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Hogs & Quiches & Prayers Round-up:  Faith Challenged - just need to share  |
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MtnGrlByTheBay
True Blue Farmgirl
171 Posts
Erin
Lexington Park
MD
USA
171 Posts |
 Posted - Dec 20 2012 : 07:14:19 AM
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Over the past few days, what with the horrid deal in CT, the holidays, and lots of religious/political conversations with people, I've suddenly been faced with several non-believers... one of whom is my own step-son. I'm having a HARD time dealing with this.
My DH and I share posting to a family blog, and here's what I logged the other day:
quote:
...Plus, the best Christmas gift we are getting this year is [stepson]. He is coming late Friday night, and will stay through Christmas morning. That is a wonderful blessing that we couldn’t be more thankful for!
So we go into Christmas full of spirit. My faith in God has been tested over the past few days. I’ve done a lot of praying. I’ve prayed for the families in Connecticut. I’ve leaned on God, not for answers, but for strength and acceptance. Strength to be there for anyone who wants to talk about it. Acceptance that only God knows the answer to “WHY?” It is only though my acceptance of His plan and my faith in His will that allows me to handle sadness during a time intended for peace and generosity.
I’ve been tested with non-believers during this Holy time as well. I get so sad when I know there are people out there who ask kids to believe in Santa, but refrain from showing them a belief in God. Some people claim they have to “see to believe.” I think you just can’t “see” anything until you open your “eyes.” I have to remind myself that Jesus was tested by non-believers too. He loved them. He led them to God. He didn’t control them or force them to believe, but he simply told them about our heavenly Father. He modeled how God wants his creations to flourish. I will follow Jesus, and be confident and strong in my faith. I can love Christians, and I can love those who don’t believe, but the more I follow God’s path, the more likely for those around me to follow too. That’s all I can control.
One of my co-workers, who I really love chatting with, revealed to me that he's not a believer. I have another friend, who I've always known is not a beliver, but I've always accepted that about her.... until just recently due to other circumstances, and now that friendship has ended.
My step-son is coming for Christmas, and I'm delighted. I was on his FB page looking at his "likes" to help myself find him a Christmas gift. I noticed that under religion he put, "Anti-Theism." I looked it up and my heart sunk. He's never told us that he thinks our belief in God is doing us harm, and I never hear him telling other people that they should not believe. I'm wondering if he's more agnostic or closer to an athesit. Not that that makes me feel any better, but to actually claim to be a person who thinks religion is BAD for humanity is scary. I mean, my step-son is a pretty good guy. He has a good work ethic even though he chose not to go to college. He loves his family, and loves his little brothers. He's got a few good friends, and they stay out of trouble for the most part. He's a pretty responsible young man. He's not got a direction in life yet... but few 22 year olds do!
I've been a part of my step-son's life since he was 7 years old. He lived with his mother and her boyfriend(s) in PA, while my DH and I live in MD. We visited him once a month, and he'd spend several weeks of the summer with us until he turned 18. My DH's ex was/is a Christian. Her mother is a Christian. My family is Christian, and my DH is a beliver and was baptised right before we got married. We aren't regular church go-ers, but do go occasionally, and would take my step-son too.
I don't know WHERE/WHO/WHEN this young man decided to reject GOD! No, he didn't go to Sunday School regularly, and I will say that one of his mother's boyfriends turned out to be a real monster and is now in jail (not going into detail on that one). Maybe this monster influced my step-son more than we thought.
I love my step-son, and he and I have never really been close, but there's most always been a respect and civility between us. He and his dad have a decent relationship as well. Now that he's older and somewhat on his own, that relationship is getting even closer. I was surprised when he wanted to spend Christmas with us and his little brothers but THANKFUL!!! It's the first time EVER that he's taken the initiative for a visit!
But this Holy time for me has a black mark. I'm not holding back our family prayers. I'm not putting my nativity away. He's coming and he'll be loved and welcomed. I won't preach to him, but I won't hold back my love for God and Jesus either.
