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Family Matters:  So now it's MY fault?  |
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GirlwithHook
True Blue Farmgirl
922 Posts
Alyce
Madison
WI
USA
922 Posts |
 Posted - Jul 06 2012 : 10:43:51 AM
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As I have mentioned, today is supposed to be Ric's last day at work (although his boss is pulling strings to try and keep him on/rehire him). That is hard enough. We also don't have air conditioning, and it has been humid and over 100 for most of the week. Stressful, yeah.
Monday when he was initially offered a promotion, his mother was so thrilled that she ordered a portable AC unit for us. Tuesday....
Well, she has decide the situation is somehow MY fault because Ric texts me to touch base--only when he is on break, mind you. So, to "punish" us she cancelled the order for the air conditioner.
Um, what? It is somehow my fault that his company was purchased by another, and that thirty other people who don't even know I exist were let go with no chance of being rehired. Am I the only one who has trouble seeing the logic here?
A hook, a book, and a good cup of coffee.... |
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AmethystRose
True Blue Farmgirl
254 Posts
Rosemary
Huntingdon
PA
USA
254 Posts |
Posted - Jul 06 2012 : 2:12:43 PM
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I had a mother in law like that. She died six years ago. She was illogical before the Alzheimer's took over. I couldn't be alone in a room with her, she invented conversations that we never had.
Fasten your seatbelts, it's going to be a bumpy ride.
Chances are, she would have found another reason, and wants to pull your strings. |
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FarmDream
True Blue Farmgirl
1085 Posts
Julie
TX
USA
1085 Posts |
Posted - Jul 06 2012 : 2:55:54 PM
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I agree with Rosemary. DH and I have relatives that could promise the moon, but they never come through. We don't believe it till we see it. She's probably just trying to cause drama. I wouldn't give any attention to it. I'm sorry you are without a/c.
~FarmDream is Farmgirl Sister #3069
Live Today, Cherish Yesterday, Dream Tomorrow
http://www.etsy.com/shop/BitsofEntropy?ref=si_shop
http://julie-rants.blogspot.com |
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annielaurel
True Blue Farmgirl
912 Posts
nancy
fernandina beach
florida
USA
912 Posts |
Posted - Jul 07 2012 : 05:21:23 AM
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Don't pay any attention to her. She is just trying to make waves. I had a mother-in-law who was so hard to get along with. I just ignored her. Just tell her, "Yeah, right, sure everything is my fault. Whatever you say." As long as you and your dear husband are fine with the retirement situation, that is all that really matters. I do, however, think once someone says they are going to do something they need to follow through on it.
Nancy
Farmgirl Sister #2301
Make everyday a celebration of the heart. |
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countrymommy85
True Blue Farmgirl
898 Posts
Krystle
MT
USA
898 Posts |
Posted - Jul 07 2012 : 08:25:20 AM
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We also don't have air and have 3 kids under 3. It's NOT easy with or without kids in this heat and humidity that we aren't used too up here in WI. Your MIL is just trying to cause drama and get between you and your husband. She needs to put her big girl panties on and deal with it that you and your man are together and she needs to stop trying to cause division between you. Have you thought about moving elsewhere in WI to get some distance between you and family? Sometimes distance can cause relationships to heal and get better, plus its easier to put your foot down on things when you don't live so close. I'll be praying for you because when you have someone trying to cause drama and get between you and your spouse is sooo frustrating!!!! I have a no drama policy in my house. If anyone brings over drama I ask them to leave and I have done that with my parents already. Enough is enough, there is plenty of drama in the world and my home is the one place that I want to be a peaceful sanctuary from the rest of the chaotic world. So I say leave drama at the door or you and your drama will be leaving my house. Hugs!!!
Mothers are those wonderful people who can get up in the morning before the smell of coffee. ~Author Unknown
http://countryrenaissance.blogspot.com
http://www.etsy.com/shop/SunflowersAndHoney |
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GirlwithHook
True Blue Farmgirl
922 Posts
Alyce
Madison
WI
USA
922 Posts |
Posted - Jul 07 2012 : 5:56:37 PM
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Oh this gets better and better...now she is angry because supposedly I didn't inform her of the results of some research. I told Ric that I had because I copied the e-mail to him, and "She said it didn't go through." He was absolutely speeches when I showed him her response to the message she claimed not to have received.
