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Hogs & Quiches & Prayers Round-up:  Should I try to reconnect?  |
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Cindy Lou
True Blue Farmgirl
2325 Posts
Susan
Lonsdale
MN
USA
2325 Posts |
 Posted - Aug 05 2010 : 03:08:49 AM
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May I ask for your prayers to help decide if I should try to make contact?
My sister and I haven't spoken to my brother in 3 1/2 years. Our mom passed away close to 4 years ago. DSis and I have remained close but our brother is not in the equation. I wonder if he may have a form of autism or some other thing that doesn't allow him to make normal emotional connections, he has never married or even held a job long term.
When he found out I had breast cancer soon after Mom's funeral, his only comment was "Well, I sure hope none of us die before this estate is worked out." I was just trying to survive a mastectomy and chemo but got continuing raging e-mails from him saying I was trying to use my health condition to make him feel bad. That really hurt. In the aftermath of the funeral and estate problems he got into a physical fight with my BIL and managed to threaten the life of my sister, her husband and mine. There were mutual restraining orders that were to last for 2 years. I had hoped after that time we could reconcile. For a long time I had serious fear of him coming to our home in a rage with a gun.
I feel bad about not being in contact with him but fear trying to contact him might reopen wounds and anger. I continue to pray for him and for guidance about if and/or when I should try to contact him. He lives in the house where we all grew up and its hard to feel I can't go back. I don't believe our parents would have wanted it this way, but I am afraid of making a connection and think of it late at night as I am now.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
Mary Oliver |
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Fiddlehead Farm
True Blue Farmgirl
4562 Posts
Diane
Waupaca
WI
USA
4562 Posts |
Posted - Aug 05 2010 : 06:18:08 AM
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Sounds like you are better off not having contact. I am so sorry, prayers out to you.
http://studiodiphotosite.shutterfly.com/
farmgirl sister #922
Happy to be a "Raggedy Ann" in a Barbie World! |
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TeresaJ25
True Blue Farmgirl
975 Posts
Teresa
Medford
NY
USA
975 Posts |
Posted - Aug 05 2010 : 06:37:25 AM
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I agree with Diane.
Not only is it a "toxic" relationship, but it has the potential to be a dangerous one. Continue to keep your brother in your prayers. When and if the time comes that he reaches out to you, then maybe consider reconnecting.
I am deeply sorry for the loss of not just your parents, but your brother as well. You are in my prayers Susan.
~Teresa
Farmgirl Sister #1348
*Anyone can criticize and complain and predict doom and gloom.
Be the person who fills the room with sunshine! |
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natesgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1735 Posts
angela
martinsville
indiana
USA
1735 Posts |
Posted - Aug 05 2010 : 09:35:15 AM
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I am so sorry for what you've been through. I do agree with the others. It is best if you don't put yourself and your family in a dangerous situation. Pray for him and wait to see if God can reach him.
Farmgirl Sister #1438
God - Gardening - Family - Is anything else important? |
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Cindy Lou
True Blue Farmgirl
2325 Posts
Susan
Lonsdale
MN
USA
2325 Posts |
Posted - Aug 05 2010 : 09:45:37 AM
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Thanks for your responses. I know in my heart you are right. But sometimes late at night when I can't sleep my thoughts spin in circles. When we grew up there were two neighbors, brothers of each other who hadn't spoken in 20 years. No one knew what it was about but it seemed so strange. I didn't imagine it would ever happen in our family.
Susan
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
Mary Oliver |
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melanie47601
True Blue Farmgirl
1949 Posts
Melanie
Boonville
IN
USA
1949 Posts |
Posted - Aug 05 2010 : 09:46:21 AM
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I agree with the other girls, Susan. Sounds like it could be a possibly dangerous situation for you and your family.
You're in my prayers and am sending you lots of hugs.
Melanie
Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says "Oh Crap, She's up!"
Blog~ http://wheelsarealwaysturning.blogspot.com/
Swap Blog~ http://mels-swapshop.blogspot.com/ |
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CountryBorn
True Blue Farmgirl
1545 Posts
Mary Jane
New York
USA
1545 Posts |
Posted - Aug 05 2010 : 2:33:36 PM
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My honest opinion is absolutely not. You could be opening the door to a world of hurt and problems. It's over. Let it go, and keep moving forward.
MJ
There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from the things we do. Freya Stark |
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Mama Jewel
True Blue Farmgirl
435 Posts
Jewel
Sweet Peas Farmette,
Bend, OR
USA
435 Posts |
Posted - Aug 05 2010 : 4:40:46 PM
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Susan, I agree with the other gals. It's too much of a risk. When/if he reaches out, it will mean that he's maturing & possibly getting some help for his rages or at least give you a better idea of what mental space he's in. Yes, rely on your faith & prayers!! You might consider keeping a journal of your thoughts, even "writing" to him in your journal, so it feels like you're visiting and it might help process your feelings & thoughts. (((hugs)))
Farm Girl Sister #1683 Living Simply & Naturally on our lil Sweet Peas Farmette
"Do Everything in Love." 1 Cor 14
http://www.piecemama.etsy.com |
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HealingTouch
True Blue Farmgirl
3448 Posts
Darlene
Kunkletown
Pa
USA
3448 Posts |
Posted - Aug 05 2010 : 5:09:34 PM
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Very sad but it sounds as though he has mental issues. If he does and is not being treated he could be extremely dangerous to himself and others. It really isn't worth the risk considering his prior actions. We all wish we have the Norman Rockwell families but most of us don't. Don't feel guilty or responsible. Be at peace and be safe.
