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Across the Fence:  PennyWise how are you??? Missing You!  |
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crafter
True Blue Farmgirl
2313 Posts
lori
Fort Atkinson
Wisconsin
USA
2313 Posts |
 Posted - Mar 09 2012 : 06:31:25 AM
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Margo- how are you- haven't heard anything from you recently- keeping you in my prayers. If you are well enough to update- please do so we know how you are doing. Keeping you in my prayers and close to my heart!!
Lori |
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Penny Wise
True Blue Farmgirl
1903 Posts
Margo
Elyria
OH
USA
1903 Posts |
Posted - Mar 09 2012 : 08:30:00 AM
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and you close to mine, lori!
i read the boards but i really don't feel very much to contribute right now.
i am, i guess, doing well. so many on these boards have a harder struggle right now.
physically, i have very little hair almost no left on my head and i wear a cap or bandanna or my wig at all times except i have finally gotten comfy enuff in my own home to take even the cap off for a bit at nite while we watch tv. i have to air out my brains dontchaknow! i have had some "(blood)sugar lows" which i attribute to my body coming off the steroids that i take 3 days after each treatment. i am having some issues with my eyes blurring and they are starting to get dry. i have artificial tear stuff i can put in but really really hate anything near my eyes!
i have had two chemos- round 3 is this coming monday and there will be one more- after that ; we will schedule my lumpectomy which will be followed by radiation (5 days a week for 6-8 weeks).round 3 is the one that ppl say really kicks butt and so i am praying that, since my side effects have been relatively minimal, i will get off fairly well. lumpectomy will hopefully be outpatient or 1 nite. my tumor IS shrinking- i could feel that even after just the first tx.
i am tired. ppl who have never had chemo don't understand the tired-it's physical, emotional as well as mental.i still don't understand it. yet, sometimes i have to take ativan to calm to sleep.i don't like that. i am bored. however; i have no motivation to do anything. there are certainly many projects here in this apt.it's enuff to take the dog out and turn on the computer.i have kept myself to one swap and even that is hard to finish. i want to be active in RAOK but-no motivation. i am grieving the old me.however; she WILL be back!!!! hopefully sooner than later!!!!
this apt is a hellhole ( oh it's clean and no varmints etc ...just...) and i hate the environment and i really am thinking about asking my doctor to play the cancer card to get us out of this lease however- with the limited income of only hubby's social security we really cannot go anywhere better.there has been a problem with the electricity and it is almost resolved. and it is too small for the two of us. we knew that when we moved-and i try to make it work but-again-no motivation. example-i need to hang pictures to increase the home feel--i have the pics, the hammer, the nails, ...no motivation!with both of us being used to living in a single home-our home- it is hard to be in this bldg with 7 other families all of whom are dysfunctional, loud, have no respect for neighbors and there are 8 other dogs-two of which bark incessantly. the senior housing around here is too small for us...i have found a few places that would be nice but A) our lease-which i think we would be sued for if we broke and B) they are at least $200 more per month than we pay now.if i were working i would have no issue with that--i want to better ourselves. i am willing to work to do so. you know that!
on a positive-well; i wanna think it is tho timing is everything!----i had applied where my daughter works and had a phone interview- i guess two weeks ago now? -anyhow this week; a gal called and asked if my schedule had changed ( i have told them i have med issues- one gal knows cancer but not everyone-and i told them monday tx day and tues next day for shot that i am not available). i had to tell her, unfortunately, that it had not yet changed tho april 1st i look to it being different. they want me!!!! not cuz of my daughter but cuz of my credentials, experience, attn to detail and respect for confidentiality. so it makes me feel viable and good that i CAN get work-and they are close by and pay relatively well- they are offering (manner of speaking here) full time which i desperately want! so i am hoping that i can get hired and start to learn the job before i start radiation (which i hope to have evenings after 5 pm) and pray that the radiation doesn't give me the extreme fatigue it is known for.
my car is having issues and i don't know what to do-i owe more than it's worth and i don't have a way to trade it cuz-i'm not working!!!!however; that is on my list to do if it lasts long enuff after i start working!!!!
