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Family Matters:  Need you guys to listen  |
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miss kris
True Blue Farmgirl
118 Posts
kris
mi
USA
118 Posts |
 Posted - May 27 2010 : 06:08:33 AM
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I have a fair amount of stress in my life just being married to a very complex man. It was decided to get the girls (Nibs and Nanny)(goats) but Nibs - the one I just freshened is a very noise goat - she just yells, mostly in the morning and evening - it starts about an hour before milking/grain time. My DH who is easily irritated gets very upset with the noise. The upsetting vibes spill down on me. I like my girls and would keep them but his continued anger about Nibs is wearing.
I have a stress in my job(I manage a camping park)and belong to a volunteer group which has been stressful. Right now, I can not quit my job or the volunteer group nor do I want to quit my husband (most days) but I have to lower the stress level in my life.
My Chiropractor asked me about my stress levels because my back will not keep its adjustment and I have a lot of inflammation.
I don't know if I am telling this so you all will come close to understanding me......there is much between the lines.......Kris
For I know the plans I have for you...Jer.29:11 |
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melody
True Blue Farmgirl
3317 Posts
Melody
The Great North Woods in the Land of Hiawatha
USA
3317 Posts |
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classygram
True Blue Farmgirl
1812 Posts
Brenda
Pleasant Hill
Mo.
USA
1812 Posts |
Posted - May 27 2010 : 06:59:43 AM
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Kris I'm sorry for all your stress. Girlfriend you have got to take care of yourself. Can you sit down and discuss this with DH? Try to figure out what you need to release some of this stress. It will eventually start causeing more problems the longer you have it. Prayers for you that you will find some relief.
Hugs, Brenda
"What lies behind us, and what lies before us are small matter compared to what lies within us."
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Seek reasons to Love..In every sigment of everyday-look for something that brings forth within you a feeling of Love-Abraham Hicks |
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clothedinscarlet
True Blue Farmgirl
1333 Posts
Siobhan
Battle Creek
MI
USA
1333 Posts |
Posted - May 27 2010 : 07:43:50 AM
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I agree with Melody. Get a muzzle for the goat. That cuts one stress out there.
Also, take some personal stress off yourself. If the volunteer group you're involved in is stressing you out, then it's not a blessing to you or the organization you're volunteering for and that's the whole reason for volunteering. It's supposed to benefit others and give you joy while serving. Cut it out for a while and then e-evaluate whether you need to join back up or find a less stressful organization/charity to give your energy to.
Finally, take some time for yourself. Going to the chiropractor is awesome and that's a great "you" time, but it's often too short and too infrequent. Maybe a nightly bath to relieve tension so you don't lose the benefits of your adjustment? A good book while taking a bath is SO nice. I wish I had the time to do it every night, but I'm lucky if I get a bath once a month with my busy mommy life LOL! You could also relax with a nice movie, if you like that kind of thing. A comedy to make you laugh...that always relieves stress...or a drama or romance. Just something to help you unwind. You need to unwind every day.
Take care of yourself, Kris.
Farmgirl Sister #1110
Siobhan - AKA Liza-Jane (my farmgirl name), wife to my best friend, Trent, and mommy to Camden (11/28/05) and Bennett (7/11/07). and Truman (7/28/09) |
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sherrye
True Blue Farmgirl
3775 Posts
sherry
bend in the high desert
oregon
USA
3775 Posts |
Posted - May 27 2010 : 07:44:28 AM
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i am feeling your pain. so sorry you are going through this. may i share. i used to have 2 nubian goats. i was not experienced with goat breeds or behavior. the farm girls would have said i did not do my homework. i chose the breed by looks money and availability. WRONG for me. from 24 hours old they were mine. i had a blast. they grew up. my goats were stronger than me. had way too much energy. needed me too much. and very LOUD. hence i changed goats. i love my lifestyle. due to illness i have learned many good lessons. one was to accommodate my needs. so i did my home work. found ginger my lamancha dairy girl. what a dream. when she does talk to me it is a soft sweet sound. not the sound of maaaa being hurt. lol even my jerseys start talking to me before i go out to milk. they are saying here i am milk me i want my goodies come talk to me love on me. i know schedules are tight with kids. i dont know her story maybe milk earlier. like the hour she is calling you? see if it helps. i love all my goats. some are best in my pasture growing babies. some are great at other stuff. through my farm years i learned to do my home work first. not fun. then i buy the animal or the land etc. betty boop is a boer goat and i have never heard her make a sound. this is way tooooo long so sorry. for me i buy trained grown well cared for animals unless it is a rescue. now i ask the folks for a gaurentee i will like what i buy. i truly think she is calling happily for you to come. happy days sherrye
the learn as we go silk purse farm
farmgirl #1014
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MrsRooster
True Blue Farmgirl
1168 Posts
Amy
Seabrook
TX
USA
1168 Posts |
Posted - May 27 2010 : 08:05:11 AM
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I have a very complex hubby too.
