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Across the Fence:  Need to vent...not myself lately.  |
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texdane
Farmgirl Legend Chapter Leader Chapter Guru
4658 Posts
Nicole
Sandy Hook
CT
USA
4658 Posts |
 Posted - Jan 12 2013 : 5:35:17 PM
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Hi Farmgirls,
Ugh! I think I need a vacation or something! As you all know, I live in Sandy Hook, CT. That fateful day in December was horrible and scary. The days following were surreal, too. Thankfully, my baby's school was not affected, but it was scary none the less. The first hour I didn't know which school it was. I've been counting my blessings, big time. I thought I have been overtired, but I'm sleeping okay, and Audrey is good, back to her routine. I have felt in much better spirits since New Years'. But...I am not myself! In the last four weeks, I have burned cookies, left the crock pot on overnight, left boiling eggs on the stove, forgotten until they became flying projectiles, lost the filter to my vacuum (ended up ordering another one - $20! Stupid, as I didn't needa new one, but we can't figure out what I did with it.  I owe a farmgirl a knitted item for a swap, and had to email her as I made a stupid mistake and had to pull half the project apart and am redoing it. Wrote a Christmas card to my cousin, but I don't know who received it! The one she got from me didn't even have a signature! I usually have packed up my Christmas stuff by now, but I don't have any energy lately, so the boxes are still waiting to go downstairs to the basement. I am behind on everything it seems! Wanted to take a walk with the dog and Audrey today, but couldn't find my shoes! We looked everywhere! Audrey found them tonight, behind her bathroom door! This is not like me!!! It's starting to freak me out, but a friend called tonight and she thinks it is stress. I'm wondering if the stress of December 14th is taking a toll on me more than I originally thought???  
Has anyone else done forgetful stuff like this after a lot of stress?
Big hugs,
Nicole
Farmgirl Sister #1155
KNITTER, JAM-MAKER AND MOM EXTRAORDINAIRE
Chapter Leader, Connecticut Simpler Life Sisters
Suburban Farmgirl Blogger
http://sfgblog.maryjanesfarm.org/ |
Edited by - texdane on Jan 12 2013 5:37:23 PM |
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tammyc
True Blue Farmgirl
698 Posts
Tammy
Danville
California
USA
698 Posts |
Posted - Jan 12 2013 : 5:45:59 PM
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Nicole, I can't even imagine the horror of what you and your town went through. I'm not an expert, but I know that difficulty concentrating, and the other things you mentioned are definitely signs of post traumatic stress syndrome. Given the circumstances, it would probably be unusual for you not to be suffering from such stress. I am sure you have a great deal of support and resources if you need to access them. That said, something like you have gone through takes a while to recover from. I wish you all the best.
Hugs, Tammy
"Be who you are and say what you like because the people who mind don't matter and the people who matter don't mind" - Dr. Seuss |
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prariehawk
True Blue Farmgirl
2914 Posts
Cindy
2914 Posts |
Posted - Jan 12 2013 : 5:49:48 PM
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There's nothing wrong with you--yes, stress can cause all the things you mentioned. I remember 0n 9/11, I didn't know where my sister in law was but I knew she frequently traveled and had meetings at the WTC. I couldn't eat, was forgetful, tense--turns out she was ten miles away from the WTC, but safe. And it all seemed surreal. How can you not be affected when young and innocent lives were taken? We live in a stressful society, and people with depression (like myself) aren't necessarily sick, we're just very sensitive to a sick society. My boss told me to leave work early when I said that my SIL was in NJ; he could see how stressed I was, even more than I could. When something like the tragedy where you live happens, lots of people nearby or with connections experience a type of post-traumatic stress disorder. It usually fades after a while but some people will need professional help to deal with it. Be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to feel the pain, fear, and anger. They will roll over you like waves, but then they past and you're left shaken but still whole. I will be praying for you. Just be assured there's nothing unusual about what you're experiencing.
Cindy
"Vast floods can't quench love, no matter what love did/ Rivers can't drown love, no matter where love's hid"--Sinead O'Connor
"In many ways, you don't just live in the country, it lives inside you"--Ellen Eilers
Visit my blog at http://www.farmerinthebelle.blogspot.com/ |
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kristin sherrill
True Blue Farmgirl
11303 Posts
kristin
chickamauga
ga
USA
11303 Posts |
Posted - Jan 12 2013 : 6:15:39 PM
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Nicole, I can't imagine what you and the other people of your town and community are going through still almost a month later. It is probably grief and stress and a whole lot of other things associated with this horrible tragedy. Aren't there counselors still there to help the community? Is there someone you can talk to? Maybe you could start a group with others who weren't actually affected by a loss but are going through what you are right now. A support group would be a greta thing for you to be involved in right now. I will be thinking of you and sending good thoughts your way.
