| Author |
Stitching & Crafting Room:  why is everything a crafty competition with her?  |
|
|
farmmilkmama
True Blue Farmgirl
2027 Posts
Amy
Central MN
USA
2027 Posts |
 Posted - Nov 28 2011 : 05:07:14 AM
|
I recently crocheted a few hats for my Aunt M who was just diagnosed with cancer. I wasn't able to deliver them myself, so my mom took them up to her because they were having a small "sibling only" potluck. Anyhow, while there, Aunt B (another sister) got all snobby snippy about me crocheting. (Imagine a lot of attitude in all her questions.) "When did *Amy* learn to crochet?" My mom told her this summer and Aunt B immediately takes the hats out of Aunt M's hands to check my work. Apparently it was acceptable. ;)
Then awhile later, my mom mentioned that my son had gone as a half man/half woman for halloween this year. Aunt B says "Did *Amy* make that costume?" My mom said yes. Aunt B says "Did she *hand sew* it?" My mom said no and that I have a sewing machine and I use it quite frequently. Apparently Aunt B just about fell off her chair thinking I had a sewing machine AND could make a costume.
Aunt B is VERY talented at anything crafty. I just don't get why everything is a competition with her. I remember many years ago when my sister learned to crochet (she was like, 8) and Aunt B came over and my sister came out so proud to show Aunt B what she had done, and Aunt B said "You've got a mistake....here...." and ripped the ENTIRE thing out! You could see my sister just totally deflate. I felt so bad for her. :(
Do you know anyone like this is in the crafting world? How do you deal with them?
--* FarmMilkMama *--
Farmgirl Sister #1086
Be yourself.
Everyone else is already taken.
-Oscar Wilde
www.farmfoodmama.blogspot.com
www.thehmmmschoolingmom.blogspot.com |
|
|
pinokeeo
True Blue Farmgirl
559 Posts
Phyllis
Oregon
USA
559 Posts |
Posted - Nov 28 2011 : 05:26:08 AM
|
My mother used to be like this. I just stopped showing her anything I made.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I cannot master those things that I have not tried.
check out my artfire: http://www.artfire.com/users/PiNOKEEOs |
 |
|
|
one_dog_per_acre
True Blue Farmgirl
1572 Posts
Trish
Sandpoint
ID
USA
1572 Posts |
Posted - Nov 28 2011 : 06:13:39 AM
|
I would do a cartwheel if someone in my family was crafty, and didn't live eight hours away.
My Aunt M is the same way about sewing. She would pass out if I showed her one of my Dotee Dolls.
“It always looks darkest just before it gets totally black.”-Charlie Brown |
|
|
|
farmmilkmama
True Blue Farmgirl
2027 Posts
Amy
Central MN
USA
2027 Posts |
Posted - Nov 28 2011 : 06:21:51 AM
|
So then...what is it about *us* that makes it so unbelievable to our Aunts that we can sew or do crafty things? That's what THIS chick wants to know.... :)
--* FarmMilkMama *--
Farmgirl Sister #1086
Be yourself.
Everyone else is already taken.
-Oscar Wilde
www.farmfoodmama.blogspot.com
www.thehmmmschoolingmom.blogspot.com |
|
|
|
pinokeeo
True Blue Farmgirl
559 Posts
Phyllis
Oregon
USA
559 Posts |
Posted - Nov 28 2011 : 06:24:27 AM
|
I think it's their way of saying that you still need them.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I cannot master those things that I have not tried.
check out my artfire: http://www.artfire.com/users/PiNOKEEOs |
|
|
|
farmmilkmama
True Blue Farmgirl
2027 Posts
Amy
Central MN
USA
2027 Posts |
Posted - Nov 28 2011 : 06:39:05 AM
|
Ah! Perhaps..I think in my aunt's case it was that no one else in the family has ever got bitten by the crafty bug and so she was always the one who got the oohs and ahhs. And now I learned how to do some things and...that's not ok?
