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Hogs & Quiches & Prayers Round-up:  What really helps?  |
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
 Posted - Nov 14 2010 : 08:09:01 AM
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Hi girls. One of my dearest friends in the world called this morning. Her stepfather to whom she was very close passed away this morning after a brief fight with brain cancer. Once again God has shown His infinite love and mercy. But my friend is really falling apart, and I just want to ease her pain. I have experienced death many times in my own life and shared the grief in the lives of those I love, but there just never seems to be any one thing that really helps. What should I do? She said they've already got food covered, and I surely do not want to interfere by going down there today. I've prayed - of course! - and offered to run errands and help in any way possible. She knows she can count on me - I know that. But I want to do something. I hate this feeling of helplessness. I feel so bad for her mother, who has gone through sheer hell, and is now left to pick up the pieces - this time, without the love of her life at her side. My heart breaks for her. Even though I've been there, it seems like there really is nothing more than praying, making food and lending a hand - and shoulder - when needed. Please tell me - is there anything ANYTHING that you can think of that I could do that might really help them? Thank you - Nini
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
Farmgirl Sister #1974 |
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Annika
True Blue Farmgirl
5602 Posts
Annika
USA
5602 Posts |
Posted - Nov 14 2010 : 08:23:14 AM
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Maybe put together a relaxing spa kit for her and her mom to share? A basket of small things: I gift card to a favorite place , a jar of homemade anything, a few small things. Some of MaryJane's excellent chocolate? An offer to come and clean house for them, while they are so busy with everything might help in a day or two....just thinking. Some times just a simple gift given with a heart felt card is enough. She knows you will be there for her and she can count on you. Grief can be so overwhelming and I was just thinking of a little something to show that you are thinking about them. I'm never very good at helping others in grief and loss =(
Annika
Farmgirl & sister #13
Palouse Prairie Girls Chapter
http://palouseprairiegirls.blogspot.com/
http://prairiegirlsjournal.blogspot.com/
Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication. ~Leonardo DaVinci
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Nov 14 2010 : 08:28:36 AM
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Thanks, Annika - you are such a sweetheart. Those are some really great ideas. I know what you mean - it's honestly not easy to help others when they go through this, because what their hearts want and need most, they just can't have. It's heartbreaking. Hugs - Nini
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
Farmgirl Sister #1974 |
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violetrose
True Blue Farmgirl
960 Posts
Ruth
Epworth
GA
USA
960 Posts |
Posted - Nov 14 2010 : 3:08:38 PM
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Hi Nini, I'm just getting on, as my daugher has been here all weekend and saw your post!
One thing, that I feel is very helpful is to take them breakfast foods and paper plates, plastic ware, napkins. Maybe a notepad to write down things brought in so when it is time to write "thank you" notes they will have a log to go from. The other thing is maybe sticky notes/label to put on the bottom of dishes as they come in so they can get back to their owners. These are things we have done in the past that seemed very helpful, that others don't usually think of.
I know here in the south, people bring main course dished, dessert, but not beverages and breakfast foods.
My heart aches for you my friend. I will be keephing this family in my prayers. Time and the Lord are the healer for broken hearts. We can be there to wrap our arms around them in love though.
Thank you notes might be another good item to take to her.
Hope this helps a little!
Hugs and prayers,
Ruth
Farmgirl Sister # 1738
God loves each one of us as if there were only one of us!
St. Augustine |
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gypsy goat
True Blue Farmgirl
673 Posts
mary jo
michigan
673 Posts |
Posted - Nov 15 2010 : 06:02:25 AM
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just keep being there-i have lost some really close family members and the things my friends did for me that meant the most was to continue to be there when some people thought i should be ok. sometimes the hardest part is when everyday life tries to kick back in and there isn't anyone there to support you. hope this helps and i hope the best your friend and her family
farmgirl#1362 whatever you are be a good one-abe lincoln |
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Nov 15 2010 : 09:35:23 AM
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Those are such excellent ideas, ladies! As I'm reading them, I keep thinking, "Now why didn't I think of that?!"
Ruth - I think the paper goods, the notepad, and especially the thank you notes (with postage!) are some of the best ideas! Who on earth wants to traipse to the store for any necessities when you're feeling like that? And sometimes, we don't even think of it - I am definitely going to do that for them. AND I'll recommend the post-it note idea to my friend. She'll really like it. I'm also on the same wavelength with you about breakfast foods - I am starting to bake an assortment homemade muffins as I type!
And MaryJo - you are absolutely right. One time a friend was going through this and I emailed her asking how she was doing. She said she was so grateful that I asked because once everyone had gone through the motions, she felt she had been completely forgotten. It's so hard because you're suddenly supposed to get on with your life, but everything has fallen apart. Where do you start? And how can others keep moving forward, when you're stuck in neutral and sliding backwards? I will remember this, for sure, and heed your advice. We're all pretty close, but I will especially remember to call her Mom and send her a card every now and then, just so she knows she doesn't have to go it alone. Very, very good advice. Thank you!
I am so grateful to you all - what a blessing to have you, my farmgirl sisters!
Hugs - Nini
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
Farmgirl Sister #1974 |
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pinkroses
True Blue Farmgirl
2350 Posts
Sheila
Virginia
USA
2350 Posts |
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Hogs & Quiches & Prayers Round-up: What really helps? |
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What really helps?