kris
Happiness is simple.
www.kris-outbackfarm.blogspot.com |
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laurentany
True Blue Farmgirl
3259 Posts
Laurie
Patchogue
NY
USA
3259 Posts |
Posted - Jan 12 2013 : 7:28:31 PM
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Oh Nicole ,
I am sorry that you are going through all of this, but I will say a great big YES that it is totally normal and more than likely is caused by the unimaginable heartache that you and your community are going. I had some similar issues 3 years ago, in 2010 , when I lost my grandfather and father within 7 months of each other, both to the horrible disease cancer. I was my dads caregiver, and when he passed, my surroundings were surreal. It was like I was here, but not really here if you know what I mean. I went through the motions each day, but I was definitely not myself! I think that only time can heal this, along with perhaps talking it out with people. As Kristin said, maybe just getting together with friends and neighbors who are going through the same thing and can really relate, would be a place of comfort for you. I have no doubt that you are not alone in your feelings, as someone who perhaps was not "directly" affected, yet certainly a part of a community suffering greatly, and trying day by day to slowly pick up the pieces and move forward. And that is all you can do, is take things one day at a time.
Please know that we are hear for you as sisters and friends.
You, your family and your entire community continue to be in my prayers daily.
Love, hugs and blessings,
~Laurie
"Little Hen House on the Island"
Farmgirl Sister#1403
View my New Blog:
http://simplesuburbanpleasures.blogspot.com
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.. |
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Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - Jan 12 2013 : 8:41:05 PM
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Nicole, I am sorry you are going through this. Knowing what happened in Sandy Hook, I believe you are grieving for all the loss. I'll be praying for you. Keep us posted.
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
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lovinRchickens
True Blue Farmgirl
3442 Posts
Kelly
Pipe Creek
Texas
USA
3442 Posts |
Posted - Jan 13 2013 : 07:12:38 AM
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Nicole .. I too feel in post tramatic stress. I am keeping you and your town in my prayers.
Blessings
~Kelly~ |
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sherrye
True Blue Farmgirl
3775 Posts
sherry
bend in the high desert
oregon
USA
3775 Posts |
Posted - Jan 13 2013 : 07:17:07 AM
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i also think it is a form of pts. i am on the east coast and i cannot bear to think of what happened. you are in it. this was a huge event in all lives. we joke here if you cannot find the phone look in the fridge. i pray Jehovah will give you the peace that excels all thought. i send hugs and love to you. may today be brighter for you.
the learn as we go silk purse farm
farm girl #1014
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wooliespinner
True Blue Farmgirl
1311 Posts
Linda
Manchester
Ohio
1311 Posts |
Posted - Jan 13 2013 : 07:26:38 AM
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Nicole give yourself some time to decompress. I have been in your shoes but for different reasons. The things you are experencing to me are normal for someone under stress and probably in the back of your mind you are worried that it could happen again. With the news talking about this stuff constantly it doesn't help either. You will get back to your old self I think in time. Just be kind to yourself. Prayers and Hugs to you.
Linda
Raspberry Run Farm
Nubian Dairy Goats |
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crittergranny
True Blue Farmgirl
1096 Posts
Laura
Lindrith
NM
USA
1096 Posts |
Posted - Jan 13 2013 : 08:58:26 AM
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Hi Nicole, hugs Sweetie. In 2006 my mother got sick and died from lung cancer and then in 2007 I became 24-7 caretaker of my Dad who died in 2008. Both on Nov 8th. Then right after that my husband was laid off for 3 yrs from work. During this time I had 18 horses to feed and many other animals, and all the usual problems too. Any way my point is that especially during the time my Dad was under such intense care I had so much to remember like Dr. appts. and medications and other stuff to think about that it seemed like that was all that could fit in my head and as a result my brain just deleted everything else. An example is I forgot a whole bunch of names of people, even people I had known all my life. To this day I offend people cause I don't remember their names. I also forgot a lot of other weird stuff like how to spell a lot of words. I homeschooled my children and have always been an excellent speller, but no more.
It's sort of like a turtle, you just go into a shell for a while and try to focus on what is important. Just give yourself some time. You are also grieving. Even if you aren't grieving someone you know you are grieving maybe a way of life, not to mention all those innocent lives, and to an extent may have to embrace a new outlook on things. You may benefit from reading some material on the stages of grieving maybe from a hospice or online. Put aside some time to just think about things and pray if you can. I found prayer hard for a while to be honest. Remember that you are grieving and don't take on too much even when you are having times when you feel better. On the other hand don't let it become permanent, in that you get into the habit of being too inactive. These kind of things sometimes lead to people becoming hoarders and things like that and just sort of giving up on life. Just keep plugging along at your own pace and take some time for yourself to do things that bring you joy and don't worry too much about what other people think. You have enough to deal with right now. Things will never be the same, but life is still good and the clouds WILL lift slowly one at a time. Take care Dear and take time for the little things, I will be praying for you. So sorry you are going through this, hugs, hugs, and hugs.
