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Family Matters:  I don't want to turn into my mom and her sisters  |
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musicmommy
True Blue Farmgirl
430 Posts
Wendy
Oregon
USA
430 Posts |
 Posted - May 17 2012 : 05:54:26 AM
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This road trip I'm on has been a real eye opener for me. I've always known that my own mom is often a very jealous and bitter woman. (she us an amazing woman when she isn't putting on masks). I took this road trip with my boys with the hope of connecting with my extended family whom I rarely see. It has made me realize that all the women on this side of the family carry so much bitterness. They have all shared with me how three other sisters are always so jealous. So much pettiness and bitterness. They all complain about the same qualities in each other. I could go on, but I'll stop.
The scary part for me though, is that I feel like I kind of have those tendencies also. I am my mother's daughter. So how do I overcome this? How do I keep from becoming just like them? Has anyone else?
Please excuse in typos. I'm using NY phone
One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain.
Bob Marley
www.becomingwendy.wordpress.com |
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SpyChicken
True Blue Farmgirl
436 Posts
Christine
Fond du Lac
WI
USA
436 Posts |
Posted - May 17 2012 : 06:40:08 AM
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Bitterness is quite toxic! I'm sorry you are dealing with this, especially when it is your family. I believe (and this is of course, just my personal feeling) that happiness is a choice...every day we can choose to let things "beat us up" and knock us down and make us feel angry and bitter (I'm talking about most of life's problems-not serious illness, catastrophes, etc.)or we can choose to say "yep, that really stinks, but I know things will turn around sooner or later." If we approach life with a positive outlook, we are apt to get more positive back. I also think the opposite is true too. I feel like it's important to try and find the positive even in a bad situation, to keep a sense of humor when you can, and to be grateful for all the little things-because some days that's all you can be grateful for!
I do understand where you are coming from. My dad is that way-he is possibly the most negative person I've ever known. He would rather be miserable and bitter than spend time with his grandchildren and family and when he is with us, it's miserable for all of us. I have to really do a lot of self-talk to keep myself from allowing his attitude to poison mine (and my family's). But looking at my own kids, I know that I would not want them to adopt that philosophy so I make the choice to be positive.
Bad, annoying, even tragic things happen to all of us, but if we can keep it between the navigational beacons (so to speak) and try to just keep putting one foot in front of the other and do the best we can. Some days I think it's ok to be mad, feel defeated, sad, etc. That's life...one big roller coaster!
I wish you luck and remember: YOU define who you want to be! :) All the best, Wendy! |
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MiaBella
True Blue Farmgirl
100 Posts
Michelle
New Caney
TX
USA
100 Posts |
Posted - May 17 2012 : 06:54:07 AM
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You can't change other people but you are in control of yourself.
I would suggest that you just distance yourself from the negativity and surround yourself with positive people and make a point to be positive yourself. Unfortunately if you subject your children to that environment, they too may grow up the same way so you have to break the cycle. It is all you. You can do it! You and your family will be happier.
Best of luck to you!
~Hugs~
Michelle
Farmgirl Sister #4097
MiaBella Farm
New Caney, TX
www.miabellafarm.com |
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SpyChicken
True Blue Farmgirl
436 Posts
Christine
Fond du Lac
WI
USA
436 Posts |
Posted - May 17 2012 : 07:10:49 AM
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| Well put, Michelle...that's kind of where I was headed, but you said it without taking the long way! Good advice. |
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rough start farmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
3331 Posts
marianne
The Beautiful Pacific NW
Washington State
USA
3331 Posts |
Posted - May 17 2012 : 08:03:31 AM
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Christine,
I think recognizing it is half the battle. You don't have blinders on. You aren't always pointing your finger at everyone else. You realized you had this tendency. You will be on the lookout for that behaviour in yourself and modify your reactions. I think you are just fine!
Marianne |
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delicia
True Blue Farmgirl
917 Posts
delicia
cincinnati
ohio
USA
917 Posts |
Posted - May 17 2012 : 08:20:35 AM
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I have the same kind of thing and my Mom just moved in with me. She always thinks that she has given everything to everyone and not ever gotten anything back. She is a middle child and maybe that has something to do with it. I surround myself with positive people and try to give back the happiness I recieve. Just hang in there Pray that God brings people into your life that you can be an encouragement to. Make it a point to go out of your way each day to make someone smile, be it a hug a compliment a raok, anything. You get so many blessings from being kind to ohters.