we sit and watch tv for hours-and we fight over what to watch- i give in and he constantly surfs the "guide" which drives me nuts and eventually i have to close my eyes so i don't get seasick! i try to read but have even lost my "appetite" for that which disturbs me!
i have been eating almost nonstop and pray that i don't regain--i worked so hard after my gastric bypass-and now find out that so many foods are on the bad list for my hormone receptive cancer...and then there is the boredom factor!!!!
i participate on a breastcancer board and -gosh; some of those gals are soooooooooooooo much sicker than i am and so many are you ng and have young children. i truly thank God that He waited til now in my life-if i have to have cancer i'm glad it's now and that it's me- i am stronger than my kids.
my supporter/caregiver (hubs) has been sick since we moved and frankly i am tired..i have taken care of him thru so much for 11 years and will continue to do so;however, it's sposed to be my turn isn't it?his pcp has referred him to a pain clinic and it is proving to be so far nothing more than a pain in my butt trying to get the records from the one in michigan.i'm too tired to deal with some of this but he can't and there isn't anyone else.
i adore the cards and notes that i get from my farmsisters and i have my jar of hearts right here on my desk so i see you all each time i log on to the computer!
lori-i probly shoulda just said i'm ok thx for asking but you know i can't just tell you what time it is-i have to build the clock!!!!
Farmgirl # 2139
proud member of the Farmgirls of the Southwest Henhouse
~*~ counting my pennies and biding my time; my dreams are adding up!~*~ |
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Simple Living
True Blue Farmgirl
1402 Posts
Joan
Staten Island
NY
USA
1402 Posts |
Posted - Mar 09 2012 : 10:32:57 AM
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Hi Margo....good to hear from you. I sent you something to make your smile come back (even if it's for a minute)....keep in touch.
Happy Trails
Farmgirl 3842 |
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Emily Anna
True Blue Farmgirl
863 Posts
Emily
Fort Atkinson
WI
USA
863 Posts |
Posted - Mar 09 2012 : 11:00:57 AM
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Margo, I am so sorry for your living situation, the being bored but no motivation to do anything, you having to take care of your "caregiver",....ugh! The list goes on! Cancer is such a jerk. I'm sick of it coming into peoples' lives and acting like it owns the place. I'm counting on you to give it a swift kick!
I know you said you have no motivation to read, but would you be interested in listening to books on CD? A little something different for you to do that will get your mind going, but with little work on your end. Plus you'll have something else to listen to and visualize mentally so less fighting over the TV for you and your sidekick! ;)
Em |
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crafter
True Blue Farmgirl
2313 Posts
lori
Fort Atkinson
Wisconsin
USA
2313 Posts |
Posted - Mar 09 2012 : 11:58:13 AM
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Emily- I was just thinking the same thing- book on CD's or tapes- they are great!
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crafter
True Blue Farmgirl
2313 Posts
lori
Fort Atkinson
Wisconsin
USA
2313 Posts |
Posted - Mar 09 2012 : 12:04:45 PM
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Margo-
Such a full, full plate! I just want to wrap my arms around you- gently! I think and pray for you every day. I'm sorry that this just stinks in every way possible...I know you will fight and fight hard. Just know I'm here and got your back sweet pennywise!
Lori |
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FARMALLChick
True Blue Farmgirl
978 Posts
Lora
Alexandria
IN
USA
978 Posts |
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laurentany
True Blue Farmgirl
3259 Posts
Laurie
Patchogue
NY
USA
3259 Posts |
Posted - Mar 09 2012 : 5:43:33 PM
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Hi Margo-
I am glad that you didnt just give a short answer to Lori. It helps us to understand how to help you and be there for you if we know all of the different things that you are feeling and going through.
Hugs coming through the internet right at you now. Althogh you say you have no motivation- you certainly DO have a positive attitude shining through the cobwebs that have gotten in your way- and THAT POSITVE ATTITUDE is what will get you through this.
Congrats on the job prospect- and continue to put that nasty cancer in its place....OUT THE DOOR!
Continued prayers coming your way.
