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Family Matters:  My Dad & Dementia  |
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Annika
True Blue Farmgirl
5602 Posts
Annika
USA
5602 Posts |
 Posted - Nov 04 2012 : 04:33:59 AM
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just this autumn, my dad has begun to forget if he's eaten of not, has forgotten to do basic care for himself, get up in the night and wander around the yard looking for my mom who has been gone now since '96, not be able to tell if its early morning or evening and now forget to turn the water off in the bathroom and flooded part of his house. My dad is such a terribly intelligent man that this is the hardest blow of all for him and he's violently demanding that we stop making this all up. It's awful watching this happen to him. My sister and I are all that is left in the western US to handle this, my brother who had suffered brain damage early in life needing our care as well.
I've been making treks back and forth to Seattle, but right now the main burden of it is falling to my poor sister. We are trying to learn all that we can about dementia and how we can help him the most, but we are both still unbalanced by his rapid decline. His denial is making all the more difficult. Sorry for my early morning rambling, but I just needed to write this out someplace.
Dementia is a horrible thing to happen and for the sake of all of our families, we need to pay attention to our elder ones to try to catch this early. Learning this on the fly is a real challenge due to his rapid slide.
Thanks for "listening"
Annika
Farmgirl & sister #13
http://thegimpyfarmgirl.blogspot.com/
http://pinterest.com/annikaloveshats/
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craftingram
True Blue Farmgirl
528 Posts
Karin
Nashville
In
USA
528 Posts |
Posted - Nov 04 2012 : 04:47:16 AM
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Annika, I'm so sorry to hear about your father's decline. Dementia is such a difficult thing to deal with, not the least of which is watching this beloved person disappearing before your eyes. Keeping you and your sister and father in prayer, and hoping you will be able to find the information and help you need to care for him.
Karin
Farmgirl Sister #2708
Romans 8: 38,39 |
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nut4fabric
True Blue Farmgirl
885 Posts
Kathy
Morgan Hill
CA
USA
885 Posts |
Posted - Nov 04 2012 : 07:21:58 AM
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Annika Have you taken him to a doctor yet? My FIL was having very similar issues and they thought dementia and it was a brain tumor. Usually dementia is slower coming on this is why I am asking.
Kathy |
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YakLady
True Blue Farmgirl
652 Posts
Natalie
Montana
USA
652 Posts |
Posted - Nov 04 2012 : 11:16:33 AM
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So sorry to hear about your father, Annika. I worked in a secure Memory Care unit in a nursing home, and it is tough to watch, especially with someone you love dearly. I hope you are able to find some help for him.
~Hen 4316~ Just a farmgirl in Western Montana.
Starting a family and raising up a small ranch using natural resources.
www.mydoterra.com/thurman |
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Annika
True Blue Farmgirl
5602 Posts
Annika
USA
5602 Posts |
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prariehawk
True Blue Farmgirl
2914 Posts
Cindy
2914 Posts |
Posted - Nov 04 2012 : 3:28:01 PM
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My dad is suffering from dementia and asks the same questions over and over. Just recently he said something that upset my aunt (his sister-in-law) and now she won't speak to him. He doesn't even remember what he said that upset her. People don't understand what it can do to a person. My dad is taking a medication that is supposed to slow down the process; I can't tell if it's helping or not. Just continue to do what you can for your father. I will be praying for you.
Cindy
"Vast floods can't quench love, no matter what love did/ Rivers can't drown love, no matter where love's hid"--Sinead O'Connor
"In many ways, you don't just live in the country, it lives inside you"--Ellen Eilers
Visit my blog at http://www.farmerinthebelle.blogspot.com/ |
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Joey
True Blue Farmgirl
1868 Posts
Joey
Gulf Coast
FL
USA
1868 Posts |
Posted - Nov 04 2012 : 6:56:28 PM
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Annika, sending prayers and hugs to you all. THis is a difficult disease. It took my Dad 2 years to die from this and many times I thought I would lose my mind in the process. Please know that you can e-mail me whenever you want to talk. Maybe I can help with some info too. I am so sorry that this is happening to you all. My thoughts are with you and I am holding you and Kathy and your Dad close to my heart. Joey
Well behaved women rarely make history. |
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ClaireSky
True Blue Farmgirl
1792 Posts
Julie
Arcadia
WI
USA
1792 Posts |
Posted - Nov 05 2012 : 06:43:17 AM
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Prayers are being sent your way!
