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Parenting & Farm Kids:  Helping older brother adjust to a new babe...  |
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Libbie
Farmgirl Connection Cultivator
3579 Posts
Anne E.
Elsinore
Utah
USA
3579 Posts |
 Posted - Aug 12 2006 : 11:19:20 PM
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For all of you farmgirls with more than one child, what can I do to help my three-year-old boy, whom I love with all my heart and soul, adjust to having his little brother around ? The new babe has been on this lovely earth for ten days, so I know that things are all brand new for all of us, but my little guy is having a hard time - acting out in ways that he never has, crying a lot... I give him extra hugs, tenderness, attention, love... whatever I can think of to let him know that my heart grew with this new babe, not divided into smaller pieces for each of them. Any ideas
XOXO, Libbie
"Nothing is worth more than this day." - Goethe |
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Aunt Jenny
True Blue Farmgirl
11381 Posts
Jenny
middle of
Utah
USA
11381 Posts |
Posted - Aug 12 2006 : 11:32:15 PM
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I remember my oldest son when my second son was born asking me if we were "about done having a baby now"...because " the baby isn't as fun as I thought he should be" and it was time to just be "us" again. I felt so bad for him!! Sounds like you are doing all the right things. I think what helped the most is if I could make time for just Corey (my oldest) and I sometime each day with the baby not along (even when he was napping or something) so he had me all to himself at some point.
Jenny in Utah
Inside me there is a skinny woman crying to get out...but I can usually shut her up with cookies
http://www.auntjennysworld.blogspot.com/ visit my little online shop at www.auntjenny.etsy.com |
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LJRphoto
True Blue Farmgirl
760 Posts
Laura
Hickory Corners
MI
USA
760 Posts |
Posted - Aug 12 2006 : 11:40:47 PM
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My daughter was about the same age as your son when her brother was born. It's exhausting giving them both what they need during that adjustment period, isn't it? It sounds like you are doing everything right and you all might just have to sit tight for a while until he adjusts to not being the only one. Jenny's suggestion is great and we still do stuff like that once in a while where one of the kids gets to be "the only one" for a few hours (they're 11 and 14 now).
"I would feel more optimistic about a bright future for man if he spent less time proving that he can outwit Nature and more time tasting her sweetness and respecting her seniority." -E. B. White
http://www.betweenthecities.com/blog/ljr/
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DaisyFarm
True Blue Farmgirl
1646 Posts
Diane
Victoria
BC
Canada
1646 Posts |
Posted - Aug 13 2006 : 12:10:23 AM
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I had three and tried to let the older ones feel it was their baby too. They were proud to help in their own little ways and prouder to be the older sisters that could help "teach" the younger ones. It seemed to help alot, along with doing what Aunt Jenny suggested...one on one with the older ones.
This also brings to mind a memory. When my second was two days old, my then three-year old walked into the kitchen carrying her and said to me "feed her"! To this day we have no idea how she got her out of a full sized crib, but she was perfectly wrapped in her receiving blanket and sound asleep. Scary.
Di
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ThymeForEweFarm
True Blue Farmgirl
705 Posts
Robin
An organic farm in the forest in
Maine
USA
705 Posts |
Posted - Aug 13 2006 : 03:11:21 AM
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I read about a family who had a sign on their door. It said something like, "Please pay attention to Son #1 before fussing over the baby." It made the first child feel like all these people were coming to see him too, not just the new baby, I've always remembered that. When I see new babies I always talk to the older children first, usually to mention how cool it is to be the big brother/sister and that I know this because I'm the big sister in my family. Then list some of the advantages of being older. Then I ask the olders ones to show me the new baby.
I think Jenny's right on target with spending alone time with your oldest son. You can make a bit of a deal over it. "We need some US time now that baby's sleeping. What do you want to do?"
