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Family Matters:  Your opinions please: placing ad for love or help  |
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medievalcat
True Blue Farmgirl
256 Posts
Cynthia
White County
Arkansas
USA
256 Posts |
 Posted - Feb 12 2012 : 1:30:50 PM
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As some of you know my husband passed away last September. Our relationship was rocky to say the least but I did love him through it all. His death was a shock to me.
I have two daughters still at home ages 11 and 16. I own a small five acre farm in rural Arkansas. I'm 42 and no spring chick by far.
Shortly after my husband passed away I watched a Halmark movie called "Love comes softly" in it a young woman's husband passed away right after they moved. She had no income nor home. A man who lived near by wife passed away and he needed help raising his daughter. Thus he propose they join forces. It worked out and it being Halmark they fell in love.
I'm not looking for love or a relationship but I need help with my farm. It's hard to find someone who would like all the things I do and be a help on the farm in my local area. I thought about placing an ad in a magazine or newspaper and set up a separate PO box to have the mail that might be generated sent to..and not to my home.
I can't afford to pay anyone with anything other than a meal and companionship.
With daughters at home I do worry about abusers..so I would have to check the guy out before ever allowing him to meet them.
What do y'all think? Do you think it has possibilities of blowing up or working out? And where would you put the ad if you think it might work out ok?
Curious like a cat,
Cyn
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Edited by - medievalcat on Feb 12 2012 1:31:49 PM |
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oldbittyhen
True Blue Farmgirl
1511 Posts
tina
quartz hill
ca
USA
1511 Posts |
Posted - Feb 12 2012 : 1:58:18 PM
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try finding someone word of mouth first, thru a church, otherwise you might find yourself in a heap of danger, especialy with young kids at home...
"Knowlege is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad" |
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sjmjgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
566 Posts
Stephanie
Mt. Vernon
Iowa
USA
566 Posts |
Posted - Feb 12 2012 : 2:15:33 PM
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Please be careful. I would try going through friends or family members and see if they know someone. Unfortunately, you will probably have to offer some kind of payment or exchange of services besides a nice meal and friendship. If you're willing, I'm sure there is someone who could maybe use a place to stay in exchange for working around your farm. Of course like I said before, please be careful and know what you're getting into.
Farmgirl Sister # 3810
Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
- Dalai Lama |
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Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - Feb 12 2012 : 3:59:39 PM
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I saw that movie and absolutely loved it. Be careful for you and for your children. I'd call a church or such first, they may know of some person who is looking for work.
Keep us posted. Good luck. Hugs to you and yours.
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
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Amie C.
True Blue Farmgirl
2099 Posts
Finger Lakes Region
NY
2099 Posts |
Posted - Feb 12 2012 : 4:22:42 PM
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What do you do with your five acres? Is it a source of income, or just the place where you live? I ask because you might be able to attract a better class of applicants if it was a proposition where they could plant a crop or use your land to raise animals in order to sell. Their chores for you would be their "rent". That might appeal to a young person looking to branch out from their own family's farm, or looking to get into farming without having a lot of cash to buy land on their own.
Also, not sure what you need done but if it's just general chores (not like, using a backhoe or a harvester) you might look into your local 4H or high school for kids who need to do projects. |
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Ruby V
True Blue Farmgirl
220 Posts
Ruby
Chilliwack
BC
Canada
220 Posts |
Posted - Feb 12 2012 : 5:50:31 PM
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I'm not real sure what you mean. You say you need help with the farm, but you can't afford to pay more than a meal and companionship. Do you mean you want the person to physically live in your house with you and your daughters? Honestly, I would think it would be hard to find someone who wanted to work for just meals and friendship.
Have you considered another woman? Is the work too hard to be done by you and another woman? I wouldn't advertise in a magazine or national publication. Possibly the local newspaper because it would be easier to check references and find out background info about a local person. But I would be extremely cautious about hiring any man to move into your house.
You are still pretty young! I'd love to be 42 again {laughing} So I hope that eventually you can move forward and find another relationship. Good luck!
Ruby ~ Sister #3597 |
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SusanScarlet
True Blue Farmgirl
317 Posts
317 Posts |
Posted - Feb 12 2012 : 6:45:30 PM
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| There are many women with children that are looking for a place to live that doesn't cost alot. If you have room, perhaps another woman with a child would be willing to help you in exchange for a place to live. Ya'll could perhaps assist each other with childcare and each work off the farm part-time. |
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Annab
True Blue Farmgirl
2900 Posts
Anna
Seagrove
NC
USA
2900 Posts |
Posted - Feb 18 2012 : 10:15:05 AM
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Sounds like a great idea in theory.
If it does work out and you do find someone ALWAYS do a thorough background check!!!! Church or no church, I'd still run a check anyway.
It's overwhelming and you certainly do need the help, but think of you and your family's safely too!! |
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tangledthreads
True Blue Farmgirl
185 Posts
Michelle
Middle Tennessee
USA
185 Posts |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22944 Posts
22944 Posts |
Posted - Feb 18 2012 : 6:22:53 PM
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Be Very Very Careful and do a background check minimum. There was a case not too long ago in Penn. I think where a guy advertised on several craigslist sites for a farm hand/manager and he and his son murderd I think 5-10 people. It was terrible. I know people met online all the time and can really hit it off and even get married. I think that is great- but remember if someone is pushing to move fast I would consider that red flag. Please protect your family first and foremost!! :)
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
www.allergyjourneys.blogspot.com
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LuckyMommyof5
True Blue Farmgirl
500 Posts
Suzanne
OH
USA
500 Posts |
Posted - Feb 19 2012 : 7:59:14 PM
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Alee, I know the case you are talking about. VERY scary. CraigsList frightens me. I have a mom friend who buys things off there constantly and it gives me the willies.