I was really bothered by this, and cried with my husband about it Tuesday night. He listened and I am grateful, but I was still upset.
What also threw me for a loop, was when my 8 year old told me that he had trouble with a friend at school, was upset, prayed about it (yes, told me he PRAYED ON THE PLAYGROUND ALL BY HIMSELF!) and then after a while he and the friend and another friend all went inside to draw pictures together! So I had both ends of the religious extreme all in the same afternoon.
I prayed. Just as I was crawling in bed, an image of Jesus came into my head. He was standing in front of hundreds, maybe thousands of people. I suddenly realized that Jesus loved them all, and there probably wasn't a believer in the crowd! He still loved them. He told them about God and Heaven. Some followed, but some did not... but he still loved them.
Somehow I found peace. My step-son is 22, and not a day will go by when I won't hope that it'll be the day he'll find our Lord. But that doesn't mean I can't still give him my love. I just can't bear the thought of being a Christian and following God, knowing that I should be wary of those who don't believe... when one of them is my own step-son. It was tearing me up. Then I got the image of Jesus and the crowd, and I hope I'm interpreting it correctly.
^^^I'm a RidgeRunner, and will always feel best when surrounded by the PA mountains.^^^
www.lastlapgang.com |
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Fiddlehead Farm
True Blue Farmgirl
4562 Posts
Diane
Waupaca
WI
USA
4562 Posts |
Posted - Dec 20 2012 : 07:16:07 AM
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We all have to find God in our own way and time. Prayers out to you and your Step-Son.
http://studiodiphotosite.shutterfly.com/
farmgirl sister #922
I am trying to be the person my dogs think I am.
I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult.
- E. B. White |
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Joey
True Blue Farmgirl
1868 Posts
Joey
Gulf Coast
FL
USA
1868 Posts |
Posted - Dec 20 2012 : 08:16:45 AM
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Oh Diane, what a hard space you are in. The one thing you can always do is pray for him. God works in his own time and in his own way. Your step-son is still figuring out who he is and what he believes. I wouldn't preach but I would ask him what he means by Anti- theism. Maybe he just means he is anti-organized religion and not anti- God. The way I explain things to people who tell me that they have to "see" it is that we don't see the wind but we sure live with the results. He knows your faith and what you all believe and he still chooses to come for the holiday, so I wouldn't do anything different. Celebrate just as you would if he weren't there and love him and let him know that you are all so glad that he came to spend the time with you all.
Sending you hugs and saying prayers that all goes well. Joey
Well behaved women rarely make history. |
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Fiddlehead Farm
True Blue Farmgirl
4562 Posts
Diane
Waupaca
WI
USA
4562 Posts |
Posted - Dec 20 2012 : 12:22:05 PM
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Joey,
I think you meant to write that to Erin.
http://studiodiphotosite.shutterfly.com/
farmgirl sister #922
I am trying to be the person my dogs think I am.
I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult.
- E. B. White |
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britchickny
True Blue Farmgirl
1048 Posts
Angie
Port Orange
Florida
1048 Posts |
Posted - Dec 20 2012 : 4:21:47 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by MtnGrlByTheBay
Over the past few days, what with the horrid deal in CT, the holidays, and lots of religious/political conversations with people, I've suddenly been faced with several non-believers... one of whom is my own step-son. I'm having a HARD time dealing with this.
My DH and I share posting to a family blog, and here's what I logged the other day:
quote:
...Plus, the best Christmas gift we are getting this year is [stepson]. He is coming late Friday night, and will stay through Christmas morning. That is a wonderful blessing that we couldn’t be more thankful for!
So we go into Christmas full of spirit. My faith in God has been tested over the past few days. I’ve done a lot of praying. I’ve prayed for the families in Connecticut. I’ve leaned on God, not for answers, but for strength and acceptance. Strength to be there for anyone who wants to talk about it. Acceptance that only God knows the answer to “WHY?” It is only though my acceptance of His plan and my faith in His will that allows me to handle sadness during a time intended for peace and generosity.
