| Author |
Parenting & Farm Kids:  Do you ever feel like your losing the war???  |
|
|
princesspatches
True Blue Farmgirl
431 Posts
arttie
iron mountain
michigan
USA
431 Posts |
 Posted - Apr 22 2013 : 10:53:51 AM
|
Many of you know my family situation from my posts. My husband I an combined our family about 4 years ago. Together we have 5 kids....20, 19, 14,13 and 8 years old. So there is a wide range. Our two older boys have graduated and moved out and are doing their own thing.
My oldest, 20, has gotten in with the wrong crowd and is choosing a life of drugs and mooching off of friends. He moves around from couch to couch and has no ambition to get a job. This cause much stress in our home.
Now we have discovered that our 14 year old daughter had a 2nd Facebook account. Upon further digging, she is involved with a 19 year old boy. He is a predator. He has been targeting young girls......
we have pulled cellphones, internet and all communication. But realistically, how long can we do that? As parents you can only ground them for so long. There needs to be a trust there in able to let them grow and head out to the world.....
I am frustrated and exhausted. I feel like every time I turn there is another blow with these kids. We are fairly strict, but not overbearing. We limit screen-time, do family activities, live in the country. There has to be a secret to getting through the teen years.
My kids are good for the most part.....I just sometimes feel the 'outside' world is interfering with my parenting and I am losing the war......
Thanks for letting me vent.
Arttie |
|
|
SandraM
True Blue Farmgirl
295 Posts
Sandra
Coldwater
Michigan
USA
295 Posts |
Posted - Apr 23 2013 : 06:55:05 AM
|
I feel at 14 they don't NEED cellphones or facebook etc.. especially when they have shown that they cannot be trusted.
I would pull it all!
Allow computer time in a family area. We have always tried to keep computers in a common area of the house. There are too many things on the internet these days, as you mentioned Predators...
You can't be too careful.
I would try to find some resources to help your daughter understand how dangerous of a situation she put herself in.
My daughters went to a workshop where they had an FBI agent talking about predators and shared stories, it was an eye opener for them.
Parenting is hard! I have six children and it can be exhausting at times.
Sandra
www.mittenstatesheepandwool.com |
Edited by - SandraM on Apr 23 2013 06:55:54 AM |
 |
|
|
FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
Posted - Apr 23 2013 : 07:42:10 AM
|
Well, from a legal standpoint, you can contact authorities---we had a client who was raising a 14 year old granddaughter because her mother was an addict and her father (their son) really didn't seem to care a whole lot about what she got into. She had an online relationshp that they found out about with a solder at Ft. Bragg---he actually showed up on their property one early morning to try to "take her away" and get married.
19 is 19. And he's breaking the law. Parenting is really difficult and girls that age seem to think they know everything about the world--especially boys.
"Hey, I've got nothing to do today but smile..."
The Only Living Boy in New York, Paul Simon |
|
|
|
FieldsofThyme
Farmgirl Guide & Schoolmarm / Chapter Leader
4928 Posts
USA
4928 Posts |
Posted - Apr 23 2013 : 08:02:16 AM
|
Arttie,
I too, have a blended family 6 kids together - his, mine and ours. Ages are 21, 19 1/2, 19, 16, 13, 11.
We are going through a very traumatic event with our oldest two, and some trouble with our 16 yo. Yes, I am really to cut off the internet completely. However, to do that, would cheat me out of my writing and income, and they would find ways to get on the internet.
If it's not their friend's phone, tablet or whatnot, it will be at the library or someone else's electronic. I do not use facebook, and was told by m 19 yo, that I would never amount to anything if I didn't. Pretty sad that kids think the need to have the entire world hearing about their problems or struggles or anything that I classify as "dirty laundry" on the internet.
Just last week I had two girls slander us, as parents, on twitter. I am now blocked to their tweets, even with not being a follower. My extended family was blocked as well.
We are now seeing a family therapist, and if one chooses not to go to her own (19 yo), she will not be allowed to live here.
We as parents have to make so many tough choices, painful choices, and more. It's a rougher world and kids are reckless with the internet and freedom to use it.
We had our house t.p.'d once when our 19 yo posted on facebook her parents were leaving town for a few days.
