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Family Matters:  Daughter moved in with baby  |
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Sharon65
Farmgirl in Training
13 Posts
Sharon
Myersville
md`
USA
13 Posts |
 Posted - Oct 08 2012 : 10:39:58 AM
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I'm going to try and make this short. 2 1/2 months ago my 24 year old daughter (from my 1st marriage) moved in with my 10 month old granddaughter. She was in a toxic relationship and has found herself without a vehicle or place to live. She does work as a server in a restaurant but when she transferred to the one up here she does not make the same amount of money.
She is using my car-she does put gas in it; I babysit in the evening so she can work. I also have a 5 year old son (from my present marriage) who is very active. I am no spring chicken at 47, so I am tired at the end of the night.
The problems started with the baby's sleep schedule. I insist that she go to bed by 8 p.m. but my daughter wanted her up later so they both could sleep later in the morning. My son is in bed by 7:30 on school nights.
My husband travels 90 miles a day round trip for work. His car has 110,000 miles on it and mine has 81,000. We have to be very stingy with putting miles on the cars because he is the bread winner and needs a reliable vehicle. She asked me if she could take the car to bring the baby to her aunt's house 45 minutes away and run errands on Tuesday. Reluctantly I said yes, but the aunt would have to bring the baby back on Wed. That is when the temper tantrum happened. "I'll just not go to Germantown on Tuesday!! I'll just call and tell her she can't see the baby!" Apparently my car was going to have do another round trip Wednesday.
Oh boy! I'm afraid I can't take the stress much longer. Any words of encouragement would be helpful. If I'm wrong, I don't mind hearing that either.
Thanks for the shoulders
Sharon |
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Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - Oct 08 2012 : 10:53:50 AM
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I am sorry you are going through this. I will keep you in my prayers. I think you are right in what you ask. It is your house. It is your car. Hugs to you.
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
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momof2jrt
True Blue Farmgirl
194 Posts
Denise
grafton
wv
USA
194 Posts |
Posted - Oct 08 2012 : 10:58:10 AM
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I am so sorry for you..I know you feel like you are stuck between rock and hard spot...You want to help but you cant with the car situation. Plus you feel stressed out. I watch my granddaughter every weekend and sometimes I feel as if she doesnt appreciate it. If I do the least little thing against my daughter she throws a fit..Times are so tough right now..If I can be a shoulder let me know. Denise
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
Posted - Oct 08 2012 : 10:58:48 AM
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Well, she is living in your house. While I know she's your daughter, she is also an adult, and though her circumstances are unfortunate, you were willing to give her a soft spot to land, and as far as I can tell, your house, your rules. I think the wee one should be in bed earlier, just so that everyone can have some peace in the evening, especially since there is a 5 year old in the house that I'm sure, has to get up early, too. She's working--is she contributing around the house at all? Contributing financially? If she wants to drive your car, she needs to also contribute to the maintenance, especially since they are aging automobiles.
I would simply be firm in your wishes. If she doesn't care for the rules, oh well. At some point, hopefully she will be on her own again. I know that sounds harsh, but it's not as if she's a house guest just visiting.
"Hey, I've got nothing to do today but smile..."
The Only Living Boy in New York, Paul Simon |
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oldbittyhen
True Blue Farmgirl
1511 Posts
tina
quartz hill
ca
USA
1511 Posts |
Posted - Oct 08 2012 : 11:45:58 AM
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your house, you're rules, your car, not her's, period...
"Knowlege is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad" |
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Sharon65
Farmgirl in Training
13 Posts
Sharon
Myersville
md`
USA
13 Posts |
Posted - Oct 08 2012 : 11:47:10 AM
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| Just having this safe place to vent is a blessing!! Thank you all for your support, I is truly appreciated. |
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Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - Oct 08 2012 : 3:41:32 PM
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Good and right advice Jonni and Tina. Keep us posted Sharon. Hugs to you.
