blog
www.annapearlsattic.blogspot.com
Women are angels. When someone breaks our wings, we just jump on our broomsticks and fly! We are flexible that way! |
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ceejay48
Farmgirl Legend/Schoolmarm/Sharpshooter
13640 Posts
CeeJay (CJ)
Dolores
Colorado
USA
13640 Posts |
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prariehawk
True Blue Farmgirl
2914 Posts
Cindy
2914 Posts |
Posted - Jun 22 2013 : 2:23:59 PM
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Well, I've had some time to think on the situation, as my friend has been off while visiting her kids in another state. Someone else who works at the hospital pointed out to me "She's already lost her kids". And she's told me (and I've heard from others) that she has been threatened with being fired more than once. It's sad, but until she admits that she has a problem with alcohol, I just don't see anything changing. Plus I don't think she really has a good handle on who I am, that is, she sees me as someone "nice" who doesn't question her decisions. And she mistakes that for support. I remember when I first got to know her and she told me she couldn't sleep cause she lived over a bar. I thought it was because that was all she could afford. But she lives over a bar for a reason. Sad.
Cindy
"Vast floods can't quench love, no matter what love did/ Rivers can't drown love, no matter where love's hid"--Sinead O'Connor
"In many ways, you don't just live in the country, it lives inside you"--Ellen Eilers
Visit my blog at http://www.farmerinthebelle.blogspot.com/ |
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Jun 22 2013 : 7:09:29 PM
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I'll be keeping you both in my prayers, Cindy. There's never a simple solution when dealing with an alcoholic. Please do take Annie's advice and don't allow yourself to be sucked into her chaos. You have nothing to feel guilty about at all. It's kind of like when a panicked, drowning person tries hanging onto you while screaming and flailing around, and starts drowning you in the process. You have to push yourself back and away to preserve your own life, and pray to God the drowning person calms down enough to save herself or to safely receive the help she needs. So hard. Just remember that an alcoholic usually has to hit rock bottom before she changes her life. When she comes to that point of clarity, that's when you can be a true friend. :) You're such a sweetheart to care so much - just remember it's totally okay to care from a distance. :) Hugs - Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
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darlenelovesart
True Blue Farmgirl
7628 Posts
darlene
Loleta
California
USA
7628 Posts |
Posted - Jun 22 2013 : 9:26:47 PM
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I second what Nini just said.
Prayers and love
darlene
I have learned that to have a good friend is the purest of all God's gifts, for it is a love that has no exchange of payment.
by Frances Farmer
Just follow God unquestioningly.
Because you love Him so, for if you trust His judgment there is nothing you need to know.
I trust in you Jesus... |
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knitnpickinatune
True Blue Farmgirl
1140 Posts
Sherrie
Gardena
California
USA
1140 Posts |
Posted - Jun 25 2013 : 09:23:02 AM
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Annies advice just rocks. Follow that. I've dealt with alcoholic & drug abusing relatives in the past and I learned one thing: keep em as far from you as you can,even if it means you have to cut all contact with them. I know you can't do that 100% with someone who works where you do,but Annies advice is golden. I'm sure her bosses have noticed she's got a problem...
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https://www.facebook.com/MandolinBabesPickinParlour
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mando pickin,uke strummin,clarinet playin Farmgirl #702 |
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Hogs & Quiches & Prayers Round-up: Troubling situation |
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Troubling situation