Lots of prayers to you. Please take care of yourself. If the volunteering is stressful, maybe you need to re-evaluate. Don't feel the need to fill every hour. Stress is a terrible thing. Ask my sister. She had a massive heartattack at 52. 100% blockage. Nearly died. The doctor's told her by looking that it wasn't the first one. She was so stressed and running here and there that she didn't know that she had had a heart attack. This one put her on the ground. I think it was a wake up call.
Please Please take care of yourself. Even if you just go to the library and sit for an hour reading a book or magizine, or just think. I find that I think clearer when I am away from home and by my self.
www.mrsrooster.blogspot.com
Farmgirl #1259
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Faransgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
895 Posts
Beth
Houston
Texas
USA
895 Posts |
Posted - May 27 2010 : 08:20:16 AM
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I know how you feel. My DD and her boyfriend and all her animals, two great danes, two cats, three parrots, several rats, hedgehogs, mice, prairie dog etc. had to move in with us when she lost her job - thanks to our current government. Anyway, my DH complained all the time about "everything". It was chaos in here but controlled chaos. My daughter did all she could to make sure the animals didn't cause trouble but the dogs were big and just running around the yard tore up the grass, it rained her all winter and the yard was a mud pit. The parrots start about dawn talking and making noise. Nothing you can do about it buy my DH complained all the time. The stress was awful. But, I knew it wasn't really the animals he was mad about, it was the boyfriend. But it was easier for him to complain about the animals. He never ever realized how hard his complaining was on me and my DD. They have moved out now and he keeps telling me how much he misses the "noisy parrots". If I am reading properly between the lines it sounds to me like DH is just using the poor little goat as his excuse for something more serious. I know all people are different but I think you may be looking at a more serious problem than a noisy goat and muzzling the goat isn't going to solve the problem. I agree you need to take a break from the volunteer work and concentrate on everything else that is going on.
Farmgirl Sister 572
When manure happens just say "WOO HOO Fertilizer". |
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knead2garden
True Blue Farmgirl
359 Posts
Ashley
Spring City
TN
USA
359 Posts |
Posted - May 27 2010 : 4:27:46 PM
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Oh dear, I can relate to your husband situation. We are having a "complex" moment right now...lol. I love him, just as you do yours, but negative vibes are hard to deal with. Is the goat really the problem or might he/you be stressed in all areas and the goat bears the brunt? I do hope that you find a way to make your situation better and not so stressful.
~Ashley
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miss kris
True Blue Farmgirl
118 Posts
kris
mi
USA
118 Posts |
Posted - May 27 2010 : 5:22:02 PM
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it is so good to read your messages. Making a decision of what to do is difficult. While I would love it if your lives and DH were good and peaceful, it is also good to hear that other people have good men who are complex and it gets hard sometimes. I know I should quit the volunteer group but the story behind it makes it more difficult because it is attached to my job. If I got fired tomorrow, I would quit the volunteer group the same day. I would still do work but not with that group. My DH noticed that I am maxed and back off a bit. Thankful
Hugs for you all - kris
For I know the plans I have for you...Jer.29:11 |
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kristin sherrill
True Blue Farmgirl
11303 Posts
kristin
chickamauga
ga
USA
11303 Posts |
Posted - May 27 2010 : 6:48:23 PM
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I know what you mean about the LOUD goats. I am totally stressing right now with a VERY loud Nubian doe and her 2 VERY loud buck kids who I just separated. Thank the Lord my hubby drives a truck and doens't hear all this right now or he would leave for sure. I want to leave! They are driving me crazy. It could be the full moon too. I am so sorry you are so stressed with all this in your life. It's not easy having noisy animals around. Sometimes I say things I shouldn't and it's not their fault.