Honestly its kind of a bummer to feel like you can't show someone who is really talented your own stuff for fear that they're going to either make you feel like you shouldn't be doing it, or make you feel like you don't know what you are doing. Wouldn't it be nice to be able to get advice (nicely) or tips (constructively) instead of worrying that its going to turn into a power trip from Aunt B?
--* FarmMilkMama *--
Farmgirl Sister #1086
Be yourself.
Everyone else is already taken.
-Oscar Wilde
www.farmfoodmama.blogspot.com
www.thehmmmschoolingmom.blogspot.com |
|
|
|
unrulyremnant
Farmgirl in Training
42 Posts
Michelle
Trumbull County
OH
42 Posts |
Posted - Nov 28 2011 : 06:43:39 AM
|
I've met more than my share of people with *craft & talent envy*...and just like you, I really don't know what makes these people tick. In a previous life, I worked as a scrapbook instructor at Micheal's Crafts. Fun job, right? One would think so, but as usual there was yet another *mean person* out there to try and destroy someone's happiness. She also was one of the scrapbook instructors AND she had both my first and last name!! I was a Smith then and that's pretty common.
Anyhow, to make a long story short, she snubbed and snipped at me as often as she could even though I remained nice. I had been preparing for a huge convention that Michael's was invited to, and I had classes to teach. My first convention and I was totally psyched! It's hard to explain all the little things that led up to this, but basically while I was there my immediate boss (the head of the crafty dept) got a call that there were all these students there for a class I supposedly had scheduled!! Can anyone make a guess here as to what happened?? The OTHER Michelle had set me up, and tried to get them to believe her garbage. I 190% did not arrange a class that day and the best part is that NONE of the bosses believed her. I'm still completely amazed to this day that someone would even DO something like that let alone even come up with the idea. Ok, sorry...I've ramble on, but when I saw your post it really stirred some old stuff up.
On a nicer note, I've had plenty of wonderful people compliment me on my craftiness. And it always makes me feel good inside. I guess it's better to focus on those experiences :)
Michelle
*risk the blossom*
http://michelleprindle-unrulyremnant.blogpsot.com
http://partyblossom.blogspot.com
|
Edited by - unrulyremnant on Nov 28 2011 06:45:32 AM |
|
|
|
farmmilkmama
True Blue Farmgirl
2027 Posts
Amy
Central MN
USA
2027 Posts |
Posted - Nov 28 2011 : 06:53:01 AM
|
Michelle, it's crazy what some people will do! Like you said, it really makes you wonder what makes these people tick! You're right - its better to focus on the compliments you receive than all that other "stuff". :)
--* FarmMilkMama *--
Farmgirl Sister #1086
Be yourself.
Everyone else is already taken.
-Oscar Wilde
www.farmfoodmama.blogspot.com
www.thehmmmschoolingmom.blogspot.com |
|
|
|
Penny Wise
True Blue Farmgirl
1903 Posts
Margo
Elyria
OH
USA
1903 Posts |
Posted - Nov 28 2011 : 07:06:26 AM
|
i have relatives who do the same behavior except in regard to cooking and baking.....and then my daughter in laws mother is perfect so there are many things i don't even attempt....
just smile!!!!! if you are there when they do it then they wonder why they aren't irking you!
Farmgirl # 2139
proud member of the Farmgirls of the Southwest Henhouse
~*~ counting my pennies and biding my time; my dreams are adding up!~*~ |
|
|
|
farmmilkmama
True Blue Farmgirl
2027 Posts
Amy
Central MN
USA
2027 Posts |
Posted - Nov 28 2011 : 07:14:25 AM
|
Good suggestion, Margo! I've also encountered these people with baking and cooking. The "Oh, I can't give you my recipe..." kind of thing. What's up with that??? Or the whole get together becomes so stressful because everyone is trying to outdo each other...ACK! People!!
--* FarmMilkMama *--
Farmgirl Sister #1086
Be yourself.
