| Author |
Family Matters:  Sometimes I just don't understand....  |
|
|
GirlwithHook
True Blue Farmgirl
922 Posts
Alyce
Madison
WI
USA
922 Posts |
 Posted - Nov 30 2012 : 2:34:56 PM
|
Okay, so I thought my MIL and I had finally buried the hatchet. Now, not so sure.
As I think I have mentioned, Ric used to be a real wild child. He would party until all hours seven nights a week, and apparently his mother never said one word about the way he blew through money.
Well. Now he is settled down, and he has finally decided we should grow my business so that I can either cut back to part-time hours or work entirely from home. Great, right?
Apparently, not much. MIL is upset about the amount of sewing/crocheting supplies we have purchased lately. I got a very sad-sounding email from her about his weight gain (seriously? The man is 6'4" and weighed 100 lbs before I came along!). She is upset about him staying up late and not exercising (okay, I agree with her there). And, then a big long paragraph about money.
Sheesh. And Ric wonders why I would like to take over the bill-paying.
The good news, this is great motivation to sell some designs!
A hook, a book, and a good cup of coffee.... |
|
|
buzzn bee
True Blue Farmgirl
1061 Posts
Deborah
Muncie
Indiana
USA
1061 Posts |
Posted - Nov 30 2012 : 4:03:29 PM
|
Alyce,
Aw, please don't let your MIL get you down. You hold on to your business dream and you see it through. Your hubby sounds like he
is very supportive and encouraging. Hold to that! It saddens me
how some people try to tear others down. Maybe there is some hidden
jealousy there on your MIL part. Maybe you could invite her in to your
dream and let her be a small part.
Whenever she is positvie about something, lavish her with love,
and when she is not, still lavish her with love, but you walk away
to another room without stooping to her level. Soon she will see
that she needs to get over herself and be grateful that she has
a wonderful son and daughter-in-law.
She sounds as though she is bitter about something in her life, and
I am betting it has nothing to do with you.
About a year ago, I had to have emergency heart surgery, as I was lying on the operating table waiting for the anestheseologist to put me to sleep, interestingly enough did not find myself thinking of my family, I knew they would be okay. I started to quickly think about my life and all of my dreams I had tucked away because of somone else's influence. I made a vow right then and there to God that if I
survived I would pull those dreams out of the drawer (the weak side of my brain) LOL! and I would see them through. He gave us our talents and our ability to create. Those are special gifts that he blessed us with. He gives everyone special gifts. Look around..How many people can you identify that cannot do what you can do, and how many of those folks are doing things that you cannot? My point being, he blessed you with your creative ability. Remember he knows us better that we know ourselves. He laid your business dream on your heart. He knows you will make it happen.God also knows that your talents and creativeness are used to bless others. So dear farmsister, hold on tight to his hand and reach for your star. He put it there for you, should you walk away from it, He very well may take it away and pass it on to someone else. He trusted you with the gift he gave you. Please, do not wait until someday you are lying in a hospital bed with thoughts of Why did I not do this. The time is now! So be bold but loving in your journey to a pathway of a dream fullfilled and a successful business.
I apologize for writing a journal, but your posting struck a chord within my heart. I will pray for your MIL and also for you and your darling Ric. Girlfriend, hold on tight..You are about to soar.. I just feel it!
Good Luck and may God bless you on this wonderful new journey.
Debbie H
Buzzn Bee
|
 |
|
|
GirlwithHook
True Blue Farmgirl
922 Posts
Alyce
Madison
WI
USA
922 Posts |
Posted - Dec 04 2012 : 07:36:43 AM
|
Debbie,
Thank you. I have had this post open for days, reading and memorizing every word. Yes, MIL has several things in her past that would make anyone bitter. I will do that--lavish her with love--because I think she needs it.
I would be afraid to get her involved in my designs though, even though she makes lovely mixed-media pieces. She would try to control it all!