I do hope ya'll can talk about this and work it out somehow. Just try not to let it get you down.
Kris
Happiness is simple. |
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maggie14
True Blue Farmgirl
6784 Posts
Hannah
Washington
USA
6784 Posts |
Posted - May 28 2010 : 08:39:30 AM
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Oh Kris, I am so sorry you are going through this. Sending prayers and good thoughts your way.
Hugs,
Channah
Farmgirl sister #1219
Just a small town country girl trying to live her dreams. :) |
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somethingticking
Farmgirl in Training
20 Posts
Sara
River Ridge
LA
USA
20 Posts |
Posted - May 29 2010 : 10:00:45 AM
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Hi Kris-
I don't know much about goats, but I have a suggestion. It might seem strange, but it makes sense to me.
The problem with the goat, and the problem with your husband sound very similar. The goat is always crying for something, and you don't know what it is, so it's difficult to help her calm down. Similarly, your husband's anger is a sort of crying for something that you can't identify and feel helpless to fix. It seems to me that muzzling the goat is just a band-aid, and it doesn't solve the real problem, which is that your poor goat is unhappy for some reason and what she really needs is for you to do some real work to find out why that is.
Similarly, just letting your husband's irritation wash over you won't help him. He probably needs you to try to look deeply into the situation to help understand why he is unhappy. Maybe if you could do both of those things, the goat would be soothed, which would in turn help your husband feel calmer, and you would also find out what the deeper reason was for his suffering and you could help him ease that.
And then when you have helped them both, your life will become lighter and easier too.
I hope that's helpful, and that if it isn't you will find a way to ease things soon.
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miss kris
True Blue Farmgirl
118 Posts
kris
mi
USA
118 Posts |
Posted - May 29 2010 : 10:25:54 AM
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Hi Sara - I think the goat wants grain, cooler, and her upper is full. I feed her grain when I milk, I milk every 12 hours, she has to wait until milking time. Its summer and she is in a shaded area with a breeze if there is a breeze. She is a year old...I hope she comes to accept her plot in life.
my DH(I can't believe I am using abbreviations)hates the noise and it is annoying. He started spraying her with the hose when she just cries and cries and he isn't feeding the goats anything any more so they don't see him as a meal ticket. The last day or so she hasn't cried so much as she has. Does anyone else spray their animals for reasons of "training"? I hope you all don't think we are being abusive.
Have a good holiday weekend!! Hugs, Kris
For I know the plans I have for you...Jer.29:11 |
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maggie14
True Blue Farmgirl
6784 Posts
Hannah
Washington
USA
6784 Posts |
Posted - May 29 2010 : 11:17:35 AM
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No Kris, no matter how bad my goats are being, I don't stand there and spray with water them until they stop crying.
It's not the way I work. But you can do as you please.
Hugs,
Channah
Farmgirl sister #1219
Just a small town country girl trying to live her dreams. :) |
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MrsRooster
True Blue Farmgirl
1168 Posts
Amy
Seabrook
TX
USA
1168 Posts |
Posted - May 29 2010 : 11:18:26 AM
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My hubby sprays the puppy with the hose when it gets into a barking jag.
www.mrsrooster.blogspot.com
Farmgirl #1259
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kristin sherrill
True Blue Farmgirl
11303 Posts
kristin
chickamauga
ga
USA
11303 Posts |
Posted - May 29 2010 : 2:39:05 PM
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Maybe the spraying has helped? A little water will not hurt a goat. They don't like being wet but it won't hurt and it's not cruel. I will spray the hose up in the air when they are hot just to cool them off and get the ground a little moist. I have sprayed the heifer when she was being a little too aggressive. So water is a good way to train an animal and not mean at all. It sounds like it might be working for your hubby. Hope things are a little bit quieter there for ya'll.
Kris
Happiness is simple. |
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msdoolittle
True Blue Farmgirl
1143 Posts
Amanda
East Texas
USA
1143 Posts |
Posted - Jun 01 2010 : 11:54:24 AM
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Kris,
We had TWELVE mini-Nubian crosses. They were extremely LOUD, and yes, out of sheer frustration, some days, I sprayed them with water! (not in their faces, and I was on the other side of the fence). They cried and cried, though they were not nursing/hungry/thirsty. They just wanted me out there. My DH came to the boiling point more than once about it. I sold the goats, and to be honest, I wouldn't ever care if a Nubian crossed its hooves through here again!!! It was stressful for me because it was stressful for him, and I got plain stressed from trying to hide from the dadgum goats! Goats were sold, problem was solved, and now I LOOOOOOOOOOVE my chickens and rabbits. Ah, so peaceful around here now! I was not told that Nubians were so loud!