I’ve been tested with non-believers during this Holy time as well. I get so sad when I know there are people out there who ask kids to believe in Santa, but refrain from showing them a belief in God. Some people claim they have to “see to believe.” I think you just can’t “see” anything until you open your “eyes.” I have to remind myself that Jesus was tested by non-believers too. He loved them. He led them to God. He didn’t control them or force them to believe, but he simply told them about our heavenly Father. He modeled how God wants his creations to flourish. I will follow Jesus, and be confident and strong in my faith. I can love Christians, and I can love those who don’t believe, but the more I follow God’s path, the more likely for those around me to follow too. That’s all I can control.
One of my co-workers, who I really love chatting with, revealed to me that he's not a believer. I have another friend, who I've always known is not a beliver, but I've always accepted that about her.... until just recently due to other circumstances, and now that friendship has ended.
My step-son is coming for Christmas, and I'm delighted. I was on his FB page looking at his "likes" to help myself find him a Christmas gift. I noticed that under religion he put, "Anti-Theism." I looked it up and my heart sunk. He's never told us that he thinks our belief in God is doing us harm, and I never hear him telling other people that they should not believe. I'm wondering if he's more agnostic or closer to an athesit. Not that that makes me feel any better, but to actually claim to be a person who thinks religion is BAD for humanity is scary. I mean, my step-son is a pretty good guy. He has a good work ethic even though he chose not to go to college. He loves his family, and loves his little brothers. He's got a few good friends, and they stay out of trouble for the most part. He's a pretty responsible young man. He's not got a direction in life yet... but few 22 year olds do!
I've been a part of my step-son's life since he was 7 years old. He lived with his mother and her boyfriend(s) in PA, while my DH and I live in MD. We visited him once a month, and he'd spend several weeks of the summer with us until he turned 18. My DH's ex was/is a Christian. Her mother is a Christian. My family is Christian, and my DH is a beliver and was baptised right before we got married. We aren't regular church go-ers, but do go occasionally, and would take my step-son too.
I don't know WHERE/WHO/WHEN this young man decided to reject GOD! No, he didn't go to Sunday School regularly, and I will say that one of his mother's boyfriends turned out to be a real monster and is now in jail (not going into detail on that one). Maybe this monster influced my step-son more than we thought.
I love my step-son, and he and I have never really been close, but there's most always been a respect and civility between us. He and his dad have a decent relationship as well. Now that he's older and somewhat on his own, that relationship is getting even closer. I was surprised when he wanted to spend Christmas with us and his little brothers but THANKFUL!!! It's the first time EVER that he's taken the initiative for a visit!
But this Holy time for me has a black mark. I'm not holding back our family prayers. I'm not putting my nativity away. He's coming and he'll be loved and welcomed. I won't preach to him, but I won't hold back my love for God and Jesus either.
I was really bothered by this, and cried with my husband about it Tuesday night. He listened and I am grateful, but I was still upset.
What also threw me for a loop, was when my 8 year old told me that he had trouble with a friend at school, was upset, prayed about it (yes, told me he PRAYED ON THE PLAYGROUND ALL BY HIMSELF!) and then after a while he and the friend and another friend all went inside to draw pictures together! So I had both ends of the religious extreme all in the same afternoon.
I prayed. Just as I was crawling in bed, an image of Jesus came into my head. He was standing in front of hundreds, maybe thousands of people. I suddenly realized that Jesus loved them all, and there probably wasn't a believer in the crowd! He still loved them. He told them about God and Heaven. Some followed, but some did not... but he still loved them.
Somehow I found peace. My step-son is 22, and not a day will go by when I won't hope that it'll be the day he'll find our Lord. But that doesn't mean I can't still give him my love. I just can't bear the thought of being a Christian and following God, knowing that I should be wary of those who don't believe... when one of them is my own step-son. It was tearing me up. Then I got the image of Jesus and the crowd, and I hope I'm interpreting it correctly.