Laura
Horse poor in the boonies.
http://www.etsy.com/shop/CrittergrannysLair
www.nmbarrelhorses.com
www.creamofthecroptrailrides.webs.com |
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jenne.f
True Blue Farmgirl
643 Posts
Jenne
Wagontown
PA
USA
643 Posts |
Posted - Jan 13 2013 : 10:42:17 AM
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Nicole,
My heart goes out to you. You have lots of good advice here. I also went
thru several horrible events in a short time which left me with depression, panic attacks and PTSD.
For me, meditation seemed to help the most. Of course, I also took time for prayer.
But I think just giving my mind some time each day to rest was very beneficial.
If you are unfamiliar with the hows or even why's there are lots of resources, books, online sites, groups and classes. It helped me very much.
Sending love and prayers,
~blessings~
Jenne
Farmgirl #4616 |
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texdane
Farmgirl Legend Chapter Leader Chapter Guru
4658 Posts
Nicole
Sandy Hook
CT
USA
4658 Posts |
Posted - Jan 13 2013 : 5:10:53 PM
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Awww, thank you girls so much. You are all so sweet. For one thing, I know I've got to go to bed earlier than I have. I got in the bad habit of staying up way too late the past month, which isn't helping. I also haven't had much down time at all in the last month. DH made sure I had a relaxing day today and helped me get more caught up on things. Hopefully, this week will be better. Thank you all for sharing with me.
Love my farm sisters!
Hugs,
Nicole
Farmgirl Sister #1155
KNITTER, JAM-MAKER AND MOM EXTRAORDINAIRE
Chapter Leader, Connecticut Simpler Life Sisters
Suburban Farmgirl Blogger
http://sfgblog.maryjanesfarm.org/ |
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queenmushroom
True Blue Farmgirl
985 Posts
Lorena
Centerville
Me
USA
985 Posts |
Posted - Jan 13 2013 : 5:11:58 PM
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Nicole,
Laura seems to have said it best. As far as prayer is concerned, the lord knows your needs before you ask. Keep it simple. And always thank him for his provision. If you want some councilling and can't afford it but attend a church regularly, ask your pastor or priest for help. He or she may be able to council you themself or know of someone who can. Prayers are sent your way. I have a cousin who lives in Greenwich but not being familiar with Conn. I wasn't sure of the proximity of the school to her or if her. Children attended it. This same cousin was also supposed to be in the etc on 9/11. So it
Patience is worth a bushel of brains...from a chinese fortune cookie |
Edited by - queenmushroom on Jan 13 2013 5:12:55 PM |
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queenmushroom
True Blue Farmgirl
985 Posts
Lorena
Centerville
Me
USA
985 Posts |
Posted - Jan 13 2013 : 5:15:43 PM
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I was quite nerved up over it myself. Hope this helps some. Take care and take things a little slower. Don't put so much on your plate.
Lorie
Patience is worth a bushel of brains...from a chinese fortune cookie |
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shanda
True Blue Farmgirl
522 Posts
Shanda
Broken Bow
OK
USA
522 Posts |
Posted - Jan 13 2013 : 5:47:51 PM
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Be kind and gentle with yourself, get lots of rest and I hope in the coming days you feel the peace and strength from your farmgirl sisterhood's prayers.
Blessings
Shanda
Farmgirl #4233 |
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ceejay48
Farmgirl Legend/Schoolmarm/Sharpshooter
13625 Posts
CeeJay (CJ)
Dolores
Colorado
USA
13625 Posts |
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Fiddlehead Farm
True Blue Farmgirl
4562 Posts
Diane
Waupaca
WI
USA
4562 Posts |
Posted - Jan 14 2013 : 04:03:13 AM
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Nicole,
It is called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. My DH and SIL have had the same symptoms after retuning from Iraq.
I am sorry you are dealing with this, but time will help. Continued prayers to you, your family and your community.
http://studiodiphotosite.shutterfly.com/
farmgirl sister #922
I am trying to be the person my dogs think I am.
I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult.