Robin
www.thymeforewe.com
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Buttercup
True Blue Farmgirl
1433 Posts
Talitha
Vermont
USA
1433 Posts |
Posted - Aug 13 2006 : 08:09:57 AM
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Libbie,
Well I have four kiddos and when my second one came along my first was 2 1/2. I used to sit him down and tell him all the stories of what we did for him when he was born, and who came to visit, and gifts he and we as a family recieved, and how he had his turn and now it was his brothers turn, but not because one was more special then the other but because when a person is born they are supposed to have a turn at being welcomed into the family and world. And I always stressed how lucky he was to be able to participate in welcoming a new baby into the world because it is such a special time! From time to time I would lay beside him just before he would go to sleep and tell him stories of his welcoming into the world. I would tell him how much he enjoyed all the love and what a wonderful tradition it is and how it is done for everyone and didn't he think it was wonderful that someone thought up such a neat traditon because without it he would not have been welcomed. I know this is much different then what most do but I did not want the focus to be on how he needed "his" time and how I was "trying" to give it to him but raither how the world is lucky to have so many people in it and how we take turns and share so everyone is loved and welcomed or cheered on in many ways at many times in their life. This way it was not "his" time but a family celebration that he was lucky to be part of.I never had any problems with him feeling left out or upset. I did not take extra time just for him in any other way, but would field questions during the day from him like "Did I get a toy when I was born?" And I would answer in great detail about the toy and the giver and what he did when he first saw the toy etc... Also at times I would volunteer info like, "you know so and so sent a card when you were born too! It is so sweet of them to remember to welcome new people into the world!" or "So and so bought you a blanket a lot like this one it was ..." I would always let him kiss and hold and be by his little brother and never made big deals out of anything. If what he wanted to do with the baby was not a good idea I would say "Oh no, I dont let anyone do that to my babies! When you were born I made sure no one did that with you!" or "I think that is a great idea, I bet when you were little you would have loved to have had a big brother do that with you!" This way nothing was personal, just matter of fact as to what was and was not appropriate behavior with a baby. I did the same with my second when the twins came, and even though he is mentally challanged and though he was four so was mentally only two, to this day he remembers "welcoming" the babies and holding and admiring them and talks about it and how he was welcomed too to this very day. So though it may not be the "norm" that is what worked for me and my precious little ones!
I hope you are able to find your own special way that will work for you!!
Hugz!
Talitha
"If we could maintain the wonder of childhood and at the same time grasp the wisdom of age, what wonder,what wisdom,what life would be ours" |
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LJRphoto
True Blue Farmgirl
760 Posts
Laura
Hickory Corners
MI
USA
760 Posts |
Posted - Aug 13 2006 : 08:12:43 AM
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That's a great point Robin. My mom always takes a gift for the older sibling when she goes and visits a new baby.
Diane, when my son was born I had him sleeping in his carrier and I walked out of the room for two minutes, tops. When I came back in my three year old daughter had picked him up and was holding him upside down, his head almost touching her toes. I froze because I was afraid if I said anything she would drop him for sure. She managed to put him back into the seat (upside down) and he never woke up. Thank goodness for sound sleepers!
"I would feel more optimistic about a bright future for man if he spent less time proving that he can outwit Nature and more time tasting her sweetness and respecting her seniority." -E. B. White
http://www.betweenthecities.com/blog/ljr/
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santa_gertrudis_gal
True Blue Farmgirl
198 Posts
Kim
Groesbeck
Texas
USA
198 Posts |
Posted - Aug 13 2006 : 12:02:47 PM
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Wow, great idea Robin! I'll remember that the next time I visit. I'll even pass this on to my SIL who is pregnant with her 2nd. My two were 18 months apart. I always made time for DD, and asked DD to help with her baby brother. She loved to hold her brother. So I would have her climb in my lap and she would hold him. Never occured to her that I was helping her.
Kim
Heaven is a day at the ranch with my Santa Gertrudis! |
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katiedid
True Blue Farmgirl
601 Posts
Kate
West Jordan
Utah
USA
601 Posts |
Posted - Aug 13 2006 : 4:26:00 PM
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Libbie,
One thing I did, and still do, is make nursing time also "reading time" my toddler feels really important because it is her job to pick the books when the baby gets fed.
I know this is hard at first, but as you and Arthur both get better at nursing you will be able to juggle two boys...
Do you have a big recliner? Or love seat?
Another great helper is the Boppy nursing pillow.
Buttercup had great ideas too. I would tell Eliza, my oldest, all about her birth...how it was a cloudy day, how I saw birds out the window of my hospital room "I am sure they knew someone special was on her way into our world"...how our dog would stand at her bassinette and "guard" her, she loved this, and still does (she is 11! and the oldest of 4)
I know this is such a hard time, but soon everone will get used to the "New Normal" around your house, Will included.
I will be sure and bring Farmer Will a special big brother gift.
I really appreciated visitors doing this for me.