Hugs,
~Laurie
"Little Hen House on the Island"
Farmgirl Sister#1403
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.. |
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marlee
True Blue Farmgirl
1650 Posts
Marlene
DeRidder
Louisiana
1650 Posts |
Posted - Mar 10 2012 : 12:59:03 PM
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Margo so glad to hear from. I'm praying for you. With your positive thinking realize that you are bigger,stronger and so much more than cancer
is and we all know that you will overtake it and let it know your body is the temple of the Almighty and it is to leave . I am sending
prayers of healing your way. Hugs Marlee
God is the painter, he paints the picture. And his son builds it, for he is the Master Carpenter! |
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Penny Wise
True Blue Farmgirl
1903 Posts
Margo
Elyria
OH
USA
1903 Posts |
Posted - Mar 10 2012 : 4:21:35 PM
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joan....oh my!!!many smiles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you know me!!!!! how do you know me so well ????
package came today!!!!!!!!! i love every bit of it and treasure it!!!!thank you!!!!!!!!!!!
Farmgirl # 2139
proud member of the Farmgirls of the Southwest Henhouse
~*~ counting my pennies and biding my time; my dreams are adding up!~*~ |
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Penny Wise
True Blue Farmgirl
1903 Posts
Margo
Elyria
OH
USA
1903 Posts |
Posted - Mar 10 2012 : 4:26:01 PM
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i have to jump in here and say that i am wondering sometimes if maybe something is really wrong with my brain cuz i don't have most of the feelings and thoughts that so many cancer patients have- yes; i have down times and i have had one or two thoughts about death ( like Christmas Eve church service when i cried wondering what if this is my last Christmas )but i have remained positive about this so much that i wonder am i in denial or just really blessed?
i choose blessed!!!!!!
Farmgirl # 2139
proud member of the Farmgirls of the Southwest Henhouse
~*~ counting my pennies and biding my time; my dreams are adding up!~*~ |
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marlee
True Blue Farmgirl
1650 Posts
Marlene
DeRidder
Louisiana
1650 Posts |
Posted - Mar 10 2012 : 7:12:20 PM
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I think with all the thoughts and prayers going out, you are standing in the shadow of the Almighty. Under his wing you stand trusting. So yes you are truly Blessed. Hugs Marlee
God is the painter, he paints the picture. And his son builds it, for he is the Master Carpenter! |
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Simple Living
True Blue Farmgirl
1402 Posts
Joan
Staten Island
NY
USA
1402 Posts |
Posted - Mar 11 2012 : 06:08:18 AM
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I'm sooo happy you like the little treasures. I have to say there is nothing wrong with your brain. I mentioned to you I had cancer also (immediate surgery to remove the tumor in my lung). I had such a positive attitude about it that I knew it would be all okay. My family were the ones who fell apart lol - I actually was there for them to support them. This is not the time for you to leave your loved ones and you know that cause you can feel it. That's why you're saying the brain isn't working. Praying for you HUGS----Joan
Happy Trails
Farmgirl 3842 |
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Amie C.
True Blue Farmgirl
2099 Posts
Finger Lakes Region
NY
2099 Posts |
Posted - Mar 12 2012 : 07:45:46 AM
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| Margo, you have such a lot to cope with. I'm amazed at how much strenth and hope you've been blessed with. I'll be praying that you get the support and rest you need. Best of luck with that potential job! But don't push yourself too hard, you deserve some gentle treatment right now. |
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texdane
Farmgirl Legend Chapter Leader Chapter Guru
4658 Posts
Nicole
Sandy Hook
CT
USA
4658 Posts |
Posted - Mar 12 2012 : 07:52:16 AM
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Margo,
I, too, was wondering how you are doing and have missed seeing you here. Take care, and hope this difficult time will be behind you soon. Feel better. Will keep you in my prayers.
Farmgirl Hugs,
Nicole
Farmgirl Sister #1155
KNITTER, JAM-MAKER AND MOM EXTRAORDINAIRE
Chapter Leader, Connecticut Simpler Life Sisters
Suburban Farmgirl Blogger
http://sfgblog.maryjanesfarm.org/ |
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Across the Fence: PennyWise how are you??? Missing You! |
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PennyWise how are you??? Missing You!
