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Parenting & Farm Kids:  A spin-off of "losing the war"  |
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FieldsofThyme
Farmgirl Guide & Schoolmarm / Chapter Leader
4928 Posts
USA
4928 Posts |
 Posted - Jun 14 2013 : 05:40:39 AM
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I am so close to calling my cable company and having our internet shut off. Literally.
I know I will not be able to check my e-mail or blog or run my on-line store, but could always use the library computers.
I am just so sick of facebook. My oldest daughter is abusing her stay here, and now I am told that she's putting stuff on her facebook about her stay here. She of course is boasting her "side" of things. She's manipulative, uncaring, selfish.
Now, in my own home, I cannot even tell her to get out of bed at 11:00am or she'll post something bad about me or whatnot on her facebook. She also does this with her Twitter and has blocked me from that. I don't use facebook, but my Mother, brother, SIL and so forth are.
I am tired of having to "walk on eggshells" in my own home just because someone may take what I have said, turn it around, and post it for the world to see. She is basically controlling this home with her power of "freedom of speech" on the internet.
I absolutely hate facebook. It ruins families. It hurts people. It's gives kids too much room to exploit.
I'll admit, I don't haven any good friends that I can sit down with, have a good cup of coffee with, and talk freely with, because I do not have facebook. That's okay with me. A good friend wouldn't care. I believe God has one out there somewhere for me, and I can wait.
Has anyone ever just gotten rid of their internet due to facebook and kids abusing it in some sort of way?
I mean, really. My family can still call and text me.
Farmgirl Sister #800
My Life: http://pioneerwomanatheart.blogspot.com/
Recycle Ideas: http://scrapreusedandrecycledartprojects.blogspot.com/
Our Family Store: http://roosterscrowfarm.blogspot.com/
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oldbittyhen
True Blue Farmgirl
1511 Posts
tina
quartz hill
ca
USA
1511 Posts |
Posted - Jun 14 2013 : 08:06:52 AM
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don't allow her to use the computer, simple as that...
"Knowlege is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad" |
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SandraM
True Blue Farmgirl
295 Posts
Sandra
Coldwater
Michigan
USA
295 Posts |
Posted - Jun 14 2013 : 08:21:56 AM
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I am not sure what all the circumstances of your daughter staying there are but if she is an adult she would be forewarned that if she post things like that about our family she needs to find somewhere else to live. If she is underage then I would keep her from her phone/computer.
Sorry you are dealing with this!
Sandra
www.mittenstatesheepandwool.com |
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AuntPammy
True Blue Farmgirl
488 Posts
Pamila
williamstown
wv
USA
488 Posts |
Posted - Jun 14 2013 : 08:42:14 AM
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Oh my goodness! I dislike fb as well....don't get me wrong, it has a purpose but in moderation. Can you make your internet password protected? That way she can't use it unless you turn it on. Just a thought...good luck!
"We were given: Two hands to hold. Two legs to walk. Two eyes to see. Two ears to listen. But why only one heart? Because the other was given to someone else. For us to find."
Source Unknown |
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Red Tractor Girl
True Blue Farmgirl
6592 Posts
Winnie
Gainesville
Fl
USA
6592 Posts |
Posted - Jun 14 2013 : 09:07:14 AM
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| Perhaps it is time for your daughter to move on with her life and live on her own? I doubt that canceling your cable will do nothing except hurt you and your home business needs. It most likely won't stop her animosity. She needs to get out of the house and grow up. How about joining the military?? The Navy has less direct combat details but the military is a wonderful way for kids who are just stuck and not sure what to do. They get training , a regular salary, free medical and dental care and a chance to see the world while serving their country. It might be a wonderful opportunity to get that freedom and independence she is craving while growing up and learning teamwork and responsibility. She might be encouraged to just go talk with a few recruiters in the various branches to see which one appeals to her. It would be exciting and a way to feel that her life is moving forward . The military would give her that feeling of empowerment and purpose which is part of why she is just floundering right now. Invite her to go see a nearby recruiter just to talk about her options. It could be a fun experience and I imagine it might open up her eyes to possibilities that grab her attention and get her excited about her future. It can't hurt to just go and talk about what is possible when you sign up for a particular branch of the service. |
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Cindy Lou
True Blue Farmgirl
2325 Posts
Susan
Lonsdale
MN
USA
2325 Posts |
Posted - Jun 14 2013 : 10:25:42 AM
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Kristina,
I'm sorry you are going through this. I know some parents who have a password to control access to their computer, its a bit of a bother but it is unfair to yourself and to have to give up what is used for a business because of her misbehavior. You didn't mention your older daughters age. If she is 18, some of the other options mentioned above could work but if she is younger don't let her control your life. My bet is that if family knows her as you do they take it all with a grain of salt, but you shouldn't have to put up with that kind of disrespect in your home.
