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Family Matters:  Just.... Disturbed...  |
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
 Posted - Feb 28 2013 : 05:19:12 AM
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…and I just can't get past it. Recently a very dear friend informed me that as soon as her daughter reaches puberty, she is going to have her put on the Pill. She does not feel that by doing so she is giving her daughter the "go ahead" to become sexually active. Instead she reasons that this will prevent any “problems” in the future. She said she wants her daughter to always be able to come to her with anything and everything; but when she was a young girl, she had to maneuver her way through the system to figure out how to get herself the help she needed in order to avoid pregnancy, and she doesn’t want her daughter to have to go through that kind of rigmarole at all. She became pregnant at a young age, out of wedlock, and simply doesn't want her daughter to have that same experience.
After much discussion, I felt that, because we love and respect each other, it was best to change the subject. I usually can agree to disagree, and I certainly don’t want to push the issue, but this is just gnawing at me inside. I feel very strongly that her decision is wrong on many levels. The physical, emotional and spiritual implications are profound, not to mention the unspoken message she would be sending to her daughter, regardless of her intent. I do understand her desire to protect her daughter at all costs, and she truly is a good mother. Granted, her daughter is only three years old right now; I know her mother has plenty of time to think this through and change her mind. That’s what I am counting on. My solace comes through knowing that she's a fairly young mother (we all know how much our thoughts change over time through gained knowledge and life experience). I cannot believe she is even considering this when her daughter is so young, though! Then again, all loving parents think about how to best raise and protect their children. In this day and age, I suppose the earlier we start thinking these things through the better, especially with all the medical warnings we are bombarded with on a daily basis. (Is this something that medicine is promoting now, I wonder?) Right now, I’m just so disturbed by the whole thing. I just can’t shake it.
Ugh. I have so many thoughts running through my mind. I would really like to hear your thoughts on the subject, and am asking that you will please pray for them, and for me to have the wisdom to gently sew the right seeds over time in a loving, non-abrasive manner.
Thanks so much –
Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
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Edited by - Ninibini on Feb 28 2013 05:28:13 AM |
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Penny Wise
True Blue Farmgirl
1903 Posts
Margo
Elyria
OH
USA
1903 Posts |
Posted - Feb 28 2013 : 05:45:05 AM
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nini-i'm at work so i skimmed your post- i can't really wrap my mind well enough right now to make a decent comment but i want to share a thought to propose to your friend--
look at the stats on breast( and others!) cancers from ppl taking the pill- if she starts her daughter that early it increases her chances of developing cancers...
just a thought..
big hugs and prayers to you in this dilemma- and remember to have the wisdom to know the difference on what you can change.....
Farmgirl # 2139
proud member of the Farmgirls of the Southwest Henhouse
~*~ counting my pennies; my dreams are adding up!~*~ |
Edited by - Penny Wise on Feb 28 2013 05:45:36 AM |
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MrsRooster
True Blue Farmgirl
1168 Posts
Amy
Seabrook
TX
USA
1168 Posts |
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Melina
True Blue Farmgirl
435 Posts
Melina
USA
435 Posts |
Posted - Feb 28 2013 : 07:39:37 AM
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I wouldn't get too disturbed by what the mother of a 3 year old says about birth control. She's speaking from fear and a desire to keep her baby safe. Unfortunately, the Pill will only protect her from one danger, leaving a ton of other tragedies that can happen. Just be her friend and when it's appropriate, say something productive and in love.
The morning breeze has secrets to tell you. Do not go back to sleep.
Rumi |
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Cindy Lou
True Blue Farmgirl
2325 Posts
Susan
Lonsdale
MN
USA
2325 Posts |
Posted - Feb 28 2013 : 08:12:59 AM
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Nini,
I agree that your friend's own experience has her fixated on how to prevent her daughter going through the same. It is said with love, but not a lot of thought of other dangers. She needs to be building that communication with her daughter all through her growing years and then should feel less worry that her daughter won't feel the freedom to discuss such issues when the time comes.