Everyone else is already taken.
-Oscar Wilde
www.farmfoodmama.blogspot.com
www.thehmmmschoolingmom.blogspot.com |
|
|
|
Penny Wise
True Blue Farmgirl
1903 Posts
Margo
Elyria
OH
USA
1903 Posts |
Posted - Nov 28 2011 : 07:28:21 AM
|
and then there is this--a few years back i knitted hats and scarves for all of the grands for Christmas- they have all grown so i was going to make new ones this year as gifts except-my daughter learned to crochet and makes the most awesome hats and sells on etsy--so ya know that auntie robyn is making hats etc!!!! but it's all good cuz she is more talented than i am!!!!!
Farmgirl # 2139
proud member of the Farmgirls of the Southwest Henhouse
~*~ counting my pennies and biding my time; my dreams are adding up!~*~ |
|
|
|
soapmommy60543
True Blue Farmgirl
2197 Posts
Ann
Oswego
IL
USA
2197 Posts |
Posted - Nov 28 2011 : 07:32:07 AM
|
Amy, you have every right to be proud of your work, and if this lady has a bug stuck in places we won't mention, that's too bad. I think every family has a "killjoy" of some kind. I have an aunt who actually asked me, when my husband and I were trying to start a family, if I thought his DNA was worth passing on. I know.
I agree with whoever said that she is just jealous that you will now be stealing her thunder. In her mind, you will probably be a little girl your whole life. Sad but true.
I also agree that you just shouldn't bother sharing your work with her. Why beat yourself up with that nonsense! Besides, you can share your work with us. We love everyone's efforts, and it sounds like you are very talented at what you do. We are a very supportive group, and often get inspiration from one another.
Hang in there, kiddo!
Wife of terrific hubby and mom to 2 kiddos, 2 bunnies, 2 geriatric goldfish, and the best dog in the world!
Avoid soil depravation and get your dirt on! Start a garden in your own backyard...
Check out my blog: http://suburbanprairiehomemaker.blogspot.com
and follow me on Facebook (Suburban Prairie Homemaker) and Twitter (@sphomemaker)
|
|
|
|
farmmilkmama
True Blue Farmgirl
2027 Posts
Amy
Central MN
USA
2027 Posts |
|
|
Missus Miranda
True Blue Farmgirl
285 Posts
Miranda
Thrall
TX
USA
285 Posts |
Posted - Nov 28 2011 : 08:17:11 AM
|
I can understand not just giving tips out to people who wouldn't appriciate it, but to look down one's nose at another who just decdied to start sewing/crafting/baking/whatever, and belittle them for mistakes... especially children!  is horrible!
Now, my boyfriend grew up in Lubbock, and ran around with some kids a couple blocks from his house, and those kids would go to Ms Sam's house on Sundays so she could take them to church. Actually, it was so they could get pie. I mention this because Ms Sam (according to Josh) does not just share tips and tricks for baking/cooking.etc. I don't believe it's because she is a mean woman; in fact, she is QUITE sweet. But, she is particular.
We sat on the front porch and she mentioned making her own wedding cake. I said "Seeeeee? I wanna do that, I just don't think I can... especially because I want to make my dress, too. I'm not as good at baking as I am at sewing". That sort of ruffled Josh's feathers (he likes ANYTHING I bake or cook) and somehow it all turned into me talking about pie crusts. Ms Sam shared her trick with me, and later, as we were leaving, Josh told me she must have liked me because she never shared those tips with people.
But, I too have an aunt that withholds information LOL! In fact, Momma mentioned something about it yesterday. She asked me if I remembered the stuff they used to make with the peas and asparagus and such, and that she'd found the recipe but aunt J had left several ingredients out... "I think she did that on purpose!" Momma whispered across the table. We finally decided that there was also the possibility that my aunt is just that absent minded... but it's hard to say. People are just so weird!
