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Cleaning Up:  HELP! What to do with hoarder?  |
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Bevb
True Blue Farmgirl
81 Posts
Bev
Moscow
ID
USA
81 Posts |
 Posted - Nov 14 2011 : 07:19:38 AM
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We have a very dear lady in our church who has a heart of gold, but....... she stinks. I recently learned that she and her roommate live with sixteen (or more) cats in their single wide trailer. Another person has told me that the conditions are downright squalid.
Hints do not work. Flat out telling her that she smells does not work. Giving them new clothes, soap, laundry detergent, etc. does not work. They do have a working shower and washer and dryer, they simply don't use them. I think they have both lost their sense of smell.
What are the proper channels? I have considered calling the humane society. For various reasons, I need to remain anonymous.
Ideas anyone? |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
Posted - Nov 14 2011 : 07:27:09 AM
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You should call adult protective services. They can send out someone and they have the legal ability to help. In cases where hinting, helping, and being forthright have all failed- I think it is clear that they are not in a place where they can "hear" the concerns of others. My heart goes out to them. In these cases there often is a mental illness and the people honestly do not see anything wrong with their conditions. :(
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
www.allergyjourneys.blogspot.com
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Bevb
True Blue Farmgirl
81 Posts
Bev
Moscow
ID
USA
81 Posts |
Posted - Nov 14 2011 : 08:02:58 AM
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OK - I just sent an e-mail - we'll see what happens. I'll let you know.
Bev |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
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SusanScarlet
True Blue Farmgirl
317 Posts
317 Posts |
Posted - Nov 14 2011 : 11:11:37 AM
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| Probably a call to BOTH adult protective services and the humane society would help. In some small towns, a call to the police for a "welfare check in" on someone will start the ball rolling. Where I previously lived, there was an older lady that had fifty something cats living all over her house and when they died she was keeping their bodies in the refrigerator and freezer. So sad. |
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acairnsmom
True Blue Farmgirl
1319 Posts
audrey
cheyenne
wy
1319 Posts |
Posted - Nov 14 2011 : 1:19:35 PM
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OMG! These are sad situations. The hoarder is not really at fault, they just don't think they have a problem. I have a good friend that lives next to a sweet lady with this condition and her son has been out to clean Mom's house out, the city has gotten involved, friends, neighbors all try to help her. She just doesn't understand what the fuss is about. The sad part of this situation? She works for the County Mental Health! Her employers have told her they don't want to hear about any "problems". Sad, sad!
Audrey
Good boy Hobbs! I love and miss you. |
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OmgsItsTashaRose
Farmgirl in Training
44 Posts
Tasha-Rose
St. Paul
MN
USA
44 Posts |
Posted - Nov 14 2011 : 2:19:37 PM
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DP's dad is a hoarder and it extends to our house a little in that he needs places to put things. He brings over useful things, like furniture...but really, we don't need four sofas in the family room....and the garage is full of his things, construction type materials. DP says that his dad has a couple of storage lockers, his house is FULL and the upstairs apartment of his tax prep business is FULL. I have not been to either place so I haven't seen it, but I trust Travis when he talks about it. His dad has a real problem. It's hard to say something to hoarders because they don't realize that they are ill...that it is dangerous for them to behave this way...Such a sad thing...
The crazy thing is that we celebrate it by airing shows like hoarding and that couponing show. That couponing show is the worst IMHO! Those people are so wasteful but because everything is neatly organized we don't call it a sickness...only when people can't maneuver through their home do we say that their hoarding is a bad thing.
Formerly GaiasRose |
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oldbittyhen
True Blue Farmgirl
1511 Posts
tina
quartz hill
ca
USA
1511 Posts |
Posted - Nov 14 2011 : 6:36:03 PM
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Go to www.animalplanet.com , they have a series on there regarding animal hoarders, you can get the info you need from their site regarding the cats, and once that is done, someone needs to get in there and clean, if its cleanable, cat urine will rot out the floors...godd luck
"Knowlege is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad" |
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Rosemary
True Blue Farmgirl
1825 Posts
Virginia
USA
1825 Posts |
Posted - Dec 10 2011 : 9:31:00 PM
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TashaRose, after reading this thread, I was inspired to go to one or two bookmarked sites I've been meaning to read, as inspiration to get me ready to tackle some clutter. Lo and behold, I landed on a page that reminded me of what you'd posted about your situation. I hope you don't mind my sharing it with you.
http://www.organization-makes-sense.com/assertiveness_training-2.html
The overall site seems to have a lot of worthwhile advice. I'll probably be poking around in it tomorrow instead of tackling the clutter! :) |
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Amie C.
