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Hogs & Quiches & Prayers Round-up:  wearing thin and building unwanted resentment  |
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FieldsofThyme
Farmgirl Guide & Schoolmarm / Chapter Leader
4928 Posts
USA
4928 Posts |
 Posted - May 17 2013 : 04:50:13 AM
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If you have a minute, could you squeeze me into a prayer today? I am wearing out thin, and starting to resent Hubby. He's working 10 hr days, 6 days a week, and is gone from 6:30am to 7:00pm. I am feeling like I am stuck with all the dirty work (lots of farm, yard, home stuff) here, and not liking the resentment I am feeling today.
I know it's not his fault, but today, my emotions are running high. Or should I say "low" as depression feelings are creeping around?
I don't want a pity party. I am trying not to make this all seem like complaints and will leave out the details of the workload I am left with, but I can't seem to see the positive side of all this. I am not knowledgeable in putting up fencing either. And I can't afford to hire help.
Farmgirl Sister #800
My Life: http://pioneerwomanatheart.blogspot.com/
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Edited by - FieldsofThyme on May 17 2013 04:51:33 AM |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - May 17 2013 : 05:40:10 AM
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I can so relate. Our first 10 years of marriage my DH worked rotating shifts. Some times he would work 7 days a week, but then have 4 days off! And such as that. It was nice cause I had him around a lot.
The job he has had for nearly a year, is now also 6 days a week and 16 hours a day! From 4am to 7 or 8pm. Then since he was up at 3 to get to work by 4 he comes home eats and goes to bed (if he even eats sometimes he just goes to bed!). He's a trash man so he's usually exhausted. Then on his day off cause he's so exhausted he just wants to sleep and do nothing else. So it's like I don't even have him that day either.
So I can sure relate to the feeling. *hugs*
He is trying to get a job with the rail road too, it will be 7 days a week with the same hours but not as physically hard, so we are hoping he can do that and not be so tired all the time. It's hard for the kids though cause they barely get to see him. :( He's up before they get up, and then like I said he just goes to bed when he gets home. :(
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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princesspatches
True Blue Farmgirl
431 Posts
arttie
iron mountain
michigan
USA
431 Posts |
Posted - May 17 2013 : 08:32:54 AM
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Kristina,
I understand how hard it is to do the workload at home all by yourself. I have felt overwhelmed and depressed by workload and children, and the farmgirls here always help put things in perspective. You are in my prayers.
Try making a list of the things that ABSOLUTLY have to get done. Let the rest wait. If you have kids at home, have them help you. Remember to delegate where you can. It may not be perfect or to your personal standards, but it will be done.
My mother-in-law always told me, "Work with what God gives you". In other words if the kids do the dishes for you, but forget to wash the table.....Remember they did the dishes and the only thing you have to do is wash the table. NOT BOTH!
Also, remember that many women would give their right arm for a husband that works hard to provide for the family. When you look around the world at all the lazy men out there.....be thankful that your husband is hardworking and willing to put in the time to provide. He probably feels terrible that he is not home to help you more. He is just not going to say it out-loud.
Lots of hugs and prayers
Arttie |
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ceejay48
Farmgirl Legend/Schoolmarm/Sharpshooter
13640 Posts
CeeJay (CJ)
Dolores
Colorado
USA
13640 Posts |
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AnnieinIdaho
True Blue Farmgirl
437 Posts
Annie
ID
USA
437 Posts |
Posted - May 17 2013 : 3:09:30 PM
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Hi Kristina,
As a military wife I can relate to being alone for many hours, picking up the slack on the home front. One doesn't need to have a military situation for this to happen. Most people's jobs now are enlarged and people are doing the work of several others in their positions. I don't see workloads getting less any time soon. I do know that it is important to keep communication open, friendly and supportive between the two of you. Be sure to acknowledge to him, "We both are so busy these days and your work is becoming all consuming to you, which must be difficult for you. I miss you a lot and am trying to stay on top of the home front to make our home a place of respite for us. We may have to work diligently for the next few years, with not as much time together as we had hoped for, but I want you to know I think about you while you are at work. I do not take your efforts for granted. I appreciate all you are doing for us as a family. I will do my best also here at home so we can continue moving forward to meeting our goals." By communicating this you are turning toward each other into the relationship, supporting, giving affirmation rather than turning outside the relationship (triangulating) which can lead to fractures when more support is received from others outside the relationship than from each other. This is why affairs start sometimes. So by you taking the initiative in turning toward your husband, acknowledging the place your are both in, thanking him for his efforts, letting him know you miss him and are hoping for time together even if doing a chore together, you are on the journey together which is better than alienation, which will lead to resentment. You can acknowledge to him you are becoming overwhelmed, but are trying to pace yourself and that maybe all things may not get done as fast as they used too. Keep joyful with each other, say thank you often, and take time outs from all the work that is ongoing and will never end. Best to you and your family and farm life.
