| Author |
Across the Fence:  What to do?  |
|
|
woolgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
901 Posts
Elizabeth
Great Lakes
IL
USA
901 Posts |
 Posted - Jul 26 2010 : 10:19:44 AM
|
| A very dear friend of ours just had a miscarriage, after much trying to conceive. I want to do something, but she is across the country from me. Apart from the customary flowers, and since I am too far to be a shoulder to cry on, what could I do for her and her husband? My heart just aches for them right now. |
|
|
Diane B Carter
True Blue Farmgirl
1270 Posts
Diane
Blasdell
N.Y.
USA
1270 Posts |
Posted - Jul 26 2010 : 10:27:14 AM
|
A card or a phone call? Sending flowers is nice, but letting her know she can call you anytime and you will listen to her anytime. A miscarriage is the same as losing a child. She was already in love with this baby, just let her know you will listen to her anytime. Then listen.
Hope all your days are Sunnydays.
dianebcarterhotmailcom.blogspot.com |
 |
|
|
1badmamawolf
True Blue Farmgirl
2199 Posts
Teresa
"Bent Fence Farms"
Ca
USA
2199 Posts |
Posted - Jul 26 2010 : 10:31:01 AM
|
Making sure they know that you are there for them, and will listen anytime of day or night always. Diane is right, they lost a child...
"Treat the earth well, it was not given to you by your parents, it was loaned to you by your children" |
|
|
|
Lessie Louise
True Blue Farmgirl
1406 Posts
Carol
PECULIAR
MO
USA
1406 Posts |
Posted - Jul 26 2010 : 10:33:56 AM
|
Besides keeping them in your thoughts and prayers, a card and flowers are very sweet. Another thing is to remember her due date. People tend to forget that and it would mean so much if you were to send a card about that time.
Maybe a certificate to a resturant near them would be helpful also. I am so sorry for their loss, and hope that this is helpful, Carol
Forget buns of steel, I'd rather have buns of cinnamon!
Don't out smart your common sense!!
Farmgirl #680! |
|
|
|
woolgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
901 Posts
Elizabeth
Great Lakes
IL
USA
901 Posts |
Posted - Jul 26 2010 : 11:27:09 AM
|
Remembering the due date is such a thoughtful idea. They are another military couple, and they just moved this month (such is this military life). I feel so bad that she doesn't know anybody where they are, and I think they are not near a big base, which usually has a lot of support resources. She was already 6 months along, so they already knew the gender, had a name, so for them it truly is the loss of a child.
I thought since they just moved I could send a housewarming gift, but I would hate that it may be a painful reminder of their loss. |
|
|
|
harmonyfarm
True Blue Farmgirl
785 Posts
Debbie
Southeastern
Ohio
USA
785 Posts |
Posted - Jul 26 2010 : 12:15:10 PM
|
Your compassion is obvious in what your post says, You could buy a pretty piece of stationary and envelope and write her a nice letter telling her how you feel and that she can always count on you when she needs you...etc. Flowers will fade but your words will last forever.
Debbie
"If you can't find the time to do it right...how will you find the time to do it over" |
|
|
|
Lessie Louise
True Blue Farmgirl
1406 Posts
Carol
PECULIAR
MO
USA
1406 Posts |
Posted - Jul 26 2010 : 12:19:23 PM
|
We are a military family too, so I know about the moves. Refer to the baby by name, that helps too. After 20 weeks gestation it is considered a delivery, not a miscarriage. Unless those are the words she is using. There are several support groups around the country, and most likely one near them. I sent you an email and will send along other resources too.
Forget buns of steel, I'd rather have buns of cinnamon!
Don't out smart your common sense!!
