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Parenting & Farm Kids:  My girl is a bit of a toughy--what to do?  |
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
 Posted - Jul 19 2011 : 06:29:58 AM
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Ok, girls--we have a 2 and half year old little girl, Violet, who is "no shrinking Violet"--she's always been a bit "out there" in that she isn't shy, she's outgoing and happy. A few on the forum who have met her can attest to her outgoing but easygoing personality.
In the last few weeks we've been to several gatherings--graduation parties, large family suppers with her cousins, etc...and I've noted a trend. She wants to run with the boys--never the girls--which is ok. I think I was that way, too. And, because SHE'S a girl, the boys are less inclined to allow her to play with the waterguns, or leggo's or what have you, so after beind dismissed a few times, she just bullies her way in by taking the guns from them, knocking the Leggo's over, whatever. Then the boys cry. No joke--she brings these boys to tears. At both outings, we had to eventually "pull her out" from the fray because I didn't want other parents to be offended. Last night, we were with our neice and nephew, and she really loves my nephew, but the feeling is a little less than mutual--he's 4, so she's sort of "pesty" to him, right now. I heard a "Nooooo, Viwet!" and I went in to see her trying to wrestle a leggo something or other from him. When I told her that it was his, and she needed to apologize, she did easily, but when I thanked her, and started to turn my back, she shoved him, as if to say, "you jerk, you made my mom come over and got me in trouble!"
Is this normal? I mean, for a girl to be so assertive? Is it just 2? What do I need to do to ensure that each time we're with a group of children that she understands simple boundaries--I'm premature, I know it, but I'm starting to feel like she's going to be unliked, and that will hurt--her AND her mom and Dad. My husband thinks it's hilarious, and it is a little funny, but it's also concerning....any advice?
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
Posted - Jul 19 2011 : 07:17:31 AM
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Nora is somewhat the same way- I think it has less to do with being a girl and just being a young kid. It is natural at their ages to have less impulse control than older kids and if the boys are older they may well be starting to get into the ideas that seperate sexes play with different toys (which I hate by the way- I loved playing with water guns and Hot Wheels!) I am going to encourage Nora to play whatever games she wants to play but we have had to talk with her alot about how we don't hit, bite or take things from other kids. If they aren't sharing she needs to find another toy or ask help from an adult. It takes a lot of repetition but I finally realized I can't change the minds of other parents or kids about what toys my child should or should not play with- but if Nora learns to ask nicely and seek help when appropriate she will open more doors for herself.
It infuriates me when people try to say "Oh but she's a girl- wouldn't she rather play with that baby doll over there?" Uhm- no obviously she wants to play with the race cars! She might play with the baby doll later but so migh Junior too!
*hugs*
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
www.allergyjourneys.blogspot.com
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
Posted - Jul 19 2011 : 07:27:34 AM
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I think I was totally the same way, Alee. I mean, more interested in cars and trucks and water guns. I even had a shirt that read, "Anything boys can do I can do better!" when I was three or so. I encourage whatever she wants to play with, dolls or trucks (she does lean towards trucks!) but I guess I'm just taken aback by her assertive nature. My fil says, "she's modelling what she sees at home." and then said, she's around a strong woman. I think she's just 2, and like you said, Jus and I are going to have to be consistent with communicating sharing, and that if the other kids aren't being nice, it's not an excuse to be agressive.
I just felt like we were the "country cousins" or whatever--these were very urban, citied parents and the grandparents kept saying to me "don't worry, she's fine--he's just ultra sensitive--they have trouble teaching him to share!" At 6, you'd think this boy would figure out a way to cope instead of crying because a 2 year old little girl scared him! But, it made me feel bad, like I said--like she was some sort of little bully. What I wanted to say out loud was, "I'm sorry that these little boys won't let you play--they aren't being very nice, but it's still no reason to behave similarly." and hope their parents heard me...but I didn't. I just had Jus go and grab her up like a sack of potatoes.
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
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embchicken
True Blue Farmgirl
1487 Posts
Elaine
Ocean
NJ
USA
1487 Posts |
Posted - Jul 19 2011 : 08:08:24 AM
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Jonni~ Let Violet play with the "boy" toys if she wants to. I hear what you are saying though about your concern about her possibly becoming an "unliked: little girl. I don't think you are thinking this too early. Yes she is only 2 1/2 but habits start young. You are absolutely correct in removing her from the situation. The other child might be having problems sharing but you are corect in feeling like telling her that she can not behave the same way. Heck, if I was you I would say that the next time! I think, if I am hearing you correctly , the issue is not so much that she is "acting" like a boy, but that you don't like the direction her behavior is heading. If that is so - Kudos to you - you are halfway there to helping her correct her behavior. That being said, she is also very young and , with your help, much of this behavior will pass. My own daughter is 20 now - I don't envy all of you with youg ones - they do take all of your energy! (but they are so adorable). Anyway - I hope this helped somehow.
