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Parenting & Farm Kids:  nursing  |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
 Posted - Mar 16 2011 : 10:53:01 PM
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Thanks Sarah. I have to say NYC is not too breastfeeding friendly even though the government has passed a lot of laws about it since I had DD1. It is getting better. LCs can really vary one from another that's for sure. I wish, I had known that with DD1, I wish I had just contacted LLL with DD1. I think I would of had so much better resources and help. I have found that not all LCs are the same, that's for sure!
I just love our LLL meetings here, the leaders are so helpful. I've watched them help so many new mom's it's really great! And for free too!
I'm so glad where you live is so breastfeeding friendly it certainly makes a difference! I think here in Kansas we are a little more breastfeeding friendly as well, as just in general more family friendly area. A lot in my LLL meetings have 6 or more children. Large families are the norm here, and centering your life around your family is more prevalent here. It's been a good move for us, that's for sure!
lol And I know what you mean about frustrating. My mom used to really frustrate me too, till I met my MIL! Now it's like wow she's the easiest person in the world to get along with! lol I literally rarely have any problems with my parents now. lol After experiencing MIL it seems like my parents are a breeze to handle! lol hahaha
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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J.F. Brown
True Blue Farmgirl
130 Posts
Jamie
Beaverton
OR
USA
130 Posts |
Posted - Mar 24 2011 : 11:38:21 AM
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Hi, Heather! It's just so good to see young women so committed to nursing! My children are grown, and it seems so many people just don't anymore! We old-lady-hippie-feminist- folk struggled hard with disapproval, and LLL was a great resource. The best of all, for me, was the support of my husband, who took on his family, and anyone else who was goofy enough to express disapproval.
Surround yourself with people who nourish and support you, though I know the inlaws are not among them!
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Mar 24 2011 : 12:15:25 PM
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Thanks Jamie. So true. The sad thing is, where I lived in NYC I never made any friends. Not that there isn't any good people in NYC, I just never did find any one that I gelled with. They were not on my said thinking waves at all. lol Like you, I'm kind of a hippie natural person, and NYC in general likes all things manufactured, new, etc. Not only that but when I first moved to NYC I had almost died from Diabetic Keytone Acidoses, literally had only been released from the hospital 2 weeks when I moved. I survived DKA which then because your immune system is so suppressed from it almost every one who survives gets pneomonia. So the next 3 to 4 years I was pretty much a recluse in my apartment. Making friends was very difficult when you can't leave your apartment. All I had was my inlaws. My MIL and FIL lived very close. And they were the ones we got along with least, my other inlaws are great I get along with almost all their siblings and they are wonderful (and of course wonder of wonders they hate their siblings as well, even though their siblings love them! Yeah they are a bit narcissist!) their siblings will say how much they love them, and MIL/FIL will roll their eyes and look blankly at them. And say they don't want to be around them! UHG! Too bad none of them lived in our same borough they would of been great to be around but most of them lived in other boroughs and with me home bound I didn't get to see them much.
When I had DD1 I just just gotten healthy enough to start getting out! Then she was a preemie and I was stuck at home again! Too bad I didn't know about LLL then! I wish I had of! Would of helped me so much. I only really ever had one supportive friend in NYC it was a dr I had found only months before being pregnant with DD1. And well one more friend Max (who was Luther Vandross personal assistant) we were great friends too, but he was very busy starting up his own non profit diabetic awareness support system. So I never did have a lot of support or friends, and why we were always stuck with my MIL and FIL as our only outside contacts! lol
Now that we moved back to where I grew up, we are surrounded by loving people, and a LOT of people who have our same beliefs and life style. And I'm healthy enough to get out and meet people! lol LLL has been great. We also started going to a local healthy bakery, they sell a lot of local organic stuff on commission-like local organic milk, butter, jam, honey, etc etc. Along with having GREAT all natural delicious bread products! lol So things are going soooooo much better!
Thanks for your support though. I grew up with my mom and dad being hippies too! lol Worshiping God was meeting some people in a local park with guitars and singing! lol haha Those are my kids of peeps! lol hahaha We've always been the type to pay extra for local foods, and the like cause it's just our belief system. My dad to this day refuses to go to the big box stores and just has Sam the local grocer order anything they don't regularly stock and he pays what ever extra it is. Just cause he would rather deal with Sam, then what the big box stores say he should buy! lol haha So we probably have a lot in common Jamie! lol haha
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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4forMe
True Blue Farmgirl
166 Posts
Dawn
Easton
MD
166 Posts |
Posted - Mar 25 2011 : 06:16:02 AM
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Heather, congratulations to you for being so intent on doing what is best for your children. That woman (your MIL) sounds like a control freak. Good for you for not letting her control you and your mothering decisions. You are doing what is right and she is off her rocker if you ask me.