As to the passing on of DNA, if ANYone says something like that to Josh and I when we start trying, I'll have a conniption. That, or like my Momma, quietly turn and say something cutting and put them in their place.
And lastly, I have to say, Michelle, I LOVE your username. I keep seeing the scrap of felt I tried working with last night while doing beadwork... it's 72 inches long and about 8 inches wide and it got all looped around and twisted and quite unruly!
"I'm not trying to be mean or cantankerous. I just wish people would do the right thing, and use a little common sense." ~ Farmgirl 3535
Pflugerville, TX
http://www.tawnycow.blogspot.com/ |
|
|
|
Heather B
True Blue Farmgirl
562 Posts
Heather
Longmont
Colorado
USA
562 Posts |
Posted - Nov 28 2011 : 09:05:29 AM
|
My sister is very much like the aunt and it extends to everything I do not just crafting. Which by the way she doesnt do anything but crochet but she still gives her opinion on everything not limited to crafting, children, husbands, mother and father, etc etc etc. I've pretty much stopped communicating with her, sad I know, but you have to save yourself eventually.
Chin up!
Heather
http://homesteadincity.blogspot.com/
http://littlehouseonthebumper.blogspot.com/ (My "glamper" page)
"Only your real friends tell you when your face is dirty"
Farm Girl Sister #662 |
|
|
|
pinokeeo
True Blue Farmgirl
559 Posts
Phyllis
Oregon
USA
559 Posts |
Posted - Nov 28 2011 : 12:12:01 PM
|
Amy, the best thing you can do is just be better than your Aunt. Or not compete at all. Just do what you like to do, and share with those who appreciate.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I cannot master those things that I have not tried.
check out my artfire: http://www.artfire.com/users/PiNOKEEOs |
|
|
|
melody
True Blue Farmgirl
3329 Posts
Melody
The Great North Woods in the Land of Hiawatha
USA
3329 Posts |
Posted - Nov 28 2011 : 12:19:39 PM
|
I can so relate....This past summer at an art show I did I had my red work embroidered flour sack towels up for sale; they were displayed in a really neat vintage suitcaise, pressed up nice, white and crisp when this lady and her friend stopped by. The "vocal" gal picked up one of my towels and was explaining in a rather loud voice that you could tell a true "embroiderers" SKILL by how well the underside of an item looked as opposed to the true embroidered side. She flipped my towel over and say "Hmmmph!" and let it fall back into the suitcase. I was so embarrassed as there were several other ladies scanning my table. You know it really bothered me and upset me. And you know I was standing right in front of her when she said this and it didn't even bother her a bit. I KNOW that I am a skilled embroiderer and I have sold dozens and dozens of my red work dish towels over the years, but that one lady...Well it can get to a person when someone can be so mean.
My advice is keep on crocheting...some people just want to keep other people "down!"
Melody
Farmgirl #525 |
|
|
|
Beverley
True Blue Farmgirl
2707 Posts
Beverley
atlanta
Michigan
USA
2707 Posts |
|
|
GaiasRose
True Blue Farmgirl
2552 Posts
Tasha-Rose
St. Paul
Minnesota
2552 Posts |
Posted - Nov 29 2011 : 09:36:14 AM
|
I am the only crafty person in my families so I don't have experience with that aspect, but my former MILs (yes two...twice married...) are BOTH very competitive with pretty much everything and I can never ever do anything as well as they can in their opinion. If you ask me, their cooking skills are severely lacking...bland mashed potatoes anyone?? no? you like flavor in your food? oh, yah, me too...you like variety in your diet? oh? well you aren't going to get it with them, but you get you are going to get a critique on every.single.thing. you make/clean/craft even though they aren't perfect at those things themselves.
use chemical free cleaners? well it simply isn't good enough and you must use bleech because everything must be sanitized. You also need to vacuum 72 times a day and keep your house in museum quality condition, even though you have kids who live and play and giggle in every square inch of the house.