--Alyce
A hook, a book, and a good cup of coffee.... |
|
|
|
buzzn bee
True Blue Farmgirl
1061 Posts
Deborah
Muncie
Indiana
USA
1061 Posts |
Posted - Dec 04 2012 : 09:45:48 AM
|
Alyce,
Hang in their friend. Maybe you could encourage her to start her own little business. This way she would be involved in her business and not yours. It doesn't have to be anything lavish, just something to keep her busy and make her feel good about herself.
Keep me posted. I will continue to pray for you and your family.
Bless you sweetie!
Debbie H.
Buzzn Bee |
|
|
|
SarahJ
True Blue Farmgirl
198 Posts
Shreveport
Louisiana
198 Posts |
Posted - Dec 05 2012 : 06:06:58 AM
|
It's time to stop the info train. The reason she thinks she is a third party in your marriage is that she is given a constant stream of information that is none of her business. Your MIL can't comment on things about which she does not know. There is no reason she needs to know anything about your finances. If both you and your husband stop oversharing, it will help. When she does comment, a simple "we've got it covered, thanks" delivered EVERY single time she offers unsolicited advice/commentary will help stop her in her tracks. Engaging in a dialogue only encourages her perception that she has a say in these matters. Don't justify, argue, defend, or engage..."we've got it covered" or "that's not your concern" and immediately change the subject. If she persists, end the conversation. Eventually, she'll get the message.
SarahJ
Farmgirl Sister #116
http://bayoumama.wordpress.com/ |
|
|
|
GirlwithHook
True Blue Farmgirl
922 Posts
Alyce
Madison
WI
USA
922 Posts |
Posted - Dec 05 2012 : 09:30:46 AM
|
Sound advice...the only problem is that she has access to the accounts and bills (long story). I have tried to change this to no avail. Ugh.
It gets worse...I may start a new post because I badly need advice. 
A hook, a book, and a good cup of coffee.... |
|
|
|
Katlady93
True Blue Farmgirl
361 Posts
Charlotte
Denmark
SC
USA
361 Posts |
Posted - Dec 05 2012 : 10:02:04 AM
|
i ran into the same problem when we got married, except it was the SILs that caused the problem. ever time one of them asked for info i didn't think they needed, i asked "why do you need to know that?" they never did stop asking, because DH would answer if i wasn't around. he keep trying to get us to be friends. SIGH after awhile i realized it was jealousy because we were so much in love. and both of them were in bad relationships. helped a little. then when his sister told him i wasn't to attend the FILs funeral because she didn't want me there he saw it as well. sad way to find out the truth of people.
Some dreams are worth the risk it takes to make them real.
Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footsteps on the moon. |
|
|
|
GirlwithHook
True Blue Farmgirl
922 Posts
Alyce
Madison
WI
USA
922 Posts |
Posted - Dec 05 2012 : 10:21:16 AM
|
Oh no... I hope they have come around since then?
A hook, a book, and a good cup of coffee.... |
|
|
|
SusanScarlet
True Blue Farmgirl
317 Posts
317 Posts |
Posted - Dec 05 2012 : 1:32:17 PM
|
| SarahJ's advice is right on. And it would help to get MIL's name off every account/bill. Do whatever it takes to become independent financially from MIL -- just you and your husband should be on accounts/bills. |
|
|
|
GirlwithHook
True Blue Farmgirl
922 Posts
Alyce
Madison
WI
USA
922 Posts |
Posted - Dec 05 2012 : 3:20:29 PM
|
I have tried, but she refuses to budge. Ric is afraid to push it because he is bad with money (even though I am quite good with it).
A hook, a book, and a good cup of coffee.... |
|
|
|
brightmeadow
True Blue Farmgirl
2045 Posts
Brenda
Lucas
Ohio
USA
2045 Posts |
Posted - Dec 05 2012 : 6:48:25 PM
|
Why are you with Ric? He's bad with money, he's a momma's boy, he's suicidal and trying to draw you into it and blame you for it, -- what is the positive that keeps you with him? I don't get it.