^^^I'm a RidgeRunner, and will always feel best when surrounded by the PA mountains.^^^
www.lastlapgang.com
Erin, i sent you an e-mail. 
ANGIE
"Mercy, peace and love be yours in abundance" JUDE 1:2
http://www.pinkroomponderings.blogspot.com/
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Joey
True Blue Farmgirl
1868 Posts
Joey
Gulf Coast
FL
USA
1868 Posts |
Posted - Dec 20 2012 : 7:18:02 PM
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Well, of sourse! Erin,I meant my words for you. Thinking of youandsaying prayers for your step-sons visit. Joey
Well behaved women rarely make history. |
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kysheeplady
True Blue Farmgirl
1291 Posts
Teri
KY
USA
1291 Posts |
Posted - Dec 21 2012 : 02:45:32 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by MtnGrlByTheBay
I prayed. Just as I was crawling in bed, an image of Jesus came into my head. He was standing in front of hundreds, maybe thousands of people. I suddenly realized that Jesus loved them all, and there probably wasn't a believer in the crowd! He still loved them. He told them about God and Heaven. Some followed, but some did not... but he still loved them.
please reread your own words, and maybe that will help ...
we are all given free will ... but the choice is ours to make.
All you can do is pray for him ...
Merry Christmas
Teri
"There are black sheep in every flock"
White Sheep Farm
www.whitesheepfarm.com |
Edited by - kysheeplady on Dec 21 2012 2:14:54 PM |
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darlenelovesart
True Blue Farmgirl
7625 Posts
darlene
Loleta
California
USA
7625 Posts |
Posted - Dec 21 2012 : 10:28:53 PM
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My prayers are going up for you Erin, Keep strong in your faith, There is a lot of evil out there that would prefer to keep you from believing and he is fighting your faith.
take care.
darlene
I have learned that to have a good friend is the purest of all God's gifts, for it is a love that has no exchange of payment.
by Frances Farmer |
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Dec 22 2012 : 9:09:07 PM
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I will pray, too, Erin. Just remember our prayers never return void. In his time, and in His time, sister... You never know what He has in store for him, but you can trust that He is working behind the scenes to gently guide him into the fold. Sometimes we sew, sometimes we reap, sometimes we water, but we're always meant to be salt and light. Sometimes a silent witness by the way we live speaks volumes more than words ever could. Just keep loving him, keep trusting in Him, and keep the faith! God will make a way, when there seems to be no way, and your prayers will lead the way! Hugs - Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
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Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - Dec 22 2012 : 9:13:07 PM
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Nini, your faith touches and soothes my soul! I love to read your postings concerning faith! Hugs.
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
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MtnGrlByTheBay
True Blue Farmgirl
171 Posts
Erin
Lexington Park
MD
USA
171 Posts |
Posted - Dec 26 2012 : 06:23:37 AM
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Thank you all. I really appreciate your thoughts, given out to me, a stranger.
My step-son came earlier than expected on Friday afternoon. It was wonderful to see him, and his two little brothers literally jumped into his arms.
Our Christmas was very nice. It seems my step-son is growing up. He's passed the "Gotta be cool" phase, and now is a good sport about being silly for his brothers, donning socks with jingle bells, helping tie shoes, and showing love.
Grant it, he's still reserved with me. He gravitates to his dad for company over me, but I'm fine with that. Funny, though.... he told us he'd gotten gifts for his little brothers, but didn't have extra money to get us gifts. Of course, we were fine with that, and mentioned that the tank(s) of gas he put in his car to come south, were the best gift he could give us both!. Still... he and his dad were at Lowe's on Saturday, and my step-son noticed a book about chickens. He told his dad that'd be a good gift for me (since I've hane had chickens since July, and love it!). My DH says, "You're right, how about I pay for it and you give it to her?" At that point, he takes it out of DH's hands, and says, "No, I'll get it for her!" So that was a little "behind the scenes" story, that meant a lot to me - and to my DH. Like I said before, he's always been civil to me, but there's really never been a total comfort level between us. I just treasured his thoughtfullness... and I LOVE THE BOOK!