The internet is a cruel tool sometimes. Facebook was created on the intent for folks to share as much information as they will, and do. It takes maturity to be prudent on what's posted and who are "friends" and such, and kids today just don't have it. I'm not say all don't, but I can tell you that my own kids don't have any restraint. No matter who they hurt. Including themselves, when it comes time to get hired, and the employer searches the internet to see what they are up to.
Hang in there. I'm not saying our family is anywhere near "out of the woods" but hang in there. I'd be falling apart this week, if it wasn't for four specific farmgirls here.
Farmgirl Sister #800
My Life: http://pioneerwomanatheart.blogspot.com/
Recycle Ideas: http://scrapreusedandrecycledartprojects.blogspot.com/
Our Family Store: http://roosterscrowfarm.blogspot.com/
|
|
|
|
princesspatches
True Blue Farmgirl
431 Posts
arttie
iron mountain
michigan
USA
431 Posts |
Posted - Apr 23 2013 : 08:21:15 AM
|
Thank you everyone for the support. I would be falling apart this week without knowing that other parents have the same beliefs that we do.
I would truly love to pull all electronics form our home. But as you said.....they find it somewhere. I have been monitoring the Facebook chatrooms and soooooo surprised that all these kids are online on their devices all day long during school hours. The schools have even lost the war against social media.
My husband is devastated by this.....and the 14 year old is just not understanding the dangers. We found yesterday now he has moved on to an 11 year old girl. Our daughter was more upset that he doesn't 'love' her anymore.....not that he is a pedaphile.
We have contacted the authorities and they are taking this very seriously. They are interviewing all of the girls involved and he has been taken into the station for interviews. The boy has gotten a lawyer and is back in school.
It always seems like just when you feel you have the parenting thing down pat.....something else happens. I had seriously thought about going to work full-time this year. But we are realizing that I need to be home to keep an eye on things.
Arttie |
|
|
|
FieldsofThyme
Farmgirl Guide & Schoolmarm / Chapter Leader
4928 Posts
USA
4928 Posts |
|
|
MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Apr 23 2013 : 11:02:17 AM
|
The thing is YES in a few years she will be making her own choices, BUT in a few years her brain and all those sensory things will be more mature...and she will be looking and thinking about your values and such more and more...if you stick to your guns she will remember that and they will mean something to her.
I am glad you are dealing with the police with this.
Personally I know I sound extreme, but this is one reason we home school. I know my oldest DD's personality and this could easily be her in a few years, and it was a major reason for us to home school. Cause she is so influenced by the outside...sure she will one day be grown up and have to make choices on her own...but we hope till then we can have as much influence on her as possible and hopefully reach her heart with our values so she can have the healthiest, happiest life she can. With her personality we wouldn't be able to compete with the kids at school. Hopefully by the time she grows up she will mature enough to see we did things for reasons for her, and appreciate it and make wiser choices. Right now as her parents/protectors we just have to do every thing possible to keep her well, healthy, and protected from even herself.
Personally I would pull her out of school for her own self protection...but again I know for some they would think that was extreme..to me I will go to any measure to keep my child safe. Once they are grown up then it's up to them to keep themselves safe, before that I don't want to be at fault for her getting hurt, and hopefully again we can instill good values, and such in her enough by the time she does grow up she will make good choices.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
|
|
|
princesspatches
True Blue Farmgirl
431 Posts
arttie
iron mountain
michigan
USA
431 Posts |
Posted - Apr 23 2013 : 11:20:58 AM
|
Heather,
We are getting to the point of pulling all the kids out and homeschooling. Because we are a blended family we have to deal with ex-spouses. But in the last few months I have gained full-custody of my son, so I make all the decisions. As for out 14 year old trouble now...I think her mother is starting to get on board with homeschooling and an adjustment in custody. I really think homeschooling will be in our near future.
As for now we are going to finish out the school year. I do work part-time. But we have a good support system. I know my parents will help out and I am going to talk to Hubby's mother and see if she will come and stay for a few weeks this summer to help out. I know we are going to work through this, but the journey is not very much fun.
I love to hear from all the other parents here. I feel less alone in my parenting style.