~ Elaine
Farmgirl sister #2822
"Find yourself a cup of tea; the teapot is behind you. Now tell me about hundreds of things." ~Saki
http://embchicken.blogspot.com
http://gusandtrudy.blogspot.com |
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
Posted - Jul 19 2011 : 08:28:59 AM
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Elaine, that's exactly how I feel--I love that she likes all kinds of toys--we're not in to gender specifics in our house, and I appreciate that she runs with boys, because as I recall, I did too.
I am just trying to head off some behavior that I see as a little bit unnerving. And I'm sure the majority of it is being an only child and being 2--that's a hard roe to hoe, trying to learn how to behave without anyone to model after :). I'm learning, too--she's my first at 37, and while I don't want to squash her spirit, I do want her to be a well behaved child, whether she's girly or no!
Thanks for the support!
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
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Sobyn
True Blue Farmgirl
752 Posts
Sabrina
Kansas
USA
752 Posts |
Posted - Jul 19 2011 : 10:58:55 AM
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I would say its probably mostly about being 2. Honestly if a 2 year old can make that particular 6-year-old boy cry he probably is just sensitive.... Don't feel bad, you responded by correcting her, at least you didn't just ignore him (I've been in plenty of situations where a kid misbehaves to the detriment of my kids and the parent doesn't say anything). I would just continue to teach and reinforce proper behavior (sharing, not taking things from others, not hitting/pushing etc) but I think in a group setting where the other parents aren't saying anything to their kids if yours wants to play with what they are playing with it would be reasonable to say "can you please share" or "can you please let her play." If it were my kid (as the boys on the other end) I would make them share. But that's just me.
As far as gender specific toys, we maintain relatively "stereotypical" gender roles in our home but hubby is VERY hands on and helps cook, clean etc because quite frankly I just can't do it all and he likes to give me "breaks." One of our daughters is very into legos right now, we think its dumb that they are even thought of as "boy toys" and we totally foster her interest (as a matter of fact my mom just sent a big box of them :)). Our other one is into trains and planes and we just bought her a set of Thomas train stuff that she will get for her birthday or Christmas. They are considered "boy toys" but hey she likes it. Both girls also love to dress up and play with dolls. We also teach them to use tools, dig in the dirt, observe bugs, play sports etc etc. Won't make them less of a girl and our future son will learn to cook and clean and may play with dolls occasionally-it will make him a better husband some day :). Both of my girls can hold their own with boys and neither would put up with being shut out or pushed around. I make them behave appropriately but quite frankly if my kid is just standing up for herself, well you asked for it!
I guess my point is regardless of if you hold to gender roles playing with certain toys has its place for both genders regardless of how the toys are classified! :)
Farmgirl Sister #3275 |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
Posted - Jul 19 2011 : 11:58:24 AM
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I like the idea of kids having all types toys to play with. I have seen some boys that really love to play with dolls and I think it helps develop their nurturing sides as well as playing contruction is good for girl's logic. I learned a lot about gravity trying to build unsupported staircases with blocks! LOL :)
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
www.allergyjourneys.blogspot.com
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
Posted - Jul 19 2011 : 12:18:39 PM
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Thanks for your input, Sobyn. It seemed like this whole family that Violet encountered were a "little sensitive". The little girls cried constantly (and I noted, Violet seemed to have little to no interest in them, other than to call them "bebe") so parenting must be different in their household. Poor Violet, she comes from the "dust it off, you're alright!" house and she seems to hold true to that method. Even when she's really hurt and crying, she'll say (sniffling, through sobs) "I fine, Mahmee...I fine..."
Violet plays with Mega blocks, vintage wood blocks, and trucks and matchbox cars. She sleeps with stuffed animals, and plays with her "eat" (her kitchenette and antique children's china cabinet) and plays dress up Veterinarian as well as some sort of fancy girly thing where she puts my tshirt on her head like hair and goes to look at herself in the mirror :) I encourage everything she shows interest in. When I was little, I only ever wanted to be on a horse or in the creekbed, much to my mother's disappointment. She wanted me to love dolls, but I liked stuffed animals, and I loved running with my dogs. Later, I became a classically trained professional ballerina, so I guess it all comes full circle, but you're still likely to find me getting dirty in the garden as opposed to sitting at the symphony in a dress.