And just think, this woman's the entire reason he wants to stay where we are in the state....
A hook, a book, and a good cup of coffee.... |
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JerseyGirl
True Blue Farmgirl
181 Posts
Michele
Southern NJ
USA
181 Posts |
Posted - Jul 08 2012 : 03:51:56 AM
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Oh gosh, what would we do without MIL's???      [;)
Mine isn't THAT evil, at least not to my face...lol....Just hang in there! |
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annielaurel
True Blue Farmgirl
912 Posts
nancy
fernandina beach
florida
USA
912 Posts |
Posted - Jul 08 2012 : 05:15:23 AM
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I know your husband wants to do the right thing in being near his mother. The right thing is what is best for you, his wife, and your marriage. Your MIL is feeling that she is not needed and so is causing all kinds of problems. She has to find a life outside of your husband. He is the one who has to stop it. When he tells her to butt out then she will probably listen. Maybe she needs to see a doctor as she may be suffering from something.
My first MIL was mentally ill and lived far from me. My MIL now has Alzheimers but she is very sweet and loving. She and my FIL do not butt into the lives of their children. I hope your husband will step up to the plate and set your MIL straight.
Nancy
Farmgirl Sister #2301
Make everyday a celebration of the hart. |
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Rosemary
True Blue Farmgirl
1825 Posts
Virginia
USA
1825 Posts |
Posted - Jul 08 2012 : 9:06:51 PM
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| Sounds like she found out what the AC would cost and made up a lame cover story. Or she could be in a bit of a decline. When the stress lets up a little, you might want to ask your husband if his mom is up to date on all her medical stuff. |
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GirlwithHook
True Blue Farmgirl
922 Posts
Alyce
Madison
WI
USA
922 Posts |
Posted - Jul 09 2012 : 5:41:52 PM
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Since she suffers from severe arthritis, she is under constant medical care. I would hope her doctor would have caught signs of decline...?
She once admitted that she was used to being in control and it was hard for her to let go. I probably should have taken that as a warning!
A hook, a book, and a good cup of coffee.... |
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LuckyMommyof5
True Blue Farmgirl
500 Posts
Suzanne
OH
USA
500 Posts |
Posted - Jul 10 2012 : 1:07:03 PM
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Alyce, I am so sorry you are going through this. In-law trouble is the worst, and MILs can be vicious and unreasonable. I know from first hand experience. When my husband and I were dating and he told his mom it was a serious relationship, she basically made it her mission to try to convince him to dump me. Luckily, my late father-in-law and I got on like we were a real father and daughter and he stuck up for me constantly.
My advice, which no one has to follow, is just to take yourself out of the equation. Let him deal with her and if she says anything about you or against you, calmly remind Ric that none of that is true. Wait for him to get sick of her acting like that - it eventually happened with my husband. If you act calm and refuse to engage any of her bad behavior, I think Ric will inevitably see that she is the problem, not you!
Farmgirl Sister #3243
"The real things haven't changed. It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures; and have courage when things go wrong." - Laura Ingalls Wilder |
Edited by - LuckyMommyof5 on Jul 11 2012 06:38:02 AM |
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GirlwithHook
True Blue Farmgirl
922 Posts
Alyce
Madison
WI
USA
922 Posts |
Posted - Jul 10 2012 : 7:53:43 PM
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It gets worse. She now has him convinced he should commit suicide to relieve her money worries! I don't even...I have cried myself to hysteria. Can't find the phone of course....
A hook, a book, and a good cup of coffee.... |
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annielaurel
True Blue Farmgirl
912 Posts
nancy
fernandina beach
florida
USA
912 Posts |
Posted - Jul 11 2012 : 05:18:06 AM
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He has to be the one to tell her. Tell your DH how much this is hurting you and that you are getting really sick. He needs to tell his mother to stop bothering you and saying things about you that are not true. What a drama queen she is! He has to put a stop to it.