Cyn - be VERY careful. You have a good heart and would be a wonderful partner in life for any man. I just think it might work out better for you if you look for someone new in your life separate from finding someone to help on your farm.
I liked the suggestion of maybe finding a 4H intern to help out.
Farmgirl Sister #3243
"The real things haven't changed. It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures; and have courage when things go wrong." - Laura Ingalls Wilder |
Edited by - LuckyMommyof5 on Feb 19 2012 8:02:02 PM |
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Rosemary
True Blue Farmgirl
1825 Posts
Virginia
USA
1825 Posts |
Posted - Feb 20 2012 : 02:57:30 AM
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Is there a widows' support group in your area? Maybe as part of such a group, you could find creative ways to swap work for work -- like maybe if somebody enjoys gardening but now lives in an apartment, they could help you with planting and you could offer to let her do your laundry at your place. Stuff like that. Or maybe the other women can give you names of trusted handymen they've used.
I would caution you against any advertising, not even just locally. Any while church referrals are a nice idea, please remember that a huge percentage of murderers turn out to have come from very religious families and no one suspected how deranged they really were until they got caught.
Amie C. touched on a good idea. I think there's even a program in our state that puts "newbie" farmers together with people who need worker bees. You might check into that.
Good luck! |
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Bayou Girl
True Blue Farmgirl
252 Posts
Jennifer
Star City
Arkansas
USA
252 Posts |
Posted - Feb 21 2012 : 06:47:53 AM
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Cynthia,
I sent you an email.
~Jennifer~
Farmgirl #3803
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Dorinda
True Blue Farmgirl
1023 Posts
Dorinda
St. Cloud
Florida
USA
1023 Posts |
Posted - Feb 28 2012 : 05:24:28 AM
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I agree with all the other girls I would be careful whom I brought in around my children if I did not know them well. I am a little confused though . Are you looking to form a new relationship with some one or are you just looking for a farm hand. If you are looking for a new partner in life as to speak. I would join a church or get with people you know who might know some one to introduce you to. A lot of the churches now have single groups. There is a website for single farmers looking to find companionship if you google single farmers .com it should take you there. I think you might have to join the website though it might cost money. Any ways I would still be careful with that route.
Seize The Day!
Dorinda |
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medievalcat
True Blue Farmgirl
256 Posts
Cynthia
White County
Arkansas
USA
256 Posts |
Posted - Mar 19 2012 : 5:35:06 PM
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Update: Thank you all for your support and concerns!
As it turns out.. I decided not to put an ad out for help but have made some great friends who offered their help. At times this little farm is more than I can handle. For example I need to replace the entire barn roof because it's peeling away.. then I looked and the support beams are busted. But my friends said they will help with the repairs. I hope they meant it once they see how much work it really is. I'm planning a farm fixing day... I can't pay them but I will cook them a great meal to say thanks!
I have met someone but we both are shy and after a month of talking we finally held hands for two minutes the other day. We both have traveled down rough roads in life so going slow seems the best thing to do for both of us.
Mostly I wondered about placing the ad because it seems like in the past it was something safe to do. Craig's List scares me too much to even read the ads already there.. and the newspapers goes out to too many people you just don't know. The 4H is a great idea!
Thank you again!
Cyn |
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Cherime
True Blue Farmgirl
1222 Posts
Cherime
Wasilla
Alaska
USA
1222 Posts |
Posted - Mar 20 2012 : 08:59:51 AM
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Glad that you decided not to do so. A friend of mine met up with someone who she originally met when that guy was with a client of hers. She felt sorry for him at the time because the client had a bit of a nasty disposition. So she took him in and was going to give him a job fixing the cabin which needs a ton of work. I had to rescue her and her dogs the other day when she took an emergency trip to the dentist and he stole the rental car, leaving her stranded in town and panic struck that he would hurt her dogs and maybe burn the cabin. Turns out he had many many cases against him in court with quite a few for domestic violence. The other lady probably kept quiet because she felt so bad after being taken in by this con artist.
CMF |
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LuckyMommyof5
True Blue Farmgirl
500 Posts
Suzanne
OH
USA
500 Posts |
Posted - Mar 20 2012 : 1:56:58 PM
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Cyn - I am so glad you decided against the ad. I could tell the interest for someone to help with the farm and to have someone new in your life was sincere, but I feared that might be a not-so-safe way to do it.
I am thrilled to hear you met someone great and you are taking it slow - that's the best way to really get to know a person and start a lasting relationship. After all, if it's the right person, you have all the time in the world. You deserve every happiness and joy! I hope things continue to work out so well!!
I also hope your friends who offered help with the farm can assist with everything you need. Definitely look into 4H for extra help if you need it.
Farmgirl Sister #3243
"The real things haven't changed. It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures; and have courage when things go wrong." - Laura Ingalls Wilder |
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Family Matters: Your opinions please: placing ad for love or help |
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Your opinions please: placing ad for love or help
