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Family Matters:  MIL is unbelievable  |
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GirlwithHook
True Blue Farmgirl
922 Posts
Alyce
Madison
WI
USA
922 Posts |
 Posted - Mar 08 2012 : 07:01:32 AM
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I've mentioned before how my MIL can wind up the Mister. Well, yesterday morning he woke up with a bad panic attack. Now, I've never seen anyone have them the way Ric does (I myself have struggled with them for a decade; my best friend and my cousin even longer). He vomits a lot, his temperature fluctuates wildly, and he's pretty much bedridden for 2-3 days.
He was feeling a bit better last night and thought this might be one of his "short" ones (wiped out for the better part of a day and then better). Then...he called his mom. He told her right away that he was sick and why--and she picked a fight with him about money, sending him straight into a second panic attack.
I was absolutely speechless. What kind of mother DOES that? MY mother never even did that, and she told me every day how worthless and unwanted I was.
He's asked me not to say anything to her. It's a good thing I avoid her as much as possible because I'm not sure I could hold my tongue otherwise! Ric treats his mother like a goddess, but even he realizes that this was totally uncalled-for.
A hook, a book, and a good cup of coffee.... |
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crafter
True Blue Farmgirl
2313 Posts
lori
Fort Atkinson
Wisconsin
USA
2313 Posts |
Posted - Mar 08 2012 : 07:50:18 AM
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Alyce- that is so unacceptable, mothers DO NOT act that way!! Is it time to cut the ties? I believe totally in family...but she is not good for him or for you. Ric needs support and love- unconditional love. I am holding you both close to my heart- please call if you need anything!!
Lots of love to you! |
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nut4fabric
True Blue Farmgirl
885 Posts
Kathy
Morgan Hill
CA
USA
885 Posts |
Posted - Mar 08 2012 : 07:53:47 AM
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Alyce I too have a "toxic" MIL. Life is so much sweeter with her out of our lives but it took a long time for DH to make that happen.
Kathy |
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GirlwithHook
True Blue Farmgirl
922 Posts
Alyce
Madison
WI
USA
922 Posts |
Posted - Mar 08 2012 : 12:16:57 PM
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Lori, thank you. I sent you an e-mail.
I am glad to know it's not just my perception here!
A hook, a book, and a good cup of coffee.... |
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GirlwithHook
True Blue Farmgirl
922 Posts
Alyce
Madison
WI
USA
922 Posts |
Posted - Mar 08 2012 : 12:28:49 PM
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Kathy, I can only hope Ric makes that call. Totally not holding my breath, though!
A hook, a book, and a good cup of coffee.... |
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nut4fabric
True Blue Farmgirl
885 Posts
Kathy
Morgan Hill
CA
USA
885 Posts |
Posted - Mar 08 2012 : 1:39:37 PM
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Alyce I hope you are good at holding your breath it took my DH 17 years to do it. We finally let her back into our lives but have had to shut the door again as she is just to toxic. I've been dealing with her for 33 years now, don't know how my husband has made it through childhood with her as a mother.
Kathy |
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rksmith
True Blue Farmgirl
858 Posts
Rachel
Clayton
GA
USA
858 Posts |
Posted - Mar 08 2012 : 4:09:27 PM
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Cut the cord, man. That is so low down and dirty of her. I can't understand how anyone can treat another person like that especially their own child (even if he is grown), yet it happens all the time. He should not put up with that, but of course until he realizes and accepts that nothing will change. I know what I would do in that situation, and it has nothing to do with holding my tongue, lol. Naturally you don't want to cause more ruckus than is already flowing. Support him, yes but also try to coax him into seeing that this relationship with his "mom" is so very toxic---wonder at how much his health would improve without her in his life? I'm betting a drastic improvement. I'm so thankful that both my MILs are so friggin awesome...and that my own mom was super awesome.