There is really something to be said for SILENCE.
I don't know your husband, but I know that even for myself, who happens to have a great deal of patience with animals, even I was going nuts over the noise. :0( I could understand my DH getting upset over the goats, but when it comes to my bunnies/chickens, I hear no complaints. I feed them/clean them/doctor them, so I don't expect any!
I hope your situation improves. I have a history with 'complex' men, so I sympathize with you!!!
FarmGirl #1390
www.mylittlecountry.wordpress.com |
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miss kris
True Blue Farmgirl
118 Posts
kris
mi
USA
118 Posts |
Posted - Jun 01 2010 : 12:10:15 PM
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Hi Everyone! The stress level has lowered a bit. You are all right when you talk about how stressful noise can be. Its a bit quieter here right now except at feeding/milking time. We have not made a decision and may not for some time....who knows....not me.
Now.. if I could just make the DH less complex...like that will happen..smiling. You are all great, thank you for being normal people and understanding. Kris
For I know the plans I have for you...Jer.29:11 |
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Faransgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
895 Posts
Beth
Houston
Texas
USA
895 Posts |
Posted - Jun 01 2010 : 12:38:31 PM
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I have used water to help train. We spray the dog when he is scratching on the glass of the back door to get in. We spray the roosters when they start fighting or start digging holes in the stalls. We also spray the cats when they are trying to dart out the back door. The water may also be cooling off the goat which may make her feel better. When it is hot out we spray down the horses. They love it and line up for their turn in the hose. They will also play in the sprinkler so the water may be making the goat more comfortable. Water is not abusive when used for training.
Farmgirl Sister 572
When manure happens just say "WOO HOO Fertilizer". |
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DvilleMama
True Blue Farmgirl
159 Posts
Lyn
Small Town
MI
USA
159 Posts |
Posted - Jun 05 2010 : 8:29:25 PM
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No barn animals here. Just cats & dogs. We keep a spray bottle handy & spray them when they're being naughty. It doesn't hurt them & it stops their bad behavior.
Lyn
Rural Mid-Michigan
Farmgirl Sister #1574 |
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HealingTouch
True Blue Farmgirl
3448 Posts
Darlene
Kunkletown
Pa
USA
3448 Posts |
Posted - Jun 16 2010 : 11:08:14 PM
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Kris,
I suggest you keep the goats and get rid of the husband! I kept a very cntrolling husband and it isn't worth the stress because he keeps getting worse. I should have gotten some goats. LOL, Darlene |
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msdoolittle
True Blue Farmgirl
1143 Posts
Amanda
East Texas
USA
1143 Posts |
Posted - Jun 18 2010 : 07:12:58 AM
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Lol, Darlene! Too funny! I wish I had gotten goats instead of my second husband! So much less annoying!
FarmGirl #1390
www.mylittlecountry.wordpress.com |
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Sarahpauline
True Blue Farmgirl
672 Posts
sarah
Ringgold
GA
USA
672 Posts |
Posted - Jun 27 2010 : 1:54:32 PM
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Kris, I know zero about goats so I have no comment about that. I will say that you cant continue to be attacked from every angle like you are. Your home is your sanctuary and if you cant be at ease at home I cant see how your health WOULDNT suffer from that. Have you shared the problem with your DH? Maybe he is really stressed out too and needs to address his issues. I would tend to be fairly direct and simply say, what you are doing is making me sick and I cant have that anymore. How can I help you accept things in a less angry way? Also, can you move your goats a little further from the house? We had our horses right up next to the house at the old place, and they were always scuffling and munching and sassing all night, drove me bonkers because I would run outside thinking something was going on. They would all look up from their hay like "hey lady turn off the flashlight" Now they are up on the hill and I cant hear them unless something is really going on.
Oh Mr Darcy!
www.SarahPauline.com
www.AbraxasBaroque.com |
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Family Matters: Need you guys to listen |
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Need you guys to listen