Love
Kate
http://theknifemakerswife.blogspot.com/2006/07/knifemakers-wife.html |
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JudyBlueEyes
True Blue Farmgirl
657 Posts
Judith
Spokane
Washington
USA
657 Posts |
Posted - Aug 13 2006 : 5:21:28 PM
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Buttercup, I just love your welcoming ritual. I am going to print it out and save it to share with new mothers I may come across. You have a beautiful spirit and I am sure it is reflected in your children. Thank you for sharing. Judy
The Rooster crows, but the Hen lays the egg. ~ Texas Proverb |
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Buttercup
True Blue Farmgirl
1433 Posts
Talitha
Vermont
USA
1433 Posts |
Posted - Aug 13 2006 : 6:58:57 PM
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Laura, I cracked up when I read your post!! lol the things kids do with the sweetest intentions!! Too cute..and I always say when the kids do things like that, thats going to be a grey hair someday!! 
Kate, That is so true! Yes my kids are 13,10, and twins are 6 (almost) and they all still love hearing about what happened with each of them when we welcomed them!! So cute to see their eyes light up when they hear the stories!
Judy, Thank you! That is very kind of you! I hope it helps someone!
Libbie, I hope things are going better there and if not, they will soon!!
Hugz to All!!
Talitha
"If we could maintain the wonder of childhood and at the same time grasp the wisdom of age, what wonder,what wisdom,what life would be ours" |
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Hideaway Farmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1553 Posts
Jo
Virginia
USA
1553 Posts |
Posted - Aug 14 2006 : 05:52:07 AM
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Talitha, I too loved your story about welcoming new siblings into our families. I wa fortunate to be 4th daughter and so had two teenagde sisters and one preteen sister vying for baby duties...my mom says she rarely got a chance to hold, walk or dress me. I will pass on your ritual to my friends and family when necessary. Thanks for sharing that.
Libbie, I hope things are settling down for you!
Jo |
Edited by - Hideaway Farmgirl on Aug 14 2006 05:52:34 AM |
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Libbie
Farmgirl Connection Cultivator
3579 Posts
Anne E.
Elsinore
Utah
USA
3579 Posts |
Posted - Aug 16 2006 : 9:45:57 PM
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All of these ideas are SO wonderful - THANK YOU!!! Things are a bit more calm around here, though not "normal" in any way. I have been taking all of your suggestions and incorporating them in small ways into our days here, and things have been going much more smoothly. Tonight we had a wonderful time - I was able to put Arthur down to sleep just before William's bedtime, and Will and I were able to snug and rock to sleep in his room like we usually do without interruption, and with plenty of hugs. Sweetness.......
XOXO, Libbie
"Nothing is worth more than this day." - Goethe |
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Bluewrenn
True Blue Farmgirl
1122 Posts
Erin
Texas
USA
1122 Posts |
Posted - Aug 17 2006 : 9:12:10 PM
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I had a friend who went through this same thing with her son and this is what her mother did for her. She took a picture (one of each person alone or with Sean) of all of Sean's family, friends etc. and then made a book for him. Using different kinds of cloth, and plastic page protectors, she created the pages of the book - sewing the page protectors onto the page so it looked like a picture frame. Then she sewed the pages together. She put a picture of one of Sean's favroite people into each page and then gave Sean his very own "Who loves you, Sean?" book. Whenever Sean was feeling neglected or if he was punished and felt overlooked, he would go grab that book and read to himself... "Momma loves Sean. Daddy loves Sean. Grandma loves Sean>" etc... He loved that book and it really helped him when he was having bad feelings about himself. Sean's book was cool because each page was made from a different color and texture.
I took this idea and made similar books for my nephews using scrapbooks.
My Homesteading Journal
http://toomyvara.livejournal.com
My craft journal
http://bluewrenn.livejournal.com |
Edited by - Bluewrenn on Aug 17 2006 9:12:44 PM |
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Libbie
Farmgirl Connection Cultivator
3579 Posts
Anne E.
Elsinore
Utah
USA
3579 Posts |
Posted - Aug 23 2006 : 10:38:56 PM
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...just thought I'd give an update - I love, love, love all of these ideas, and I've made sure that when my parents, especially my Dad, who William absolutely loves, come to visit, they pay attention to Will FIRST and that seems to make a difference. I just hate seeing his little psyche upset by anything. Anyway - I think we're headed in the right direction! Thank you all, again!!!
XOXO, Libbie
"Nothing is worth more than this day." - Goethe |
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Parenting & Farm Kids: Helping older brother adjust to a new babe... |
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Helping older brother adjust to a new babe...