Nancy
Farmgirl Sister #2301
Make everyday a celebration of the heart. |
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Cherime
True Blue Farmgirl
1222 Posts
Cherime
Wasilla
Alaska
USA
1222 Posts |
Posted - Jul 11 2012 : 09:27:48 AM
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Your MIL is seriously sick. A few thousand miles apart would be a good thing. Surely your DH understands that no sane parent would wish that for a child. Maybe he needs to speak to someone else to get a better perspective on her sickness.
CMF |
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erowease
True Blue Farmgirl
294 Posts
Lesley
Edmonds
wa
USA
294 Posts |
Posted - Jul 11 2012 : 8:13:24 PM
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I think she has lost her mind. Has she been checked out for mental decline? or has she always been this crazy? Or is she on some type of meds that sends her that way?
I would just try and let DH be the most involved in dealing with her. I would hope that after your years together he will be able to discern when his mother is being manipulative and controlling. My prayers go out to you as you deal with this nightmare.
Lesley
#2950
"I see God in the eyes of every child...every life is precious to God, whatever the circumstances." Mother Teresa |
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GirlwithHook
True Blue Farmgirl
922 Posts
Alyce
Madison
WI
USA
922 Posts |
Posted - Jul 12 2012 : 04:59:24 AM
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The problem is that Ric thinks his mother can do no wrong and is the Ultimate Authority on everything. It's not so much an Oedipus Complex as some weird kind of god complex (which I secretly suspect she encourages).
AARGH!
He is feeling a bit better now--partly because he was able to get his anxiety medication refilled. There is also a chance that he may be hired for IT work at my job (we really, really need a full-time IT guy). Granted, that would mean I never got time to myself...!
A hook, a book, and a good cup of coffee.... |
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AnnieinIdaho
True Blue Farmgirl
437 Posts
Annie
ID
USA
437 Posts |
Posted - Jul 14 2012 : 11:14:59 AM
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Oh wow...given your history you disclosed with your mom.."repetition compulsion" comes to mind. The words "Time to Go!" come to my mind.
Work on your constraints to free yourself, rather than making decisions within your constraints. Best to you! Only you know what that may be. But that whole situation sounds very scary to me. Such an imbalance of power, and no equality in relationship. Spouses that turn outside the relationship to protect others over their spouse...not a good scene and the consequences are usually tragic. You escaped one unloving situation. Hmmmm, be aware and take care!
Annie
"The turnings of life seldom show a sign-post; or rather, though the sign is always there, it is usually placed some distance back, like the notices that give warning of a bad hill or a level railway-crossing." Edith Wharton, 1913 from 'The Custom of the Country'. |
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oldbittyhen
True Blue Farmgirl
1511 Posts
tina
quartz hill
ca
USA
1511 Posts |
Posted - Jul 14 2012 : 1:06:52 PM
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with all you have posted regarding your husband, MIL and now mom...I would be running to the nearest exit, these kind of toxic relatshenships will destroy you, mentaly and healthwise, don't become a news story of the saddest kind...
"Knowlege is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad" |
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annielaurel
True Blue Farmgirl
912 Posts
nancy
fernandina beach
florida
USA
912 Posts |
Posted - Jul 14 2012 : 4:21:05 PM
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Why is your DH so involved with his mother that he would think she is right over what you say to him? Regardless of anything going on, your marriage should be number one in his life. You are the most important to each other. His mother not letting go of him is not good. If he is unwilling to do anything about the abuse you are getting then something is wrong.
Nancy |
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GirlwithHook
True Blue Farmgirl
922 Posts
Alyce
Madison
WI
USA
922 Posts |
Posted - Jul 14 2012 : 8:48:39 PM
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So, I overheard Ric arguing with his mother. He told her in no uncertain terms to leave me alone because he was tired of how she treats me.
It is a step in the right direction, but not enough yet. We both have tomorrow off, so I think Ric needs a reality check about the state of things.
A hook, a book, and a good cup of coffee.... |
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Family Matters: So now it's MY fault? |
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So now it's MY fault?