Good luck working this out.
Susan
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
Mary Oliver |
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Brian
Honorary Farmgirl
521 Posts
Brian
Moscow
ID
USA
521 Posts |
Posted - Jun 14 2013 : 11:20:46 AM
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A random idea I had. Does she connect via YOUR wireless router? If so, perhaps password protect the connection and let her know what your terms for her gaining access to the internet are? (I'll leave those up to you...)
Out beyond the city’s tinsel and orange dome, the days are truly bright, and the nights truly dark, enough that a body can get their rest. ~Small Farmer's Journal |
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laurentany
True Blue Farmgirl
3259 Posts
Laurie
Patchogue
NY
USA
3259 Posts |
Posted - Jun 14 2013 : 2:07:12 PM
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Kristina,
I would simply do as the others suggested and make the internet access password enabled. That way you wont be loosing out and perhaps without the liberty of free internet etc, she will be prompted to act properly, and/or realize that perhaps it is time to leave the nest.
She is old enough to know that its YOUR house YOUR rules! Like it or leave it!
Good luck my friend.
Hugs,
~Laurie
"Little Hen House on the Island"
Farmgirl Sister#1403
View my New Blog:
http://simplesuburbanpleasures.blogspot.com
Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds that you plant.
~Robert Louis Stevenson |
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nubidane
True Blue Farmgirl
2875 Posts
Lisa
Georgetown
OH
2875 Posts |
Posted - Jun 14 2013 : 5:48:37 PM
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If she can't behave
tell her
"Don't let the door hit ya where the Good Lord split ya"
"We must reject the idea that every time a law’s broken, society is guilty rather than the lawbreaker. It is time to restore the American precept that each individual is accountable for his actions.” – R.R. |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Jun 14 2013 : 6:12:01 PM
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I agree with Lisa. I am not cold hearted, but I seen my uncles be coddled and it never helped them a lick. In fact one died shortly after grandma did. And he was her youngest child, only in his 40's. Grandma was 80 when she died. He died so young due to drug and alcoholism, never had to take any responsibility on, cause grandma always had him live with her, so he didn't have to have a job, or anything ever. He would abuse her, steal her money, etc etc...but as long as he was living with her she wanted it that way, so he would be "safe". yeah....he was real "safe" never having to grow up, and just using all the drugs and alcohol he wanted...like I said died very very very young.
I'm a strong believer in ALL freedom stops at my door. If you want freedom, freedom cost money-paying your own rent, utilities, cost of living, food, etc etc....if you're living on my dime, it's my way or the highway....EVERY thing EVERY where in the world has it's costs, weather they be real money or letting go of other things-trading, etc. But, nothing in life if "free". And when children are grown enough to be have "free speech" they are grown enough to pay for that right by living out on their paying for themselves.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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princesspatches
True Blue Farmgirl
431 Posts
arttie
iron mountain
michigan
USA
431 Posts |
Posted - Jun 16 2013 : 12:50:25 PM
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We password protected our computers. But I also hacked the kids facebook accounts and changed the emails and password. Now they can only use facebook when I log them on. And I check them everyday.
They thought they were bring sneaky by only posting certain things on the 'wall's. But after I hacked in and read what was going on in the 'chatting' area. We cut the whole thing out.
We also cancelled their cell phones, kindles etc...... nothing is done nonline unless it has been approved by us and they do it in a common area.