True Blue Farmgirl
2099 Posts
Finger Lakes Region
NY
2099 Posts |
Posted - Dec 11 2011 : 08:04:01 AM
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Tasha, there's a website called Children of Hoarders. Might help you and your partner in your relationship with his dad. My mom is what I think technically would be defined as "chronically disorganized" rather than a full-on hoarder, but the outcome is the same in terms of what it does to the living environment.
http://childrenofhoarders.com/wordpress/ |
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GaiasRose
True Blue Farmgirl
2552 Posts
Tasha-Rose
St. Paul
Minnesota
2552 Posts |
Posted - Dec 12 2011 : 09:50:14 AM
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Hey Rosemary and Amie, thanks for the links! I will check them out!!
~*~Brightest Blessings~*~
Tasha-Rose
Farmgirl Sister #88
Blogs:
http://omgsitstasharose.wordpress.com
[url=http://lilypie.com] [/url]
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RedHoopWoman
True Blue Farmgirl
513 Posts
Kathryn
Yoder
Colorado
USA
513 Posts |
Posted - Dec 13 2011 : 2:52:35 PM
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This is a really sad situation,one of my nearest and dearest family members is a cat hoarder and unfortunately everyone is kind of forced to be compliant with it because attempts to clear out cats,help find them homes or put down the old or ill ones have been met with solid resistance and the other choices are not very savory when the humane society favors criminal prosecution so turning to the humane society is not a viable option in our particular situation because no one wants to see one of thier beloved family members charged with animal cruelty or removed from thier home.
So I find myself every week cleaning up the most horrid of catbox (and other) messes and going along with it like the rest of my family because the alternatives are not very pleasant either.
I would love to get help but the kind of help out there is not what I want for my family member,it would be nice if the humane society could help,I would gladly turn over the cats but not at the cost of criminal prosecution for my loved one so what to do?
Tasha,I'm not sure that the Hoarders show really glorifies this condition so much as brings it to light,for me it's very relatable and kind of comforting to know that I am not the only one who had to grow up around that kind of thing and watching it and hearing the stories helps me to process some of the anger I have about it as well as empathize with my loved one who has the problem,so far it's been the only outlet I have because my other family members have taken the denial approach,no one wants to deal with upsetting this family member because she truly believes that she's "helping" all these kitties by providing them a home while her own quality of life is compromised by the sheer numbers.
The last time I did a big clean-up and got rid of some of the cats (against her wishes while she was visiting relatives) she did not speak to me for six months,the days I spent cleaning saturated my hair so badly with the cat stench that I came home,picked up the scissors and just cut off my previously hip length hair because even washing it with vinegar didn't get the smell out,I hate this situation but what else is there to do when the authorities that could help are more bent on issuing charges and putting people like her on the news than actually helping?
Bev I'm not saying that you're wrong for calling the authorities,I sure wish I was emotionally removed enough from the situation to do that but I just haven't been able to but in your case with your acquaintance I sure hope it works out for everyone and every animal involved because it's all very emotionally difficult for the hoarder and for the people trying to help,sometimes there are just no good options in this situation.
You're right that no dropping of hints or any offer of help usually works because the hoarder is so numb to the smell and in such a state of denial about the situation that if you speak up about it you usually become the bad guy,I have been the bad guy for years,my loved one doesn't seem to remember the awful messes I've cleaned up again and again near as well as she remembers me hauling off little fluffy,buns,peaches,etc...and every thing I or anyone else says about the situation is tuned out and met with defensiveness and tears.
Well,anyways,I hope the situation is resolved for you,this is a sad situation that I wish I didn't experience personally,I'm glad you're able to do what I can't bring myself to do and help this woman,I have no doubt that it will help her but it's still a really sad situation and going to be a painful process for that woman and her loved ones though it is necessary and I'm glad you're brave enough to get it started,I wish I could be that brave but I've lived with it so long I can't imagine anything else.