Rachel
Farmgirl Sister #2753
True enlightenment is nothing but the nature of one's own self being fully realised-- His Holiness the Dali Lama
http://madame1313.wordpress.com/ |
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FARMALLChick
True Blue Farmgirl
978 Posts
Lora
Alexandria
IN
USA
978 Posts |
Posted - Mar 09 2012 : 07:14:49 AM
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Alyce - You and I are in the same boat with MIL. My MIL is a complete nut - and DH will tell you that. I stopped letting her in years ago after she punched me in the face. I tried to forgive, but I can never forget. DH had my back though - it was a terrible time in our lives. He stopped speaking to her until his dad died - which she blamed on me! Whatever! He tried to let her back in but it was pointless - same crap - different day.
I only recently stopped allowing my own mother to interfere. She doesn't understand why. I tried to explain it to her by bringing up things she had done in the past, but she would just gasp and say "I never said that" or "I never did that". And Please tell me what kinda of GRANDMOTHER tells a grandchild "Lliam, you're getting fat." He was crushed. I laid it out right then and there. I have rarely spoken to her since. Just FYI - Lliam was on a medication at the time that made him gain 30 lbs in 2 months. He's not on that one or any other medication right now.
Hang in there - Your MIL is toxic and hopefully your DH will see the light soon. It seems as though the fog is beginning to clear. Mothers - as we all know - have a strong hold on a child's heart and mind no matter how old the child is!
We are all here for you for venting and support. You can email me as well if you need or want to.
Lora
If it ain't red, leave it in the shed.
www.CountryFriedAcres.etsy.com
www.farmallchick.blogspot.com
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nut4fabric
True Blue Farmgirl
885 Posts
Kathy
Morgan Hill
CA
USA
885 Posts |
Posted - Mar 09 2012 : 08:02:12 AM
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Wouldn't it be nice if we could pack up all the rotten MILs and send them somewhere. LOL
Kathy |
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FARMALLChick
True Blue Farmgirl
978 Posts
Lora
Alexandria
IN
USA
978 Posts |
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marlee
True Blue Farmgirl
1650 Posts
Marlene
DeRidder
Louisiana
1650 Posts |
Posted - Mar 09 2012 : 08:31:05 AM
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Lora she punched you in the face. I would have had her arrested. That is inexcusable. Glad your your hubby had your back.--Marlee
God is the painter, he paints the picture. And his son builds it, for he is the Master Carpenter! |
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FARMALLChick
True Blue Farmgirl
978 Posts
Lora
Alexandria
IN
USA
978 Posts |
Posted - Mar 09 2012 : 09:02:40 AM
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Oh trust me, the police were called and a report was taken. It was my choice not to have her arrested - because of Lance's dad. He had a bad heart and I was afraid that would be the end of him. I just stayed away from her for the next 2 years. I never told Lance he had to chose between me and her. He was always free to go visit. I even insisted a few times especially since his dad passed almost 2 years to the day she hit me.
Heck, I knew it was going to be a rocky relationship from the get go when the first thing she said after we announced we were engaged was "Is she pregnant?" How's that for a welcome to the family?! By the way - we didn't have our first and only child until 7 years later! She even told me one time, that I stole her son from her! Can you believe that! I had to laugh. I think that was part of the reason she hit me. SHE is NUTS!
Lora
If it ain't red, leave it in the shed.
www.CountryFriedAcres.etsy.com
www.farmallchick.blogspot.com
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nut4fabric
True Blue Farmgirl
885 Posts
Kathy
Morgan Hill
CA
USA
885 Posts |
Posted - Mar 09 2012 : 1:05:58 PM
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Lora The first time I met mine she greeted us at the door with "IS this a permanent situation?". And I too have been told that I stole her son away, am evil, and am the cause of everything bad that has happened in HER life. She is priceless, but not in a good way. She threw us out of the house two hours after my FIL passed away because "this has to be ALL about ME". Haven't spoken to her since. So my dear you are no where near alone. LOL
Kathy |
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FARMALLChick
True Blue Farmgirl
978 Posts
Lora
Alexandria
IN
USA
978 Posts |
Posted - Mar 09 2012 : 1:10:40 PM
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Oh I know we are not alone. I just wanted Alyce to know she's not alone either. My husband and I just laugh about it now. And when one of starts acting out the other one just says "Okay, Debbie" or "Whatever, Linda". Gets the point across with having a fight!
