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A Farm of My Own:  Family and Ranching  |
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sherone_13
True Blue Farmgirl
2460 Posts
Sherone
Evanston
WY
USA
2460 Posts |
 Posted - May 16 2012 : 08:58:27 AM
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My heart is aching, my sisters. There is a storm brewing within our family and we don't know how to avoid the inevitable hurricane.
We have a ranch in southwest wyoming. It was homesteaded by my husbands family in 1895. It has been in family hands through four generations. before my father in law passed away, his wish was to have his four children run the ranch together and that it would never leave the family.
Now one brother is making aggressive moves to indicate that he wants to take over the ranch and cut out the other siblings.
This is so upsetting to their 83 year old mother. She has not been sleeping and she barely eats. My main focus is making sure that Mom is taken care of and that my hubbie knows that I have his back.
What to do, sisters? Have any of you been through something similar? Any advice? Thanks in advance. :)
Sherone
Farmgirl Sister #1682
My Blog - www.annapearlsattic.blogspot.com
Etsy Store - www.annapearlsattic.etsy.com
Women are angels. When someone breaks our wings, we just jump on our broomsticks and fly! We are flexible that way! |
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AlyssaMarie
True Blue Farmgirl
287 Posts
AlyssaMarie
Palouse
Washington
USA
287 Posts |
Posted - May 17 2012 : 08:56:02 AM
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I'm so sorry Sherone! My family went through a bitter split last year, after my Great Uncle passed away, over his estate. It was and still is a very hard subject in our family. I'm no expert in legal matters, but my only advice would be to learn quickly what rights you have and don't be afraid to stand up for yourself and what you feel is right. I know this might sound weird, but my husband and I when conducting ourselves with others on these matters always tried to act and speak as if the relative that passed was standing right next to us with their hand on our shoulder. That way we felt our words and actions were honorable to their memory.
AlyssaMarie @ Link'd Hearts Ranch
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queenmushroom
True Blue Farmgirl
985 Posts
Lorena
Centerville
Me
USA
985 Posts |
Posted - May 17 2012 : 11:10:58 AM
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I'm sorry for your family's loss. Prayers to you at this difficult time. Hind sight is always 20/20. This should have been all taken care of by your father in law as to who gets what and deeded out prior to his death. Sadly, many families do not think about this until it's too late or their parents are so incapacitated that he/she cannot make a rational descion devoid of family negativity and influence. Depending on what the will reads, if one was ever written, if everything is left to your mother in law to devide up, she should contact an attourney and have a will drawn up immediately. There should also be a family meeting of just the mother and siblings. No inlaws. Sorry. I know you want to be there for your hubby, but the best thing to do is to stay away from the meeting. We, myself and my siblings, had to do this with my parents not too long ago. There was more to just wills etc that I won't get into. None of my in laws or my hubby were invited. Let hubby and bro in laws and mil make the descisions and discuss rationally about what is to become of the property, who is going to own what etc. Now, I know that in my family, our camp is owned by my father and one of my uncles. It was supposed to be originally that who ever was the final sibling alive on the deed, the camp is supposed to go to their children. Now, me and my siblings are going to be in a fight with my cousins if my uncle dies before my dad. You do not want this kind of arrangement at all. One person should ideally "own", if you will, the ranch with the rest of the family having lifetime access over the property. There is alot of heartache that extends beyond the loss of the family patriarch or matriarch. It can extend into hurt feelings, disagreements and actually disowning siblings. I don't want that for your family. Even if the ranch was put into a "trust", who is going to run the trust and what is expected from the siblings? There is alot more to this than what meets the eye. I would encourage you to have this discussion with your hubby and encourage him to have a "family" meeting that is extended to his siblings only and his mother to discuss what is going to happen with this ranch. That is the best advice I can give. But like opionions, everyone has advice, whether it is right or wrong. Hope this helps.
Lorie
Patience is worth a bushel of brains...from a chinese fortune cookie |
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alterationsbyemily
True Blue Farmgirl
686 Posts
Emily
Thomasville
PA
USA
686 Posts |
Posted - May 17 2012 : 12:45:10 PM
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I can sympathize with you. My grandfather passed away 7 years ago and they put his farm in a trust for the kids. Well 1 lived in Flordia, 1 ran off to Flordia, 1's DH goes up and breaks stuff and she does mow grass sometimes, 1 we never see, and my dad gets to fix everything. I would love to have the money to buy the trust from them and build my dream house up there.
BTW I am worried about when their trust starts to diminish, it will fall on me, my brother, and three cousins (all three live in Flordia, 2 never even met him AND have NEVER been to the property)
Good luck to you, just know your rights, maybe even seek legal counsel.
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Farmgirl #2951
No longer renting, offical farmgirl.
Check out my new blog at http://featheredhattrading.blogspot.com/
And my new Etsy listings http://www.etsy.com/shop/alterationsbyemily |
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Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - May 17 2012 : 4:06:48 PM
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I am so sorry for your loss. I will be praying for you, hoping things work out. Keep us posted.
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
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LouisvilleMom
True Blue Farmgirl
246 Posts
Kathryn
Louisville
KY
USA
246 Posts |
Posted - May 17 2012 : 7:15:30 PM
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Something like this happened to us as well. My grandparents had the most amazing family ranch/compound in the Rockies of SE Colorado. Dan Fogelberg lived right up the road. It was bought as a place for the entire family to gather. Everyone fixed it up and it had 8 br, 6 baths, 2 kitchens, etc, etc. Not at all fancy, in fact some would call some of the furniture tacky, but we all loved it. My grandparents had 4 kids, 3 girls and one son. One daughter died, one was estranged and then there was my mom and her brother.
My grandfather decided that the son would take it over, to keep it in the family name (whatever) and their son would give them $3000 a month for the rest of their lives (this property was worth over two million). My mom found out after the fact. The stipulations were: no borrowing as it was free and clear, no putting it in the wifes name (she always hated his parents), never sell and family is ALWAYS welcome. Immediately he borrowed money against it, several years later his wife ended up on the deed. To make a REALLY long story short he used it like an ATM stole all the heirlooms, ran it into foreclosure and he and his friends stripped it to the walls. Took the wood burning stove and propane tank.
It was a complete rape of something we all treasured. He and his parents have only spoken through attorneys for years and years. He even stole the original agreement from my grandparents house so they can't even sue. It tore us apart and I can still cry if I think about it.
I hope this does not happen because I don't consider him family at all (note the use of "mom's brother" not "uncle"). He is in a loveless marriage to a shrew and he has reaped what he has sown.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
SAHM mom to four great boys.
http://ksfarnsworth.blogspot.com/ |
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sherone_13
True Blue Farmgirl
2460 Posts
Sherone
Evanston
WY
USA
2460 Posts |
Posted - May 18 2012 : 07:28:32 AM
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Thanks for all this input. This is tearing our family apart and it helps to know that others have survived it. We are taking steps to resolve the situation, but it will be a long, hard fight.
Sherone
Farmgirl Sister #1682
My Blog - www.annapearlsattic.blogspot.com
Etsy Store - www.annapearlsattic.etsy.com
Women are angels. When someone breaks our wings, we just jump on our broomsticks and fly! We are flexible that way! |
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A Farm of My Own: Family and Ranching |
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Family and Ranching