Prayers and Blessings,
Darlene
Sister 1922
If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it! |
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kristin sherrill
True Blue Farmgirl
11303 Posts
kristin
chickamauga
ga
USA
11303 Posts |
Posted - Aug 05 2010 : 5:27:04 PM
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Susan, sounds like to me you should stay away. He does sound very unstable. I know you still love him. He is your brother. But if he has issues you should stay away. That's very sad.
Kris
Happiness is simple. |
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classygram
True Blue Farmgirl
1812 Posts
Brenda
Pleasant Hill
Mo.
USA
1812 Posts |
Posted - Aug 05 2010 : 7:08:34 PM
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Susan, I'm so sorry to hear about the parting of your brother. Whether he understands or not what he's doing, it just doesn't sound safe to reconnect.The Lord know your love for your brother and the best and only thing to do is continue prayer for him. I'm sending prayers for your brother that he can reach out to God for direction. And prayers for you and your family that you will find peace in what you decide to do. Bless you farmgirl sister, this has to be very difficult for you.
Hugs, Brenda
"What lies behind us, and what lies before us are small matter compared to what lies within us."
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Seek reasons to Love..In every sigment of everyday-look for something that brings forth within you a feeling of Love-Abraham Hicks |
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Diane B Carter
True Blue Farmgirl
1270 Posts
Diane
Blasdell
N.Y.
USA
1270 Posts |
Posted - Aug 07 2010 : 06:35:51 AM
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I agree for the safety of you & your family you should just leave him alone. I do like the idea of writing a journal. I am sorry you have this to deal with. Your first priorty is to keep your self & family safe.
Hope all your days are Sunnydays.
dianebcarterhotmailcom.blogspot.com |
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Roxy7
True Blue Farmgirl
1083 Posts
Robin
Denver
CO
USA
1083 Posts |
Posted - Aug 07 2010 : 08:41:09 AM
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| My son has autism and makes emotional connections. |
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Cindy Lou
True Blue Farmgirl
2325 Posts
Susan
Lonsdale
MN
USA
2325 Posts |
Posted - Aug 07 2010 : 7:52:07 PM
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Robin,
I apologize to you and other parents/siblings/grandparents of people with Autism. I guess I have been trying, unsuccessfully to find some explanation for my brothers behavior.
My DH worked as an Autism teacher for years, and there is a wide range of behaviors in Autism spectrum disorders. Some of his students were severely autistic, others were in the Asperger's classification, some did make connections others did not seem to be able to understand others very well at all. There is a tremendous range, I should have thought more carefully before using that comparison.
Doing research I have found out about a condition called attachment disorder as well as different forms of mental illness one of those may be closer to the fact.
Susan
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
Mary Oliver |
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Roxy7
True Blue Farmgirl
1083 Posts
Robin
Denver
CO
USA
1083 Posts |
Posted - Aug 07 2010 : 9:02:38 PM
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Thanks Susan,
Those of us who deal with autism on a daily basis find it hard when people attribute a negative behavior solely to autism. It makes the hurdles we face every day all the higher. Many people dont understand how it works. You could meet 100 people on the spectrum and not be able to find two alike. Since the number of kids on the spectrum is rising in such rapid numbers and one day my own son who is only 4 will have to face the world on his own, I would like that world to be more friendly and accepting of who he is, without predetermined prejudice.
I hope your situation with your brother gets worked out so you can have peace. |
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Merry
True Blue Farmgirl
765 Posts
Merry
Ankeny
Iowa
USA
765 Posts |
Posted - Aug 08 2010 : 10:55:29 AM
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I am in the same situation, it breaks my heart as I will never know my niece.
Even though you obviously shouldn't have contact, you can still pray for his healing and well being.
Sometimes its all you can do. Leave it up to God.
Merry
Farmgirl #536
http://afarminmyheart.blogspot.com/
Your life is an occasion, rise to it. Mr. Magorium |
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melody
True Blue Farmgirl
3335 Posts
Melody
The Great North Woods in the Land of Hiawatha
USA
3335 Posts |
Posted - Aug 08 2010 : 11:38:01 AM
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Cindy Lou....I read your initial post and did not respond--too painful to deal with it as I am estranged from both of my parents and my 3 siblings-Have been for a long time.
When I tell my story to friends they all say how awful it must be not to have "family" Well...I have to be honest with you and say for me it is a relief that I do not have to put myself or my children in contact with such a dysfunctional family. We were not the "Cleaver's" by any stretch of the imagination. It took me the better part of 40 years to come to that conclusion...that is just the way it is for me.
I think that if you want peace of mind and be in a healthy place you have got to walk away and put it to rest. That was the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but I know I am better off because of my decision and so are my children.
Follow your heart but don't beat yourself up about it if it doesn't work out. Life is too short-
Melody
Farmgirl #525
www.melodynotes-melodynotes.blogspot.com
http://www.farmgirlhistory.blogspot.com/
www.lemonverbenasoap.etsy.com
www.longtallsallys.etsy.com
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Hogs & Quiches & Prayers Round-up: Should I try to reconnect? |
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Should I try to reconnect?