"Today's Mighty Oak is just Yesterday's Nut" |
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RedHoopWoman
True Blue Farmgirl
513 Posts
Kathryn
Yoder
Colorado
USA
513 Posts |
Posted - Dec 13 2011 : 2:54:20 PM
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Goodness,sorry my last post was so long and wordy,it all just came pouring out!
"Today's Mighty Oak is just Yesterday's Nut" |
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Bevb
True Blue Farmgirl
81 Posts
Bev
Moscow
ID
USA
81 Posts |
Posted - Dec 15 2011 : 07:23:30 AM
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Kathryn - thanks for your heartfelt reply. It is such a hard situation. I truly love the lady I'm dealing with, but it's so hard when your eyes burn just getting close to her.
I contacted Adult Protective Services, and also told the sheriff's detective who is my neighbor. As far as I know, nothing has been done. I'm pretty sure that if anyone went to her place, she would not let them in without a search warrant. She can be very defensive and abrasive.
As far as our food bank is concerned, we had to get very tough. We instituted rules, and a volunteer agreement. Since we did that, she hasn't been back. She refuses to sign the agreement (one line of which requires basic personal hygiene) and she is very mad at me. Oh well - I have to protect my clients. And I must say, it has been much more pleasant without her there.
I feel bad for the kitties - I've heard it's up to 25 now, two more litters. WAAAYYY too many for a two bedroom trailer. I know how quickly a situation like this can get out of hand - we had 25 cats at one time, too. Luckily they were all outside barn cats. After several months of catching them and spaying and neutering, we finally got the population under control.
*** sigh ***
I feel for you, Kathryn. Hang in there. This is not easy.
Bev |
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RedHoopWoman
True Blue Farmgirl
513 Posts
Kathryn
Yoder
Colorado
USA
513 Posts |
Posted - Dec 15 2011 : 2:27:40 PM
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Hi Bev,
I'm sure it will take some time before something can be really done,cat hoarders are used to hiding it and letting few people in to minimize the risk of exposure and they can get very angry and defensive about the situation because it all seems very normal to them and they think they're doing the right thing by providing these poor kitties a home and that they're the only ones who will take care of them and then they fail to see thier poor living conditions and the state of health these crowded animals get in,it's really sad all the way around and difficult to deal with because there is both the animals and the person suffering in the situation and both have to be dealt with.
I've been afraid of dealing with animal control because they tend to be zealous about saving the animals and forget the human equasion and the website for our local humane society says that they "favor prosecution" in animal hoarding cases.
Well,that doesn't necessarily make me want to pick up the phone,I would love to get help and get the situation under control but the price is too steep if they're going to come in there and charge my loved one with animal cruelty,put her on the news and drag her through court,she too is an elderly woman but I don't trust that they will take that into account.
So anyways,in the meantime I've managed to help her get the population at least stable by taking some of the cats to get spayed and neutered and now there are is only one unfixed female but no toms so even though there are still alot of cats there are not at least the constant litters of kittens but it seems like the few people who know about her tend to dump cats there so just the other day I went over to find two new cats in the house,like you said ***sigh***
Thanks for the kind words,I'm sure it will work out for the lady you know,she may be mad at you but I think you've done her a kindness,she just doesn't know it because it all seems normal to her.
"Today's Mighty Oak is just Yesterday's Nut" |
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marthajane
True Blue Farmgirl
196 Posts
Anna
Orlando
FL
USA
196 Posts |
Posted - Dec 22 2011 : 6:34:16 PM
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=I would like to figure out how I could help this situation...for I too could hoard (kitties find me!) I feel sorry for them!
They are alone and homeless! I have ideas for large "zoo" type areas for the kitties, where they could live out their lives.
I as yet have not ideas on how to get started, besides buying land and building the structural features that would be needed, but not the funds is what I should say!!!
Lets talk about this! I so appreciate you ladies trying your level best to use tact and concern for all the individuals-I think you're wonderful ladies!
I can just only say please hang in there-I don't know how long it may take but I have a deep well of enthusiasm for the lost and abandoned cats, and also for spay/neutering and I hope that by the time I am old and dying I can say that the population of cats or the majority hopefully is cared for and counted!
Yes just one of my dreams! I would love to hear feedback!