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
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rphelps4
True Blue Farmgirl
620 Posts
roxanna
westport
indiana
USA
620 Posts |
Posted - Oct 08 2012 : 6:26:05 PM
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| I agree with Netty, talk to her tell exactly how you feel, and the things going on in the household, explain about the cars, and your concerns about the baby staying up late, I don't know any mom's that ever get enough sleep, that's just part of being a mommie. Hope everything works out and everything becomes less stressful for you and your family. Roxanna |
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FaithfulchickWI
Farmgirl in Training
20 Posts
Callie
Orfordville
WI
20 Posts |
Posted - Oct 09 2012 : 6:28:06 PM
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| What a blessing that your daughter has in you. I was in a similar situation with my ex-husband, but I became very ill and was pregnant at the same time. My parents have been my best support. I hope she does realize how lucky she is. That being said it is your house and she needs to respect your wishes. It is a difficult situation to move back in with parents after being on your own, but you are all adults and talking through it is the best way. Prayers :) |
Edited by - FaithfulchickWI on Oct 09 2012 6:29:21 PM |
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prayin granny
True Blue Farmgirl
1874 Posts
Linda
Kansas
1874 Posts |
Posted - Oct 21 2012 : 07:55:19 AM
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Prayers and good thoughts coming your way!
Maybe try and sit down with her and just share your heart, concerns and set limitations that work for and benefit all!
Blessings,
Linda
www.scatteredlittleblessings.blogspot.com |
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queenmushroom
True Blue Farmgirl
985 Posts
Lorena
Centerville
Me
USA
985 Posts |
Posted - Oct 21 2012 : 11:14:02 AM
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I agree your house your rules. Has she looked into section 8 housing and other areas of support for being a single mom? I have pride too, but sometimes you have to do what you have to do. Help her with this and if she does get some assistance give her a date to be out on her own. She. is an adult and needs to step up to the plate.
Patience is worth a bushel of brains...from a chinese fortune cookie |
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queenmushroom
True Blue Farmgirl
985 Posts
Lorena
Centerville
Me
USA
985 Posts |
Posted - Oct 21 2012 : 11:21:19 AM
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Is she saving any money? If not help her set up a budget and help her stick with it. Is there a reputable buy here pay here car dealer around you? Have her build her credit this way and you would have your car back. Don't cosign the loan for her. If she's not responsible to pay her bills then young would be stuck with the payment.
Patience is worth a bushel of brains...from a chinese fortune cookie |
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hwright95
True Blue Farmgirl
90 Posts
Heather
Murfreesboro
TN
USA
90 Posts |
Posted - Oct 23 2012 : 12:16:08 PM
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I'm in a similar situation with my stepdaughter, I feel for you. Prayers are going up your way. I have no advice, but I'm a good listener
Heather Wright~ Farmgirl Sister #2187 Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. ~Veronica A. Shoffstall
www.vintagekarmajewels.com |
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shanda
True Blue Farmgirl
522 Posts
Shanda
Broken Bow
OK
USA
522 Posts |
Posted - Oct 23 2012 : 4:17:02 PM
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About twenty years ago I was in your daughter shoes. If my parents didn't set rules and treat me as an adult, I may not have gotten back on my feet as quickly. And then my son would have paid the price! I'm thankful my parents kept their heads straight when mine wasn't! Praying for you.
Shanda
Farmgirl #4233 |
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Sharon65
Farmgirl in Training
13 Posts
Sharon
Myersville
md`
USA
13 Posts |
Posted - Oct 25 2012 : 05:54:21 AM
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Hi,
Thanks to all of you for the support and kind words. I know this will all work out,just hopefully with our relationship intact.
Sharon |
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Beverley
True Blue Farmgirl
2707 Posts
Beverley
atlanta
Michigan
USA
2707 Posts |
Posted - Nov 29 2012 : 10:37:24 PM
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I have gone through this myself and start right out with your house your rules. I did not start out that way and so it got way out of hand. It is tough but stick to your guns , it is best for all of you!!! Good luck ...
Folks will know how large your soul is by the way you treat a dog....Charles F. Doran
beverley baggett
Beverley with an extra E...
https://sites.google.com/site/bevsdoggies/
http://bevsdoggies.blogspot.com/ |
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Family Matters: Daughter moved in with baby |
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Daughter moved in with baby