He loves you more than he loves his mother? He doesn't party any more? He's a man? He is somebody rather than nobody?
There is nothing stopping you from setting up a checking account in your own name only. I recommend you do that. Even if only $10 to start- and do it in a credit union that will not charge you fees. You will eventually need to have credit in your own name. A gas card account that you pay off monthly is a good bet. It will establish credit and is not something you do not have to buy anyway.
You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands - You shall be happy and it shall be well with you. -Psalm 128.2
Visit my blogs at http://brightmeadowfarms.blogspot.com (farming) http://brightmeadowknits.blogspot.com (knitting) or my homepage at http://home.earthlink.net/~brightmeadow |
|
|
|
Katlady93
True Blue Farmgirl
361 Posts
Charlotte
Denmark
SC
USA
361 Posts |
Posted - Dec 05 2012 : 7:09:59 PM
|
while i agree with Brenda, start developing your own financial identity. you have to take care of you. and you need to start doing that as soon as you can. like now. and try not to get drawn into the power plays. He is as much of a control freak as your MiL.
good luck to you.
and no they never did come around. we have lived in WI 8 years and they called about a dozen times either when they want something or someone passes.
Some dreams are worth the risk it takes to make them real.
Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footsteps on the moon. |
|
|
|
Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - Dec 08 2012 : 9:19:28 PM
|
Alyce, as I read your responses to the girls, I hear that you are ready to try a different approach. At least you are trying. Hang in there. One of my favorite quotes is: "This above all: to thine own self be true, " Mr. William Shakespeare (Hamlet). Don't loose your self because of the MIL. Stand tall, stand firm, speak out if you have to. Hugs to you.
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
|
|
|
kysheeplady
True Blue Farmgirl
1291 Posts
Teri
KY
USA
1291 Posts |
Posted - Dec 09 2012 : 02:58:31 AM
|
Okay ... I just read this, and unless you are between the age of birth -18 years old, your MIL does NOT need to be in your finances, unless there is a BIG part of this story that is NOT being told.
Which, I am guessing to be the case. Was she in CHARGE of him before you came into the picture, because he was what? Does he work for his own money? Does he get a government check? Did someone leave him a few miilion and she is the care taker of it .... I guess if you are willing to tell the whole story, people could understand and help. If not I guess you will just get random answers.
Good luck tho!
Teri
"There are black sheep in every flock"
White Sheep Farm
www.whitesheepfarm.com |
|
|
|
GirlwithHook
True Blue Farmgirl
922 Posts
Alyce
Madison
WI
USA
922 Posts |
Posted - Dec 13 2012 : 06:31:49 AM
|
Marly: so true. More on that in a minute.
Teri: Ric has PTSD from an accident. He turned his finances over to his mother--a retired bank CEO--because he did not trust himself not to do something stupid.
A hook, a book, and a good cup of coffee.... |
|
|
|
Rosemary
True Blue Farmgirl
1825 Posts
Virginia
USA
1825 Posts |
Posted - Dec 15 2012 : 2:37:37 PM
|
| ALyce, dear, he *did* something stupid. He turned his life over to a woman who is strangling him with the Umbilical Cord from Hell. If he turned his finances over to her, he can take them back. Just call all the creditors and change the mailing address to that P.O. box I want you to get. Then you take over. You may not be a retired bank CEO, but you have something that makes you even more qualified for this job: a marriage license. |
Edited by - Rosemary on Dec 28 2012 2:53:56 PM |
|
|
|
queenmushroom
True Blue Farmgirl
985 Posts
Lorena
Centerville
Me
USA
985 Posts |
Posted - Dec 24 2012 : 02:32:11 AM
|
Set up an account with just you and your dhhs name. Withdraw enough money to keep the account open that has mils name on it and let it idle for a year.let the bank close it out for inactivity. Set up a business account with your name on it alone.
Patience is worth a bushel of brains...from a chinese fortune cookie |
|
|
| |
Family Matters: Sometimes I just don't understand.... |
|
Sometimes I just don't understand....