Julie
Farmgirl Sister #399
Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful. |
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Annika
True Blue Farmgirl
5602 Posts
Annika
USA
5602 Posts |
Posted - Nov 05 2012 : 08:27:23 AM
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Thank you all for your kindness and prayers and I send them back to all of you. Cindy, Joey and Kathy I'm so sorry that you have gone/are going through this. it is the hardest thing to bear. watching some one that you have always turned to for wisdom and advice, slowly losing their grip on reality. We always expect on some level for our parents to always be there and while it's terrible for one of them to pass away suddenly or from illness, losing one slowly is agony. Please feel free to send messages or emails to me and I will be glad to extend comfort and comradery.
Love and hugs
Annika
Farmgirl & sister #13
http://thegimpyfarmgirl.blogspot.com/
http://pinterest.com/annikaloveshats/
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GirlwithHook
True Blue Farmgirl
922 Posts
Alyce
Madison
WI
USA
922 Posts |
Posted - Nov 05 2012 : 11:41:28 AM
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Praying for you, hon.
A hook, a book, and a good cup of coffee.... |
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Nov 05 2012 : 12:23:02 PM
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Annika and Cindy, I'm so sorry your Dads and families are going through this, and I feel deeply for those of you who have already come through it. It's so hard, I know. There is a wonderful book called, "The 36-Hour Day" that really gives you insight as to what is going on with the patient and how caregivers and loved ones can cope. The book prepares you and helps you keep on an even keel when your life feels like it's nothing but a big, miserable storm. It really helped me keep my sanity when we were going through this with my grandparents. It's SUCH a heartwrenching thing to experience, and this book really helps a lot. There is another one, too, that I recently bought for a friend of mine going through this with her mother, but I cannot for the life of me remember its name. I'll try to find out for you. Stay strong, love wholeheartedly, listen carefully, follow your intuition, and, most of all, please remember that you all really need to take care of yourselves first and foremost. I will be praying for all of you. Hugs - Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
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Edited by - Ninibini on Nov 05 2012 12:26:54 PM |
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laurentany
True Blue Farmgirl
3259 Posts
Laurie
Patchogue
NY
USA
3259 Posts |
Posted - Nov 05 2012 : 12:57:52 PM
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Annika,I am sending love and prayers for strenght and understanding your way. What a terrible disease, so difficult to witness.
I am so sorry that you are going through this.
I will most certainly keep you and your family in my prayers.
If there is anything that I (we) can do for you- we are here.
Hugs,
~Laurie
"Little Hen House on the Island"
Farmgirl Sister#1403
View my New Blog:
http://simplesuburbanpleasures.blogspot.com
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.. |
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Joey
True Blue Farmgirl
1868 Posts
Joey
Gulf Coast
FL
USA
1868 Posts |
Posted - Nov 05 2012 : 2:06:04 PM
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THe 36 hr day book is wonderful and very helpful. Joey
Well behaved women rarely make history. |
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Annab
True Blue Farmgirl
2900 Posts
Anna
Seagrove
NC
USA
2900 Posts |
Posted - Nov 06 2012 : 03:55:58 AM
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So very sorry to hear this.
It's my worst fear for each one of my parents.
Thank goodness thay are making arrangements while still of sound mind so brother and I won't have to "put" them somewhere.
Prayers are with you for your dad and for strength to endure for you and your sister.
Is there any way you can call in home care, assisted living or start making moves to get him into a safer situation? It's tough to do, and he'll fight it, but better in the long run. |
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rough start farmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
3331 Posts
marianne
The Beautiful Pacific NW
Washington State
USA
3331 Posts |
Posted - Nov 06 2012 : 05:53:22 AM
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Annika, I am so saddened to hear of your problems. My prayers go to you and your sister. I hope you can make a choice that will help you find peace. It must be heartbreaking to lose you dad a bit at a time.