- E. B. White |
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texdane
Farmgirl Legend Chapter Leader Chapter Guru
4658 Posts
Nicole
Sandy Hook
CT
USA
4658 Posts |
Posted - Jan 15 2013 : 07:22:04 AM
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Thank you all. This week is starting out much better. I got more sleep than I have the last month and will be more mindful about not burning the candle at both ends. I'm also turning the morning news off. And I've received lots of cheer from some very special farmgirl sisters! ;)
Nicole
Farmgirl Sister #1155
KNITTER, JAM-MAKER AND MOM EXTRAORDINAIRE
Chapter Leader, Connecticut Simpler Life Sisters
Suburban Farmgirl Blogger
http://sfgblog.maryjanesfarm.org/ |
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kristin sherrill
True Blue Farmgirl
11303 Posts
kristin
chickamauga
ga
USA
11303 Posts |
Posted - Jan 15 2013 : 07:35:46 AM
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Nicole, I just saw on GMA some kids from Sandy Hook school. They were so cute and were singing Over the Rainbow. It looks like they are making an album to raise money but I didn't hear the rest of it. But they all looked really good and trying to get their lives back on track. Didn't know if you'd seen that or not.
Kris
Happiness is simple.
www.kris-outbackfarm.blogspot.com |
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ceejay48
Farmgirl Legend/Schoolmarm/Sharpshooter
13625 Posts
CeeJay (CJ)
Dolores
Colorado
USA
13625 Posts |
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FieldsofThyme
Farmgirl Guide & Schoolmarm / Chapter Leader
4928 Posts
USA
4928 Posts |
Posted - Jan 15 2013 : 08:40:20 AM
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Yes.
Stress can cause you to go "wacko" and make you feel unbalanced.
My stress situations are different, but I too, feel what you are feeling.
I made a recipe that I have made for years, and left out two ingredients. I did this with another one. I decided to put all handmade projects to the side for awhile, as I cannot make one of them yet. I keep making stupid mistakes. I made rice and turned the burner off instead of on simmer...just things that would not normally happen.
Do take a break. It does help. Even if you have to leave dirty dishes sit.
My Life: http://pioneerwomanatheart.blogspot.com/
Recycle Ideas: http://scrapreusedandrecycledartprojects.blogspot.com/
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crittergranny
True Blue Farmgirl
1096 Posts
Laura
Lindrith
NM
USA
1096 Posts |
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neeter302
True Blue Farmgirl
257 Posts
Anita
Hanover
Indiana
USA
257 Posts |
Posted - Jan 15 2013 : 6:49:18 PM
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Nicole you're such a beautiful person inside and out and it warms my heart that you open up and share everything, the good and the bad. Because you know we all go through turmoil and it's really hard sometimes to keep smiling and carry on like normal when things ARE NOT normal. All our farmgirl sisters are so precious and give so much of their heart and soul to each other, because we've been there, we can relate and together we can get through anything. So happy you have a loving supportive husband and a beautiful daughter. I find myself over-extending and over-doing, then when trauma hits it's impossible to keep up the pace, something's got to give. Hang in there sweetie, you're gonna be ok, just takes time.
Farmgirl #522
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Edited by - neeter302 on Jan 15 2013 6:53:27 PM |
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MtnGrlByTheBay
True Blue Farmgirl
171 Posts
Erin
Lexington Park
MD
USA
171 Posts |
Posted - Jan 17 2013 : 12:18:58 PM
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Nicole, I'm glad you are feeling better. I go through bouts like that... but have been lucky not to have had to deal with local or personal trauma (knock on wood.) I know with my aging parents, I count every day as a blessing, and I find strength and peace hearing how so many of you women have overcome the hurdles put before you.
BTW, our school, Town Creek Elementary, (probably like many others) made a bunch of paper snowflakes and sent them up. Did they achieve the "winter wonderland" atmosphere they were hoping to once the kids went to the alternate school?
^^^I'm a RidgeRunner, and will always feel best when surrounded by the PA mountains.^^^
www.lastlapgang.com |
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Simple Living
True Blue Farmgirl
1402 Posts
Joan
Staten Island
NY
USA
1402 Posts |
Posted - Jan 17 2013 : 12:27:22 PM
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Sweet Nicole, you shouldn't even ask such a question. Stress does crazy things to our bodies and minds. Please take a moment each day and just say how grateful you are for the day and your precious family. It's tough and you have us to hang on to and speak your mind
A Friend is Someone who Reaches for your Hand, But Touches your Heart!
Farmgirl #3842 |
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Simple Living
True Blue Farmgirl
1402 Posts
Joan
Staten Island
NY
USA
1402 Posts |
Posted - Jan 17 2013 : 3:53:08 PM
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Hi Nicole, be on the look out for a package this week :)
A Friend is Someone who Reaches for your Hand, But Touches your Heart!
Farmgirl #3842 |
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Across the Fence: Need to vent...not myself lately. |
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Need to vent...not myself lately.