Happiness IS being a MOM |
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Red Tractor Girl
True Blue Farmgirl
6642 Posts
Winnie
Gainesville
Fl
USA
6642 Posts |
Posted - Dec 23 2011 : 05:45:44 AM
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This thread is a troubling one because horading is so difficult to address. One thing that has to be acknowledged is that hoarding is a form of mental illness usually in the category of obscessive-compulsive disorder. My dear brother's wife has destroyed their lives with her hoarding and alientated their children. She has asked my older sister's husband for help on an occasion because she and my brother just can't get anywhere with issues. However, as soon as you try to help her, she cannot let go of anything and shuts you back out again. Hoarding with animals adds the additional issue of health of the person as well as the animals. The environment becomes extremely unhealthy to live in for both species as the large number of animals is way above what the person has resoruces for to address the homelessness. And so, the love and companionship of the animals taints the ability to stop collecting the animals when the ability to adequately care for them is surpassed. As a result, animals actually suffer with diseases and they are very stressed living in such crowded conditions. When animal rescue comes in, usually there are animals that have to be put down and many others requiring immediate veterinary intervention. So, while the hoarder thinks they are doing a good thing, their own mental illness distorts what is really going on and the situation deteriorates. One has to realize that by allowing the person to continue, they risk major health issues related to the inevitable squalor that results from so many animals. Intervention usually results in helping to find homes for the animals and allowing the person to maybe keep 2-3 healthy animals PLUS cleaning up the environment and providing on-going mental health counseling to transition to a healthier lifestyle. There are many ways to help homeless pets besides just taking them in beyond what is reasonable. The hoarder can learn through counseling to find new and healthy ways to help those that she loves. Pet rescues are always looking for foster homes and volunteers and people to fund raise etc. etc. There are so many options to provide care that will be in the animals best interest and allow the hoarder to get the illness in better control.
If you realize that the hoarder is actually the person that is so hurting emotionally and sad, you realize that the animals or stuff hoarded is just a desperate attempt to find love and happiness. IT is the hoarder that needs intervention in addition to the animals. And so, our efforts to help need to realize that we have to get that person to some mental health help because the hoarding is the Red Flag begging for help. This is never easy and many times not fixable, but with all mental health conditions, it is worth trying to help the person. If there was a physical ailement, we would not think twice about insisting on getting medical help. Hoarding is just as important to address. I hope this person can get help soon and find new love and peace through intervention! |
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Bevb
True Blue Farmgirl
81 Posts
Bev
Moscow
ID
USA
81 Posts |
Posted - Mar 01 2012 : 10:54:22 PM
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Thought I'd give you all an update.
The problem this lady has is with animals, not stuff so much. It got to an unbearable level. Fortunately, our pastor was able to get "through" to her significant other, and he took matters into his hands.
The animal population has been reduced in a humane manner, and he is working on regular bathing, cleaning and laundry.
It's not solved, but they are working on it.
Thanks for your kind replies.
Bev
The best things in life aren't things - Anonymous
http://deskstovetablecounter.blogspot.com/
http://www.bevsofficeservices.com
http://www.tomboytools.info/bevbafus |
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rough start farmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
3331 Posts
marianne
The Beautiful Pacific NW
Washington State
USA
3331 Posts |
Posted - Mar 03 2012 : 01:40:36 AM
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So glad to hear of the progress, Bev. Congratulations on getting involved. It is so much easier to turn a blind eye.
Marianne |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
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FARMALLChick
True Blue Farmgirl
978 Posts
Lora
Alexandria
IN
USA
978 Posts |
Posted - Mar 07 2012 : 1:53:18 PM
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When I was growing up, there was an elderly lady in our little town that hoarded cats. She had a caretaker who would buy the cat food, but as far as I know, they never "fixed" any of them. The caretaker was going on vacation and had made arrangements with social services to send someone out to check on the lady while they were gone. When the caretaker got back from vacation, they found the woman dead and partially eaten. Apparently she had tripped over one of the cats. When she fell she hit her head and squashed the kitty too. No one had ever bothered to come check on her. It was a huge mess. It was said there were about 65 cats removed from the home. Most were feral and had to be destroyed. The house was torn down due to the overwhelming stench of cat urine. It was awful!
I am glad that you called someone to try to take some action to help these people. It is so hard and our legal system is SO screwed up! Good luck to you and know that you did do the right thing.
Lora
If it ain't red, leave it in the shed.
www.CountryFriedAcres.etsy.com
www.farmallchick.blogspot.com
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Cleaning Up: HELP! What to do with hoarder? |
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HELP! What to do with hoarder?
