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Across the Fence:  need farmgirl advice  |
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pnickols
True Blue Farmgirl
808 Posts
Patricia
Parma
Ohio
808 Posts |
 Posted - Mar 12 2011 : 07:20:52 AM
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my daughters best friends mom and I used to be good friends until about two years ago, we had, what I would call a minor argument, and the result was she stopped talking to me, she snubbed my daughters, refused any apology from me so I let her go. I know at the time she was suffering from some pretty extreme menopausal symptoms also.
Her husband passed away from cancer on Thursday. our daughters are still best friends, I need to take my daughter to the funeral home but don't know what I should do, do I stay in the lobby so I don't upset her ? every time she sees me she turns away, kinda childish I always thought but this is not the time for that nor do I want to cause a scene
any thoughts ? dealing with people is just so hard |
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graciegreeneyes
True Blue Farmgirl
3107 Posts
Amy Grace
Rosalia
WA
USA
3107 Posts |
Posted - Mar 12 2011 : 08:05:26 AM
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I struggle with knowing how I should behave in social situations Patricia - but I think this is a time to just act with compassion, think what you would have done had you not had the issues. You may be rebuffed but I recently learned the lesson that giving of yourself is about the giving, not necessarily the outcome. Dealing with people is hard!!! You are so right. Good luck with this -
Amy Grace
Farmgirl #224
"use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without"
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Calicogirl
True Blue Farmgirl
5216 Posts
Sharon
Bruce Crossing
Michigan
USA
5216 Posts |
Posted - Mar 12 2011 : 08:16:08 AM
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I'm sorry Patricia, that is a hard one.I agree with Amy Grace. I think it would be worse if you didn't go. This may be a time when she realizes how much she needs you and misses you.
~Sharon
By His Grace, For His Glory
http://merryheartjournal.blogspot.com/ |
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rough start farmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
3331 Posts
marianne
The Beautiful Pacific NW
Washington State
USA
3331 Posts |
Posted - Mar 12 2011 : 09:32:57 AM
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I agree it is the time to show respect for the family and who can fault you for doing the right thing? Behavebe as though there are no unresolved issues and I think you will be glad you went. It will be a great lesson for your girls, too.
Marianne |
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embchicken
True Blue Farmgirl
1487 Posts
Elaine
Ocean
NJ
USA
1487 Posts |
Posted - Mar 12 2011 : 11:06:54 AM
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I think you need to go in and just be yourself. I agree with Marianne - who can fault you for doing the right thing. If your friend feels she needs to turn away that is her decision. You can only control your actions not the actions or reactions of others. I understand that it will be uncomfortable but chances are your friend will be appreciative of the fact that you card enough to show our respect. I'll be thinking of you.
"Be the change you wish to see in the world" ~Gandhi |
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kathleeneverett
Farmgirl at Heart
1 Posts
kathleen
salt point
NY
USA
1 Posts |
Posted - Mar 12 2011 : 11:08:56 AM
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| to consider another possibility...since this is probably the most difficult time of her life to date, perhaps sending some comfort food with a note, allowing her to receive your kindness and best wishes while not having a face to face encounter, might gently build a bridge toward a better relationship in the future? |
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jackie v
Farmgirl in Training
32 Posts
jackie
easthampton
ma
USA
32 Posts |
Posted - Mar 12 2011 : 5:24:10 PM
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| Patricia..I think already know in your heart what you need to do. Dealing with people is very hard but if you don't follow what your heart is telling you to do living with that on your mind is just as difficult. This may be the good Lord's why of reuniting the two of you. Sounds like you could be a wonderful support to her in the difficult times ahead of her. I wish you the best of luck. |
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cheneygal
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Suzie
Cheney
Wa.
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Mar 12 2011 : 6:53:52 PM
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I'm with Jackie all the way.....you really need to show your support, and that you care. This may just be what brings you back together. I went through this a year and a half ago, and I know that if I was in your friends situation, it would mean the world to me, for you to appear. Best of luck~~~
live, laugh, love |
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Farmtopia
True Blue Farmgirl
1465 Posts
Zan
New York
New York
USA
1465 Posts |
Posted - Mar 12 2011 : 9:11:33 PM
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I agree with everyone so far. You can only do your best and the thing you think is right. And not worry about what the outcome is. While it would be a shame if she still harbored ill will, then it would be her loss and HER problem, but I somehow sense that only a truly troubled soul would think it wrong of you to come and show compassion at a funeral.
~*~Dream all you dreamers~*~
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pnickols
True Blue Farmgirl
808 Posts
Patricia
Parma
Ohio
808 Posts |
Posted - Mar 13 2011 : 08:13:44 AM
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| I am very uncomfortable but I think I need to go for moral support for my daughter in this time and to offer our support to her best friend who I have known and welcomed into my home since they were 10 yrs old. I just hope for the best when it comes to her mom. Thanks you for being a wonderful place to get support and advice. I really needed others perspective :) |
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mrsamy
True Blue Farmgirl
167 Posts
Amy
Milwaukee
WI
USA
167 Posts |
Posted - Mar 13 2011 : 08:37:00 AM
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I went through a similar situation just recently. I went to the funeral and was VERY apprehensive. It was the right decision in my case. The fence isn't mended yet, but it went very well and she and her family knew that comforting her was more important than the discomfort I felt.
Prayer costs nothing, but is worth the most. |
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Calicogirl
True Blue Farmgirl
5216 Posts
Sharon
Bruce Crossing
Michigan
USA
5216 Posts |
Posted - Mar 13 2011 : 08:52:41 AM
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Patricia,
I am praying for you and for the restoration of your relationship as well as healing, strength and comfort for your friend.
~Sharon
By His Grace, For His Glory
http://merryheartjournal.blogspot.com/ |
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pnickols
True Blue Farmgirl
808 Posts
Patricia
Parma
Ohio
808 Posts |
Posted - Mar 13 2011 : 4:14:04 PM
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| I went to the funeral home, I am pleased to say it went better than I thought, we offered our support and love, she was receptive and we decided to get together and talk, it's been too long |
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Calicogirl
True Blue Farmgirl
5216 Posts
Sharon
Bruce Crossing
Michigan
USA
5216 Posts |
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graciegreeneyes
True Blue Farmgirl
3107 Posts
Amy Grace
Rosalia
WA
USA
3107 Posts |
Posted - Mar 13 2011 : 7:00:14 PM
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That's great Patricia - was thinking about you!!
Amy Grace
Farmgirl #224
"use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without"
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cheneygal
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Suzie
Cheney
Wa.
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Mar 13 2011 : 8:22:21 PM
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Patricia, so glad to hear things went well, your dear friend will need you more than she realizes~and so glad you are willing to be there for her!!
live, laugh, love |
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rough start farmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
3331 Posts
marianne
The Beautiful Pacific NW
Washington State
USA
3331 Posts |
Posted - Mar 13 2011 : 8:45:43 PM
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great news - bet you feel relieved.
marianne |
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texdane
Farmgirl Legend Chapter Leader Chapter Guru
4658 Posts
Nicole
Sandy Hook
CT
USA
4658 Posts |
Posted - Mar 14 2011 : 6:32:44 PM
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I would go, bring a casserole with a card on top with a very heartfelt message in it, and quietly go in. Pay your respects, offer her a smile and kind word, and later she can read the card and decide if she will come around. Good luck. Such a difficult place to be in.
Nicole
Farmgirl Sister #1155
KNITTER, JAM-MAKER AND MOM EXTRAORDINAIRE
http://sfgblog.maryjanesfarm.org/ |
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Across the Fence: need farmgirl advice |
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need farmgirl advice