Farmgirl #680! |
|
|
|
clothedinscarlet
True Blue Farmgirl
1333 Posts
Siobhan
Battle Creek
MI
USA
1333 Posts |
Posted - Jul 26 2010 : 12:45:51 PM
|
I'm assuming since you're "woolgirl" that you can knit, and it would take a few days, but this shawl pattern was created for exactly this purpose and it might be a way of sending a "hug" to your friend in this time when she needs one.
http://hyenacart.com/prod_details.php?id=17711&vid=577
Farmgirl Sister #1110
Siobhan - AKA Liza-Jane (my farmgirl name), wife to my best friend, Trent, and mommy to Camden (11/28/05) and Bennett (7/11/07). and Truman (7/28/09) |
|
|
|
woolgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
901 Posts
Elizabeth
Great Lakes
IL
USA
901 Posts |
Posted - Jul 26 2010 : 1:11:58 PM
|
| I looked at doing a prayer shawl. Do you think that would be okay? |
|
|
|
Merry
True Blue Farmgirl
765 Posts
Merry
Ankeny
Iowa
USA
765 Posts |
Posted - Jul 26 2010 : 1:23:52 PM
|
I second the prayer shawl. Tell her whenever she puts it around herself, to know that she is wrapped in your love.
Merry
Farmgirl #536
http://afarminmyheart.blogspot.com/
Your life is an occasion, rise to it. Mr. Magorium |
|
|
|
CountryBorn
True Blue Farmgirl
1545 Posts
Mary Jane
New York
USA
1545 Posts |
Posted - Jul 26 2010 : 1:47:08 PM
|
Thats a beautiful idea Merry, to include that message with the shawl. I am sorry for their loss.That is losing a child. How heartbroken they must be. To wait for so long and carry to 6 months has to be devastating. God bless them.
MJ
There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from the things we do. Freya Stark |
|
|
|
acairnsmom
True Blue Farmgirl
1319 Posts
audrey
cheyenne
wy
1319 Posts |
Posted - Jul 26 2010 : 3:13:40 PM
|
The prayer shawl sounds like an nice gesture. I think just acknowledging they are mourning this child will go along way and yes, calling the baby by name would mean the world to them. You sound like a very kind, carrying person to want to do this.
Audrey
Toto, we're not in Kansas any more! |
|
|
|
Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
Posted - Jul 26 2010 : 4:16:17 PM
|
I have experienced two miscarriages and truly the best thing you can do is offer an ear to listen and an open heart. The shawl is a great idea too- but you kindof have to judge the temperature of the emotions. Sometimes during the grief process you don't want anything to remind you of the loss and sometimes you don't want to forget. It's hard and a very personal healing process. Sometimes I needed people to listen and sometimes I needed them to talk about anything BUT the loss.
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.awarmheart.com
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
www.allergyjourneys.blogspot.com
Put your pin on the farmgirl map! www.farmgirlmap.blogspot.com |
|
|
|
Merry
True Blue Farmgirl
765 Posts
Merry
Ankeny
Iowa
USA
765 Posts |
Posted - Jul 27 2010 : 1:06:02 PM
|
Send the shawl, she will appreciate something she can see and touch. Speaking as the wife of a retired Marine, too often we become out of site and out of mind to long distance family and friends. She will appreciate that you took the time and made the effort, too many people take the easy way of phone, email and cards. Its not up to you to decide or even know how she will grieve, but she will appreciate someone taking action instead of just phoning it in. Just my opinion based on my experiences.
Merry
Farmgirl #536
http://afarminmyheart.blogspot.com/
Your life is an occasion, rise to it. Mr. Magorium |
|
|
|
MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Aug 16 2010 : 8:41:52 PM
|
For me if some one could of sent some food that would of helped, I couldn't even think of what to eat or feed my family for a good month! I was so brain dead!
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
|
|
|
maggie14
True Blue Farmgirl
6784 Posts
Hannah
Washington
USA
6784 Posts |
Posted - Aug 16 2010 : 9:08:11 PM
|
The shawl is a wonderful idea along with a note. A phone call would be nice too.
My little sister was born stillborn and we were all brain dead as, Heather, puts it. People from our church brought food, and helped do chores around the house. It's a terrible thing to go through and I'll be praying for them. They are so blessed to have a friend like you who cares.
Be their for her. I think the shawl would be a wonderful idea for you to do.
Hugs,
Channah
Farmgirl sister #1219
Just a small town country girl trying to live her dreams. :) |
|
|
|
MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Aug 16 2010 : 10:13:58 PM
|
Exactly Maggie, I cried so much I was mentally and emotionally numb. My husband would ask what we were going to eat and I had no idea and would try to think of something and couldn't. We would drive around for hours going no where! I wish people would of given us food, that would of helped a lot.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
|
|
| |
Across the Fence: What to do? |
|
What to do?