We have a landlines and they are more than welcome to talk to their friends. I even let them have a party with friends. But all phones were dropped in a basket by the door.
Guess what? They are doing a ton better. No snotty mouths. No attitude. Very helpful. They both have summer jobs. And their friends are begging to hang out at our house because we have so much fun.
Taming this beast can be done.......but it is a lot of work. We are still a work in progress, but I'll keep you posted.
Arttie |
Edited by - princesspatches on Jun 16 2013 12:53:20 PM |
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sjmjgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
566 Posts
Stephanie
Mt. Vernon
Iowa
USA
566 Posts |
Posted - Jun 16 2013 : 3:05:04 PM
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I wouldn't worry one bit about what she says about you online. The people who really care about you know better than to listen to a bunch of garbage. That being said, its time for her to move on. I would at least password protect the Internet, give her a timeline to move and stick with it. It's one thing if a child is living at home and being a positive, contributing member of society. It's quite another when they spend all day sleeping and bad mouthing you online. It's your house, so its your rules. Period.
Farmgirl Sister # 3810
Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
- Dalai Lama
April is Autism Awareness month. Autism affects 1 in 88 children (1 in 54 boys, including my son). Go to http://www.autismspeaks.org/ to learn more and help Light It Up Blue on April 2nd!
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AnnieinIdaho
True Blue Farmgirl
437 Posts
Annie
ID
USA
437 Posts |
Posted - Jun 17 2013 : 09:04:00 AM
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Hi! Yes, I have seen facebook cause many problems in families. Most frequent amongst family members that have a grudge, or hidden agenda, seem to communicate in passive aggressive style. Jealousies arise and it causes tension. I closed my facebook account years ago because the step-daughters would watch our every move and compare comments, visits, etc. I ended up telling them, that in the daily living, there sometimes isn't fair, but instead windows of opportunity that present themselves for each interaction, so when we would see one family member their needs were different than another family member, but that we cared for each of them. I told them over time it all works out in the wash, that there is not favoritism. Anyway, now we just visit each individually, with no triangulation, which FB can foster because the person reading it becomes the third person. It is because of triangulation that contention arises. I know so many use it as a tool and used correctly it can be a lifeline for many. I just don't feel comfortable watching people memorialize their lives. In my world I would have to say, "Time to go!" to the young lady. But it is much easier said than done. Best to you, keep strong boundaries. Annie
"The turnings of life seldom show a sign-post; or rather, though the sign is always there, it is usually placed some distance back, like the notices that give warning of a bad hill or a level railway-crossing." Edith Wharton, 1913 from 'The Custom of the Country'. |
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FieldsofThyme
Farmgirl Guide & Schoolmarm / Chapter Leader
4928 Posts
USA
4928 Posts |
Posted - Jul 10 2013 : 04:16:40 AM
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Just an update.
I have shut off the computer twice now, and kept it off the entire day, and one time all night. Unplugging everything.
It was a lesson to the entire family really. I call their electronics "lazy makers" and if there is any type of overuse, or abuse, it goes off now. They know I am not kidding now.
As for passwords, they will find a way to access it (if anything is plugged in at all). They always do. The internet is an addition to kids in this era.
Farmgirl Sister #800
My Life: http://pioneerwomanatheart.blogspot.com/
Recycle Ideas: http://scrapreusedandrecycledartprojects.blogspot.com/
Our Family Store: http://roosterscrowfarm.blogspot.com/
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sjmjgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
566 Posts
Stephanie
Mt. Vernon
Iowa
USA
566 Posts |
Posted - Jul 12 2013 : 2:40:04 PM
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I'm glad things are getting better for you! I have wondered how you were doing. As far as the kids getting around passwords, if things get outta hand again, take away the electronics and lock them up. Done!
Farmgirl Sister # 3810
Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
- Dalai Lama
April is Autism Awareness month. Autism affects 1 in 88 children (1 in 54 boys, including my son). Go to http://www.autismspeaks.org/ to learn more and help Light It Up Blue on April 2nd!
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Parenting & Farm Kids: A spin-off of "losing the war" |
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A spin-off of "losing the war"