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Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - May 17 2012 : 08:25:49 AM
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Stay true to yourself. Like Delicia said, surround yourself with positive people.
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
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natesgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1735 Posts
angela
martinsville
indiana
USA
1735 Posts |
Posted - May 17 2012 : 09:31:28 AM
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Wendy...Please, make the effort and nip this in the bud now! It will affect your children and that is not something you want to deal with. It will ruin all of your lives.
I allowed my family to move in with my MIL and she is the most negative person I have ever met in my whole life. I thought losing my FIL might wake her up and having the grandkids around would bring her out of it. She was much better for a few months, then it went right back to how it was.
We finally moved away 3 years later and have major problems with our now 12y/o middle DD. She is amazingly angry, sullen and gets bitter and hateful about anything she doesn't want to do. She will intentionally mess up every job she's given and the mope about getting in trouble for days.
This little girl went through major surgery a few years before all this and made jokes with the doctor, stood up for herself and demanded the doctor take her off the iv meds when they kept her asleep too much, and visited the other children on her floor to cheer them up.
Now she just stomps around grousing about everything and being hateful to her little sister. She used to sleep in a chair by her bed when she was tiny to watch her breathing moniter and keep her company. Her baby sister was born a premie and needed constant attention. She was the first one to give it to her. Now she smacks her on the back of the head when she walks past and thinks no one is looking.
Please!!!! Don't let your family fall into this pit!!!! Stay away from them if you have to. Find your happiness and hold onto it for all your worth. You have to focus on you and your family.
I will be praying for you and yours!
Farmgirl Sister #1438
God - Gardening - Family - Is anything else important? |
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MrsRooster
True Blue Farmgirl
1168 Posts
Amy
Seabrook
TX
USA
1168 Posts |
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FarmDream
True Blue Farmgirl
1085 Posts
Julie
TX
USA
1085 Posts |
Posted - May 17 2012 : 3:44:11 PM
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Our family has some toxic people, also. They are the yardstick of how we measure our response to things and actions we take. If DH and I question how we should deal with a situation we just think of how Uncle X or Cousin So-and-So would deal with it. And then we do the opposite. We are grownups and don't have to let the past or present define who we are. We do have to pull up our big girl pants and be the person we want to present to the world.
~FarmDream is Farmgirl Sister #3069
Live Today, Cherish Yesterday, Dream Tomorrow
http://www.etsy.com/shop/BitsofEntropy?ref=si_shop
http://julie-rants.blogspot.com |
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Simple Living
True Blue Farmgirl
1404 Posts
Joan
Staten Island
NY
USA
1404 Posts |
Posted - May 21 2012 : 09:23:18 AM
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Wendy - I know what you mean having a family like that. I also have the same situation. My mom and my older sister (only one sibling I have) are made out of the same mold. It wasn't till I became confident and appreciated who I am that I realized how they would make me feel. I felt useless, not pretty, always making comments on my weight or how I dressed. I finally came to a conclusion that if I want my life to be wholesome, happy and no negativity - I needed to cut ties with my sister. I can't do it to my mom cause I love her too much and it would kill me not seeing or being involved in her life.So I try very hard to not take her attitude or comments to heart. My DH and my 2 DD's tell me not to dwell on my sister and to appreciate the kind of life I have with my loving and caring family. So I fully feel for you, but remember you may have been born into this family, but we all are individuals and our own mind, taste and personality. You can do this, be a better person than they are! hugs, hugs, and more hugs, Joan
A Friend is Someone who Reaches for your Hand, But Touches your Heart!
Farmgirl #3842 |
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musicmommy
True Blue Farmgirl
430 Posts
Wendy
Oregon
USA
430 Posts |
Posted - May 23 2012 : 08:01:34 AM
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Thank you, thank you, thank you ladies. You have truly given me some things to think about. As I was reading through your replies, it gave me a boost to know that I'm not alone in this desire.
Part of the reason I love this forum so much even though I don't post a ton is that there are so many positive people here. People that give me the inspiration and desire to be a better person.
Thank you!
One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain.
Bob Marley
www.becomingwendy.wordpress.com |
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Family Matters: I don't want to turn into my mom and her sisters |
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I don't want to turn into my mom and her sisters