I am a Labor and Delivery RN. It used to amaze me the number of other older RN's I worked with who would almost encourage a mother to bottle feed in the early days, simply because "that's what they themselves did 20 years ago and their kid grew up fine".
Studies show that breastfeeding for at least the first year is best. People of your MIL's generation can't stand the thought that what she herself did, is NOT what is recommended today.
I breastfed all of mine, one until the age of 3. I am still nursing my 14 month old.
Sewing, knitting, gardening mom of 5. |
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Lindsay C
True Blue Farmgirl
117 Posts
Lindsay
Rogersville
AL
USA
117 Posts |
Posted - Mar 25 2011 : 10:18:02 AM
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I'm probably not going to say anything that anyone else hasn't already said, but I just wanted to say how much I admire you nursing so long. Especially for a mom of a preemie. I'm a neonatal RN and I wish all preemie moms would realize how much healthier and easier it is on these babies to digest breastmilk. You are absolutely doing the right thing! The World Health Organization recommends all children be breastfed until age two and then as long as it mutually desired, and I think lots of cultures are so much more open to that than we are here. Breastfeeding is a wonderful, beautiful thing and I wish there wasn't such a stigma around it. As a society, we really need to make breastfeeding a more viable option for mothers. I know at least in my state, it's nearly impossible to get moms to breastfeed when government programs are waiting to hand out free formula.
Okay, that's my soapbox for today, and now I will get off of it. :) Keep up the good work!
Lindsay
Farmgirl Sister #1452 |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Mar 25 2011 : 12:31:46 PM
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Thanks Lindsay and Dawn, so good to hear from some RNs with the same reasoning as me!
Dawn that is so great that you are a long time nurser! We nurse long time as well. And for sure it is control issues with MIL. She was two hours late to our wedding. Tried to make my husband late on purpose as well. After we were married a while I noticed she was late to every thing. She has no little kids, and no one else she is responsible for (say elderly parents, or whomever). She only has to get her self ready and to said places. I told my husband a long time ago that was a sign of control issues. At first he didn't believe me. It was just who she is....late. I said no, people who have no reason to be late and are chronically late are controlling people. They want people to wait for them, and to be in control of that situation. For instance at our wedding after two hours the minister said he could no longer hold off he had other things to do that day and we needed to go on with the wedding. So we did. But, I'm sure it gave her a thrill that we waited 2 hours for her to show up! She does this for ever thing though. I told my husband I'm sorry a grown woman knows how long it takes to get ready, it's not like she is 5 or 10 minutes late, but hours, this is purposeful! After I brought it to his attention and it continued on, he now sees how this is a tool of control and manipulation. And BTW, we stopped "waiting" for her a long time ago! We go on with life and tell her see ya when we see ya. We're going on!
Lindsay the NICU I was in was absolutely crazy about nursing. They really pushed bottles. They would constantly say things that weren't even true! And they were young nurses. Like one nurse one day when I was in there nursing DD2 said yeah she's nursing her baby but it's not like it's of any benefit to her, her milk isn't even in yet. I did not sit back and let that go! I said, there is lots of benefits to this! 1. What she is getting right now may not be milk, but it's what human bodies make for newborn babies, it's designed for new born babies and it's exactly what my daughter NEEDS! 2. This is teaching her the correct way to latch and nurse, which a bottle can NOT teach! 3. She is getting the benefits of me holding her, her hearing my heart beat soothing her, her feeling my warmth warming her (instead of the heat lamp they were using!), she is smelling my pheromones again soothing her. There is many benefits to what I am doing right now thank you very much. She then grumbled I was right.
But, it made me so upset cause there was a long of very young mom's really wanting to give up and not even give it a real try in there. I had been trying to encourage them not to give up and keep on trying, and a nurse (a authority figure) saying something as stupid as that just made me so mad!
