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Family Matters:  Loving Without Caring  |
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kristin sherrill
True Blue Farmgirl
11303 Posts
kristin
chickamauga
ga
USA
11303 Posts |
 Posted - Jul 30 2011 : 08:19:29 AM
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I have done that many a time, Marly. And I know I will do it many more times. I had a call from H the other day saying she had gotten into some trouble. Her roommate and her and Kansas went out and her room mate got some liquor. So if she had not had Kansas there with her, she would have been kicked out. She has a week to be on her best behavior or she will be out. I just told her there is not a thing I can do about it. This is her life and her choices. She needs to start making the right choices. She also called my mom and mom asked her why she did that. H said it was because she was bored. And this is what she does when she has nothing else to do. Drink, do drugs and sleep. And apparently this place does not help people mike her. They told her she needs to be in a rehab center.
Anyway, I have always wondered why some people get help for their problems and then get over them and live a decent life while others just keep on doing the same thing over and over again. SO sad.
Kris
Happiness is simple. |
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Tall Holly
True Blue Farmgirl
2305 Posts
Holly
Worcester
Vermont
USA
2305 Posts |
Posted - Jul 30 2011 : 5:46:09 PM
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Yes, Kris I agree it is sad that some people can not look past their own present to hope for a good future. Do people like this miss the piece of the problem solving paradigm.
I have a son sitting in jail because of drugs and stupidity. Why did he think he was not going to get caught or why did he not think?
Holly
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kristin sherrill
True Blue Farmgirl
11303 Posts
kristin
chickamauga
ga
USA
11303 Posts |
Posted - Jul 30 2011 : 8:17:06 PM
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Holly, I told my youngest dd that she needs to become a motivational speaker for teens. Al she has gone through woul dbe so helpful to others. But she said they won't listen. They'll do it anyway. I just thought how sad that was that she said that. But really, when I think about it, I told my kids what would happen if they kept doing what they were doing and they did it anyway and they got caught. Abby's past is still hanging over her head to this day. She could not get a good job for anything. She still had some things on her record that kept popping up whenever people would do background checks on her. But she finally got a really good job at a Christian company! AFTER she had to pay $150. to get one of the things taken off.
I am so sorry that your son is in jail. That's the thing, they don't think about what will happen to them. They just do it. I don't know. I was always afraid of jail and prison. I do not want to go there. But some people just never get it. I hope he gets the help he needs while he's there. How long is he in for?
Kris
Happiness is simple. |
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LouisvilleMom
True Blue Farmgirl
246 Posts
Kathryn
Louisville
KY
USA
246 Posts |
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kristin sherrill
True Blue Farmgirl
11303 Posts
kristin
chickamauga
ga
USA
11303 Posts |
Posted - Aug 01 2011 : 08:27:24 AM
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Can I ask why, Katheryn? I don't particularly care for Oprah and Martha Beck is a contributing writer for her magazine. I would never have seen this article if I had not been at my friend's house that day. It did open my eyes though, so am glad I read it.
Kris
Happiness is simple. |
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Tall Holly
True Blue Farmgirl
2305 Posts
Holly
Worcester
Vermont
USA
2305 Posts |
Posted - Aug 01 2011 : 4:54:21 PM
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I often wonder what my mother did when she raised us that we always wanted to try to be good.
Holly
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metrohippymom
Farmgirl in Training
12 Posts
C
VA
USA
12 Posts |
Posted - Aug 02 2011 : 04:53:09 AM
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There is one person in my life with whom I have these struggles. My son's father. We aren't together. My only issue with "letting go" (yes, I'm always advising him on being "safe" with my son) is that he is an alcoholic and irresponsible. Like, letting our toddler son play in his front yard, where there is no fence, about 15 feet from the road which is a 45-mph throughfare for 18-wheelers. So while I have been guilty of trying to convince him to go to AA or "become a caring father", and I can let those things go, I don't know that I could back off of safety lectures, even if it goes in one ear and out the other. Maybe just one ounce of it will stick? LOL.