As Melina and Margo said, there are so many other reasons to be concerned, ranging from sexual diseases to cancer to relationships that turn abusive. Pregnancy is NOT the only problem her daughter needs to be protected from when it comes to relationships. One thing that could backfire is the daughter might take this attempt to protect her as a sign that her mom regrets having her, not just at the time she did.
You obviously care for your friend and her daughter and this decision is still years down the road. I agree convincing her at this point is not necessary. Hopefully the mom's ideas will mature as her daughter does.
Susan
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
Mary Oliver |
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SandraM
True Blue Farmgirl
295 Posts
Sandra
Coldwater
Michigan
USA
295 Posts |
Posted - Feb 28 2013 : 08:43:18 AM
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She may change her mind about putting her 11-13 year old daughter on the pill when the time comes.
I have seen so many people change their views as their children grow up on all kinds of issues. I know I have.
:) I understand why you would disagree..but there is a good chance she will change her views.
Sandra
www.mittenstatesheepandwool.com |
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MtnGrlByTheBay
True Blue Farmgirl
171 Posts
Erin
Lexington Park
MD
USA
171 Posts |
Posted - Feb 28 2013 : 11:37:40 AM
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quote:
She may change her mind about putting her 11-13 year old daughter on the pill when the time comes.
I have seen so many people change their views as their children grow up on all kinds of issues. I know I have.
:) I understand why you would disagree..but there is a good chance she will change her views.
Sandra
I completely agree.
However, I understand how you feel.
^^^I'm a RidgeRunner, and will always feel best when surrounded by the PA mountains.^^^
www.lastlapgang.com |
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Ruby V
True Blue Farmgirl
220 Posts
Ruby
Chilliwack
BC
Canada
220 Posts |
Posted - Mar 01 2013 : 12:03:01 AM
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My opinion is that I wouldn't worry about it too much. There's sooo many things that could happen between now and then, it's just not worth losing any sleep over at this point.
I think it kind of sounds like your friend is dwelling on her own past and is maybe still having problems dealing with it. Even though her comments have been upsetting, it sounds like she could use a level-headed friend like you in her life. Hopefully you can continue to be a positive influence on her and when the time comes, she'll have given it alot more thought.
Ruby ~ Sister #3597 |
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annielaurel
True Blue Farmgirl
912 Posts
nancy
fernandina beach
florida
USA
912 Posts |
Posted - Mar 01 2013 : 05:33:17 AM
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Just be there for her. She is speaking from fear and the wish to protect her daughter. If she reads about the dangers of the Pill she will have a different view. I think she is just talking and will change as her child grows.
It is disturbing that she is thinking this way. It is perhaps because she did not have the information and resources before she became pregnant that she is making sure this will not happen to her daughter.
Just continue to be there and let her know your views. She will need you for many other reasons during the coming years.
Hugs,
Nancy
Make everyday a celebration of the heart. |
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Mar 01 2013 : 11:11:10 AM
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Thank you, girls! It's quite a relief to hear that we all share the same thoughts - I do hope that in time her views will change in time. Like I said, I'm counting on it! :)
I think it's partially true that her own experiences are affecting her thoughts on the matter, but also she is an EXTREMELY busy person, and she tends to make decisions just to make her life easier and worry-free. I'm praying that this is just a seriously premature decision, and that in time she will see things differently. She's also the kind of person who asks advice, but rarely takes it; so I've learned over time that it's best to sit back, to lovingly and gently scatter seeds and to just let the rain and sunlight do their jobs. It's always such a pleasure to watch her grow, truthfully, and she is such a beautiful person. This "decision" she has "made," however, is so out of character for her. She usually investigates all aspects before forming a decision. In this case, I feel she has completely blown past, overlooked and discounted some very serious key points. She sees a tree, but isn't noticing the forest. Like the woods, the implications of her decision seem limitless. I'm praying over time opportunities for conversation and discussion on particular issues of concern will arise so we (and others who love her) can pursue them in a non-personal, inoffensive manner, you know?