BTW, I didn't know till I was on this group that the government will also pay for mothers to have a breast pump! When Alee told me that, I told my mother (who is a dr) and she has started spreading the word to her patients who are on WIC. I also tell every one I know who may be on WIC to ask. I have never qualified for WIC. But, I know a lot of women can't afford a pump and need to go back to work so just think they will have to give formula. So I've been trying to spread the word. I do wish they would have more ads at WIC about them offering the pump. However, I will say our local WIC office does have a lot of breast feeding posters up, but none of them say that they offer a breast pump and not just formula.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
Edited by - MagnoliaWhisper on Mar 25 2011 6:48:11 PM |
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Lindsay C
True Blue Farmgirl
117 Posts
Lindsay
Rogersville
AL
USA
117 Posts |
Posted - Mar 25 2011 : 4:17:50 PM
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Heather, I actually didn't know that WIC would pay for breast pumps! That's something I need to check on locally so I can let my mommas know. That would be wonderful! It's an unfortunate state of affairs in the hospital these days. Almost everywhere is understaffed, so I know how much easier it can be to convince someone to bottle feed vs. taking the time to help them get a proper latch, etc. Also, NICUs are notoriously big on giving bottles so that they can keep up with how much exactly the baby's getting. The sad truth is, all of these things just make it easier on nurses to do their jobs. However, the reality is that babies need breastmilk and preemies especially need all that wonderful immunity. You just have to be a little bit of a rebel-momma when it comes to things like that. You have to stick to your guns, even when the "experts" are telling you differently. :)
Lindsay
Farmgirl Sister #1452 |
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ShilohsHaven2011
Farmgirl at Heart
8 Posts
Rachel
Crossville
TN
USA
8 Posts |
Posted - Mar 28 2011 : 10:08:38 AM
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I have been through what you have been through,Heather, but with a knwo-it-all SIL. she was actually my boss when I had my DD almost 4 years ago. She gave me such a hard time at work, because I insisted on pumping at work since I wanted her to be exclusively on breastmilk. DD would not take a bottle for anyone except for the babysitter, and that drove her nuts. To the point, I refused to be around her for awhile. I hurt our relationship, but I know I was doing what I felt was right for my child and it is nobodys right to impose their beliefs on anyone. They can voice their opinions, but it is wrong for them to make you feel like an idiot for the way you do things. Proud of you, girl, for sticking to your guns! Can't believe the thing about the potty, too! That made me laugh, BTW! Be strong!
Rachel |
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Heartbroken farmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
604 Posts
Annette
rio vista
Ca
USA
604 Posts |
Posted - Apr 12 2011 : 08:09:20 AM
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My MIL still quotes"conversations that never happened. I have nursed all four of my children. My oldest DS weaned himself at 11 months. My oldest DD bit me so bad I needed stitches!! I was afraid to nurse her, so I pumped for a month. I missed the closeness, so I tried again, and no more biting. When my youngest DD was born, Dr tried to push supplemental formula feeding. My DD was small, as was my last DS. My DH makes tiny babies. They grow, just not at the rate of any growth chart. My DH himself was exclusively bottle/formula feed. My FIL had issues with that, but figured "mother knows best".
I lived on the farm, next door to my in-laws, for the years I nursed my youngest two. My FIL would brag to the supply store clerks, the postmaster, random people, that his DIL was the best mom, patient....so sweet, but I saw my MIL start to resent it. With my last, I literally alternated weekly for the first three months between mastitis and thrush. Logan would latch on, and instantly my eyes teared up, toes would curl....my MIL knew that. She would go on and on about my health, and not worth it, and often she would say foolish things about me nursing to keep my breasts large!! Funny, I had great breasts UNTIL I nursed four babies!! Lol. She would also wait for my DH to come home, and she'd stare as I nursed, then she would reach over and grab me, and say what do you think about these huge leaky boobs? She did things like this a lot. Not only did it cross a line, but due to the thrush and mastitis, it HURT!!
I had wonderful support from the rest of the family, and I learned to just go to my room, and lock the door, IN MY OWN HOME, to hide from her while feeding the baby. A complete inconvenience, as I had three other lil ones to look after, and I had to just sit there. With the other LO's I had leArned to nurse and vacuum, fold laundry, prepare simple meals, even carved a pumpkin once, at the same time.
I'm so sorry about breastfeeding not being supported and encouraged in hospitals and peds clinics. We stress how we eat, how our produce is organic, how our meats are feed and handled...How much more organic, natural, and pure is mothers milk? Cows nurse, goats nurse, heck, mice and rats nurse!! It's the way we were made, and it makes no sense to try to change it!
Good for you for sticking to your guns, really. I'm sorry your MIL feels the need to control you and your mothering, but sounds like she blew her own chances when it was her turn. You just keep lovin, and raisin' your DD's and know you're doin right by them.(((Hugs)))
The tears I shed then, watered the flowers I harvest now.
www.broken908.blogspot.com
http://forums.familyfriendpoems.com/broken908
"The aim of education is the knowledge not of facts but of values."-Dean William Ralph Inge |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Apr 12 2011 : 09:58:55 AM
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Thanks Gals!