Marianne |
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hialtfarmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
72 Posts
Terri
WA.
USA
72 Posts |
Posted - Nov 20 2012 : 03:47:18 AM
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Your right Annka, it is a horrible thing, I dread the time when my parents be overcome with this thing...
"LOVING" life at 4000 feet..."LOVE" is a very splendid thing... |
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walkinwalkoutcattle
True Blue Farmgirl
1675 Posts
Megan
Paint Lick
KY
USA
1675 Posts |
Posted - Dec 12 2012 : 7:22:17 PM
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:( Annika I am so sorry. My grandmother has dementia as well, and it's hard to watch the decline. :( All I can do is offer hugs and support. If you can, find humor in the small things-don't laugh at him, of course, but with him in a way. We take my grandma on little trips around town and she gives us all sorts of wrong directions--we get totally lost but have laughs and an adventure every time!
Farmgirl #2879 :)
Starbucks and sushi to green fried tomatoes and corn pudding-I wouldn't change it for the world.
www.cattleandcupcakes.blogspot.com
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FARMALLChick
True Blue Farmgirl
978 Posts
Lora
Alexandria
IN
USA
978 Posts |
Posted - Dec 18 2012 : 1:16:25 PM
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Annika - I am dealing with this with my Grandpa. You can read about my ordeal in My Hero Broke my heart thread. It's been so hard watching him. He did say something that made me laugh though. I was there on Sunday and he told me "My coffee pot went on strike and won't make coffee." I had to laugh. I cleaned the coffee pot and made him coffee. He asked "What'd you do, pay it more?" I couldn't help but laugh again. He's like a child now. Every now and then he will have lucid moments and we can carry on a real conversation and just that quick he's a child again. Hang in there, we are here for you. It seems to be happening more and more whether it is brain tumors, dementia, alzheimer's or whatever. Maybe someday 'they' will take the veil off what really causes this and let us fix it. Good luck,
Lora
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway" -John Wayne
www.CountryFriedAcres.etsy.com
www.farmallchick.blogspot.com
www.farmallchickphotos.blogspot.com |
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sherrye
True Blue Farmgirl
3775 Posts
sherry
bend in the high desert
oregon
USA
3775 Posts |
Posted - Dec 23 2012 : 07:42:32 AM
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papa and i had my mom for 10 years.it truly can be so tiring. some times your love is just not enough and you need step back and breath. decompress by going out or doing some thing you love. i do want to suggest trying what we did. now i am not trying to discount the seriousness of this. we just learned to add humor. we never knew where mom wanted to go. she would say come on its time to go home. we would ask where her house was. by the description of the house we knew where her mind was living. we would then fashion our conversations with her around that time in her life. she was calmer this way. when she was confused i learned to calm her by living in her time frame not real life. i so hope you can get her seen by a dr. soon. how is her blood pressure? when mom would get confused and restless her b.p. would some times be up too. you two are a fine daughters for caring for your dad. sending hugs sherrye
the learn as we go silk purse farm
farm girl #1014
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Beverley
True Blue Farmgirl
2707 Posts
Beverley
atlanta
Michigan
USA
2707 Posts |
Posted - Jan 04 2013 : 9:33:27 PM
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my suggestion is to get some help to. Do they have any senior help places in your area. We have Commission on aging in our area that will set up times when people will come and clean or just come and sit with them so you can go and do something else. or meals on wheels so they get one good meal a day. look in your phone book or online and see what help you can get locally. We finally had to get my dad into assisted living. They give him his meds everynight and he can go down and eat in a nice dinning room. He did not want to live with any of us cause he said he did not want to be a burden, which we kept telling him he would not be, but it has worked out really nicely and he is happy and we can relax and know he is being looked after. we go and get him a couple of times a week and bring him to my brothers or my daughters for family things and such, and that is good for him, that is all he wants to do. so it has worked for us, that may not be what would work for you but explore all options...
Folks will know how large your soul is by the way you treat a dog....Charles F. Doran
beverley baggett
Beverley with an extra E...
https://sites.google.com/site/bevsdoggies/
http://bevsdoggies.blogspot.com/ |
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Family Matters: My Dad & Dementia |
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My Dad & Dementia