I do think simply being 2 has a lot to do with it. I don't ever want to her make other children feel bad--there's plenty of rotten kiddo's out there to do that. It will take some time and repetition, but I think we'll make headway as long as we're consistent and teach her what is acceptable and what is not.
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
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countrymommy85
True Blue Farmgirl
898 Posts
Krystle
MT
USA
898 Posts |
Posted - Jul 23 2011 : 07:09:24 AM
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I've been reading this book called "Parenting with Love and Logic" and it has helped us with our 2 and 1 year old like crazy!!! I can't believe it! My kids are happier and my husband and I are happier, sure we have our "days" but the end result is soooo much easier! I highly recommend that book!!!
Mothers are those wonderful people who can get up in the morning before the smell of coffee. ~Author Unknown
http://countryrenaissance.blogspot.com
http://www.etsy.com/shop/SunflowersAndHoney |
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SadieSadieChickenLady
Farmgirl at Heart
9 Posts
Sadie from allnaturalme.com
Coolspring
PA
USA
9 Posts |
Posted - Jul 29 2011 : 8:14:08 PM
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My youngest bear is 2 1/2 and she's a beast.... the meanest, roughest AND sassiest.
I try to just love her up and focus on her sweet behavior, to hopefully, manifest more of that!
DISTRACTION also works great for her ~ so if she's being a bit rowdy, I can usually entice her with a different toy, game or by excitedly saying there's something really amazing in the backyard, to lure her into a different space... away from being too sassy with the other kids.
Have fun!!
Sadie
Following My Bliss @allnaturalme |
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
Posted - Aug 05 2011 : 1:54:01 PM
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Hi Sadie--you're right about distraction. I'm glad I'm also not the only one with a girl who's a bit of a whirlwind! Also, I've noted if I can simply get down on her level and say in a very calm, very firm voice, "hey, that wasn't very nice. Let's think of another way we can play with the dog/child/block, etc.." she says, "ok, mahmee" and we're off to the races. It seems that when I escalate, so does she, so I have to remember to not be 2.5 as well.
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
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Ingrid
True Blue Farmgirl
432 Posts
Ingrid
BC
Canada
432 Posts |
Posted - Aug 06 2011 : 07:49:04 AM
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I have two "rough" girls one more so than the other. However, now they are teenagers and I am very glad they were rougher because no one gives them a hard time, they don't follow the crowd and they are excellent decision makers. We had situations over the years with other children and dealt with each one accordingly same as you are doing. Funny enough they both can get all dressed up and girly when they need to and man they are gorgeous and surprise a lot of people. The other thing is both of them are very comfortable with themselves and don't freak out if they are seen by others when they are grubby or sweaty and working hard. Now both of them have chosen career paths that are traditionally male dominated, welding and road construction, and are very good at it and are easily able to work with men. I always went by the guideline if they aren't hurting anyone let them go and if they are then help them by learning what they need to socialize. Good luck you will have lots of fun watching her.
Give thanks to yourself everyday for all the wonderful things you do! |
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countrymommy85
True Blue Farmgirl
898 Posts
Krystle
MT
USA
898 Posts |
Posted - Aug 11 2011 : 08:44:38 AM
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Not sure if I posted this on here yet but you should check out the book called Parenting with Love & Logic. It's amazing!!! Since I've been slowly changing parenting over to that method my kids aren't as stressed, I'm not stressed at all and everyone including my husband is happier! After seeing the positive results from just changing one thing at a time my husband has started using the "choice" principle. I've had to do the "We will have to discuss this later" with my daughter already in the store when I was trying to shop and she kept screaming "out, I want down, ow,ow,ow". I think she saw some toys on clearance and wanted to play with them. Well anyhow the book really helped us and sure we've had to tweak it a little to match our kids personalities but I really like that method because I don't believe in time outs and I can see how spanking would be ok in some cases but mostly I just didn't get how a spanking could help a kid. But anyway I really like that book, and I'm so glad a friend of mine told me about that! It's made our lives so much easier. Sure the kids are still kids BUT at least I have a game plan now and I'm not frazzled if they act up. I wish you the best of luck in whatever you end up doing and as parents we can only do the best we can do and the rest is up to them :)
Mothers are those wonderful people who can get up in the morning before the smell of coffee. ~Author Unknown
http://countryrenaissance.blogspot.com
http://www.etsy.com/shop/SunflowersAndHoney |
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Parenting & Farm Kids: My girl is a bit of a toughy--what to do? |
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My girl is a bit of a toughy--what to do?