So, it really was a nice Christmas. I tried to find the right moment to ask my step-son about his choice of "anti-theism." I just never did. I was afraid to spoil a good thing. I was worried, that he'd get mad and sullen, and withdraw, and I just didn't want to take the risk. DH, however, did find a moment with my step-son, after I'd gone to bed. He did ask him about it, and even though thier conversation was brief, my step-son claimed that he didn't fault us for having our faith. That is good, because if he truly practiced as an anti-theist, he'd find fault with us for reading a story about the nativity to his little brothers. He wouldn't have bowed his head and closed his eyes while we prayed before our dinners, thanking God for his blessings. I don't think he would have shared in the gift-giving either. But he did. So, like many of you have said, I think he might just be finding his way. Ironic, how if he'd just open himself up to God, God would show him the way! I think he's just afraid to believe. I know he feels he controls little in his life, and maybe this is just one of those things, he feels freedom in. If anything, he's probably more agnostic than anything. That's doesn't find favor in my heart either.... but at least it's not as extreme as being a true anti-theist.
My step-son returned to PA around 1:00 yesterday so he could go to his mom's for Christmas dinner. I think I'll let a little time go by, as we're still smiling from the Christmas bonds that were made stronger over these past few days. However, I think I'll soon send my step-son an email. I'll word it the best I can, as to be sensitive to his proclimation, but to just tell him, that he might want to do a little more theological research. Like we all know, I can't change my step-son. Then again, I don't think I can be a silent witness for much longer either.
All in all, your words, thoughts, and prayers went deep into my heart. I told my DH about it all too, and he is gracious as well. I'm so thankful to him for his support in our Faith.
Merry Christmas,
Erin
^^^I'm a RidgeRunner, and will always feel best when surrounded by the PA mountains.^^^
www.lastlapgang.com |
Edited by - MtnGrlByTheBay on Dec 26 2012 06:29:11 AM |
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Joey
True Blue Farmgirl
1868 Posts
Joey
Gulf Coast
FL
USA
1868 Posts |
Posted - Dec 26 2012 : 6:35:51 PM
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I am so glad you had a good visit. Sounds like it all went well. Give him some time and keep us posted. Will continue to offer up prayers. Joey
Well behaved women rarely make history. |
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MtnGrlByTheBay
True Blue Farmgirl
171 Posts
Erin
Lexington Park
MD
USA
171 Posts |
Posted - Jan 29 2013 : 12:34:12 PM
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On man... this is just kinda freaky. Just yesterday, I unsubscribed to this post. I wanted to put it to rest, because I'd made peace with loving my Step-Son even though he wasn't a believer. But I don't think God wanted me to "put it to rest" just yet...
So, last night, my DH was reading our local paper, and as I was getting my younger boys to bed and bustling around, he said - with paper in hand - I know you don't want to right now, but you've got to read this article about "nones" as in "non-believers." He went on to say how the people in the article were much like [step-son]. He even went so much as to fold up that section of the paper and put it in my purse so I could take it to work with me.
This morning, I was doing a software build, and sometimes there are several minutes that pass by where you don't do anything but watch for errors. So, I read the article.
My DH called to see if I wanted to go out to lunch. I agreed, and mentioned that I'd just read the article and I agreed with him about what he said about [step-son]. I also said that it made me sad. We were both curious what [step-son] might think if he read the article.
So, while I was away from my desk and had no access to email, my DH found the online link to the article and sent it to [step-son]. Here it is: http://www.somdnews.com/article/20130125/NEWS/130129456/1044/-x2018-nones-x2019-on-the-rise-not-on-the-run&template=southernMaryland
It opened up several RESPECTFUL emails amongst the three of us later this afternoon. I won't go into detail about what all was shared. However, it does seem that [step-son] is close to admitting that he's not really an "anti-theist." He totally respects those who DO belive, even though he's not a beliver himself. So though that still hurts my heart, I find hope in it, that God will someday be a part of my step-son's heart.