Annie
"The turnings of life seldom show a sign-post; or rather, though the sign is always there, it is usually placed some distance back, like the notices that give warning of a bad hill or a level railway-crossing." Edith Wharton, 1913 from 'The Custom of the Country'. |
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laurentany
True Blue Farmgirl
3259 Posts
Laurie
Patchogue
NY
USA
3259 Posts |
Posted - May 17 2013 : 3:31:52 PM
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Praying for you Kristi. You always do have so much on your plate, and when I read your blog posts of what you accomplish in a day it amazes me!
You are a true inspiration, but I realize that you can only do what you do for so long before becoming burnt out and needing a rest. All of the chores that you are doing will still be there tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that, so my advice would be to try and keep everything in perspective, and just take one day at a time. If something doesn't get done today, perhaps it will tomorrow. That's all that you can do.
Hang in there girlfriend!
Hugs,
~Laurie
"Little Hen House on the Island"
Farmgirl Sister#1403
View my New Blog:
http://simplesuburbanpleasures.blogspot.com
Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds that you plant.
~Robert Louis Stevenson |
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princesspatches
True Blue Farmgirl
431 Posts
arttie
iron mountain
michigan
USA
431 Posts |
Posted - May 17 2013 : 5:36:34 PM
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Well said Annie.......
Arttie |
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levisgrammy
True Blue Farmgirl
9384 Posts
Denise
Beavercreek
Ohio
USA
9384 Posts |
Posted - May 17 2013 : 6:39:47 PM
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Praying for you Kristina. Having been a military wife I can relate and I believe Annie said it best. Hang in there and know we are on your side and interceding in prayer for you.
hugs,
Denise
farm girl sister#43
http://www.ladybugsandlilacs.blogspot.com/
O, a trouble's a ton or a trouble's an ounce,
Or a trouble is what you make it!
And it isn't the fact that you're hurt that counts,
But only--how did you take it?
--Edmund C. Vance.
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darlenelovesart
True Blue Farmgirl
7626 Posts
darlene
Loleta
California
USA
7626 Posts |
Posted - May 17 2013 : 8:03:15 PM
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Kristina,
I am in there with you too, my prayers continue for you all and everything you have been going through. I agree with Annie in what she is telling you. Be strong and and I know you are and just know I am thinking about you all.
love
darlene
I have learned that to have a good friend is the purest of all God's gifts, for it is a love that has no exchange of payment.
by Frances Farmer
Just follow God unquestioningly.
Because you love Him so, for if you trust His judgment there is nothing you need to know.
I trust in you Jesus... |
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FieldsofThyme
Farmgirl Guide & Schoolmarm / Chapter Leader
4928 Posts
USA
4928 Posts |
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princesspatches
True Blue Farmgirl
431 Posts
arttie
iron mountain
michigan
USA
431 Posts |
Posted - May 18 2013 : 11:13:54 AM
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Kristina,
You will have better days. Sometimes a good talk is all husbands and wives need to re-connect.
Arttie |
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darlenelovesart
True Blue Farmgirl
7626 Posts
darlene
Loleta
California
USA
7626 Posts |
Posted - May 19 2013 : 5:06:55 PM
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Oh I am glad you and your hubby talked last night, that will help so much.
My prayers continue for you all.
I can hardly wait to get that drawing from Ryan of my hummingbird. It is really nice.
hugs
darlene
I have learned that to have a good friend is the purest of all God's gifts, for it is a love that has no exchange of payment.
by Frances Farmer
Just follow God unquestioningly.
Because you love Him so, for if you trust His judgment there is nothing you need to know.
I trust in you Jesus... |
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Penny Wise
True Blue Farmgirl
1903 Posts
Margo
Elyria
OH
USA
1903 Posts |
Posted - May 21 2013 : 09:37:08 AM
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i have to come back and read this thru-this explains part of your post about not feeling like you fit in but i'm at work so have to go...
hugs
Farmgirl # 2139
proud member of the Farmgirls of the Southwest Henhouse
~*~ counting my pennies; my dreams are adding up!~*~ |
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lucky1
True Blue Farmgirl
52 Posts
Liz
Homer
OH
USA
52 Posts |
Posted - May 21 2013 : 10:13:42 AM
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Hello Kristina,
Consider yourself supported through the rough patches and the sweet relief that awaits you on the other side of your troubles.
I found the song "I Won't Give Up On Us" by Jason Mraz to be a great remedy for times like you described. The stuff of relationships is worth the time and effort and tears we all put into them.
To hope is to know that the present reality will not have the last word.
Peace to you,
Liz
Each one of you is precious. Remember who you are, and whose you are... |
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Hogs & Quiches & Prayers Round-up: wearing thin and building unwanted resentment |
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wearing thin and building unwanted resentment
