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Family Matters:  Eek, I've been adopted  |
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GirlwithHook
True Blue Farmgirl
922 Posts
Alyce
Madison
WI
USA
922 Posts |
 Posted - Mar 29 2012 : 10:29:56 AM
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Remember I've mentioned that I'm mentoring a college student? Miranda has Asperger's, as do I, and in a lot of ways she reminds me of myself when I was younger.
Well...she's started calling me "Mom" and referring to Ric as her "adoptive father." She has a good relationship with her actual parents, by the way, but seems to have latched on to us as a second set!
There is a slim chance she may be staying with us short-term before the next school year starts, and she refers to it as, "Staying with family." I'm not sure whether to feel honored or overwhelmed!
Ric and I are both infertile and kids were never really in our agenda (although we have hypothetically talked about adoption and *gulp* we went so far as to pick out names). Still, having Miranda attach herself to us like this is making a part of me wonder if we've made the right decision.
Help! I only know how to handle teenagers as an auntie!
A hook, a book, and a good cup of coffee.... |
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marlee
True Blue Farmgirl
1650 Posts
Marlene
DeRidder
Louisiana
1650 Posts |
Posted - Mar 29 2012 : 12:17:52 PM
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Alyce I cant really give you advice about this. But if it was me, I would be alittle nervous about it.
But will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs Marlee
God is the painter, he paints the picture. And his son builds it, for he is the Master Carpenter! |
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Melina
True Blue Farmgirl
435 Posts
Melina
USA
435 Posts |
Posted - Mar 29 2012 : 6:44:56 PM
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Honestly discuss with her how she is feeling and what her words mean when she says "mom" and "adoptive father". And you might dialogue about what her real parents might feel about her words.
The morning breeze has secrets to tell you. Do not go back to sleep.
Rumi |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22944 Posts
22944 Posts |
Posted - Mar 29 2012 : 9:04:51 PM
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I think she is loving you just because you have been being yourself with her. If she starts getting to involved in your life and it is making your uncomfortable you should certainly lay some boundaries. However, at the same time- what an amazing compliment that this young lady wants to choose your for her family! I have an "uther muther" and we adopted each other. I have a very strong bond with my real parents but I think the sort of "chosen" family that we find in our lives can really be important too. Extra love in the world is great- but boundaries are good too especially if she might have the tendency to not know when to back off so to speak?
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
www.allergyjourneys.blogspot.com
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GirlwithHook
True Blue Farmgirl
922 Posts
Alyce
Madison
WI
USA
922 Posts |
Posted - Mar 30 2012 : 06:57:58 AM
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Brilliant advice as always, girls! After sleeping on it, I realized that what is making me nervous IS the boundary issue. I have dear friends--including this sisterhood--that I do consider family. My best friend and her sister are more like sisters to me than my own dear sister is. However, I have known them since college! I have been a fan of MJF for so long that it feels I have known everyone here a long time as well!
Ordinarily, it takes me a long time to warm up to people, much less open up that much of my life to them. I have only known Miranda a few months and feel a bit rushed! Ric is no help. He makes friends very easily and has practically written the child into his will!
So, I am torn. On the one hand, my boundaries are being pushed. Ugh. On the other hand, being chosen as family IS a great honor. I guess I just need to find some middle ground.
A hook, a book, and a good cup of coffee.... |
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rough start farmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
3331 Posts
marianne
The Beautiful Pacific NW
Washington State
USA
3331 Posts |
Posted - Mar 31 2012 : 02:21:54 AM
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Miranda must feel so comfortable with you. You are right to feel honored and you also should feel quite proud of yourself. You are helping this young lady by showing her a bright example of what she can do and be, Asperger's or not.
Hold your head high, Alyce.
Marianne |
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GirlwithHook
True Blue Farmgirl
922 Posts
Alyce
Madison
WI
USA
922 Posts |
Posted - Mar 31 2012 : 12:26:30 PM
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Thanks, Marianne. *blush*
A hook, a book, and a good cup of coffee.... |
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crittergranny
True Blue Farmgirl
1096 Posts
Laura
Lindrith
NM
USA
1096 Posts |
Posted - Apr 07 2012 : 08:24:34 AM
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Sorry to say this but is it possible she is trying to steal your man? She's college aged, not a child.
Laura
Horse poor in the boonies.
www.nmbarrelhorses.com |
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GirlwithHook
True Blue Farmgirl
922 Posts
Alyce
Madison
WI
USA
922 Posts |
Posted - Apr 07 2012 : 11:56:05 AM
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Not in the least. He isn't even her type (I suspect she has um, "other" inclinations if you get my drift).
A hook, a book, and a good cup of coffee.... |
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crittergranny
True Blue Farmgirl
1096 Posts
Laura
Lindrith
NM
USA
1096 Posts |
Posted - Apr 07 2012 : 12:35:31 PM
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Well that's good. Sorry, I just had to say it. Wouldn't want you to get hurt Sweetie. There's so much hurtful stuff going on these days.
Laura
Horse poor in the boonies.
www.nmbarrelhorses.com |
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GirlwithHook
True Blue Farmgirl
922 Posts
Alyce
Madison
WI
USA
922 Posts |
Posted - Apr 07 2012 : 12:57:37 PM
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Thank you. Wasn't long ago, some bimbo DID try to throw herself at him. To Ric's credit, he ended that friendship right quickly.
A hook, a book, and a good cup of coffee.... |
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country_lovin
True Blue Farmgirl
50 Posts
Debbie
Oregon
USA
50 Posts |
Posted - Apr 07 2012 : 6:09:16 PM
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| I have an "adoptive" sister..She's my best friend for 18 years. and I've had adoptive moms too.. |
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GirlwithHook
True Blue Farmgirl
922 Posts
Alyce
Madison
WI
USA
922 Posts |
Posted - Apr 07 2012 : 6:21:07 PM
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I have a few "adoptive" sisters too--quite a few in fact. Who says you can't choose your relatives?
A hook, a book, and a good cup of coffee.... |
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Dusky Beauty
True Blue Farmgirl
1108 Posts
Jen
Tonopah
AZ
USA
1108 Posts |
Posted - Apr 19 2012 : 11:31:11 AM
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Maybe in this case it might be good for you to have your boundaries pushed a little bit? Think on it, pray on it (if you are of a praying persuasion). If it's still heavy on your heart maybe consider where you want those boundaries to be?
~*~ http://silverstarfamilyfarm.blogspot.com/ ~*~
“When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me.”
~Erma Bombeck |
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GirlwithHook
True Blue Farmgirl
922 Posts
Alyce
Madison
WI
USA
922 Posts |
Posted - Apr 19 2012 : 2:35:10 PM
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Given that another Aspie girl has also latched on to me as a mom-figure, I can only guess this is happening for a reason!
A hook, a book, and a good cup of coffee.... |
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Madelena
True Blue Farmgirl
1919 Posts
Mary
Central
TX
USA
1919 Posts |
Posted - Apr 29 2012 : 8:24:17 PM
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Families come in all shapes and sizes and I for one have a bunch of "family".
That said -- Being overly cautious.. she may have other issues of which you are not aware. She may just be verbalizing the affection and respect she feels for you, or be carrying more emotional baggage than your family could handle at some point.
Go slow. Be supportive but have boundaries from the start. Be very careful around people who have Great "stories" about all their many problems that cause you to feel very protective of them or wanting to help them a lot. (Whether her or anyone else.. it's a big whoops!)--
That said.. we will keep all of you in our prayers and your kindness toward this young lady can be a real blessing for you all.
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Family Matters: Eek, I've been adopted |
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Eek, I've been adopted