I even told him all about my hidden feelings at Christmas, and even (gingerly) told him about my image of Jesus. It wasn't as good as talking face to face about all this, but at least the conversational door was opened via email, so I didn't hold back.
[Step-son] has yet to respond to my revealed feelings, and if he doesn't that's okay (plus, he's probably busy with work too). I am just glad to have shared how conflicted I was with him, and how I found strength in my belief through prayer and faith. I made sure to mention that I would love him no matter what. His thoughts and opinions are his own, and I won't criticize, preach, or find fault with what he believes. But I told him that I would still pray for him.
I just find it so beautiful, that GOD IS IN MY LIFE. I feel Him, and I know He hears my prayers, even if he doesn't always answer them the way I might expect him too.
We are busy, full-time, working parents. Sometimes the local paper just comes in from the mailbox, sits on the coffee table unfolded, and then goes right in the recycle bin (or the fireplace). God made sure we weren't too busy to read the paper today.
^^^I'm a RidgeRunner, and will always feel best when surrounded by the PA mountains.^^^
www.lastlapgang.com |
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darlenelovesart
True Blue Farmgirl
7625 Posts
darlene
Loleta
California
USA
7625 Posts |
Posted - Jan 29 2013 : 7:25:58 PM
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Oh Erin
God is surely finding a way for you all so it can work out. It will probably take time but is sounds like it is on its way and your step-son is getting more ready...Time will tell.
I am glad you both read the paper today. I will keep praying about this as I know everyone else will too. Take care and God Bless all of you.
How awesome is God, He always finds a way! Keep in touch ok.
love and hugs
darlene
I have learned that to have a good friend is the purest of all God's gifts, for it is a love that has no exchange of payment.
by Frances Farmer
I trust in you Jesus... |
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britchickny
True Blue Farmgirl
1048 Posts
Angie
Port Orange
Florida
1048 Posts |
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MtnGrlByTheBay
True Blue Farmgirl
171 Posts
Erin
Lexington Park
MD
USA
171 Posts |
Posted - Jan 30 2013 : 06:44:15 AM
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Well, his first response was [paraphrased], "that's intense, don't fret about it, I love you." But... then later I get the, "I don't preach to you, so don't preach to me... ever... again." So maybe it's a toss up, but I'm still glad the exchange occured. My DH was sorry that he "created a rift" but I told him it wasn't a rift, it was a door. Sometimes when you open a door a few feathers get ruffled. I'm still at peace with it all, and don't have any regrets. If my personal experience sounded like a sermon (and really, ANY discussion involving Jesus and God to an "anti-theist" WOULD sound preachy), then so be it. He's 23... I'm sure it didn't hurt him any.
^^^I'm a RidgeRunner, and will always feel best when surrounded by the PA mountains.^^^
www.lastlapgang.com |
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darlenelovesart
True Blue Farmgirl
7625 Posts
darlene
Loleta
California
USA
7625 Posts |
Posted - Jan 31 2013 : 9:38:49 PM
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No it didn't hurt him any, what it probably did is put everything in his mind to mull around in it and it will probably be there a while whether he wants it there or not. God has a way of working things out...Anyway he knows you both love him very much to care that much.
Take care and Blessings to you all.
darlene
I have learned that to have a good friend is the purest of all God's gifts, for it is a love that has no exchange of payment.
by Frances Farmer
I trust in you Jesus... |
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traildancer
True Blue Farmgirl
485 Posts
Loyce
Glide
OR
USA
485 Posts |
Posted - Feb 01 2013 : 09:54:48 AM
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That is awesome. What an encouragement to you.
The trail is the thing.... Louis L'Amour |
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Hogs & Quiches & Prayers Round-up: Faith Challenged - just need to share |
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Faith Challenged - just need to share