Thanks
Arttie
|
|
|
|
MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Apr 23 2013 : 12:37:15 PM
|
It may help if you ccan get a program that is sponsored by the public school system. We are doing Calvert, it's a curriculum that has been a private home school curriculum that parents could/can buy for over 100 years.
A few years ago they started working with public school systems where public school charters can buy the curriculum and use it for kids to enroll and homeschool with.
In Kansas the laws are it's a open enrollment state, meaning if you live in Kansas by law you can enroll in any school in Kansas. So we didn't have to be in a certain school district to use this state sponsored program (although ironically we just happened to be in their actual district).
But, I have heard Michigan is different, and you have to be in the county or maybe school district to enroll. I'm not sure about your county or school district or the laws for sure, but I know I looked into it for a day once for a friend of mine in Michigan, and Calvert is being sponsored by at least one school district there. You may want to go to the Calvert website and check to see if you are in the right area to use it.
It saves us a lot of money, and for the nay sayer family members we can still tell them the kids are "public schooled". lol
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
|
|
|
queenmushroom
True Blue Farmgirl
985 Posts
Lorena
Centerville
Me
USA
985 Posts |
Posted - May 11 2013 : 4:22:29 PM
|
Ok. I think all Fb and email accounts should be deleted. Until she EARNS your trust back take away the cellphone. When the time comes, you set up her accounts. You and your husband are the only ones who can approve friends for Fb and email. Make it a rule that no one can be friended until you have a parent or guardian email address. I say this because you can copy and paste what the other child is posting and email to the other parent if it is inappropriate that way there's no she said /I said
This can also go for you friending the other parent. If the other parent objects then your daughter cannot have that child for a Fb friend, email or text her. Regarding cell phone, if she wants a cell phone back get her a plain Jane cell. No text no internet no camera..make her take a babysitting course and make her buy her own time. If she's mature enough to have a phone then she can pay for it. Don't come running when you run out of minutes. If texting is automatic, then you get the phone at bed time. Texts for that day better be there for your review. If she texts 20 times a day then only 5 then something 's up. Stick to your guns and don't back down. It's tiring but worth it in the end.
Patience is worth a bushel of brains...from a chinese fortune cookie |
|
|
|
princesspatches
True Blue Farmgirl
431 Posts
arttie
iron mountain
michigan
USA
431 Posts |
Posted - May 12 2013 : 10:17:20 AM
|
Well....here is an update on our situation. This week my son git into a bit if trouble. Of course it involved facenook and texting. Needless to say....I'm done!
All facebook…skyping…texting …electronics are GONE!
We are back to old school. We are keeping the Internet because poor hubby would have nothing. His hobbies are all outside.
I am keeping a very short leash on my kids for awhile. Certain friends are gone! Certain activities are gone!
I am at the end of my rope......and they know it.
You know.... I see all these nice kids from farming families .....and I always wonder what is their secret to raising such wonderful kids.
Pleas don't get me wrong....my kids are great. Very respectful, funny, helpful and hardworking. Maybe I ask too much from them or set the expectations too high......
Arttie |
|
|
|
MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - May 12 2013 : 10:32:21 AM
|
Artie I think you are on the right track. There is good and bad farm kids, but I think the secret to most the good ones is quite honestly they don't have a lot of time for all the electronics. They have a lot of chores, that are physical labor (physical labor is good for the mind and body!) and then their play time is also physical-baseball, soccer, horsing around outside, fishing, etc. Just yesterday there was a gaggle of teen boys that made me feel like we stepped back in time to the Andy Griffith show. They were all shirtless, wearing some sort of cut offs, carrying fishin' poles, and tackle boxes, and laughing, and goofing all the way to the fishin' hole. They needed to cross a busy street where out here in the suburbs there was no light to help them. We just so happened to be traveling down said street, and I told Dh we have time, stop and let them cross the street, Dh stopped, and waved at them to hurry across, and they were a smilin' and waving and laughing all the way, got to the other side and were hollering and happy and just so excited that we let them across the street! I'm hoping that's something my boy in 15 years will be just as excited about. Those kinds of activities I believe lead to good character but also good hormones being released in their brains for better mental balance. Then video games, facebook, etc
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
|
|
| |
Parenting & Farm Kids: Do you ever feel like your losing the war??? |
|
|
|
Do you ever feel like your losing the war???