Please check out my peaceful designs at http://metrohippymomdesigns.com :-) |
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camiesmommy
True Blue Farmgirl
113 Posts
Anne Jeannette
Stagecoach
NV
USA
113 Posts |
Posted - Aug 02 2011 : 2:00:42 PM
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My daughter is bi-polar and wasn't actually diagnosed until she had a break of sorts. She was 22. Until that point, when she truely need my help I had had to step back and truely say "I love you, but I din't like you, and that I just couldn't do it anymore." I spent my life feeling guilty, that I should have done more. Ultimately, it 's the best thing that could of ever happened. Now we have a great relationship.
Thanks for posting the article. It's great food for thought and it's also nice for others to know they are not alone when they have these feelings.
A.J.
Work is love made visible. ~ Kahlil Gibran |
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Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - Aug 02 2011 : 8:39:35 PM
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Kris: You just hang in there. Don't let this make you feel guilty. I went through something similar, and I finally had to choose to cry, get upset, feel horrible, etc... OR get on with my life and enjoy the time I have left on this big beautiful Earth. Hugs to you.
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
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kristin sherrill
True Blue Farmgirl
11303 Posts
kristin
chickamauga
ga
USA
11303 Posts |
Posted - Aug 03 2011 : 09:48:04 AM
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Yes, that is what I am doing, Marly. I know she is a grown up and capable of doing the right things. So I just have to let her. I can be there for her but that's all. She has a few places she is waiting on for a room. I just hope it's not too far away. Statesboro is too far away for sure.
Anne, how is your Dd today?
Holly, I know alot of people that have kids that turned out great and never gave their parents a minute of trouble. So I don't know. I always feared my grandparents so much more than my mother. I never wanted to disappoint them at all. So I tried real hard when I was with them to be good.
Crystal, that is so scary. Ihope your son knows enough to stay away from the road. Is there someone you know that lives near them that can keep an eye on him while he's there?
Kris
Happiness is simple. |
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kristin sherrill
True Blue Farmgirl
11303 Posts
kristin
chickamauga
ga
USA
11303 Posts |
Posted - Aug 04 2011 : 06:12:40 AM
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SO last night my hubby called. His family reunion is this weekend. He has this great plan. He wants all the grands and H to go. So we can all be together. BUT here's what HE wants to have happen. He wants ME to go get them all. H and K are in Dalton which is way to the South. The other 2 grands are up on Lookout Mt. which is way to the West. The reunion is in Spring City with is way to the North. Hm, then he wants to ride his Harley up there. That's the way HE wants it to happen. Oh, and I have to make food for the dinner. AND his nephew wants some goat cheese. He just told me this last night. AFTER I had just gotten an order for 6 pounds from a friend. AND he wants me to drive all over creation to get all these people. AND he wants to ride his Harley. I am just a little perturbed. Whatever that means. I am so tired of people making plans for me. I told him HE could go get them all and I will just stay home. The other 2 grands are having a yard sale Sat. They are so excited about that. SO I knew they were not going. And H has missed it before. I just thought Me and hubby would go up and have a nice time WITHOUT a bunch of kids to look out for. My SIL lives on the river and they all swim and go boating and all that. And they go in and out all day long. And I am always the one to keep an eye on them.
SO I am going to a counselor my mom knows this afternoon (I've had this appt. for a few weeks). I sure do need it. I am just tired of all this. I am tired of H always making things so hard and complicated for me. She does this alot. And I just don't want to do this. And I know I am not being mean or hateful. Not at all. I am not going to fall into that trap anymore. If H wants to go to this reunion, then SHE needs to find a way there. That's all there is to it. (I am writting all this more for me than anyone. I am typing so hard my fingers hurt. I need to see this myself so I will be strong and stand up for myself.) I mean, that makes perfect sense to ME. Why not to everyone else? She is an adult. She can get a ride to a liquer store. Why can't she get a ride to her family reunion?? I'm just sayin'.
Kris
Happiness is simple. |
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Tall Holly
True Blue Farmgirl
2305 Posts
Holly
Worcester
Vermont
USA
2305 Posts |
Posted - Aug 05 2011 : 5:27:55 PM
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I am supporting you in staying strong and doing what you need to do to keep your self whole and well. Good luck.
hugs,
Holly
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Family Matters: Loving Without Caring |
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Loving Without Caring