Lora
If it ain't red, leave it in the shed.
www.CountryFriedAcres.etsy.com
www.farmallchick.blogspot.com
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nut4fabric
True Blue Farmgirl
885 Posts
Kathy
Morgan Hill
CA
USA
885 Posts |
Posted - Mar 09 2012 : 4:35:43 PM
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Lora....funny my husband and I and the kids do the samething with the "ok Barbara". My kids are in their 30s and won't talk to her either, since she said her friends are more important then they are. Really in the end it is her loss.
Kathy |
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GirlwithHook
True Blue Farmgirl
922 Posts
Alyce
Madison
WI
USA
922 Posts |
Posted - Mar 10 2012 : 09:28:12 AM
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I am both grateful for the support and horrified to know I'm not alone! I actually had to speak to her on the phone last night (will post in "Hogs and Quiches and Prayers" why), and she thanked me for everything I do for him. 
Group hug, farmgirls!
A hook, a book, and a good cup of coffee.... |
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crafter
True Blue Farmgirl
2313 Posts
lori
Fort Atkinson
Wisconsin
USA
2313 Posts |
Posted - Mar 10 2012 : 2:26:33 PM
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Alyce-
Mind games and drama??? are you kidding me- life is too darn short and at times too darn hard to not have the unconditional love and support from family, especially a mom!! |
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GirlwithHook
True Blue Farmgirl
922 Posts
Alyce
Madison
WI
USA
922 Posts |
Posted - Mar 11 2012 : 09:49:56 AM
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Heck yeah! Truer words have seldom been spoken!
A hook, a book, and a good cup of coffee.... |
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Tn.Earthmama
True Blue Farmgirl
451 Posts
Phyllis
Englewood
Tennessee
451 Posts |
Posted - Mar 12 2012 : 7:14:12 PM
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Hi Alyce, sometimes you just have to take a break for being exposed to such crazy making behavior. I hope the Mister can bring himself to get away from his toxic Mom, at least for a while. do what you need to take care of yourself and your mister.
way to go gals, standing up for yourselves!!! blessings Phyllis |
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GirlwithHook
True Blue Farmgirl
922 Posts
Alyce
Madison
WI
USA
922 Posts |
Posted - Mar 13 2012 : 07:22:06 AM
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Yeah, the stress is getting to both of us...but, he won't hear of cutting off contact with his "dear mummy." At least I minimize contact with her for myself.
A hook, a book, and a good cup of coffee.... |
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goneriding
True Blue Farmgirl
1599 Posts
Winona
Central Oregon
USA
1599 Posts |
Posted - Mar 17 2012 : 7:09:29 PM
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Wow, so good to hear I'm not alone. I've posted here plenty, quite a while ago, about hubby's fam and how much anguish I ALLOWED them to cause me. Now, after a couple of things last year (or was it year before last?? Can't remember) I've pretty well cut bait and told them that from now on, I treat them just like I'd treat anyone else. They ain't that special no more. It went over like a lead balloon, but, too bad, so sad. My SIL actually said she would forgive me and I told her I didn't ask for forgiveness, so it won't work. That floored her. You have to ask for forgiveness for it to be valid, IMO.
My birthday was a couple of days ago and no one called from his side...and I didn't even notice till this morning...heh... The same SIL from above did send me a b-day card, which was nice, but she's toxic, now I know.
Just because someone is 'family' doesn't hold water with me any more. Sorry about your hubby!!
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Family Matters: MIL is unbelievable |
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MIL is unbelievable