I am very grateful to know that you all have faith in her ability to grow and change her mind like I do! With time comes wisdom. Thank you!
Hugs -
Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
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Lanna
True Blue Farmgirl
330 Posts
Lanna
A little town in Idaho
330 Posts |
Posted - Mar 29 2013 : 10:28:45 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by SandraM
She may change her mind about putting her 11-13 year old daughter on the pill when the time comes.
I have seen so many people change their views as their children grow up on all kinds of issues. I know I have.
Yup, this. We end up eating so many of our words as we get older/have kids (ahem, I've got a *giant* list now, and my oldest is only 9yo!).
If you have the chance, I might recommend getting her a copy of Taking Charge of Your Fertility (by Toni Weischler) at some point if she's open to the idea, or just suggesting that it's some interesting reading. I know it had a *major* impact on me/my health/how I looked at my body and fertility when I first read it all those years ago. :D
*****************
Lanna, homeschooling mama to four little monkeys that still try to jump on the bed |
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Rosemary
True Blue Farmgirl
1825 Posts
Virginia
USA
1825 Posts |
Posted - Mar 31 2013 : 11:11:05 AM
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| Your friend is clearly (to me, anyway), expressing regret over her own sexual history and her determination to give her daughter different options. I wouldn't worry about this too much. First of all, I doubt any reputable physician would prescribe birth control pills for a just-pubescent girl. But this mom would do well to learn how best to rear her daughter in an environment where age-appropriate sex talks and birth control information will help her grow up the way her mom hopes she will. |
Edited by - Rosemary on Mar 31 2013 11:12:30 AM |
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sonshine4u
Chapter Guru
1205 Posts
April
New Prague
MN
USA
1205 Posts |
Posted - Apr 02 2013 : 09:11:08 AM
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Will pray that the Lord will provide a way for you to continue to speak truth in her life and she will continue to hear you. Keep loving on her and it all will go well.
Hugs,
April :)
Playing in the Sonshine
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KatyDid
True Blue Farmgirl
66 Posts
Kate
Warwick
RI
USA
66 Posts |
Posted - Apr 09 2013 : 09:01:47 AM
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Well said, everyone - I completely agree. Giving your children the information they need to make important life decisions is essential. Birth control is a useful option for many women, but certainly not the only option, and not the only thing to consider when becoming sexually active (and of course it would be ridiculous to impose something like that on her anyway, without her understanding or consent).
My mother started in on the sex talks with me when I was eight, because it is possible for girls to reach puberty around that age and she wanted me to know what would be happening in advance, so I would not be scared when it actually occurred! I did not like it at the time, but am now grateful that she went to all that effort to make sure I was informed (chats, videos, books left "casually" on the coffee table like "What's Happening to My Body? Book for Girls"!). I would do the same for my children when I have them.
Nini, I am sure your friend will come around in time!
Farmgirl Sister #4527
You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.
- Mae West |
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MrsTracy
True Blue Farmgirl
145 Posts
Tracy
Beaufort
South Carolina
USA
145 Posts |
Posted - Apr 29 2013 : 5:48:21 PM
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Putting my two cents in. A young mother with a young child will make many a statement (I will NOT be like my mother! LOL!) only to find there was some wisdom in SOME things.
The most you can do is keep her and her daughter in prayer. She will find that if she grows faith and trust and continue to nurture that trust, there will really be no need to put her on something like birth control. One doesn't have to make a grand gesture to prove trust and understanding. If they haven't gotten to that point by the time she reaches puberty, putting her on the pill wont make it happen either.
Ten years is a long ways away. Many things can and will change. Just pray and listen but dont get into drawn out discussions. Every once in a while (when she brings it up) maybe through out one of the statistics mentioned above and then leave it there.
Good luck!
Aspiring Titus II and Proverbs 31 Lady. |
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Family Matters: Just.... Disturbed... |
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Just.... Disturbed...