(ask me why I am no longer married to either of their sons....lol)
Bottomline is that there is ALWAYS going to be someone who thinks that whatever you do is insufficient and that they have all of the answers...be it knitting, laundry, or the way you style your hair. Those people are simply unhappy with THEMSELVES and they need to feel superior by trying to knock you down a peg or two, ESPECIALLY when they see you have done something better than they have.
Don't worry on it too much. It's not worth it. Just love your Aunt, smile and keep crocheting.
~*~Brightest Blessings~*~
Tasha-Rose
Farmgirl Sister #88
Blogs:
http://omgsitstasharose.wordpress.com
[url=http://lilypie.com] [/url]
|
|
|
|
Dusky Beauty
True Blue Farmgirl
1108 Posts
Jen
Tonopah
AZ
USA
1108 Posts |
Posted - Dec 03 2011 : 1:58:06 PM
|
I bet that people like that have always been "the crafty one". On a psychological level, they can't let anyone else be the craft expert, because then they won't be "important" anymore, in their eyes, you can't be as good as them, because it robs them of their identity.
"The greatness of a nation and it's moral progress can be judged by the way it's animals are treated." ~Gandhi
http://silvermoonfarm.blogspot.com/
"After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.” ~Will Rogers |
|
|
|
Ohioann
Farmgirl in Training
38 Posts
Ann
Minerva
OH
USA
38 Posts |
Posted - Dec 04 2011 : 1:14:17 PM
|
So sad. My mother had a way of handling a lady in her "crowd" that always had a "better" way to do things. Mom would smile sweetly, say "you're ABSOLUTLEY right" and then go on and do it Mom's way anyway. Growing up with that example I've learned not to let things like negative comments get under my skin too much. And when someone does get over my threshold I think, "they need my pity not my anger", works most of the time. I'm almost 70 and I don't have time to let people upset the rest of my life!
Farmgirl 3129 Retired and busier than ever in East Central Ohio |
|
|
|
RedHoopWoman
True Blue Farmgirl
513 Posts
Kathryn
Yoder
Colorado
USA
513 Posts |
Posted - Dec 04 2011 : 8:31:37 PM
|
I've dealt with such people from time to time,most of them in the horse crowd,I do dressage,jumping and ranch work and there's always plenty of people who think they're better trainers,riders,etc..and will vocalize that to anyone who will listen,the best thing to do is just keep doing your best and enjoying what you do and let the other person worry about whether you're "doing it right" or not,why worry and decrease your enjoyment of something when you've got someone to fret over it for you?
As far as crafting,my Sister crochets too but she does yarn and I do thread crochet and we both find alot to admire about eachother's work and don't have any competition there but i quilt and I have a cousin who also quilts and is much more proficient with a rotary cutter and getting every angle mathematically correct and every color harmoniously blended together while I just whack out my quilts with a pair of scissors and sew them together with the hope that in the end the whole thing will fit together so needless to say,I'm not too anxious to put one of my quilt tops in front of her and ask her opinion of it though I think I get much more enjoyment out of my informal approach to quilting than she does doing all that math!
"Today's Mighty Oak is just Yesterday's Nut" |
|
|
|
FarmDream
True Blue Farmgirl
1085 Posts
Julie
TX
USA
1085 Posts |
Posted - Dec 04 2011 : 9:08:54 PM
|
I have one friend that I have a healthy crafting competition with. We will pick a small project and both make it and then compare. We always get a good laugh at our artistic elements (mistakes) in each project and the creative ways we cover them up. I agree with not sharing any more info with the Aunt or I would say something like, "maybe next time you can bring one of your projects and we can all trash it." Sorry, but your Aunt is being a bully.
~FarmDream is Farmgirl Sister #3069
Live Today, Cherish Yesterday, Dream Tomorrow
http://naturaljulie.etsy.com
http://julie-rants.blogspot.com |
|
|
| |
Stitching & Crafting Room: why is everything a crafty competition with her? |
|
why is everything a crafty competition with her?