Rachel, in my opinion your relationship with your children out weighs any other relationship (besides maybe your husband and you) you can have in life, so I wouldn't stress over it. lol I don't any more!
thanks so much Annette so sorry it was that way for you! UHG I have had mastitus a few times and it was pretty bad! So sorry for that! But, good on you for keeping it on any way. Sadly my MIL isn't in to anything whole, natural or organic, she doesn't understand any of it. She still thinks margarine is better for you then butter. Anything new she is afraid to try. She was scared to death to try olives once.....yeah. Any way, she is very sheltered, she grew up in the worst part of Brooklyn (the Marcy projects), yet very very sheltered, and very scared of every thing. In some ways, I'm like you know she's lucky she got out of such not hooked on drugs, or dead. (I mean society goes on and on about how amazing it is the Rapper/singer Jay-Z was able to make it out-she lived down from him, in fact, we see him visiting his grandmother who still lives just down the way from my husband's grandmother! We see both him and Beyonce often when we lived in NY and would go visit my husband's grandparents). So while some days she annoys the heck out of me, I try to also stand back other days and say actually it's amazing she isn't worse off then she is. And then I thank God that it was my husband's grandparents who raised him and not her! lol haha
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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CMac
True Blue Farmgirl
1074 Posts
Connie
Ashland City
TN
USA
1074 Posts |
Posted - Apr 12 2011 : 10:22:02 AM
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Reading all this is making the Mama bear in me come out! Just remember they are showing you who they are not who you are by what they say. My most useful tactic was to say something very uncommitted when comments like this were made. Like, interesting, really?, thanks for telling me, I'll think about that, etc. If they want a power struggle just don't pick up your end of the rope! Stand in your truth and know that it does not matter if they agree with you or not. Just like it does not matter if you agree with them. Your boobs, your babies,your decision! Period.
Whew, I feel better.
Connie
"I have three chairs in my house: one for solitude, two for friendship, three for company."
Author: Henry David Thoreau |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Apr 12 2011 : 11:56:09 AM
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Thanks Connie that is usually how I am too. At the time though of the original post, I was soooooooo exhausted, physically and mentally, and in the middle of this huge cross country move, I was on my last bit of anything! Barely hanging on to sanity, with one toenail, I think! lol haha But, when I am not at my wits end, and have some lucidness left in me, lol that's exactly how I usually do. Ignore them, and go on, and stand in what I know is truth. As I like to say, I am the one who has to answer for my actions no one else, so I don't let others make those choices for me, cause I don't want to be answering for actions I didn't even think out and choose myself! I think that would be some of the worst regrets. I know people who do that, and always blame others for all their choices in life, when it was their choice to make! And if they let some one else make the choice, well.....then that's their own fault it didn't work out. If things blow up in my face, I want to be able to take full responsibility for it, and not let that be on any one else, and that's why I try to make choices well informed and thought out! Thanks so much Connie, I'm really liking you! lol haha We seem to have a lot in common!
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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CMac
True Blue Farmgirl
1074 Posts
Connie
Ashland City
TN
USA
1074 Posts |
Posted - Apr 12 2011 : 12:13:24 PM
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Heather, Poor little mama! You had way to much on your plate. They seem to know when we are most vulnerable and attack then don't they? I agree with you about choice. I also suffer from exhaustion reaction to things like this. Just gotta forgive ourselves and move on. Just think of all us farmgirls standing right behind you next time she gets in your business. ( I'll be the one with my hand on your shoulder and a smile on my face)
Connie
"I have three chairs in my house: one for solitude, two for friendship, three for company."
Author: Henry David Thoreau |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Apr 12 2011 : 12:56:46 PM
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Awe thanks Connie. And yes exactly, I was really at my most vulnerable, I really didn't get a chance to rest at all after having DD. And was ran ragged. I've since moved, and been able to relax and get back to normal finally! Now to just get enough money to buy our own home, and we'll be set!
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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CMac
True Blue Farmgirl
1074 Posts
Connie
Ashland City
TN
USA
1074 Posts |
Posted - Apr 12 2011 : 1:24:28 PM
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You are welcome! Wishing you the American dream!
Connie
"I have three chairs in my house: one for solitude, two for friendship, three for company."
Author: Henry David Thoreau |
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Parenting & Farm Kids: nursing |
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nursing
